meep
Ok so today I get to talk about my absence levels with my Team Leader and we get to decide whether or not I get to go on a written warning for it. The thing is there's so many damn things that could be causing it that I have no idea where to start. As I have mentioned before I have never been ill this often in my life and I get worked up trying to talk about this sort of stuff {my mother can attest to this since I still burst into tears every time we "need to have a chat"... Yeah that's grown up -_-}.
Let me go through some possible factors just so everyone can see how messed up this is.
First we have the latent homesickness theory {that would be my mum's}; The thing is I had to move down very suddenly and the fact that things went so fast meant that it took some time for my mind to finally catch up and work out that I no longer had the immediate support of my own family when things went wrong. The thing is my parents *are* right there if I need them. My mum has her own laptop now with a microphone and a webcam so we can easily Skype each other, but I guess she's thinking that I miss the chance to just nip downstairs to talk to her. I have no idea how this could be making me ill. but it's an idea I guess.
Second we have stress; The job I do is very stressful sometimes. People are not always predictable and there are times you just can't deal with it any more. My tolerance is getting better but there are still times I need to take a break {and stubborness dictates that I don't always do}. Add in the fact that I am a *huge* perfectionist that not hitting targets that conflict with each other means my head is spending more times going round in circles trying to deal with it rather than just letting it go and getting on with the actual job {my talk time is great, but I need to stick to the script. When I stick to the script exactly, my talk time goes above what it should. Can someone tell me how to reconciliate this stuff?}. This is the most likely explanation along with the next.
Third we have diet; Now I do try to make an effort to have a healthy, balanced diet. But this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. There are days where I'm just too mentally exhausted after work to even contemplate making my own dinner. Add in the fact that anything that's good for you is bloody expensive when you're buying for yourself and well... Like I said I am making the effort.
And lastly we have general health/other; Now maybe this is just me but at that time of the month I tend to feel pretty shitty, and for some reason every two to three months my general health decides to take a nosedive right along with my mood. This has always been the case and it has never really been a problem before, but maybe a combination of all the above is making this worse than it usually is. I do have Reynoud's syndrome in my hands and feet so it could be indicative of something not generally being right. The thing is trying to get the time off to make a general appointment with the doctor is almost impossible since I have to call on the day of the appointment by a certain time. I have to be at work and on the phones for exactly my start time unless I have good reason not to be. My only other choice is to waste a network day to go to the open clinic.
Well that hasn't made anything any clearer. Like I said, too many possibilities for me to pin all this down on. I suppose I'd better just wait and see how things go... I just hope I don't start blubbering the minute I sit down.
Let me go through some possible factors just so everyone can see how messed up this is.
First we have the latent homesickness theory {that would be my mum's}; The thing is I had to move down very suddenly and the fact that things went so fast meant that it took some time for my mind to finally catch up and work out that I no longer had the immediate support of my own family when things went wrong. The thing is my parents *are* right there if I need them. My mum has her own laptop now with a microphone and a webcam so we can easily Skype each other, but I guess she's thinking that I miss the chance to just nip downstairs to talk to her. I have no idea how this could be making me ill. but it's an idea I guess.
Second we have stress; The job I do is very stressful sometimes. People are not always predictable and there are times you just can't deal with it any more. My tolerance is getting better but there are still times I need to take a break {and stubborness dictates that I don't always do}. Add in the fact that I am a *huge* perfectionist that not hitting targets that conflict with each other means my head is spending more times going round in circles trying to deal with it rather than just letting it go and getting on with the actual job {my talk time is great, but I need to stick to the script. When I stick to the script exactly, my talk time goes above what it should. Can someone tell me how to reconciliate this stuff?}. This is the most likely explanation along with the next.
Third we have diet; Now I do try to make an effort to have a healthy, balanced diet. But this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. There are days where I'm just too mentally exhausted after work to even contemplate making my own dinner. Add in the fact that anything that's good for you is bloody expensive when you're buying for yourself and well... Like I said I am making the effort.
And lastly we have general health/other; Now maybe this is just me but at that time of the month I tend to feel pretty shitty, and for some reason every two to three months my general health decides to take a nosedive right along with my mood. This has always been the case and it has never really been a problem before, but maybe a combination of all the above is making this worse than it usually is. I do have Reynoud's syndrome in my hands and feet so it could be indicative of something not generally being right. The thing is trying to get the time off to make a general appointment with the doctor is almost impossible since I have to call on the day of the appointment by a certain time. I have to be at work and on the phones for exactly my start time unless I have good reason not to be. My only other choice is to waste a network day to go to the open clinic.
Well that hasn't made anything any clearer. Like I said, too many possibilities for me to pin all this down on. I suppose I'd better just wait and see how things go... I just hope I don't start blubbering the minute I sit down.