Review Responses, Chapter 12! (And a few left from Chapter 11.)
Here they are. Keep in mind, also, that there aren't a lot of chapters left to write. So if you have a suggestion, critique, or if there's something you just plain want to see here, you'd better say it now!
babieblue
one word:
AMAZING
absolutely amazing plot
I'm glad you think so. It's hard, getting a plot to stay coherent while writing it as I go along. Even with planning ahead, things change so much between what I conceive the story as in the beginning and how it takes shape at the end.
we havnt heard from Shang lately? im assuming his soul cannot see whats going on? or is he trapped in clay too?
Yes, he's gone from statuesque to statue, I'm afraid. He can't see what's going on; in fact, for all intents and purposes, he's comatose.
well what makes me very sad is that this story is not complete:[
It's very close to being so, though.
and i wish to know what happens so so badly. It is a very well thought up plot:]]
i really do hope you update soon...please?
with a cherry on top xD
I'm not sure about very soon, but soon enough. :)
Canadarulz
As always Araeph, it was quite fantastic. I do hope that you are feeling better and that you will continue to feel better.
I should be. There were a couple of nasty viruses circulating this spring, though. I'm not the only one to be hit with it. Ick.
You have created a very unique story and have an excellent talent in your writing abilities. I am very curious as to what is going to happen next, especially the confrontation of Mulan and Yumen Guan (especially because of who's body she stole).
In a strange way, so am I. I've often though it would be really neat to see a full fight, no-holds-barred, between Mulan and Shang. Since that's unlikely to happen under ordinary circumstances, I've been forced to contrive this whole plot just to see them spar!
Okay, so not really. But it's still something I've wanted to write for a while.
I have to admit that the only special date that I can think of off the top of my head maybe the original release date? If I'm wrong then I apologize for my ingnorance. If I'm right then I say please hurry!
*grin*
Best Regards,
Canadarulz
(I've tried to be less shy)
I'm very glad.
Marquise of Pembroke
WOHO! Another chapter! I'm soo happy! Now, the only thing that could make me happier is having finals over with! Oh wait... they haven't even begun yet. *sighs* I'll take a wild guess when the next update is... June 19?
Hmm, now what makes you think that? :)
TripleT.Vo
You're back! Nice to see you back on your feet again (I've been wondering... I hope that your illness wasn't something serious?),
No, just thoroughly unpleasant.
but even though it's been a while, this update has definitely been worth the wait. *nods*
Yumen Guan is definitely not an opponent to underestimate. She's had a lot of time on her hands to plot out her plans, and they're very well thought out (using the criminals to make up her 'army' was a nice touch). Like I said before, I can't wait to read the eventual confrontation between Mulan and Guan.
Yumen Guan does like to keep one step ahead of things. I'm trying to build a little on the idea that a villain doesn't taste defeat just for being evil, or having clumsy henchmen, or possessing one (easily exploitable) weakness. Rather, the villain is beaten because the hero becomes superior to the villain in planning, fighting, or what have you. Shan Yu didn't make a mistake, not really; Mulan simply had more determination and creativity in the end.
Mulan's reflective moment there - about how she needs her ancestors, how she's been a part of them since she lit the incense - gave me the chills. In a good way, of course.
I'm really pleased to hear this. The ancestors wouldn't be really human if they were capable of both gravity and lightheartedness.
And - the potter? *smacks head* Now, I really didn't think of that. You. Are. Amazing. It makes me wonder if you had that solution planned all along, or if you had a spontaneous moment of inspiration.
A little of both. Sometimes spontaneous moments of inspiration take planning to work into the story so that they don't become dei ex machina.
Two returning to the Li family estate was a really cool scene, and his interaction with Lady Li made me laugh out loud. He knows the inner workings of the Li family so well ("Even if they hadn't told you directly, you ought to have listened and watched enough to know something of what's going on. The women chosen to serve the Li family have always been sharp-eyed." - brilliant), and the way that he came to peace with his soul made ME feel a little peaceful as well.
It's a pattern of the Li family that:
a) they have tempers
b) they are scornful of those who are weak or don't measure up to them
c) they are extremely loyal, especially to one another
d) they are truly good people
e) they are not necessarily nice about it.
While Two roamed the earth, a lot of that was missing, but once he regained part of his memory, he found his moral footing again-even if he didn't become Warm and Fuzzy Nicey-Nice Man.
Fa Zhou is also my new hero. Seriously. A lot of writers choose to dismiss him off as a crippled old man who's totally helpless, and so the direction that you've taken with him is a refreshing change. ("He preferred it when his enemies didn't fight fairly. Then he didn't have to, either-and woe to the one who crossed him then." - I think that's my favorite line for this whole chapter.)
I've often wondered what Fa Zhou's military career was like before his injury. He must have really, er, kicked honey buns. In Mulan, he's a really interesting character and it is he who motivates Mulan more than anyone (even more than Shang does, which a lot of writers miss). A man like that isn't just a bundle of old sayings and nostalgia. Yes, I'm looking at you, Mulan 2!
Ahem. Anyway, I figured there was no way that he would let a direct attack on his home go unchallenged. Also, it was a nice way for Seven to kick the bucket, because there aren't that many characters capable of taking him down, and I didn't want to shift the focus away from Guan by having Mulan do it.
*dances* Ding dong, Seven is dead. ;)
And not happy about it, let me tell you.
I think I've told you this before, but it wouldn't hurt to say it again: I really like the way you coordinate your fight scenes. The Marshal and Yumen Guan's fight was really well-written.
This is good to know. Action is something that can become very confusing very quickly if you don't do it just right.
As always, I can't wait for the next update! I hope you'll have plenty of inspiration for the next chapter. :)
So far, it's going all right. Of course, the aftermath/epilogue may be the hardest part to write. I have to END this thing, somehow! (Preferably without resorting to a 98 Degrees song. Sorry, Mulan. Even the best movies have their flaws.)
Helenw713
Wow, this is a really good story. I think it's sad how no one reviews when you follow the deadlines.
I'm not a huge reviewer, myself, but…well, this is the first time my hit/review ratio has been 75 to 1.
I've given a deadline for this one…at least to those who can figure it out…so we'll see how it goes.
So here I am, the majestic helenw713, to appease you!
I'm glad you're here, O Majestic Helenw713!
This is really, really good, and I think you did a wonderful job with it. I really can't think of any suggestions or anything right now, but if I think of them, I'll tell you later. It's awesome!
-helenw713
Yes, please write again. (You can review earlier chapters, too; I'm not against editing what I've already written.)
darKitty
So amazing that I read the whole thing through in one sitting. There were one or two grammatical errors in your chapters.
Yes, I know. I'm keeping track of them as I spot them, and will re-edit the whole thing once I'm done. (I spot more mistakes once a story is complete.)
I meant to comment on them but I really can't remember which chapter they're from.
If you do, just let me know.
Still, they're very minor so they don't mar the overall quality of your writing. (: Very thrilling plot and fairly good writing. Update soon? xD
Yes, ma'am. :)
TripleT.Vo
Shy reviewers? Maybe just a little bit. Or maybe we're just so in awe of how cool the chapter was that we forget that there's a review button at all. ;)
You flatterer, you.
Ahem. Review. Right.
I did suspect for a while that Shang would eventually be turned into clay like the others - it's very dramatic and forces Mulan to step up into the spotlight.
Despite the best efforts of lots of people from both sides.
And this was particularly poignant:
" 'You have a mind like hers,' Shang muttered, unable to stop his arms from going numb.
'No,' said Guan, with sudden venom. 'I am not at all like Mulan. I am better--unfettered. No loyalties, just a naked blade.' "
It makes me wonder - why exactly does Guan dislike Mulan so much?
It's not as personal as it might seem. Guan just has to distance herself from her enemy in every way that she can-and if she didn't, she really could relate to Mulan in a lot of important ways. The last thing Guan feels she needs is to start identifying with the person who is the biggest obstacle to her countrywide conquest.
Shang's insight on the similarity between the way Mulan and Guan think is also very accurate. I'm looking forward to what will happen when the two women meet face to face.
I'm still not entirely sure what will happen myself, but I can promise no catfights.
But...
" 'You're just like Guan.'
Mulan's answering glance smoldered. 'No, Seven. Guan would not have troubled your innards. He would have spilled them.' "
Mulan's right. Even though they think the same way, Guan is definitely ruthless in a way that Mulan isn't.
Guan's brilliance and unconventional approach to warfare weren't really shepherded with principles and discipline, as Mulan's talents were. What life taught Yumen Guan was that she wouldn't be given a single thing by being straightforward and upright, and that the only way to stand up for herself was to be conniving, brutal, and crooked.
The scene between Tang and Mulan was brilliant. The way they were bouncing back and forth, with Tang's skepticism and Mulan's frustration at Shang, was really well written. Kudos on that.
That scene was much fun to write. Those two have been rubbing each other the wrong way since the beginning, and this is an opportunity for them to realize that they're defending the same things, both professionally and personally.
And this made me melt into a puddle of fangirl goo on the floor:
"Who could the military turn to for authority, if he wasn't there? If he had gone into danger, and the most Tang could say was that Shang lived, who would Shang trust to command in his place?"
Guhh. I love Shang. Really. The man isn't the best with words or romantic gestures... but honestly, the gift of his helmet to Mulan and what it symbolizes is far more honest and true to his feelings.
Yes. This is why Shang can't be dismissed as a stock character. It's sometimes hard to see because Shang, unlike Mulan, fits almost all the way into the role that he was given as a general's son. Then, at the most unexpected moment, he does one little thing that rocks so hard it erases everything you thought you knew about him.
" 'They're all buried beneath our ancestral temples. And to get them out, we'd have to overturn each one.' "
A new dilemma. Personally, I'm stumped on how to get around that. Being Asian, I know how anal families can be about their temples, so I'm looking forward to seeing your amazing way around it that will make me slap my head and think "Why didn't I think of that?"
It took me a while, too.
Since you didn't leave behind your next update date, I'll cross my fingers that it will be sometime soon. :) I can't wait!
- T.
broadwaybabe
I hope to see another chapter soon! And I think you were right about the 'deadline' thing lol!
I suspect so. Again, we'll wait and see with this one.
babieblue
one word:
AMAZING
absolutely amazing plot
I'm glad you think so. It's hard, getting a plot to stay coherent while writing it as I go along. Even with planning ahead, things change so much between what I conceive the story as in the beginning and how it takes shape at the end.
we havnt heard from Shang lately? im assuming his soul cannot see whats going on? or is he trapped in clay too?
Yes, he's gone from statuesque to statue, I'm afraid. He can't see what's going on; in fact, for all intents and purposes, he's comatose.
well what makes me very sad is that this story is not complete:[
It's very close to being so, though.
and i wish to know what happens so so badly. It is a very well thought up plot:]]
i really do hope you update soon...please?
with a cherry on top xD
I'm not sure about very soon, but soon enough. :)
Canadarulz
As always Araeph, it was quite fantastic. I do hope that you are feeling better and that you will continue to feel better.
I should be. There were a couple of nasty viruses circulating this spring, though. I'm not the only one to be hit with it. Ick.
You have created a very unique story and have an excellent talent in your writing abilities. I am very curious as to what is going to happen next, especially the confrontation of Mulan and Yumen Guan (especially because of who's body she stole).
In a strange way, so am I. I've often though it would be really neat to see a full fight, no-holds-barred, between Mulan and Shang. Since that's unlikely to happen under ordinary circumstances, I've been forced to contrive this whole plot just to see them spar!
Okay, so not really. But it's still something I've wanted to write for a while.
I have to admit that the only special date that I can think of off the top of my head maybe the original release date? If I'm wrong then I apologize for my ingnorance. If I'm right then I say please hurry!
*grin*
Best Regards,
Canadarulz
(I've tried to be less shy)
I'm very glad.
Marquise of Pembroke
WOHO! Another chapter! I'm soo happy! Now, the only thing that could make me happier is having finals over with! Oh wait... they haven't even begun yet. *sighs* I'll take a wild guess when the next update is... June 19?
Hmm, now what makes you think that? :)
TripleT.Vo
You're back! Nice to see you back on your feet again (I've been wondering... I hope that your illness wasn't something serious?),
No, just thoroughly unpleasant.
but even though it's been a while, this update has definitely been worth the wait. *nods*
Yumen Guan is definitely not an opponent to underestimate. She's had a lot of time on her hands to plot out her plans, and they're very well thought out (using the criminals to make up her 'army' was a nice touch). Like I said before, I can't wait to read the eventual confrontation between Mulan and Guan.
Yumen Guan does like to keep one step ahead of things. I'm trying to build a little on the idea that a villain doesn't taste defeat just for being evil, or having clumsy henchmen, or possessing one (easily exploitable) weakness. Rather, the villain is beaten because the hero becomes superior to the villain in planning, fighting, or what have you. Shan Yu didn't make a mistake, not really; Mulan simply had more determination and creativity in the end.
Mulan's reflective moment there - about how she needs her ancestors, how she's been a part of them since she lit the incense - gave me the chills. In a good way, of course.
I'm really pleased to hear this. The ancestors wouldn't be really human if they were capable of both gravity and lightheartedness.
And - the potter? *smacks head* Now, I really didn't think of that. You. Are. Amazing. It makes me wonder if you had that solution planned all along, or if you had a spontaneous moment of inspiration.
A little of both. Sometimes spontaneous moments of inspiration take planning to work into the story so that they don't become dei ex machina.
Two returning to the Li family estate was a really cool scene, and his interaction with Lady Li made me laugh out loud. He knows the inner workings of the Li family so well ("Even if they hadn't told you directly, you ought to have listened and watched enough to know something of what's going on. The women chosen to serve the Li family have always been sharp-eyed." - brilliant), and the way that he came to peace with his soul made ME feel a little peaceful as well.
It's a pattern of the Li family that:
a) they have tempers
b) they are scornful of those who are weak or don't measure up to them
c) they are extremely loyal, especially to one another
d) they are truly good people
e) they are not necessarily nice about it.
While Two roamed the earth, a lot of that was missing, but once he regained part of his memory, he found his moral footing again-even if he didn't become Warm and Fuzzy Nicey-Nice Man.
Fa Zhou is also my new hero. Seriously. A lot of writers choose to dismiss him off as a crippled old man who's totally helpless, and so the direction that you've taken with him is a refreshing change. ("He preferred it when his enemies didn't fight fairly. Then he didn't have to, either-and woe to the one who crossed him then." - I think that's my favorite line for this whole chapter.)
I've often wondered what Fa Zhou's military career was like before his injury. He must have really, er, kicked honey buns. In Mulan, he's a really interesting character and it is he who motivates Mulan more than anyone (even more than Shang does, which a lot of writers miss). A man like that isn't just a bundle of old sayings and nostalgia. Yes, I'm looking at you, Mulan 2!
Ahem. Anyway, I figured there was no way that he would let a direct attack on his home go unchallenged. Also, it was a nice way for Seven to kick the bucket, because there aren't that many characters capable of taking him down, and I didn't want to shift the focus away from Guan by having Mulan do it.
*dances* Ding dong, Seven is dead. ;)
And not happy about it, let me tell you.
I think I've told you this before, but it wouldn't hurt to say it again: I really like the way you coordinate your fight scenes. The Marshal and Yumen Guan's fight was really well-written.
This is good to know. Action is something that can become very confusing very quickly if you don't do it just right.
As always, I can't wait for the next update! I hope you'll have plenty of inspiration for the next chapter. :)
So far, it's going all right. Of course, the aftermath/epilogue may be the hardest part to write. I have to END this thing, somehow! (Preferably without resorting to a 98 Degrees song. Sorry, Mulan. Even the best movies have their flaws.)
Helenw713
Wow, this is a really good story. I think it's sad how no one reviews when you follow the deadlines.
I'm not a huge reviewer, myself, but…well, this is the first time my hit/review ratio has been 75 to 1.
I've given a deadline for this one…at least to those who can figure it out…so we'll see how it goes.
So here I am, the majestic helenw713, to appease you!
I'm glad you're here, O Majestic Helenw713!
This is really, really good, and I think you did a wonderful job with it. I really can't think of any suggestions or anything right now, but if I think of them, I'll tell you later. It's awesome!
-helenw713
Yes, please write again. (You can review earlier chapters, too; I'm not against editing what I've already written.)
darKitty
So amazing that I read the whole thing through in one sitting. There were one or two grammatical errors in your chapters.
Yes, I know. I'm keeping track of them as I spot them, and will re-edit the whole thing once I'm done. (I spot more mistakes once a story is complete.)
I meant to comment on them but I really can't remember which chapter they're from.
If you do, just let me know.
Still, they're very minor so they don't mar the overall quality of your writing. (: Very thrilling plot and fairly good writing. Update soon? xD
Yes, ma'am. :)
TripleT.Vo
Shy reviewers? Maybe just a little bit. Or maybe we're just so in awe of how cool the chapter was that we forget that there's a review button at all. ;)
You flatterer, you.
Ahem. Review. Right.
I did suspect for a while that Shang would eventually be turned into clay like the others - it's very dramatic and forces Mulan to step up into the spotlight.
Despite the best efforts of lots of people from both sides.
And this was particularly poignant:
" 'You have a mind like hers,' Shang muttered, unable to stop his arms from going numb.
'No,' said Guan, with sudden venom. 'I am not at all like Mulan. I am better--unfettered. No loyalties, just a naked blade.' "
It makes me wonder - why exactly does Guan dislike Mulan so much?
It's not as personal as it might seem. Guan just has to distance herself from her enemy in every way that she can-and if she didn't, she really could relate to Mulan in a lot of important ways. The last thing Guan feels she needs is to start identifying with the person who is the biggest obstacle to her countrywide conquest.
Shang's insight on the similarity between the way Mulan and Guan think is also very accurate. I'm looking forward to what will happen when the two women meet face to face.
I'm still not entirely sure what will happen myself, but I can promise no catfights.
But...
" 'You're just like Guan.'
Mulan's answering glance smoldered. 'No, Seven. Guan would not have troubled your innards. He would have spilled them.' "
Mulan's right. Even though they think the same way, Guan is definitely ruthless in a way that Mulan isn't.
Guan's brilliance and unconventional approach to warfare weren't really shepherded with principles and discipline, as Mulan's talents were. What life taught Yumen Guan was that she wouldn't be given a single thing by being straightforward and upright, and that the only way to stand up for herself was to be conniving, brutal, and crooked.
The scene between Tang and Mulan was brilliant. The way they were bouncing back and forth, with Tang's skepticism and Mulan's frustration at Shang, was really well written. Kudos on that.
That scene was much fun to write. Those two have been rubbing each other the wrong way since the beginning, and this is an opportunity for them to realize that they're defending the same things, both professionally and personally.
And this made me melt into a puddle of fangirl goo on the floor:
"Who could the military turn to for authority, if he wasn't there? If he had gone into danger, and the most Tang could say was that Shang lived, who would Shang trust to command in his place?"
Guhh. I love Shang. Really. The man isn't the best with words or romantic gestures... but honestly, the gift of his helmet to Mulan and what it symbolizes is far more honest and true to his feelings.
Yes. This is why Shang can't be dismissed as a stock character. It's sometimes hard to see because Shang, unlike Mulan, fits almost all the way into the role that he was given as a general's son. Then, at the most unexpected moment, he does one little thing that rocks so hard it erases everything you thought you knew about him.
" 'They're all buried beneath our ancestral temples. And to get them out, we'd have to overturn each one.' "
A new dilemma. Personally, I'm stumped on how to get around that. Being Asian, I know how anal families can be about their temples, so I'm looking forward to seeing your amazing way around it that will make me slap my head and think "Why didn't I think of that?"
It took me a while, too.
Since you didn't leave behind your next update date, I'll cross my fingers that it will be sometime soon. :) I can't wait!
- T.
broadwaybabe
I hope to see another chapter soon! And I think you were right about the 'deadline' thing lol!
I suspect so. Again, we'll wait and see with this one.