FRUSTRATING - good news and bad news
Good news and bad news.
The good news is that the branch most threatening our house came down Friday. It didn't hit the house at all... the rope I stretched up above the roof caught what would have hit the house and the thing shattered into little, lightweight chunks. It was so rotten that I could lift a section of log nearly 10 feet long and two feet in diameter - pulled it off of our kitties' fence. There was no way to tell how solid it was (another one that came down this last week - I can't even budge.)
That was a big stress reliever, although it scared the heck out of all of us (especially our kitties). That's the good news - something scaring the both of us is no longer a threat. From appearance if the thing had hit our house, it would have cut it in half - and struck right where I study (and I was sitting here when it came down).
The bad news is that my mom called the next day... supposedly to catch up with us (I've been so busy with school it's like I told her... if I take a couple of hours for myself it puts me behind). However, she brought up the money they'd loaned us to keep us from being homeless... paid off our mobile home. That just brought back the stress and then some.
We don't have it and I have no way of making it, unless they want us to sell our home and be homeless. I told her to talk to Sue when Sue got back (at her dad's house), as I didn't want to deal with it (and I don't handle that stuff anymore... don't have the time).
The last time the subject came up, my parents tried to use our debt to them to make me kill our kitties (send them to the pound). I think my mom hates cats - and you know that's common in this hellhole. My dad... he's so damned abusive half of the time that I think he'd do so just out of sheer "I'm the boss and you MUST OBEY me!"iness and he certainly was going along with her that time. When things were tight one time they tried to force me to drop out of graduate school, go to tech school and "Get a REAL job!" - never mind that computer techs down here get paid close to minimum wage without benefits, even with certification. The argument was based on "What good is a degree in anthropology??!!" and "you'll never get rich as an anthropologist/archaeologist!" I finally shut that nasty situation off with asking them if they wanted me to give up when I was working on my thesis and nearly finished with my M.A.. This is the sort of thing they regularly do... use their help for us to try to micromanage our lives... and they don't have a clue as to the things we face and deal with every day (poverty isn't fun or easy).
They're still under the sway of the goddamned "Good Christians" and I'm uncomfortable being around them because of it... we never know when things are going to get ugly because they insist on something - and insist that we have to agree and believe as they do. If you know the word capricious... that describes my dad (every since I was a little kid). He's that way because of the way he was treated by the racist bigot who (re)married his mother. The worst thing is that we've caught them lying so many times... especially when it's important. From them we learned about my being exposed to radiation as a toddler... now that we're trying to follow up on it they deny it and suddenly the details vanish (they even mentioned the name of the doctor who documented the exposure for them one time - in Sue's presence). My mom used to talk about the Mormons injuring me and leaving me for dead as a little kid... suddenly it never happened and she doesn't know what I'm talking about (SHE would bring it up at times - Sue heard her and remembers the story from her quite clearly). I of course remember the situation like it was yesterday... even had some pretty fierce flashbacks when the memory first returned.
The latest is them informing us that they'd been threatened, ordered to "Shut him up!" by the damned "Good Christians" (from local megachurches), I'd been preached against by name in said churches (confirmed by another person) - and all of that four days before someone torched my workshop. Now suddenly "a couple of friends of yours at church expressed some concern!" the last time the subject came up. No, they weren't threatened. No, nobody ordered them to "Shut him up!!!". There were hints of "you brought it on yourself" (a la Christianity) in their words.
They've "cried poor", but then we learn they'd helped my brother out time and time again (especially when he was first married) - from what they've said over the many years far in excess of the help we've received. They paid for vacations that he enjoyed, while Sue and I sat at home in this hellhole.
And of course... every since we first learned that I'm part Indian, they've fought against that tooth and nail (and on a couple of unusually honest periods, admitted to it). Even today, 25 years later, they still talk as if we have no Native ancestors at all. (I have been told that is because they were programmed from early childhood that being Indian is something to be ashamed of - typical for their generation.)
Sue thinks that the early stuff from when I was a kid (radiation exposure and the abuse from the Mormons)... that my parents may have been paid off and don't want me to know. I don't know what to think... that would explain how they were able to buy houses, especially the ones we lived in after leaving Mormon country (where we were exposed to fallout - the radiation). They've managed to put a fairly large sum of money away - far more than what was used to bail us out (paid off our mobile home) when I could no longer work doing hard manual labor like I was and shut down the business. While I clearly remember my mom complaining to me about paying mortgages and all that, at the same time I never thought that they were scrimping and saving and I never thought of our life as being that way (they were tight when it came for things I wanted or needed, although they weren't that way for my brother or for the things they wanted). They've always had a comfortable, if not happy life... and when we were at our most miserable, added to it by nagging and making unreasonable demands. They even told us one time that because they were helping us out in a pinch (no food on the table, people owing us money but not paying, house payments past due) that "You're not allowed to have any fun or do anything 'for fun' until you pay us off!". That's the sort of thing they do (and no, we don't have fun or waste money... a poor person learns quickly that sort of stuff gets you in the hole really fast).
I'm angry because my mom brought up the very thing that drove the stress levels right back up... I was feeling a bit of relief from constant stress and pressure (having a 30 inch diameter branch hanging out over your house is not easy to deal with... especially since it would have cost us our house just to get someone in here to remove it). She just piled the stress right back on - something she's always been "good" at. And because of that, I hurt doubly bad last night and didn't get a decent night's sleep (I admit the heat and humidity didn't help).
The good news is that the branch most threatening our house came down Friday. It didn't hit the house at all... the rope I stretched up above the roof caught what would have hit the house and the thing shattered into little, lightweight chunks. It was so rotten that I could lift a section of log nearly 10 feet long and two feet in diameter - pulled it off of our kitties' fence. There was no way to tell how solid it was (another one that came down this last week - I can't even budge.)
That was a big stress reliever, although it scared the heck out of all of us (especially our kitties). That's the good news - something scaring the both of us is no longer a threat. From appearance if the thing had hit our house, it would have cut it in half - and struck right where I study (and I was sitting here when it came down).
The bad news is that my mom called the next day... supposedly to catch up with us (I've been so busy with school it's like I told her... if I take a couple of hours for myself it puts me behind). However, she brought up the money they'd loaned us to keep us from being homeless... paid off our mobile home. That just brought back the stress and then some.
We don't have it and I have no way of making it, unless they want us to sell our home and be homeless. I told her to talk to Sue when Sue got back (at her dad's house), as I didn't want to deal with it (and I don't handle that stuff anymore... don't have the time).
The last time the subject came up, my parents tried to use our debt to them to make me kill our kitties (send them to the pound). I think my mom hates cats - and you know that's common in this hellhole. My dad... he's so damned abusive half of the time that I think he'd do so just out of sheer "I'm the boss and you MUST OBEY me!"iness and he certainly was going along with her that time. When things were tight one time they tried to force me to drop out of graduate school, go to tech school and "Get a REAL job!" - never mind that computer techs down here get paid close to minimum wage without benefits, even with certification. The argument was based on "What good is a degree in anthropology??!!" and "you'll never get rich as an anthropologist/archaeologist!" I finally shut that nasty situation off with asking them if they wanted me to give up when I was working on my thesis and nearly finished with my M.A.. This is the sort of thing they regularly do... use their help for us to try to micromanage our lives... and they don't have a clue as to the things we face and deal with every day (poverty isn't fun or easy).
They're still under the sway of the goddamned "Good Christians" and I'm uncomfortable being around them because of it... we never know when things are going to get ugly because they insist on something - and insist that we have to agree and believe as they do. If you know the word capricious... that describes my dad (every since I was a little kid). He's that way because of the way he was treated by the racist bigot who (re)married his mother. The worst thing is that we've caught them lying so many times... especially when it's important. From them we learned about my being exposed to radiation as a toddler... now that we're trying to follow up on it they deny it and suddenly the details vanish (they even mentioned the name of the doctor who documented the exposure for them one time - in Sue's presence). My mom used to talk about the Mormons injuring me and leaving me for dead as a little kid... suddenly it never happened and she doesn't know what I'm talking about (SHE would bring it up at times - Sue heard her and remembers the story from her quite clearly). I of course remember the situation like it was yesterday... even had some pretty fierce flashbacks when the memory first returned.
The latest is them informing us that they'd been threatened, ordered to "Shut him up!" by the damned "Good Christians" (from local megachurches), I'd been preached against by name in said churches (confirmed by another person) - and all of that four days before someone torched my workshop. Now suddenly "a couple of friends of yours at church expressed some concern!" the last time the subject came up. No, they weren't threatened. No, nobody ordered them to "Shut him up!!!". There were hints of "you brought it on yourself" (a la Christianity) in their words.
They've "cried poor", but then we learn they'd helped my brother out time and time again (especially when he was first married) - from what they've said over the many years far in excess of the help we've received. They paid for vacations that he enjoyed, while Sue and I sat at home in this hellhole.
And of course... every since we first learned that I'm part Indian, they've fought against that tooth and nail (and on a couple of unusually honest periods, admitted to it). Even today, 25 years later, they still talk as if we have no Native ancestors at all. (I have been told that is because they were programmed from early childhood that being Indian is something to be ashamed of - typical for their generation.)
Sue thinks that the early stuff from when I was a kid (radiation exposure and the abuse from the Mormons)... that my parents may have been paid off and don't want me to know. I don't know what to think... that would explain how they were able to buy houses, especially the ones we lived in after leaving Mormon country (where we were exposed to fallout - the radiation). They've managed to put a fairly large sum of money away - far more than what was used to bail us out (paid off our mobile home) when I could no longer work doing hard manual labor like I was and shut down the business. While I clearly remember my mom complaining to me about paying mortgages and all that, at the same time I never thought that they were scrimping and saving and I never thought of our life as being that way (they were tight when it came for things I wanted or needed, although they weren't that way for my brother or for the things they wanted). They've always had a comfortable, if not happy life... and when we were at our most miserable, added to it by nagging and making unreasonable demands. They even told us one time that because they were helping us out in a pinch (no food on the table, people owing us money but not paying, house payments past due) that "You're not allowed to have any fun or do anything 'for fun' until you pay us off!". That's the sort of thing they do (and no, we don't have fun or waste money... a poor person learns quickly that sort of stuff gets you in the hole really fast).
I'm angry because my mom brought up the very thing that drove the stress levels right back up... I was feeling a bit of relief from constant stress and pressure (having a 30 inch diameter branch hanging out over your house is not easy to deal with... especially since it would have cost us our house just to get someone in here to remove it). She just piled the stress right back on - something she's always been "good" at. And because of that, I hurt doubly bad last night and didn't get a decent night's sleep (I admit the heat and humidity didn't help).