Chapter Thirteen Responses
We're almost to the end, here! Also a few stragglers from Chapter 12. Thanks, everyone!
Canadarulz
I didn't even realize you had updated!
That's what comes of having a Wills Lover rampaging around in one's fandom.
That was the best chapter I've ever read. You have everyone's character to a tee!
Well, everyone sort of had to show his or her true colors in this chapter. I had to make sure to get them absolutely right, and I'm glad you think that I did.
Please finish, I can't wait!
It may be a little while. But keep checking in!
(You look cute with mud on your nose, aw)
Hee. I'm fond of that line, myself.
Kates Master
How is it that whenever I discover a good story, it's almost always on it's finale, about to finish...*sighs*
That's okay; I have a few more fics up my sleeve yet.
...but hey, at least I got to read it all in one go. I'm quite desolate there's only one chapter left, though.
Sorry. I'm babbleing. I do that a lot.
There were originally going to be only 10-12 chapters, but then this thing sort of grew on me.
This was FANTASTIC. I recently re-discovered my love of Mulan when singing "Make a Man out of You" very loudly in the common room the other week, and decided to celebrate the end of my exams by watching it. And then I remembered that this time round I could throw some fanfiction in there too. My only gripe is how little there is that is actually any good.
Since it's based on a Disney movie, albeit one of the more mature ones, this fandom attracts a lot of younger writers who don't really have a grasp of characterization, spelling, or even, y'know, the basic concept of writing. Then there are the writers who remember the movie from when it first came out, but get too bogged down in making it all "historical" and carefully remove all traces of magic and humor from their fics. There are many good fanfics out there, though. If you want my recommendations, you can e-mail or PM me.
I'm quite tempted to hunt down and exact several very painful punishments on Wills Lover.
I've tried the "abuse" button myself. but I think the ff mods remains blissfully unaware of Wills Lover.
ANYWAY. Back to the actualy review. Loved it, as I said - brilliant charecters, keeping everything moving, the way they didn't just "fall together", and I loved the way you really developed Shang's charecter especially.
Thanks! It's hard working with someone whose character clay is so close to being un-moldable, yet there's just enough room for change to make him interesting. Although so long as I don't have him pout and blunder around like he's wearing shoeboxes, I consider myself ahead of at least one Disney production house.
Tang was also a stroke of genius.
Don't let him hear you say that! He'll be tempted to agree.
Personaly, I found the beginning slightly confusing, but once I'd sat down and worked through it, I think I got it. Though the story was good enough to easily make up for that.
Do you remember which parts, in particular, were confusing? I'm going back and editing this, and I'd like to iron out all of the bits that aren't clear enough.
So yeah, I look forward immensly to the next chapter. As you may have gathered. I'll stop now.
Emma
tripleT.Vo, part I
can't believe that there's only one chapter left.
Me, neither. This thing might actually get finished!
:( I hope that you'll write more Mulan fanfics after you wrap this one up, because you're so good at it.
A sequel, perhaps? ...It's crossed my mind...
Ouch. No one does revenge quite like Yumen Guan. I would be rigid with fright too, if I were one of the Bao's!
In some way, even though she was beaten, Yumen Guan did get her revenge. Of course, the last move is up to Mulan, and she has some surprises in store for her erstwhile enemy.
I am a bit confused about the Bao's state of mind after what Yumen Guan did to them, though. Are only the male members of the family completely indifferent, or is the young woman the only one who is able to act normally? And if it's just the males who are acting strangely, is it because Yumen Guan turned them into eunuchs or as a result of the drug she used?
All the male members of the family are in a state of shock, since this is the last thing that they expected to visit them on the morning of the Festival of Ghosts. It's not drug-related, which is why the young woman was able to speak to Mulan--they were all drugged, if you remember. I'll try to make that clearer. Thanks for letting me know!
The atmosphere around the well is electric. It gives me the chills. It really does set the stage well for Guan and Mulan's fight - which is, as usual for you, exceptional well-written for a fight scene. I wish I could watch you write these fight scenes in person, because you make it sound so fluid and easy.
Well, watching me write would be really boring, because I don't really act them out. I just make them up. The key to doing them, silly as it may sound, is to remember where all the respective body parts are and not let anyone do something that is not physically possible. Aside from that, the hardest part of this fight was keeping the gender consistent. On the one hand, Mulan and Guan are both female, so I had to remember which "she" I was talking about. On the other hand, Guan is in Shang's body, which occasionally necessitated the use of a male pronoun without confusing the readers.
And even then, I almost slipped up. I wrote the fight scene, thought I had done a good job, then thought, "Aren't they wearing helmets? Crap!" Fortunately, I then remembered that even though Mulan struck Guan on the head, Shang had given his helmet to Mulan, so he would be bareheaded, and also Guan hadn't struck any blows aimed at the top of Mulan's (protected) head. Subconscious at work or simple good luck? You decide!
Using the Crest of the Emperor to turn the tide of battle against Guan was brilliant.
Don't look at me. It was Mulan's idea.
*dances* Shang's back. And not only that: "...but his grip was gentle and his hands painstakingly light..." *swoon* Okay, Shang, I forgive you for being beaten by Yumen Guan now, lol. ;)
Swooning already? But I haven't even written the final chapter! :)
TripleT.Vo, part II
And I noticed that submitted only half of my review. *shakes head* Bad, BAD FF. Oh well. I'll just retype it again. :)
"The spirit world clothed her in a bridal dress, but before the veil was placed on her head. It told Mulan that her foe's last moments as a Guan were the last in which she had truly lived, no matter what had transpired afterward."
This reminds me of one of your replies to my earlier review - where you said that Guan has to distance herself from Mulan because she can relate to Mulan in a lot of important ways. With this in mind, Guan is almost like what Mulan *could* end up being like in the future, her identity as Fa Mulan being erased once she gets married. Of course, we know that eventually marrying Shang won't erase who Mulan is. Instead, that union will enhance who Mulan is, just like you end up saying (Shang's phoenix: not tucked under her shirt, but firmly on her sword belt... He did not break down her sense of self, but enriched it).
Yes, yes, and yes. Guan knew that Mulan had a shot as being really herself, and if she could have, would have asked Mulan, "How dare you live a full life? How dare you be happy?"
"A tempestuous spirit, Yumen Guan, but she was borne away like a thread." You have such a poetic way with words. :) It's a nice touch.
I wrote that line a long while ago, and I'm relieved it got noticed. Sometimes, I feel that there may not be quite enough description in this story and the dialogue kind of steals the show. Which I suppose comes from this being a written adaptation of a movie, since I can't actually animate anything myself.
"'Look deeeeeeeply into my eyes,' Mushu intoned in reply." Okay, THAT made me burst out laughing. Seriously. I heart Mushu, the comic relief. Mulan wouldn't be the same without him.
What's contradictory about Mushu is that, even though he's supposedly from the spiritual realm, he gives everyone around him a sort of grounding in matter-of-fact reality through his humor.
And I love the role reversal here, in the way Shang and Mulan act around each other. In the earlier chapters, Shang was the one who stuttered more - and now, Mulan's the one blushing and kicking around the bush. I can't wait to see how Shang brings her out of THAT one. ;)
With some very gentle nudges in the right direction. :)
Aw. The next chapter is the last one... I can't believe it! But to be honest, I'm waiting to see how you resolve any loose ends that you've left in the story. :) Can't wait until the next update!
LunaSphere
Wow. very climactic and wonderful. i apologize that my review is not more detailed than this--kind of in a rush, but i just watned to say i did really enjoy this.
Feel free to go back and fill in details, if you wish. Although it's nice to hear that it was just plain enjoyable. :)
Gu-Brath-Faol
My God, I think this is the only Mulan fic I've read where you've portrayed the characters so true to form. Mushu actually talks like himself and not some complete hyperactive foul.
It's very easy to overdo him, I know. What is easily forgotten is how much sincerity there is among his well-placed jabs at everyone and everything.
The fic has such well placed humour and frustration and ... it's just so good! I almost hate to see it end but can't wait all the same just to see what happens.
I'm waiting eagerly for your next post.
I hate to see it end, too. Finishing a project is always a big effort for me, but I'll try to live up to everything I've built up.
babieblue
YAY!
ONE MORE!
the uspense is KiLLiNG me!
excellent chapter...i should've figured you would update todayy:]]
But of course. *grin*
UPDATE SOON!
We'll see.
:]]
From Chapter 12:
HoPpIn JaCk
im really glad that she asked for everyones opion so that they didn't have to dig up everything that would have really sucked lol
Yes, it would have, and she might never have been able to show her face in her hometown again. Mulan has learned to use the resources around her to her advantage, including people she might not always get along with. It's not exactly a Mulan 'n' Chi Fu Karaoke Night, but it'll do for now.
this was a really good chapter and again i will be waiting on the edge of my seat for the next one great job!!
LunaSphere
I've been waiting to read this chapter ever since it came out but have been so busy I couldn't get to it until now! Very exciting and action-packed. I'm beginning to see all the threads of the plot coming together.
There are rather a lot of plot threads, aren't they? And they insist on all having their say.
I also really like how you have humanizing moments for Yumen Guan, for example: "Someone else would have prayed to the family ancestors. Having none left, Yumen Guan was forced to rely entirely on her own ingenuity. Nor had this truly failed her."
You're right in that Yumen Guan needs to be human as well as villainous. I didn't want everyone to go too far into pitying her, though. After all, one can be a true human and still be a despicable one.
Icha Icha Leroquent
Whew! I was fraid you had died.
Nah. Then who would finish my stories?
As always, carrying out your trademark of EXTREMELY LONG chapters--not that I mind. It's a rather nice quality, if I do say so myself.
That's nice of you to say. I know that long chapters online can sometimes be cumbersome because the readers have to scroll down as opposed to turning pages. But there are just so many things that I need to fit in!
This chapter was pimp. Mulan's being the genius she always is; my GOD, is she smart. She totally beats Shikamaru by TONS. lol. laugh along if you got that...
Well, I'm not familiar with the reference, but I'm glad I kept Mulan's intelligence up to its usual levels.
I wonder what's going to happen to Shang's body. I hope that he doesn't die--OH NOES! I was really on my toes for an unexpected twist during that last fight 'tween Guan and Guo.
No, killing Shang would be like killing Mushu. Oh, wait, I actually did that. Well, anyway, it won't happen. In this story, anyway.
I just have one question: is Yumen Guan pretty? it's eating my brain, quite frankly; I've been reduced to pretending she has buckteeth and a complexion that resembles a pepperoni pizza.
I did my best in providing the description in Chapter 13. What do you think?
Awesome, Raquel. You rule, total yosh for you.
You rule, too, for giving such awesome reviews.
All my admiration,
--Eva
Canadarulz
I didn't even realize you had updated!
That's what comes of having a Wills Lover rampaging around in one's fandom.
That was the best chapter I've ever read. You have everyone's character to a tee!
Well, everyone sort of had to show his or her true colors in this chapter. I had to make sure to get them absolutely right, and I'm glad you think that I did.
Please finish, I can't wait!
It may be a little while. But keep checking in!
(You look cute with mud on your nose, aw)
Hee. I'm fond of that line, myself.
Kates Master
How is it that whenever I discover a good story, it's almost always on it's finale, about to finish...*sighs*
That's okay; I have a few more fics up my sleeve yet.
...but hey, at least I got to read it all in one go. I'm quite desolate there's only one chapter left, though.
Sorry. I'm babbleing. I do that a lot.
There were originally going to be only 10-12 chapters, but then this thing sort of grew on me.
This was FANTASTIC. I recently re-discovered my love of Mulan when singing "Make a Man out of You" very loudly in the common room the other week, and decided to celebrate the end of my exams by watching it. And then I remembered that this time round I could throw some fanfiction in there too. My only gripe is how little there is that is actually any good.
Since it's based on a Disney movie, albeit one of the more mature ones, this fandom attracts a lot of younger writers who don't really have a grasp of characterization, spelling, or even, y'know, the basic concept of writing. Then there are the writers who remember the movie from when it first came out, but get too bogged down in making it all "historical" and carefully remove all traces of magic and humor from their fics. There are many good fanfics out there, though. If you want my recommendations, you can e-mail or PM me.
I'm quite tempted to hunt down and exact several very painful punishments on Wills Lover.
I've tried the "abuse" button myself. but I think the ff mods remains blissfully unaware of Wills Lover.
ANYWAY. Back to the actualy review. Loved it, as I said - brilliant charecters, keeping everything moving, the way they didn't just "fall together", and I loved the way you really developed Shang's charecter especially.
Thanks! It's hard working with someone whose character clay is so close to being un-moldable, yet there's just enough room for change to make him interesting. Although so long as I don't have him pout and blunder around like he's wearing shoeboxes, I consider myself ahead of at least one Disney production house.
Tang was also a stroke of genius.
Don't let him hear you say that! He'll be tempted to agree.
Personaly, I found the beginning slightly confusing, but once I'd sat down and worked through it, I think I got it. Though the story was good enough to easily make up for that.
Do you remember which parts, in particular, were confusing? I'm going back and editing this, and I'd like to iron out all of the bits that aren't clear enough.
So yeah, I look forward immensly to the next chapter. As you may have gathered. I'll stop now.
Emma
tripleT.Vo, part I
can't believe that there's only one chapter left.
Me, neither. This thing might actually get finished!
:( I hope that you'll write more Mulan fanfics after you wrap this one up, because you're so good at it.
A sequel, perhaps? ...It's crossed my mind...
Ouch. No one does revenge quite like Yumen Guan. I would be rigid with fright too, if I were one of the Bao's!
In some way, even though she was beaten, Yumen Guan did get her revenge. Of course, the last move is up to Mulan, and she has some surprises in store for her erstwhile enemy.
I am a bit confused about the Bao's state of mind after what Yumen Guan did to them, though. Are only the male members of the family completely indifferent, or is the young woman the only one who is able to act normally? And if it's just the males who are acting strangely, is it because Yumen Guan turned them into eunuchs or as a result of the drug she used?
All the male members of the family are in a state of shock, since this is the last thing that they expected to visit them on the morning of the Festival of Ghosts. It's not drug-related, which is why the young woman was able to speak to Mulan--they were all drugged, if you remember. I'll try to make that clearer. Thanks for letting me know!
The atmosphere around the well is electric. It gives me the chills. It really does set the stage well for Guan and Mulan's fight - which is, as usual for you, exceptional well-written for a fight scene. I wish I could watch you write these fight scenes in person, because you make it sound so fluid and easy.
Well, watching me write would be really boring, because I don't really act them out. I just make them up. The key to doing them, silly as it may sound, is to remember where all the respective body parts are and not let anyone do something that is not physically possible. Aside from that, the hardest part of this fight was keeping the gender consistent. On the one hand, Mulan and Guan are both female, so I had to remember which "she" I was talking about. On the other hand, Guan is in Shang's body, which occasionally necessitated the use of a male pronoun without confusing the readers.
And even then, I almost slipped up. I wrote the fight scene, thought I had done a good job, then thought, "Aren't they wearing helmets? Crap!" Fortunately, I then remembered that even though Mulan struck Guan on the head, Shang had given his helmet to Mulan, so he would be bareheaded, and also Guan hadn't struck any blows aimed at the top of Mulan's (protected) head. Subconscious at work or simple good luck? You decide!
Using the Crest of the Emperor to turn the tide of battle against Guan was brilliant.
Don't look at me. It was Mulan's idea.
*dances* Shang's back. And not only that: "...but his grip was gentle and his hands painstakingly light..." *swoon* Okay, Shang, I forgive you for being beaten by Yumen Guan now, lol. ;)
Swooning already? But I haven't even written the final chapter! :)
TripleT.Vo, part II
And I noticed that submitted only half of my review. *shakes head* Bad, BAD FF. Oh well. I'll just retype it again. :)
"The spirit world clothed her in a bridal dress, but before the veil was placed on her head. It told Mulan that her foe's last moments as a Guan were the last in which she had truly lived, no matter what had transpired afterward."
This reminds me of one of your replies to my earlier review - where you said that Guan has to distance herself from Mulan because she can relate to Mulan in a lot of important ways. With this in mind, Guan is almost like what Mulan *could* end up being like in the future, her identity as Fa Mulan being erased once she gets married. Of course, we know that eventually marrying Shang won't erase who Mulan is. Instead, that union will enhance who Mulan is, just like you end up saying (Shang's phoenix: not tucked under her shirt, but firmly on her sword belt... He did not break down her sense of self, but enriched it).
Yes, yes, and yes. Guan knew that Mulan had a shot as being really herself, and if she could have, would have asked Mulan, "How dare you live a full life? How dare you be happy?"
"A tempestuous spirit, Yumen Guan, but she was borne away like a thread." You have such a poetic way with words. :) It's a nice touch.
I wrote that line a long while ago, and I'm relieved it got noticed. Sometimes, I feel that there may not be quite enough description in this story and the dialogue kind of steals the show. Which I suppose comes from this being a written adaptation of a movie, since I can't actually animate anything myself.
"'Look deeeeeeeply into my eyes,' Mushu intoned in reply." Okay, THAT made me burst out laughing. Seriously. I heart Mushu, the comic relief. Mulan wouldn't be the same without him.
What's contradictory about Mushu is that, even though he's supposedly from the spiritual realm, he gives everyone around him a sort of grounding in matter-of-fact reality through his humor.
And I love the role reversal here, in the way Shang and Mulan act around each other. In the earlier chapters, Shang was the one who stuttered more - and now, Mulan's the one blushing and kicking around the bush. I can't wait to see how Shang brings her out of THAT one. ;)
With some very gentle nudges in the right direction. :)
Aw. The next chapter is the last one... I can't believe it! But to be honest, I'm waiting to see how you resolve any loose ends that you've left in the story. :) Can't wait until the next update!
LunaSphere
Wow. very climactic and wonderful. i apologize that my review is not more detailed than this--kind of in a rush, but i just watned to say i did really enjoy this.
Feel free to go back and fill in details, if you wish. Although it's nice to hear that it was just plain enjoyable. :)
Gu-Brath-Faol
My God, I think this is the only Mulan fic I've read where you've portrayed the characters so true to form. Mushu actually talks like himself and not some complete hyperactive foul.
It's very easy to overdo him, I know. What is easily forgotten is how much sincerity there is among his well-placed jabs at everyone and everything.
The fic has such well placed humour and frustration and ... it's just so good! I almost hate to see it end but can't wait all the same just to see what happens.
I'm waiting eagerly for your next post.
I hate to see it end, too. Finishing a project is always a big effort for me, but I'll try to live up to everything I've built up.
babieblue
YAY!
ONE MORE!
the uspense is KiLLiNG me!
excellent chapter...i should've figured you would update todayy:]]
But of course. *grin*
UPDATE SOON!
We'll see.
:]]
From Chapter 12:
HoPpIn JaCk
im really glad that she asked for everyones opion so that they didn't have to dig up everything that would have really sucked lol
Yes, it would have, and she might never have been able to show her face in her hometown again. Mulan has learned to use the resources around her to her advantage, including people she might not always get along with. It's not exactly a Mulan 'n' Chi Fu Karaoke Night, but it'll do for now.
this was a really good chapter and again i will be waiting on the edge of my seat for the next one great job!!
LunaSphere
I've been waiting to read this chapter ever since it came out but have been so busy I couldn't get to it until now! Very exciting and action-packed. I'm beginning to see all the threads of the plot coming together.
There are rather a lot of plot threads, aren't they? And they insist on all having their say.
I also really like how you have humanizing moments for Yumen Guan, for example: "Someone else would have prayed to the family ancestors. Having none left, Yumen Guan was forced to rely entirely on her own ingenuity. Nor had this truly failed her."
You're right in that Yumen Guan needs to be human as well as villainous. I didn't want everyone to go too far into pitying her, though. After all, one can be a true human and still be a despicable one.
Icha Icha Leroquent
Whew! I was fraid you had died.
Nah. Then who would finish my stories?
As always, carrying out your trademark of EXTREMELY LONG chapters--not that I mind. It's a rather nice quality, if I do say so myself.
That's nice of you to say. I know that long chapters online can sometimes be cumbersome because the readers have to scroll down as opposed to turning pages. But there are just so many things that I need to fit in!
This chapter was pimp. Mulan's being the genius she always is; my GOD, is she smart. She totally beats Shikamaru by TONS. lol. laugh along if you got that...
Well, I'm not familiar with the reference, but I'm glad I kept Mulan's intelligence up to its usual levels.
I wonder what's going to happen to Shang's body. I hope that he doesn't die--OH NOES! I was really on my toes for an unexpected twist during that last fight 'tween Guan and Guo.
No, killing Shang would be like killing Mushu. Oh, wait, I actually did that. Well, anyway, it won't happen. In this story, anyway.
I just have one question: is Yumen Guan pretty? it's eating my brain, quite frankly; I've been reduced to pretending she has buckteeth and a complexion that resembles a pepperoni pizza.
I did my best in providing the description in Chapter 13. What do you think?
Awesome, Raquel. You rule, total yosh for you.
You rule, too, for giving such awesome reviews.
All my admiration,
--Eva