(no subject)
This is always a place to dump depressing things. But I don't know where else they can go.
I'm really torn on what to do. Been friends with some people for a very long time and I greatly value any time I can spend to hang out with them. But since we live so far apart, we have limited ways in which to interact.
Warlords dropped reciently. I was excited because this meant spending more time online with my friends. Only, I had trouble logging on the very first night. And that was depressing because I couldn't join my friends, who had had all day to hang out together and experiance the new expansion. And then when I finally do get on, I'm alone because everyone else had been booted. And then the next few days it was a miracle if you got in at all. Typical launch day problems. They'll clear up over time. And they have. Logging in is no trouble now.
But now I'm back to my original troubles. My schedule is such that I can never be online when my friends are free. And my friends are never free when I am. Its no ones fault really, its just the way life is. But now I rarely see my friends, and that frustrates me to no end.
They can't help it if they get sick or need to be with someone in real life. That's the way the world works. And I've had many days when I cancel on them as well.
But I'm really starting to feel alone. I don't have any strong connections where I live, never have. No one seems to really get my sense of humor or how I think or act. Its cute to them, and they tease me about it good naturedly. And I laugh, too, cause I know I think differently. I do enjoy the fact that I'm different.
But it gets old. No one really takes me seriously, and then when I do try to stand up and say something everyone wonders why I'm mad, or dismisses what I'm saying as something else that's cute or different. I know they don't think less of me, but I know I don't fit in just right. I'm unable to explain my thought processes, and they pick apart what I say so much that by the time I do make sense, I'm frustrated because of all the run around.
The few people that know more about how I think are so far away, and I can't vent all the time cause there are no ears to listen. I value my time and space, but it does get a little lonely only coming home to the birds every night. And then when there's limits to how much I can hang out with people so far away, I only get more frustrated.
But I can't force them to be there all the time just to alleviate my needs. That's incredible selfish of me. But I can't deny that that's exactly what I want to do. I want to know that I'm worth someone's time or effort or energy to be around. To want to call randomly over silly things, or to be within reach if you do want to talk.
I don't want to feel like I"m pulling teeth to make it work. I don't want to make them resent that I'm around or want them to be around.
But where does that leave me? When all I want is to make them be nearby and spend time with me?
Life happens, but I wish I had a little less life and a little more time to hang with my friends.
I'm really torn on what to do. Been friends with some people for a very long time and I greatly value any time I can spend to hang out with them. But since we live so far apart, we have limited ways in which to interact.
Warlords dropped reciently. I was excited because this meant spending more time online with my friends. Only, I had trouble logging on the very first night. And that was depressing because I couldn't join my friends, who had had all day to hang out together and experiance the new expansion. And then when I finally do get on, I'm alone because everyone else had been booted. And then the next few days it was a miracle if you got in at all. Typical launch day problems. They'll clear up over time. And they have. Logging in is no trouble now.
But now I'm back to my original troubles. My schedule is such that I can never be online when my friends are free. And my friends are never free when I am. Its no ones fault really, its just the way life is. But now I rarely see my friends, and that frustrates me to no end.
They can't help it if they get sick or need to be with someone in real life. That's the way the world works. And I've had many days when I cancel on them as well.
But I'm really starting to feel alone. I don't have any strong connections where I live, never have. No one seems to really get my sense of humor or how I think or act. Its cute to them, and they tease me about it good naturedly. And I laugh, too, cause I know I think differently. I do enjoy the fact that I'm different.
But it gets old. No one really takes me seriously, and then when I do try to stand up and say something everyone wonders why I'm mad, or dismisses what I'm saying as something else that's cute or different. I know they don't think less of me, but I know I don't fit in just right. I'm unable to explain my thought processes, and they pick apart what I say so much that by the time I do make sense, I'm frustrated because of all the run around.
The few people that know more about how I think are so far away, and I can't vent all the time cause there are no ears to listen. I value my time and space, but it does get a little lonely only coming home to the birds every night. And then when there's limits to how much I can hang out with people so far away, I only get more frustrated.
But I can't force them to be there all the time just to alleviate my needs. That's incredible selfish of me. But I can't deny that that's exactly what I want to do. I want to know that I'm worth someone's time or effort or energy to be around. To want to call randomly over silly things, or to be within reach if you do want to talk.
I don't want to feel like I"m pulling teeth to make it work. I don't want to make them resent that I'm around or want them to be around.
But where does that leave me? When all I want is to make them be nearby and spend time with me?
Life happens, but I wish I had a little less life and a little more time to hang with my friends.