ahhh... i dont even get it..
So yeah here i go again... I seriously dont even get it. These past couple days have been hell. Ill start back actually i coupld of weeks, so I first have to say that i do end up going out a lot, a lot more than i did realize but that leave no justice for this. Okay, so anyways sunday comes along and I go to Laurens with Corey and Nathan to work on some stuff for Stompin and I ended up comming home like 5ish?
Well with that aside my mom had known for the whole weekend that on sunday i was going to a teen mass church thing with Nikie called 707 (its the most amazing thing ever) but anywho at like 5:30 Nikie picked me up and i walked out the door saying to my dad that i would see him around 10 cause i was going to Nikies then to the mass and my dad said fine. We get to Nikie and i truly had an awesome time beeing with her again, it was sooo much like old times and i forget what people mean the most and although i do bash her for her now "fiance" she has the best heart i have ever seen on someone and i think that she truly will be a bestfriend of mine forever. I know i am going on a side note but she seriously means so much to me and without her i dont know what i would have done last year, i tend to push people away and people always make comments about old friends i had but i dont wanna make her an old friend i want her to be a current friends and like that forever.
ANYWAYS we shower get ready hangout and just talk what we havent done just the 2 of us no interuptions in a really long time and finnally we go to leave for 707 after an odd car ride (lets just say we both did alot of confessing or telling eachother things) we got to this huge place and Nikie had just got done saying how this place is always packed, i noticed there are psycho drivers and a crossing guard that sorts out all the traffic and we were the next car to go and the guard turns to stop the other traffic, then turns around to wave the car infront of us and the car he had asked to stop had not stopped and ended up hitting the crossing so he got up and dialed 911 and it held up traffic so much and then we had to get in and park and go into this church. When i got in this place it was so neat all this music was going it wasnt even like really church it was like a huge hang out i loved it! But anyways we went in this room and Nikie had said they play music for about 15 min well those 15 min ended up into 45 cause of all the hold ups outside with the guy getting hit. Me not knowning anything just went along and the "mass" you could call it, had started and went on till 10:15 when i should have been home by then so of course i had like 9 missed calls so i look to see and duh its my mom i tottally didnt think to even call her from a church. So we get out and i call her and shes yelling so i hang up and Nikie like bolts it home cause she knew my mom was pissed.
So i get home like 10:35 later then i told them but what was i supposed to do someone got hit by a car?! So i walk in the door and start saying how i loved it and i wanna continue to go and how i serioulsy learned so much and how i actually understood everything they were talking about my mom starts freaking out and i was like well then im going to bed so of course it all starts. My mom tells me to sitdown and starts lecturing me about how i make time for all of my friends and never for her and she gets me whatever i want and buys me everything and i got pissed. I have NEVER said mom you dont buy me enough stuff buy me more. I HATE WHEN SHE PULLS THAT! And i asked her why she was yelling and she said it was cause she was upset and i was like thats fine but dont yell and she told me my "I dont give a shit" attiude sucks and that got me mad cause that attitude would have saved a lot of yelling... ahh i didnt know what to do so i got up and started walking upstairs and she told me to come back down and i was like im going to bed and she starts all this how she waitted up for me so i can wait for her to go to bed and i shouldnt have said it but i said. "Um no im tired, so i am going to bed now" and of course i got the "your tone of voice it not what i like to hear" and that just blew up to even more causing evan to try to act all big and come break up our argument but it didnt work he just got mom mad at him cause he didnt clean his room and he does nothing so i go in my room and i shut the door until i hear a knock knock on my door. Me thinking that my mom is going to say g'night i open it oh no i open it and she launches my eye liner pencil at me and i was like ok your being insane and so she asked for my phone cause "You dont pay for it anyway and i dont want you talking to anyone" so i handed it to her and shut my door i get changed get in bed put on my iPod and i hear knock knock again now she wants my iPod. So i give it to her tell her i love her and g'night in a pure bitchy voice and she shuts the door. Well see i use my cell phone as an alarm...
But of course my mom doesnt wake me up the next morning for school so im rushed cause i got up at 6:50 yeah sweet. SO i get ready in liek 5 min and run downstairs to pack my lunch and grab a breakfast bar so lessman was thankfully late that morning so i stood at the table while my mom sat there and read the paper not looking or talking to me. Everyday my mom and i give eachother a kiss and say have a nice day well lessman pulled in and i looked at her and she was ignoring me so i walked up gave her a kiss on the head and said have a nice day in my lovely sarcastic voice and slammed the door.
So i was pissed all day that day but of course i dont show it but seriously it tore me apart all day, and still does today. I dont know what to do yeah im growing up i dont relate to my parents as well as id like to and theres nothing i can do about it. I talked to katie about this the most and she said i should try to "hang-out" with my mom but the thing is i think it would be so weird. I always wanted to have that mom bestfriend but it was never like that i always was a daddy's girl and even that is NOT true anymore.
I dont have a clue what to do anymore its like im in this huge downward spiral and i cant get back out of it. Everyday i dred going through it i hate school and i have become this negative person to myself. I dont like who i am becoming and sucks the most is only one person has noticed a change and thats Nikie she could tell after 20 min of tlaking to me that my whole attitude has changed and i dont know why or for what reason. I told her how i had been feeling lately and what has been going on and it was alike a huge reliefe to finally have that, someone to listen to me and actually devote attention to me and what i was having troubles with. I dont expect people to realize it at all, mostly cause im not the kind of person to share but it sucks when i wanna talk about something and i dont even know how to be my complete self anymore.
Well with that aside my mom had known for the whole weekend that on sunday i was going to a teen mass church thing with Nikie called 707 (its the most amazing thing ever) but anywho at like 5:30 Nikie picked me up and i walked out the door saying to my dad that i would see him around 10 cause i was going to Nikies then to the mass and my dad said fine. We get to Nikie and i truly had an awesome time beeing with her again, it was sooo much like old times and i forget what people mean the most and although i do bash her for her now "fiance" she has the best heart i have ever seen on someone and i think that she truly will be a bestfriend of mine forever. I know i am going on a side note but she seriously means so much to me and without her i dont know what i would have done last year, i tend to push people away and people always make comments about old friends i had but i dont wanna make her an old friend i want her to be a current friends and like that forever.
ANYWAYS we shower get ready hangout and just talk what we havent done just the 2 of us no interuptions in a really long time and finnally we go to leave for 707 after an odd car ride (lets just say we both did alot of confessing or telling eachother things) we got to this huge place and Nikie had just got done saying how this place is always packed, i noticed there are psycho drivers and a crossing guard that sorts out all the traffic and we were the next car to go and the guard turns to stop the other traffic, then turns around to wave the car infront of us and the car he had asked to stop had not stopped and ended up hitting the crossing so he got up and dialed 911 and it held up traffic so much and then we had to get in and park and go into this church. When i got in this place it was so neat all this music was going it wasnt even like really church it was like a huge hang out i loved it! But anyways we went in this room and Nikie had said they play music for about 15 min well those 15 min ended up into 45 cause of all the hold ups outside with the guy getting hit. Me not knowning anything just went along and the "mass" you could call it, had started and went on till 10:15 when i should have been home by then so of course i had like 9 missed calls so i look to see and duh its my mom i tottally didnt think to even call her from a church. So we get out and i call her and shes yelling so i hang up and Nikie like bolts it home cause she knew my mom was pissed.
So i get home like 10:35 later then i told them but what was i supposed to do someone got hit by a car?! So i walk in the door and start saying how i loved it and i wanna continue to go and how i serioulsy learned so much and how i actually understood everything they were talking about my mom starts freaking out and i was like well then im going to bed so of course it all starts. My mom tells me to sitdown and starts lecturing me about how i make time for all of my friends and never for her and she gets me whatever i want and buys me everything and i got pissed. I have NEVER said mom you dont buy me enough stuff buy me more. I HATE WHEN SHE PULLS THAT! And i asked her why she was yelling and she said it was cause she was upset and i was like thats fine but dont yell and she told me my "I dont give a shit" attiude sucks and that got me mad cause that attitude would have saved a lot of yelling... ahh i didnt know what to do so i got up and started walking upstairs and she told me to come back down and i was like im going to bed and she starts all this how she waitted up for me so i can wait for her to go to bed and i shouldnt have said it but i said. "Um no im tired, so i am going to bed now" and of course i got the "your tone of voice it not what i like to hear" and that just blew up to even more causing evan to try to act all big and come break up our argument but it didnt work he just got mom mad at him cause he didnt clean his room and he does nothing so i go in my room and i shut the door until i hear a knock knock on my door. Me thinking that my mom is going to say g'night i open it oh no i open it and she launches my eye liner pencil at me and i was like ok your being insane and so she asked for my phone cause "You dont pay for it anyway and i dont want you talking to anyone" so i handed it to her and shut my door i get changed get in bed put on my iPod and i hear knock knock again now she wants my iPod. So i give it to her tell her i love her and g'night in a pure bitchy voice and she shuts the door. Well see i use my cell phone as an alarm...
But of course my mom doesnt wake me up the next morning for school so im rushed cause i got up at 6:50 yeah sweet. SO i get ready in liek 5 min and run downstairs to pack my lunch and grab a breakfast bar so lessman was thankfully late that morning so i stood at the table while my mom sat there and read the paper not looking or talking to me. Everyday my mom and i give eachother a kiss and say have a nice day well lessman pulled in and i looked at her and she was ignoring me so i walked up gave her a kiss on the head and said have a nice day in my lovely sarcastic voice and slammed the door.
So i was pissed all day that day but of course i dont show it but seriously it tore me apart all day, and still does today. I dont know what to do yeah im growing up i dont relate to my parents as well as id like to and theres nothing i can do about it. I talked to katie about this the most and she said i should try to "hang-out" with my mom but the thing is i think it would be so weird. I always wanted to have that mom bestfriend but it was never like that i always was a daddy's girl and even that is NOT true anymore.
I dont have a clue what to do anymore its like im in this huge downward spiral and i cant get back out of it. Everyday i dred going through it i hate school and i have become this negative person to myself. I dont like who i am becoming and sucks the most is only one person has noticed a change and thats Nikie she could tell after 20 min of tlaking to me that my whole attitude has changed and i dont know why or for what reason. I told her how i had been feeling lately and what has been going on and it was alike a huge reliefe to finally have that, someone to listen to me and actually devote attention to me and what i was having troubles with. I dont expect people to realize it at all, mostly cause im not the kind of person to share but it sucks when i wanna talk about something and i dont even know how to be my complete self anymore.