(no subject)
Well. I went out agian tonight, and we seemed to handle the noise better. Until a group of loud drunken idiot showed up. Cussing excessively, just for the sake of it. We about got up and asked them to "please refain from the use of vulgar language, as there is a lady present" We didn't however, but we left after that.
I still am uncomfortable with people being too close to me, unless I know them well, and it is brief contact. I mean I don't even want to have someone sitting on the same side of a booth as us.
Looking at things, I think I might have been better served by staying home though. A friend posted a very unpleasant set of thought on private in her lj. She says she's ok, but I won't be happy ubtil I talk to her. We've been friends something like 10 years. I want to know she's all right, that she knows I would have *found* a way over there. No matter what.
Ow. Fucking ow. My shoulder hurts. Damn that old wound of heron's and double damn it for hurting. I wish we could consult some of the others to see if this kind of thing happens to them too, but I only know where 2 are, and that isn't a very good sample.
Hope today improves. Have to call about school status, find out how many hours = full time student during the summer term. I really hope it isn't the same amount as the rest of the tiem. I don't think I would deal well with any more classes than we are already scheduled for. But if I'm not full time, I will either have to get a job.... or do something my mom qualifies as "productive" such as exercise and lose weight, work around the house, etc. Never mind that I have things of my own that I need to work on. That doesn't matter, especially since I won't explain. I won't tell her about heron. Can't. Not a safe thing to say. At all. I couldn't deal with it. She'd blame my brother, tell me to stay away from him, and many of my friends, and I can't do that, however scanty a support system they are these days.
So much for looking after me until I got things handled. As soon as I got a basic grasp, at all, I got less and less help, less reassurance, until he dissappeared again. He'll be back, but how can I count on him. when he left while I needed him. Again. I want my boys. They wouldn't have gone. Not unless they had to. I could have curled up with them, and watched them chase the nightmares away. They'd have come the 200+ miles, just to help, even if it was only for a weekend.
I miss them. Like heron, I will dedicat theis to them. To my love, and to my swordbrother.
mollie
I still am uncomfortable with people being too close to me, unless I know them well, and it is brief contact. I mean I don't even want to have someone sitting on the same side of a booth as us.
Looking at things, I think I might have been better served by staying home though. A friend posted a very unpleasant set of thought on private in her lj. She says she's ok, but I won't be happy ubtil I talk to her. We've been friends something like 10 years. I want to know she's all right, that she knows I would have *found* a way over there. No matter what.
Ow. Fucking ow. My shoulder hurts. Damn that old wound of heron's and double damn it for hurting. I wish we could consult some of the others to see if this kind of thing happens to them too, but I only know where 2 are, and that isn't a very good sample.
Hope today improves. Have to call about school status, find out how many hours = full time student during the summer term. I really hope it isn't the same amount as the rest of the tiem. I don't think I would deal well with any more classes than we are already scheduled for. But if I'm not full time, I will either have to get a job.... or do something my mom qualifies as "productive" such as exercise and lose weight, work around the house, etc. Never mind that I have things of my own that I need to work on. That doesn't matter, especially since I won't explain. I won't tell her about heron. Can't. Not a safe thing to say. At all. I couldn't deal with it. She'd blame my brother, tell me to stay away from him, and many of my friends, and I can't do that, however scanty a support system they are these days.
So much for looking after me until I got things handled. As soon as I got a basic grasp, at all, I got less and less help, less reassurance, until he dissappeared again. He'll be back, but how can I count on him. when he left while I needed him. Again. I want my boys. They wouldn't have gone. Not unless they had to. I could have curled up with them, and watched them chase the nightmares away. They'd have come the 200+ miles, just to help, even if it was only for a weekend.
I miss them. Like heron, I will dedicat theis to them. To my love, and to my swordbrother.
mollie