yet again
yeah im back cause my computer is beeing weird and i get press backspace so any misspellings i am going to be leacing hense right there. HA. But anyways i was talking about my friends and hoe *how much i seriously love all of them bit *but i dont know how to judge my friends as though are the really true friends? And thats said i dont think i have ever been a truefriend to anyone or i should say considred one. I amd *am always the one jut *just there when you need someone to talk o to but when i need it i dont feel the samey attenton i would give them. I sdont know how to deal with this i dont know what t 2 do or where to go when i have to talk to someone cause i dont know how they will treat it. I amay not be the outspoken one or the pretty one or even the bitchy one but i know i am the awesome one who is a great firned to everyone i meet and it pisses me off when im not treated the way i treat others its like comeone you a holes i have feelings here tooooo... and i dont know how to bring it up or disscus it cause i have never ever been able to be like that. I have always tried to be the one to lighten the situations care for everyone and make everyone happy, i am an overly jelous person i amd jelous of prb. every person i meet and mayeb what all this is is jslously maybe i am jelous of peoples relationships and peoples ability to just open up to everyone and maybe thats whats wrong in my house maybe im so sick of seeing that girl that made her father proud or the one who got great graades or the one who everyone thought was the cool little sister cause thats all i eveer wanted to be to my family. Maybe i just had enough of trying and never getting it right that i just said forget it and gave up on myself before anyone else did. I dont know what i did but it is not what i want it never is fun feeling like you have 2 say its ok when you know its not and thats not how you want things to be. I guess thats the other thing theres so much more to me then i care to share and i wish someone could see that... this post it so weird but it just seems to easy to say all this and not follow through but i dont wanna be seen as the quitter anymore i dont want shit thrown back at me cause i let someone down i need to realize that as long as i am happy that it shouldnt matter but so much easier said then it is to be done.... this is so weird with no backspace button... oh well here goes nothingggg