The Ten Commandments
As if things couldn't get any worse. >_<
Apparently, if my parents are telling the truth, the doctors that talked to me so politely and so encouragingly were fed up talking to me about halfway through. My parents are saying that the doctors told them that I was one of the worse cases of spoiled brat syndrome seen in a long time. I'm shocked. Really, I am. The doctors didn't tell *me* this. They said I was a bright, intelligent young woman. Not a spoiled brat. I don't see how I am a spoiled brat when I'm the one that asks people to stop buying things for me, and stop helping me so much or I'll become desensitized to the generosity and become someone that takes things for granted! In other words, a spoiled brat!
I don't try to! It's forced on me a lot of the time. I originally turned down the trip to ACen and I was reluctant to go back home in the first place three months ago. I do not use people as much as people say. People sometimes have to bug me a lot just so I'll accept their tips or take their money for babysitting or take... anything! I don't *want* to impose on anyone. I always ask "Are you sure?" or try to give it back. I gave up a pretty purse to Ana at ACen because she looked like she wanted it so much more than I did!
I *am* really oblivious to a lot that goes around me and I know this is true in a lot of respects, but honestly people, I don't try to do these things. I am an absent minded, oblivious bitch at times but I don't purposely manipulate anything. You got cottonballs in your ears if you haven't been listening to what I've been saying!
>_<
Regardless, my parents believe that these three doctors now know everything about me after talking with me for an hour each. They say I need strict structure while I'm living at my parent's house and if I don't sign a contract to follow these ten commandments than I have to leave the house. Sign a contract with my own parents??? And if I don't, where the fuck am I gonna go??? I just broke up with Markus and I don't have a job. They're all blaming this on manipulation so to speak. They say I use my anxiety to get my way and that is HARDLY the case! I barely understand my anxiety, let alone able to use it for something like that! Maybe I'm manipulating without even realizing it? Anyone had that notion? Knowing my obliviousness, that's not a bad theory at all. God dammit, why doesn't anyone listen to me?! Why didn't they let me go to Pine Rest for a few days to get a decent evaluation and maybe some group therapies?! Then I would know that I am not alone at least!
The Ten Commandments
1. Out of bed by 9AM, every day except Saturday and Sunday.
(This is stupid. My regular counselor and psychiatrist say that it's how long you sleep, not when, that determines your sleep schedule. I'm a night owl for cryin out loud! I am not weird. I am not different! I'm just a freakin night owl like thousands of others!)
2. Have breakfast, shower, teeth brushed and clean clothes by 10:30AM, every day.
(Again, mornings don't work with me. My body is not attuned to mornings!)
3. Each day vacuum the hallway, entryway, livingroom and familyroom after morning routine, before doing anything else.
(I don't know anyone that vacuums the same spots every day just because! My mom has never vacuumed every day, why is she making me do that? Just to give me something to do? For cying out loud!)
4. Each day sweep the kitchen and mudroom after the vacuuming.
(Ugh... again.)
5. Be polite to everyone always, and no swearing.
(I don't swear unless I'm angry and if people stopped annoying me I wouldn't be angry now would I?)
6. Look for a job. You will need to find a job within three weeks.
(Well, no one believes that I *am* looking for a job. Most places want applications filled out online so that's what I've been doing lately! I was also on my way out the door to get some apps from places around town yesterday before mom and I got into an argument over the truck and then we went to the hospital! I can't look for a job while lying in a hospital bed!)
7. No internet use between midnight and 10AM.
(WHAT?! O_O I'm 22! And I'm a fuckin night owl! You can't just change my lifestyle!)
8. In bed and lights out by midnight.
(A CURFUE?! What am I? Fifteen? =>_<=)
9. You will need to have your own apartment by mid-September 2004.
(O... M... G...)
10. Room and board from paychecks will be discussed once second paycheck is recieved.
(Mom had originally told me that she wouldn't impose rent on me for coming back home. Seems I'm being made out to be the fool here.)
Now, I think they are doing this to scare me away. Really I do. o_O They don't want me around. Mom even said that I'm disrupting the household just being here. I don't see how when I'm in the BASEMENT! I don't bother anyone! I keep the headphones on and come up for dinner and go to my babysitting job. I don't get it... I'm startin to cry again. Can't stop cryin for a while here.
WHAT'S GOING ON?!! O_O;;;;
o/` Get off of my back! And into my game!
Get out of my way! And out of my brain!
Get out of my face! And give it your best shot!
I think it's time you face the fact! Get off of my back! o/`
Apparently, if my parents are telling the truth, the doctors that talked to me so politely and so encouragingly were fed up talking to me about halfway through. My parents are saying that the doctors told them that I was one of the worse cases of spoiled brat syndrome seen in a long time. I'm shocked. Really, I am. The doctors didn't tell *me* this. They said I was a bright, intelligent young woman. Not a spoiled brat. I don't see how I am a spoiled brat when I'm the one that asks people to stop buying things for me, and stop helping me so much or I'll become desensitized to the generosity and become someone that takes things for granted! In other words, a spoiled brat!
I don't try to! It's forced on me a lot of the time. I originally turned down the trip to ACen and I was reluctant to go back home in the first place three months ago. I do not use people as much as people say. People sometimes have to bug me a lot just so I'll accept their tips or take their money for babysitting or take... anything! I don't *want* to impose on anyone. I always ask "Are you sure?" or try to give it back. I gave up a pretty purse to Ana at ACen because she looked like she wanted it so much more than I did!
I *am* really oblivious to a lot that goes around me and I know this is true in a lot of respects, but honestly people, I don't try to do these things. I am an absent minded, oblivious bitch at times but I don't purposely manipulate anything. You got cottonballs in your ears if you haven't been listening to what I've been saying!
>_<
Regardless, my parents believe that these three doctors now know everything about me after talking with me for an hour each. They say I need strict structure while I'm living at my parent's house and if I don't sign a contract to follow these ten commandments than I have to leave the house. Sign a contract with my own parents??? And if I don't, where the fuck am I gonna go??? I just broke up with Markus and I don't have a job. They're all blaming this on manipulation so to speak. They say I use my anxiety to get my way and that is HARDLY the case! I barely understand my anxiety, let alone able to use it for something like that! Maybe I'm manipulating without even realizing it? Anyone had that notion? Knowing my obliviousness, that's not a bad theory at all. God dammit, why doesn't anyone listen to me?! Why didn't they let me go to Pine Rest for a few days to get a decent evaluation and maybe some group therapies?! Then I would know that I am not alone at least!
The Ten Commandments
1. Out of bed by 9AM, every day except Saturday and Sunday.
(This is stupid. My regular counselor and psychiatrist say that it's how long you sleep, not when, that determines your sleep schedule. I'm a night owl for cryin out loud! I am not weird. I am not different! I'm just a freakin night owl like thousands of others!)
2. Have breakfast, shower, teeth brushed and clean clothes by 10:30AM, every day.
(Again, mornings don't work with me. My body is not attuned to mornings!)
3. Each day vacuum the hallway, entryway, livingroom and familyroom after morning routine, before doing anything else.
(I don't know anyone that vacuums the same spots every day just because! My mom has never vacuumed every day, why is she making me do that? Just to give me something to do? For cying out loud!)
4. Each day sweep the kitchen and mudroom after the vacuuming.
(Ugh... again.)
5. Be polite to everyone always, and no swearing.
(I don't swear unless I'm angry and if people stopped annoying me I wouldn't be angry now would I?)
6. Look for a job. You will need to find a job within three weeks.
(Well, no one believes that I *am* looking for a job. Most places want applications filled out online so that's what I've been doing lately! I was also on my way out the door to get some apps from places around town yesterday before mom and I got into an argument over the truck and then we went to the hospital! I can't look for a job while lying in a hospital bed!)
7. No internet use between midnight and 10AM.
(WHAT?! O_O I'm 22! And I'm a fuckin night owl! You can't just change my lifestyle!)
8. In bed and lights out by midnight.
(A CURFUE?! What am I? Fifteen? =>_<=)
9. You will need to have your own apartment by mid-September 2004.
(O... M... G...)
10. Room and board from paychecks will be discussed once second paycheck is recieved.
(Mom had originally told me that she wouldn't impose rent on me for coming back home. Seems I'm being made out to be the fool here.)
Now, I think they are doing this to scare me away. Really I do. o_O They don't want me around. Mom even said that I'm disrupting the household just being here. I don't see how when I'm in the BASEMENT! I don't bother anyone! I keep the headphones on and come up for dinner and go to my babysitting job. I don't get it... I'm startin to cry again. Can't stop cryin for a while here.
WHAT'S GOING ON?!! O_O;;;;
o/` Get off of my back! And into my game!
Get out of my way! And out of my brain!
Get out of my face! And give it your best shot!
I think it's time you face the fact! Get off of my back! o/`