Fic: No Standing Still
Title: No Standing Still
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 7000ish
Genres/tropes: Romance, AU, Angst.
Pairing: Esca/Marcus
Summary: Years pass, things change, and sometimes our lives take us in unexpected directions. Sometimes, it takes us in a wrong direction, but it’s up to us whether or not we retrace our steps and find home once more.
Author’s notes: A timestamp fic for The Lonely End of the Rink, set about 5 or 6 years afterwards. This fic is illustrated in pictures taken by the incomparable nikki4noo, who is also my faithful and ever-helpful beta. I was standing beside her on the beach while she photographed the sunset, and was struck by inspiration, so this fic was born. I was also inspired by the beauty and grandeur of my own back yard, and I wanted to share it with you all.
All the pictures are Nikki’s, you can find the complete photo sets of her hols in North America on her Flickr if you are so inclined. She takes lovely and interesting photos, they are definitely worth a look.
The drive wasn't the longest Esca had sat through in his life, but it wasn't the shortest, either. Almost four hours of sitting in the car wasn't his ideal way of starting their holiday, and the fact that Marcus had insisted on going camping in a place where temperatures dropped dramatically at night wasn't helping.
“How much longer will it be?” Esca asked, unable to keep the frustration from his voice. He admitted that he was feeling sulky and angry; being forced to go camping-not even in an rv or a cottage, but in an actual tent-instead of lounging in a luxurious resort somewhere hot, was a harsh blow. Marcus' boundless enthusiasm for the endeavour wasn't catching, as he'd no doubt hoped. Instead, it had only increased Esca's ire. In fact, as Marcus' mood rose, Esca's fell.
“About an hour and a half,” Marcus replied cheerfully. “Why? Are you bored?”
“What do you think?” Esca asked sarcastically.
“I think you're being purposefully pissy,” Marcus said, though he still wore a grin.
“We've been travelling all day,” Esca said. “I'm sick of it.”
“You were sick of it before we left,” Marcus said, now with a frown. Esca felt a perverse sense of pleasure in seeing Marcus' grin fade, until he caught himself and realized what he'd been doing. He turned away in shame, looking out the window at the dense forest slipping past.
“Whatever,” he said, crossing his arms and ignoring Marcus' huff of frustration. He knew that things hadn't been ideal between them for a while, but he'd never felt happy about causing Marcus distress. He didn't like the feeling.
“I know this wasn't your idea of the perfect vacation, but can you please try to have a good time anyway?”
“We'll see,” Esca answered, not looking away from the window, too self conscious of how he'd pushed Marcus and desperately trying to figure out if he'd done it before. He didn't want to think on it too carefully though, lest he realize that he'd been an ass to the most important person in his life. If so, he'd be obliged to feel badly about it, and he just wasn't in the mood for that.
The fact was, he’d been short and terse with Marcus more often lately. He didn’t feel as connected as he once had, it was as if they had splintered somehow, somewhere along the line, and Esca didn’t know how to smooth out the jagged edges. He’d thought he could smooth them out on this vacation, he’d thought that some quiet relaxation and sumptuous luxury would put him in the right frame of mind to focus on it, on exactly what had gone wrong between them lately. He thought they could fix it, could bring them back together. He had a plan. But then Marcus had insisted on camping, which Esca could only think of as a dirty word, and his plan had fallen apart. It would have to wait until they got home, he supposed. Their schedules were a bit more relaxed, even after the vacation was over, so perhaps that would be a better time.
Esca wasn’t sure that sleeping outside and fighting off the bugs would put him in the right frame of mind, nor give him the perfect moment he’d been wishing for, when he’d made his plans for the week.
He sighed, putting the thoughts out of his mind. Instead, he leaned his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. Soon, the motions of the road and the comforting familiarity of Marcus' truck lulled him into a restless sleep.
*
They stopped in Port McNeill for some groceries, something Marcus hadn't wanted to pack for the ferry ride and long drive. His bad mood from earlier had been compacted by being roused too soon from an apparently well needed slumber, along with the cramp in his neck from the position he'd fallen asleep in.
His huff was also made worse when three pretty and flirtatious teenage girls stopped to ask Marcus if he really was the great Marcus Aquila from the Canucks, and had proceeded to fawn over him until he autographed everything they gave him.
By the time they made it out of the shop, Esca's pissy mood was back in full force, his concerns from earlier forgotten.
“Did you really have to sign five things for the greedy little girl?” Esca asked as they packed their groceries in the truck. “You don't always have to be so nice, you know.”
“I know,” Marcus replied, putting the last bag behind his seat and climbing in, pulling the door shut behind him.
“But I like being nice,” he continued once Esca had joined him inside. “Not everyone is a surly, stand-offish Brit like you, Esca.”
Esca pulled his door shut at that, with considerably more force than was strictly necessary.
“If you want to see surly and stand-offish, I’ll be happy to enlighten you,” Ecsa snapped at him.
“Well, I'm getting an up-close and personal viewing already,” Marcus snapped back, as he peeled out of the parking lot.
“Oh, piss off,” Esca said, once more looking out the window, ignoring both Marcus and the sick feeling that was rising inside him.
He couldn't remember a time when they'd fought as often as they had during that trip and in the weeks leading up to it. He wasn't sure that they ever had, not like that. Esca settled in for the thankfully short drive to the Cluxewe Resort and Campground, unhappy on several levels and not really trying to hide it.
The rest of the afternoon went just as badly. Putting up the tent was a disaster, (“Why couldn't we have rented a cabin? It’s not like we can't afford it,” Esca had asked, which Marcus had deflected with a grunt and a remark about how, 'that's not really camping.’) a job Marcus ended up finishing on his own, while Esca set up the camp stove at one end of the picnic table.
That hadn't gone much better. Marcus had finished with the tent to find Esca struggling with the fold out camp stove and had quickly taken over, pushing Esca away.
“You don't have to act as if I'm a complete imbecile,” Esca said, slamming the small propane canister down with a bang.
“I didn't say anything,” Marcus said, not looking at Esca, instead focusing on the task at hand. “You can pump up the air mattress. Even you shouldn't be able to fuck that up.”
Esca stared at Marcus for a few moments, gobsmacked, before turning on his heel and stomping toward the newly erected tent. He laboured away at it for the next half hour, dragging the mattress, sheets, over-sized duvet and pillows into the tent, along with their suitcases, setting everything up precisely. He finally emerged to find Marcus grilling ham and cheese sandwiches for their dinner.
“It's almost ready,” he said as Esca approached, his voice quiet.
“Thanks,” Esca replied, his anger deflated. “The tent's all set up,” he offered, hoping for a makeshift truce.
“Good. thank you,” Marcus replied, shutting off the grill and sitting across from Esca at the picnic table, setting a plate of sandwiches beside a bowl of potato chips and a jug of iced tea.
Esca watched him carefully, trying to figure out just why they had been at each others throats so much, although he admitted to himself that he had to claim most of the credit for that, on this trip at least. While he'd been organizing the tent, he'd decided that he would try harder to enjoy whatever it was that Marcus had planned, even if Esca thought the things he wanted to do were ridiculous. Despite not wanting to be there, exactly, he did want to be with Marcus. They hadn't had much time to spend together lately, so he had to enjoy it while he could.
He looked around while he ate, still stunned by the vistas around him. The evening sun was glowing over the tops of the trees warmed the air enough so that the breeze off the water didn’t chill him, and the sky was free of clouds, enabling a crisp view of the Coast Mountains on the mainland. Esca knew they were hundreds of miles away, but they loomed over his view of the strait, seeming much closer than they were.
Esca was awed by the beauty of the landscape, but he refrained from mentioning it, lest Marcus think he was actually enjoying himself.
*
It was easier said than done. The day was a complete waste, in Esca's opinion and his patience had worn down to a nub by dinner time. The sub par meal hadn't helped, making it impossible for Esca to contain his ire. Not that he'd been very successful before then.
“Why are you so surly tonight? It was a good day, wasn't it?” Marcus asked, his brow furrowed. Esca scoffed, shaking his head. Sometimes Marcus was so oblivious it made Esca want to smack him upside the head. Sometimes, he did.
“A good day? Waking up to freezing cold rain and a wet fire that couldn't even boil water for a shite cup of coffee. Then by the time it dried up enough that I didn't have wrinkled fingers, you dragged me out on that stinking boat, to sit there all afternoon with a fucking rod in my hand, doing nothing!” Esca knew that his voice had gotten louder during his tirade, but he couldn't help it. Marcus' insistence on this fiasco of a camping trip had throw a wrench in all his plans. Besides, who wanted to sleep on the bloody ground, anyway?
“That's not fair!” Marcus exclaimed. “You said you liked fish.”
“I do like fish!” Esca yelled back, gesturing broadly. “When it's lovingly poached over a bed of fragrant rice in some posh restaurant, with some smarmy Frenchman pouring my wine. Not when it's hacked up and charred over an open fire and filled so full of bones you wonder if there's any meat in there at all!”
“Is that what this is really about, Esca?” Marcus asked, his voice hard. “You're still pissed that I wanted to go camping, instead of going to some fancy resort like we have every other time we've had a vacation?”
“Maybe I am!” Esca replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “You Canadians, you're fucking insane. What kind of crazy person would want to sleep on the bloody ground all night and eat food that can barely be described as such, when they could be kicking back on a lounge chair with a cocktail, getting a tan? Besides, it's hardly a vacation when the weather is as grey and dreary as every other day of the year, is it?”
“I can't bloody believe you!” Marcus said. “We've gone where you want to go every single year, for five years, without fail, and I haven't complained once.”
Esca scoffed. Marcus may be correct in that he had chosen the location of all their previous vacations, but Marcus had complained plenty.
“Don't lie, Marcus, it doesn't look good on you.”
“Oh, fuck you, Ecsa,” Marcus shot back. Esca could tell he was truly angry now, and even a little hurt. He felt a twinge of guilt for winding Marcus up like that, but he was so frustrated, he just couldn't help himself.
“You've complained as much in the last two days as I have during all our previous vacations, combined,” Marcus was saying. “Why don't you stop whining like a baby, and tell me if you don't want to be here.”
“Fine!” Esca yelled, throwing his arms up in frustration. “I don't want to fucking be here, alright? I hate camping, and I hate this stinking beach, and I especially hate being eaten alive by all the bloody bugs. I'm a walking itch, Marcus! I hate it here.”
Marcus took a step back, stricken. The hurt was plain to see now, his eyes filled with it, and Esca knew he'd gone too far. He took a step forward holding a hand out, reaching for Marcus, filled with regret.
“Fine, if that's how you feel,” Marcus said quietly, taking another step back, out of Esca's reach. “I can drive you to the airport and you can get a flight back to Vancouver. Then I can enjoy my first real vacation in five years.”
“Marcus,” Esca pleaded.
“No, don't worry about it,” Marcus was gathering up the remnants of their dinner and tossing the scraps in the fire. “It'll give us both some time to think about where this thing is going.”
“Time to...what do you mean?”
“Be honest, Esca,” Marcus said, still not looking at Esca, busying himself tidying up the camp, instead. “Things have been strained for a while now. We've grown apart, it's fine. It happens.”
“No, we haven't,” Esca said, wishing he could deny it with more vehemence but trying to cut off Marcus' reasoning.
“We have,” Marcus said, slumping down on the far side of the picnic table, facing away from Esca, out toward the water, grey and choppy and looking as raw as Esca felt. “We've been so busy this last year, with the Olympics and all the media stuff after that. Between regular season and training and hockey camp and you doing lessons in what little spare time you have, we've hardly seen each other all year.”
Esca took a step closer, brushing some dirt off the edge of the table closest to him. He was having a hard time breathing, knowing that Marcus was right, that they'd been living more like friends than lovers, both so occupied with their own lives that they'd stopped living one together.
When Marcus had suggested a vacation, Esca had thought it was a perfect idea, a week long getaway, just them, time for them to reconnect and come together once more, the way they'd been in the past. Esca'd had big plans, plans that involved quiet nights in a luxurious hotel room, peaceful days on the beach and fine dinners in elegant restaurants. But when Marcus had insisted they take a ferry to Vancouver Island and go camping, it had thrown all of Esca's plans into disarray.
And now, it was looking like the opposite of Esca's hopes, the exact last thing he wanted.
“Marcus, you're not suggesting that we...” Esca trailed off, unsure how to articulate his fears.
“I don't know, Esca,” Marcus replied, his voice tight and strained, his shoulders tense, a hard line against a backdrop of stormy waters. “Maybe it's for the best. Maybe there's nothing left, anyway.”
He fell silent, and Esca didn't break the silence, stunned and unable to form words. This was all wrong. He stared out at the ocean and the sky, almost the same colour, filled with angry clouds that obscured the view of the Coast Mountains he had looked on with awe when they'd arrived. This couldn't be the end of them, it couldn't. Esca was not ready to let go, not in the slightest. But Marcus was adamant, and Esca knew better than anyone, save perhaps Uncle Frankie, just how stubborn Marcus could be, once he'd set his mind on something.
Then he remembered the box he'd packed in his suitcase, the one he'd placed there just in case. His plans were shot to hell, but Esca hadn't wanted to give up completely. He'd hoped that the moment would arise when he could...but any moments like the one he'd envisioned were long gone, impossible to reach. They weren't likely to have any such moments again, not unless Esca did something to stop the madness.
He turned abruptly and strode to the tent, pulling the zipper with perhaps a bit too much force, but he didn't care. He had to change things, and maybe this was the only way. Once inside, he rifled through his suitcase until he found what he was looking for, wasting no time in retreating from the tent once he had it in his hand. He paused a moment to rezip the tent. If things went to plan, he would be sleeping there that evening, and the last thing he wanted was mosquitoes sharing their bed.
Marcus hadn't moved an inch, still staring out on the harsh landscape, frozen in place. Esca's heart ached, understanding the pain that Marcus was feeling. He was feeling it too but, unlike Marcus, he had hope that he could change it. He walked forward quickly, moving in front of Marcus and turning to face him, lowering himself to the ground at Marcus' feet.
When he looked up Marcus' gaze had fallen, but he still wasn't looking at Esca, choosing instead to stare at the rocky ground. Esca could see that his eyes were red though, and his chest ached again.
“Marcus,” he said softly, taking a deep breath and diving in, not even knowing what it was he needed to say. “I'm sorry.”
“It's my fault too,” Marcus said, though Esca could barely hear him over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore behind him.
“We're both at fault. We let all the things we wanted to accomplish get in the way of our relationship, it's true. But-” Esca reached up and slid his hand under Marcus' chin, lifting his face up so that their eyes could meet. “But it doesn't mean it's over. I just means we have to start again, put the effort into it that we used to.”
“How can we do that?” Marcus asked, but Esca didn't answer him.
“First of all, I have to apologize for being such a stroppy bastard to you today.”
Marcus scoffed, looking back at the ground and shaking his head.
“I admit, I was pissed and in a bad mood, and I took it out on you, because I thought you'd ruined all my plans.”
“What are you talking about?” Marcus asked, meeting Esca's eyes once more.
“I had plans for this holiday, plans for a lovely, peaceful vacation in sumptuous luxury. I thought we could have a wonderful meal in a glittering restaurant, and then it would be the perfect time to give you this.” He lifted the box a little bit, but didn't give it to Marcus.
“What is it?” Marcus asked, holding out a hand expectantly.
“It's a ring,” Esca replied. “Well, it's two rings in one, they're interlocking. Very clever design, I might add. One for each of us.”
“Esca,” Marcus breathed, looking up from the box, his face filled with bewilderment and disbelief. “It's not...”
“Of course it is,” Esca replied, answering Marcus' unasked question. “See, I don't want to give it up, and I don't want to let it go. Things have been shite lately, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way.”
He paused, holding the box up higher and running his fingers over the velvety surface before holding it out for Marcus to take.
“I want to have a life with you again, Marcus Aquila, you big idiot. I still love you. I've always loved you, and busy lives or not, I can't see that ever changing.”
Marcus took the box and opened it, seeing the ring, just as Esca had described. The two pieces came apart, forming two slender bands of platinum. At home, there was a matching white gold band, made in the same design. Esca had loved the symbolism of the rings, they reminded him of how he felt about Marcus, how Marcus carried a piece of Esca with him, always.
“You want to marry me?” Marcus asked, running a fingertip over the ring, his expression one of shock and disbelief.
“Fuck yeah, I do,” Esca replied, grinning as Marcus continued gazing in awe at the ring. “That's why I was so mad at you, why I didn't want to come camping. I wanted it to be perfect but...in a way, it is. It can't ever be easy or normal for us, can it?”
“No,” Marcus agreed, shaking his head, snapping the box shut. “I can't bloody believe it.”
Esca frowned, puzzled. “What?”
“All this time, you've been planning to propose,” Marcus said, grinning like an idiot. “I had no idea.”
“You haven't given me an answer, either,” Esca snipped at him, sitting back on his heels.
Marcus ignored him. “All this time, you've been wondering how to propose to me, while I've been secreting myself away and pouring over catalogues, trying to find the perfect ring to give you.”
“You...what?”
“I wanted to ask you!” Marcus said, slipping from his seat to kneel with Esca on the ground, his legs bracketing Esca's knees, his arms sliding around Esca's waist. Esca didn't fight it, letting his hands drift onto Marcus' arms while he stared, confused, at his boyfriend...fiance?
“You did?”
“Hell yeah,” Marcus said with a chuckle. “I just had no idea how to go about it. I mean, we're both men, so I assumed it had to be different. Like, if I bought you a ring, did that make you the girl? Should I buy one for me too? Should you buy me one, if you said yes? I didn’t have a fucking clue, I just knew I wanted to marry you. ”
“Seriously,” Esca said, the disbelief on his face, now.
“Seriously,” Marcus replied. “I had no idea what I was doing.” He wrapped his arms tighter around Esca, pulling him closer and laying their foreheads together. “And then I thought we were falling apart and I wasn't sure if I should but I...I didn't want to let go. You know I'm lost without you, Esca.”
“You are rather a hopeless case,” Esca agreed, letting out a bit of nervous laughter. “What am I going to do with you?”
Marcus pulled back, enough so that Esca could look into his eyes. He was thrilled to see them no longer filled with worry or hurt, but with love and amusement instead.
“Let me make you the happiest man on earth?”
Esca laughed, shaking his head as the knot that had formed in his stomach dissipated completely. “Only if you let me do the same.”
“Deal,” Marcus said, his eyes darkening. He leaned in and kissed Esca, not holding back anything, releasing the pent up worries and emotions as Esca responded in kind, his heart filled with love for the man in his arms, his mind filled with visions of their future life together.
Suddenly, camping seemed like the perfect idea, and their argument had turned into the perfect proposal. Perfect because they were together, and they were happy. Also because they had an air mattress a few feet away, one that wasn't as uncomfortable as Esca liked to proclaim, loudly and often.
“Marcus,” Esca said, pulling back, hands pushing on Marcus' shoulders. “This is uncomfortable.”
“I'm completely comfortable,” Marcus said with a cheeky grin, his hands roaming down Esca's back to his ass.
“Well I'm not,” Esca said, leaning back further and keeping Marcus' roving lips at bay. “And we have a comfy air mattress in that tent right over there.”
“Comfy?” Marcus scoffed. “You think it's comfy? After all the complaining you've done?”
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Esca said, leaning in and trying to capture Marcus' lips again, to distract him. Marcus was quite willing to be distracted, so he responded eagerly, groaning into Esca's mouth with abandon. Esca wrapped his arms around Marcus' neck and held him close, making sure that he was thoroughly distracted.
Marcus was the one who pulled back the second time, gasping and thrusting up into Esca as best he can.
“You said something about an air mattress?” he said, squeezing Esca's ass rhythmically.
“And lube,” Esca added, standing up, using Marcus' shoulders as leverage. His hands followed Esca as he went, slipping down his legs until he'd stepped back out of reach. “So why don't you join me in there?” he asked, stepping around Marcus' still reaching hands and heading toward the tent. For a moment, he heard nothing but the steady crash of the waves on the beach, but he'd hardly made it four steps before he heard Marcus scrambling to his feet.
Esca walked faster, crossing the distance to the tent and leaning down to unzip the door before Marcus caught up with him, his hands falling to Esca's hips as he pressed his full blown erection against Esca's ass.
“Hurry up,” he growled, grinding his hips. It was clearly Esca's turn to be distracted, but he managed to get the zipper undone. Once it was opened Marcus gave a particularly hard thrust against Esca's ass, pushing him into the tent and following. It was a short roll onto the air mattress, easily accomplished when Marcus was manhandling him. Esca wasn't very heavy, and when he didn't resist, Marcus could move him around effortlessly. This time, Esca wasn't resisting.
“The zipper,” he insisted, giving Marcus a shove with his foot. “No mosquitoes, remember?”
“Fine, fine,” Marcus said, turning and reaching over to zip up the tent while Esca pulled his boots off, tossing them to the side and making fast work of his jeans. Marcus followed suit, taking off his boots and shimmying out of his jeans before crawling back toward Esca, pulling his shirt off as he went.
“That's more like it,” Esca said when Marcus slid back into his arms, his hands sliding up into Esca's shirt, pushing it out of the way as his mouth followed. Esca dug his fingers into Marcus' hair and just enjoyed the ride. Marcus' mouth was as talented as his hands, and Esca was very appreciative of his skills.
Marcus kissed his way up Esca's belly to his chest, pushing his shirt up. It was easier with Esca's cooperation. He was more eager for sex than he had been in months, maybe since he and Marcus had got together. There were a few differences, though. Marcus had grown up, of course, as had Esca, but the difference in Marcus was remarkable. Between eighteen and twenty-five, he'd grown another inch, his broad shoulders and large frame had filled out, making him more formidable than he had been at eighteen.
He'd also grown in other ways. He'd been a virgin when they had gotten together, but since then he had thrown himself into learning everything possible about sex between men. He'd become somewhat of a expert, at least as far as Esca was concerned.
“Take this off,” Marcus demanded. Esca had no hesitation complying, tugging his shirt off in record time. He pulled his underwear off as well, urging Marcus to do the same and soon they were both naked, their cocks hard, straining toward each other with a desperation that Esca felt throughout his entire body.
Marcus fell on him again, his hands everywhere, his lips taking up their position at Esca's collarbone before continuing their journey up his neck, no doubt leaving marks as he went. At last he reached Esca's lips, joining them in a kiss that was wild and deep, one that shook Esca to the core. He hadn't felt that moved by a kiss in years and he let himself fall into it, tugging Marcus' hair and scratching his back, mindless as he thrust upward into his lover's body, reaching a climax that had been far too long in the making.
“Marcus,” he choked out as he came, hot and slick between their bodies, his fingernails leaving crescents in the skin of Marcus' shoulders as he shook with the power of his orgasm. It was mere moments before he felt Marcus' release join his, warming the slippery mess between them once more, his large frame shivering in Esca's arms as Esca had in his moments before.
They held each other until all the come had congealed between them and Esca's skin began to cool almost to the point that it was uncomfortable. Marcus was a heavy weight on him, but it was a welcome one. Once again, it struck Esca how far apart they'd grown, how little they'd touched and held each other over the the past year. Tears pricked his eyes when the reality crashed over him, of how close they'd come to losing each other.
“Don’t wanna let go,” Marcus whispered, his voice tight with emotion, and Esca realized that he was having the same thoughts.
“Then don't.”
“Don't wanna crush you,” Marcus replied, but Esca just grinned and held on tighter.
“I like it,” he said, sliding his hands into Marcus' soft hair, scratching gently at the base of his neck, the way he knew Marcus liked. “I've missed this, Marcus,” he continued, eyes wet again, and Marcus lifted his head and their eyes met. “I've missed you.”
“I've missed you, too,” Marcus echoed, his own eyes shining with emotion. “Never again, okay. We never let life get in the way again, not like that. This is too important, you are too important.”
“Agreed,” Esca said, leaning in to kiss Marcus' softly, briefly. “We come first, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Marcus replied, kissing Esca again, but that kiss deepened into something much longer. His tongue stroked and prodded, pulling Esca's tongue into his mouth and pushing it out again, rediscovering every flavour and texture that was there.
Esca returned the kiss with fervour, clinging to Marcus' shoulders again, feeling the fire spark anew as hot blood filled his cock once more.
“Marcus,” Esca pleaded, knowing his voice sounding desperate, but unable to care. “I need you again.”
“Yeah? Me too,” Marcus said, pushing down once more, showing Esca that he was just as ready.
“I want you inside me, please,” Esca said, pushing his hips up as Marcus pushed down, getting harder by the second. He wouldn't last long, despite having just come, but he hoped that Marcus could last longer. Long enough to give him a good pounding anyway.
“Fuck, yeah, I want it too,” Marcus said, sucking Esca's bottom lip between his own before letting go and pushing himself up. As he rolled over and onto the floor of the tent, which was thankfully covered with a perfectly sized rug, the cool air rushed in, congealing the mess on Esca's belly even further.
“Wipes,” Esca called as Marcus dug lube out of his bag. He dug further and pulled out a package of wipes, an accessory they'd used much less of lately, one that Esca was determined to utilize more often, on the trip and when they'd returned home.
Marcus dropped the lube on the bed beside Esca and pulled a wipe out of the package, cleaning them both up with haste, his cock now fully erect again. The sight of it made Esca's mouth water and realization hit him that he hadn't given Marcus a blowjob in longer than he could remember. Lately, the sex between them had been quick and perfunctory, not something they had revelled in, as they had in years past.
That was about to change. Once he was done, Esca leaned over and took Marcus' cock in his mouth wetting it with his saliva as he slid his tongue down the length. He moaned as he felt it leap against his tongue, thickening further as Marcus groaned above him. He felt Marcus' hand twist in his hair, gripping tightly as he urged Esca to take him deeper, which Esca did with no hesitation.
“God, Esca,” Marcus panted, tugging Esca back and off his cock, hissing as Esca's lips slipped away. “I need you to stop or I won't be able to fuck you.”
Esca looked up at Marcus through his eyelashes as he affected a dramatic pout, leaning in to swipe his tongue up Marcus' cock before pulling back.
“Fine, but I'm blowing you later,” he said with a wink.
“You've got a deal,” Marcus said, grinning down at him, running his hand through Esca's hair one more time before leaning down to kiss him, pushing Esca onto his back and pressing him into the mattress with his own body. Esca pulled him down eagerly, loving the heat that rose between them again as their bodies slotted into place like matching pieces of a puzzle.
They kissed deeply and soulfully, hands roaming and gripping with an intensity that took Esca back to the early days of their relationship. Back to when making love seemed like a life or death event. It wasn't long before Marcus' hands slid down and clutched Esca's ass, bringing their groins closer together as he squeezed Esca's cheeks, pulling them apart and slipping his fingers down to press against Esca's hole.
Esca groaned deeply into Marcus' mouth, his cock harder than ever at the feel of Marcus' fingers against him. He felt bereft when Marcus pulled back, but the feeling was short lived, dissipating once he realized that Marcus was just coating his fingers with a generous amount of lube. He wasted no time getting the lube where it belonged, slipping one long finger into Esca's hole easily and working it with more patience than Esca felt, until the muscle loosened and Marcus slid in another.
“Enough!” Esca said, tugging on Marcus' hair, desperation rising as his arousal reached a peak. “Fuck me, already.”
“Not yet,” Marcus replied, moving his fingers slowly and steadily, his other hand clutching Esca's leg and holding it up, out of the way. His lips were busy on Esca's neck, not doing anything to quell Esca's desperation.
“Hurry,” Esca pleaded, still tugging on Marcus' hair.
“Anything you want, boss,” Marcus replied, licking a stripe up Esca's neck as he slid a third finger in, stretching Esca with a pleasurable burn that had his legs feeling weak.
“Don't be cheeky now,” Esca said, unable to keep from clenching his ass around Marcus' fingers. “Or I'll cut you off.”
Marcus scoffed, looking up at Esca with a raised brow, his fingers stilling. “I really don't think you're in any position to be making such demands,” he said, moving his fingers again, slowly as to drive Esca mad.
“Marcus, will you just fuck me, for fuck's sake?” Esca exclaimed, glaring down at Marcus, who was grinning up at him, his eyes brighter than Esca had seen in a long time, his expression more joyful. He looked like a boy again, like the boy Esca had fallen in love with.
“Please?” he asked, tugging Marcus' hair again, but gently this time, more encouraging than demanding and finally, finally, Marcus acquiesced.
He pulled his fingers out, sitting back on his heels as he reached for the lube, slathering it over his cock this time, before pulling both Esca's legs up and pushing them forward, pinning Esca to the bed, folded in half with his ass exposed. Esca gasped at the cool press of Marcus' cock on his hole, the sensation robbing him of sound as Marcus pressed in further, until his cock was completely encased in Esca's hot, clenching ass.
“Esca, I...ooh baby, I've missed you so much,” Marcus bit out between pants, his grip on Esca's legs strong, even as the muscles in his arms twitched with restraint.
“Missed you too,” Esca gasped, wanting to grab Marcus's hair, his shoulders, to wrap his legs around Marcus' waist, anything. But Marcus held him still. Despite the strength in Esca's wiry muscles, he was no match against the bulk of Marcus’ body over his. It was exhilarating and exasperating at the same time, not being able to move, being held completely at the mercy of Marcus' will.
Just when Esca thought he couldn't stand it any longer, Marcus began to move, pulling out and pushing in, slowly at first, but building quickly until he was thrusting hard and fast, his balls slapping against Esca's ass with every thrust.
“Marcus...” Esca groaned. His erection, which he had forgotten about during their banter, made a reappearance in the forefront of his thoughts. It bounced against his belly every time Marcus bottomed out in him, spreading sticky pre-cum all over his belly with every thrust.
“Wanna touch you,” he managed to get out, needing to clutch at Marcus, to grip his shoulders for dear life and hang on for the ride. Marcus immediately let go of his legs, letting them fall around his waist as he slid his hands under Esca's shoulders, wrapping Esca in a tight embrace, holding him off the bed, between his arms underneath and his chest above. Esca's legs tightened around Marcus' waist, constraining his movement, but the power behind his thrusts was unaffected, and the aim was improved as his cock began brushing Esca's prostate with nearly every thrust.
“Not...gonna...last...long...” Marcus said, his breath hot on Esca's neck.
Esca didn't even have time for a response before he was coming, his orgasm overtaking him with a speed that was so unexpected as to leave him breathless. Marcus' thrusting didn't slow, though some of his rhythm was lost to the hot clench of Esca's hole when he climaxed for the second time that evening.
“Marcus,” Esca whispered as his muscles loosened and the post-orgasm lethargy stole over him. The word was almost a plea as Marcus' cock continued to rub against Esca's over-sensitive prostate, his belly trapping Esca's sated cock in a vise of sensation.
The plea was all it took, and Marcus was coming deep inside Esca's receptive body, losing himself to the power of the moment as the pleasure overtook him. Esca had always loved holding Marcus as he reached his climax, loved how powerful it felt to hold such a strong man at the moment of his most profound vulnerability.
But in the moment, Esca was vulnerable, too. His eyes pricked hot with tears once more, one slipping unbidden down his cheek and they clung to each other in the aftermath. They didn't move for several long minutes, neither wanting to break the sanctity of the moment, to disturb the balance they had regained, to pull away from the intimacy that had almost been lost.
Inevitably, it had to end. Far too soon, Marcus' softened cock slid out of Esca's battered hole, and Marcus' bulk fell to the side, off Esca's smaller body though he didn't fall far. They breathed heavily to catch their breath but it wasn't long until the cold of the stormy night made them uncomfortable, the nip of chill in the air driving them to clean up quickly, swiping at their combined mess with quick efficiency, before slipping into bed and dragging the duvet up over their exhausted bodies.
Marcus wrapped himself around Esca, arms holding him tight and legs tangling, Esca not putting up even a modicum of resistance. He had missed this perhaps more than anything, the warm intimacy of slumber, breathing the same air and living in the same skin, as close as he'd ever felt to another human being.
They'd almost thrown this away, but they'd managed to snatch their love back from the edge in the nick of time. Esca felt overjoyed, relieved, and sated, admonishing himself again to never let go, even as lethargy took over him, body and mind, and he slid into the best sleep he'd had in months.
*
When Esca woke the next morning he found Marcus still wrapped around him, holding on as if Esca was his lifeline. Esca could understand why, they had been so distant lately. He hadn't realized just how bad things had gotten until they'd reconnected. The difference was a bit overwhelming. They'd been sleeping beside each other for months, but not really touching, not connecting. They'd reached out only when they wanted sex, or when they needed the others’ attention.
Somehow, they had fallen apart without even realizing that it was happening, neither noticing that life had busied them so much they'd been too busy for each other.
It wouldn't happen again. Esca wouldn't let it. Marcus was too important to him, what they shared was rare and precious, and Esca knew that Marcus felt the same way about him. Marcus had been so distressed the previous evening, more so than Esca had seen him since before he'd come out, when he'd been plagued by doubts and insecurities. Knowing that Marcus had thought Esca'd given up on them was sobering.
Esca made a pact with himself as he lay encompassed in Marcus' embrace, a pact that he would never again let Marcus feel like he'd given up. Esca snuggled in closer, nosing his face into the crease of Marcus' neck, just breathing him in. Marcus smelled like sex and the outdoors, a patently masculine scent that had Esca's cock rising quickly, enthusiastically anticipating another round of the sex that scented Marcus' skin so enticingly.
'Well,' Esca thought. 'Sleep will have to wait.' After all, they were on vacation, and who was he to deny his basic impulses?
Slowly so as not to rouse Marcus, Esca slid down, out of Marcus' arms, eager to encourage his cock to rise to the occasion as Esca’s had.
*
Unlike the day before, Esca found himself willing to be enthusiastic about Marcus' favourite activities. The morning sex put him in an amazing mood, and the grey clouds that had obscured the previous evening were long gone, leaving a bright sun rising over a flawless day.
They went fishing again but this time, instead of taking the boat out and sitting in it, with nothing to do but look out over the grey and wait, they went for a walk down the river. Upstream from the delta where their campsite was located sat a gentle bend in the river, curving around a broad, swath of stones that would be underwater once the autumn rains began to fall.
Not only was the monotony of sitting in the boat broken by the abundant scenery, but the sounds of water rushing over stones and the occasional glimpse of wildlife. Birds, shrews, deer and for a brief moment, even a bear, kept Esca engaged in the moment.
A bit of wandering, a peaceful lunch and a lazy blowjob from Marcus capped off a wonderful day. Marcus had caught several fish and, unlike the salmon of the previous night which had been overcooked and under-seasoned, the slow roasted trout with lemon, garlic and herbs was amazing; tender and flavourful, so much so that even though they had to remove several tiny bones, it was phenomenal.
Throughout the day, Esca marvelled at the man who was now his fiance. Marcus had gained a bit of height and had filled out, growing into his adult body with gusto. His strength had increased, along with a finesse in bed that left Esca weak in the knees just thinking about it. They were both far removed from the boys they had been, they were men now, having navigated the demands of adult life successfully and, thankfully, had ended up in each others arms, their love and commitment renewed.
After dinner had been cleared away and the campsite cleaned, Marcus made them mugs of rich hot chocolate laced with a generous amount of Bailey's Irish cream. They took their mugs to the beach, to a log that had been cast there by the water long ago and sat side by side, pressed close together as the light faded.
The sunset was a stark contrast to the last one they'd seen. Where the sky then had matched their moods, overcast with storm clouds, so it did on that night, warm oranges and reds reflected off the still water and sparse, candy floss clouds. When twilight had almost passed and their mugs were empty, Marcus rose, taking Esca's hand and pulling him back toward the campsite, eyes hot with intent.
It was a day that Esca would remember for the rest of his life, like the day he'd met Marcus and the first time they'd kissed. The pictures were forever imprinted on his mind and heart. They would serve as a reminder in years to come, reminding him to hold their love close, to cherish what they had and to open himself up to all the devotion that Marcus lavished upon him.
It would anchor them both, past and future, holding them together as the days flowed by. Life was like a river, they said, ever moving, ever changing, eddies and rapids and smooth calm stretches but, no matter the course, there was no standing still.
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 7000ish
Genres/tropes: Romance, AU, Angst.
Pairing: Esca/Marcus
Summary: Years pass, things change, and sometimes our lives take us in unexpected directions. Sometimes, it takes us in a wrong direction, but it’s up to us whether or not we retrace our steps and find home once more.
Author’s notes: A timestamp fic for The Lonely End of the Rink, set about 5 or 6 years afterwards. This fic is illustrated in pictures taken by the incomparable nikki4noo, who is also my faithful and ever-helpful beta. I was standing beside her on the beach while she photographed the sunset, and was struck by inspiration, so this fic was born. I was also inspired by the beauty and grandeur of my own back yard, and I wanted to share it with you all.
All the pictures are Nikki’s, you can find the complete photo sets of her hols in North America on her Flickr if you are so inclined. She takes lovely and interesting photos, they are definitely worth a look.
The drive wasn't the longest Esca had sat through in his life, but it wasn't the shortest, either. Almost four hours of sitting in the car wasn't his ideal way of starting their holiday, and the fact that Marcus had insisted on going camping in a place where temperatures dropped dramatically at night wasn't helping.
“How much longer will it be?” Esca asked, unable to keep the frustration from his voice. He admitted that he was feeling sulky and angry; being forced to go camping-not even in an rv or a cottage, but in an actual tent-instead of lounging in a luxurious resort somewhere hot, was a harsh blow. Marcus' boundless enthusiasm for the endeavour wasn't catching, as he'd no doubt hoped. Instead, it had only increased Esca's ire. In fact, as Marcus' mood rose, Esca's fell.
“About an hour and a half,” Marcus replied cheerfully. “Why? Are you bored?”
“What do you think?” Esca asked sarcastically.
“I think you're being purposefully pissy,” Marcus said, though he still wore a grin.
“We've been travelling all day,” Esca said. “I'm sick of it.”
“You were sick of it before we left,” Marcus said, now with a frown. Esca felt a perverse sense of pleasure in seeing Marcus' grin fade, until he caught himself and realized what he'd been doing. He turned away in shame, looking out the window at the dense forest slipping past.
“Whatever,” he said, crossing his arms and ignoring Marcus' huff of frustration. He knew that things hadn't been ideal between them for a while, but he'd never felt happy about causing Marcus distress. He didn't like the feeling.
“I know this wasn't your idea of the perfect vacation, but can you please try to have a good time anyway?”
“We'll see,” Esca answered, not looking away from the window, too self conscious of how he'd pushed Marcus and desperately trying to figure out if he'd done it before. He didn't want to think on it too carefully though, lest he realize that he'd been an ass to the most important person in his life. If so, he'd be obliged to feel badly about it, and he just wasn't in the mood for that.
The fact was, he’d been short and terse with Marcus more often lately. He didn’t feel as connected as he once had, it was as if they had splintered somehow, somewhere along the line, and Esca didn’t know how to smooth out the jagged edges. He’d thought he could smooth them out on this vacation, he’d thought that some quiet relaxation and sumptuous luxury would put him in the right frame of mind to focus on it, on exactly what had gone wrong between them lately. He thought they could fix it, could bring them back together. He had a plan. But then Marcus had insisted on camping, which Esca could only think of as a dirty word, and his plan had fallen apart. It would have to wait until they got home, he supposed. Their schedules were a bit more relaxed, even after the vacation was over, so perhaps that would be a better time.
Esca wasn’t sure that sleeping outside and fighting off the bugs would put him in the right frame of mind, nor give him the perfect moment he’d been wishing for, when he’d made his plans for the week.
He sighed, putting the thoughts out of his mind. Instead, he leaned his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. Soon, the motions of the road and the comforting familiarity of Marcus' truck lulled him into a restless sleep.
*
They stopped in Port McNeill for some groceries, something Marcus hadn't wanted to pack for the ferry ride and long drive. His bad mood from earlier had been compacted by being roused too soon from an apparently well needed slumber, along with the cramp in his neck from the position he'd fallen asleep in.
His huff was also made worse when three pretty and flirtatious teenage girls stopped to ask Marcus if he really was the great Marcus Aquila from the Canucks, and had proceeded to fawn over him until he autographed everything they gave him.
By the time they made it out of the shop, Esca's pissy mood was back in full force, his concerns from earlier forgotten.
“Did you really have to sign five things for the greedy little girl?” Esca asked as they packed their groceries in the truck. “You don't always have to be so nice, you know.”
“I know,” Marcus replied, putting the last bag behind his seat and climbing in, pulling the door shut behind him.
“But I like being nice,” he continued once Esca had joined him inside. “Not everyone is a surly, stand-offish Brit like you, Esca.”
Esca pulled his door shut at that, with considerably more force than was strictly necessary.
“If you want to see surly and stand-offish, I’ll be happy to enlighten you,” Ecsa snapped at him.
“Well, I'm getting an up-close and personal viewing already,” Marcus snapped back, as he peeled out of the parking lot.
“Oh, piss off,” Esca said, once more looking out the window, ignoring both Marcus and the sick feeling that was rising inside him.
He couldn't remember a time when they'd fought as often as they had during that trip and in the weeks leading up to it. He wasn't sure that they ever had, not like that. Esca settled in for the thankfully short drive to the Cluxewe Resort and Campground, unhappy on several levels and not really trying to hide it.
The rest of the afternoon went just as badly. Putting up the tent was a disaster, (“Why couldn't we have rented a cabin? It’s not like we can't afford it,” Esca had asked, which Marcus had deflected with a grunt and a remark about how, 'that's not really camping.’) a job Marcus ended up finishing on his own, while Esca set up the camp stove at one end of the picnic table.
That hadn't gone much better. Marcus had finished with the tent to find Esca struggling with the fold out camp stove and had quickly taken over, pushing Esca away.
“You don't have to act as if I'm a complete imbecile,” Esca said, slamming the small propane canister down with a bang.
“I didn't say anything,” Marcus said, not looking at Esca, instead focusing on the task at hand. “You can pump up the air mattress. Even you shouldn't be able to fuck that up.”
Esca stared at Marcus for a few moments, gobsmacked, before turning on his heel and stomping toward the newly erected tent. He laboured away at it for the next half hour, dragging the mattress, sheets, over-sized duvet and pillows into the tent, along with their suitcases, setting everything up precisely. He finally emerged to find Marcus grilling ham and cheese sandwiches for their dinner.
“It's almost ready,” he said as Esca approached, his voice quiet.
“Thanks,” Esca replied, his anger deflated. “The tent's all set up,” he offered, hoping for a makeshift truce.
“Good. thank you,” Marcus replied, shutting off the grill and sitting across from Esca at the picnic table, setting a plate of sandwiches beside a bowl of potato chips and a jug of iced tea.
Esca watched him carefully, trying to figure out just why they had been at each others throats so much, although he admitted to himself that he had to claim most of the credit for that, on this trip at least. While he'd been organizing the tent, he'd decided that he would try harder to enjoy whatever it was that Marcus had planned, even if Esca thought the things he wanted to do were ridiculous. Despite not wanting to be there, exactly, he did want to be with Marcus. They hadn't had much time to spend together lately, so he had to enjoy it while he could.
He looked around while he ate, still stunned by the vistas around him. The evening sun was glowing over the tops of the trees warmed the air enough so that the breeze off the water didn’t chill him, and the sky was free of clouds, enabling a crisp view of the Coast Mountains on the mainland. Esca knew they were hundreds of miles away, but they loomed over his view of the strait, seeming much closer than they were.
Esca was awed by the beauty of the landscape, but he refrained from mentioning it, lest Marcus think he was actually enjoying himself.
*
It was easier said than done. The day was a complete waste, in Esca's opinion and his patience had worn down to a nub by dinner time. The sub par meal hadn't helped, making it impossible for Esca to contain his ire. Not that he'd been very successful before then.
“Why are you so surly tonight? It was a good day, wasn't it?” Marcus asked, his brow furrowed. Esca scoffed, shaking his head. Sometimes Marcus was so oblivious it made Esca want to smack him upside the head. Sometimes, he did.
“A good day? Waking up to freezing cold rain and a wet fire that couldn't even boil water for a shite cup of coffee. Then by the time it dried up enough that I didn't have wrinkled fingers, you dragged me out on that stinking boat, to sit there all afternoon with a fucking rod in my hand, doing nothing!” Esca knew that his voice had gotten louder during his tirade, but he couldn't help it. Marcus' insistence on this fiasco of a camping trip had throw a wrench in all his plans. Besides, who wanted to sleep on the bloody ground, anyway?
“That's not fair!” Marcus exclaimed. “You said you liked fish.”
“I do like fish!” Esca yelled back, gesturing broadly. “When it's lovingly poached over a bed of fragrant rice in some posh restaurant, with some smarmy Frenchman pouring my wine. Not when it's hacked up and charred over an open fire and filled so full of bones you wonder if there's any meat in there at all!”
“Is that what this is really about, Esca?” Marcus asked, his voice hard. “You're still pissed that I wanted to go camping, instead of going to some fancy resort like we have every other time we've had a vacation?”
“Maybe I am!” Esca replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “You Canadians, you're fucking insane. What kind of crazy person would want to sleep on the bloody ground all night and eat food that can barely be described as such, when they could be kicking back on a lounge chair with a cocktail, getting a tan? Besides, it's hardly a vacation when the weather is as grey and dreary as every other day of the year, is it?”
“I can't bloody believe you!” Marcus said. “We've gone where you want to go every single year, for five years, without fail, and I haven't complained once.”
Esca scoffed. Marcus may be correct in that he had chosen the location of all their previous vacations, but Marcus had complained plenty.
“Don't lie, Marcus, it doesn't look good on you.”
“Oh, fuck you, Ecsa,” Marcus shot back. Esca could tell he was truly angry now, and even a little hurt. He felt a twinge of guilt for winding Marcus up like that, but he was so frustrated, he just couldn't help himself.
“You've complained as much in the last two days as I have during all our previous vacations, combined,” Marcus was saying. “Why don't you stop whining like a baby, and tell me if you don't want to be here.”
“Fine!” Esca yelled, throwing his arms up in frustration. “I don't want to fucking be here, alright? I hate camping, and I hate this stinking beach, and I especially hate being eaten alive by all the bloody bugs. I'm a walking itch, Marcus! I hate it here.”
Marcus took a step back, stricken. The hurt was plain to see now, his eyes filled with it, and Esca knew he'd gone too far. He took a step forward holding a hand out, reaching for Marcus, filled with regret.
“Fine, if that's how you feel,” Marcus said quietly, taking another step back, out of Esca's reach. “I can drive you to the airport and you can get a flight back to Vancouver. Then I can enjoy my first real vacation in five years.”
“Marcus,” Esca pleaded.
“No, don't worry about it,” Marcus was gathering up the remnants of their dinner and tossing the scraps in the fire. “It'll give us both some time to think about where this thing is going.”
“Time to...what do you mean?”
“Be honest, Esca,” Marcus said, still not looking at Esca, busying himself tidying up the camp, instead. “Things have been strained for a while now. We've grown apart, it's fine. It happens.”
“No, we haven't,” Esca said, wishing he could deny it with more vehemence but trying to cut off Marcus' reasoning.
“We have,” Marcus said, slumping down on the far side of the picnic table, facing away from Esca, out toward the water, grey and choppy and looking as raw as Esca felt. “We've been so busy this last year, with the Olympics and all the media stuff after that. Between regular season and training and hockey camp and you doing lessons in what little spare time you have, we've hardly seen each other all year.”
Esca took a step closer, brushing some dirt off the edge of the table closest to him. He was having a hard time breathing, knowing that Marcus was right, that they'd been living more like friends than lovers, both so occupied with their own lives that they'd stopped living one together.
When Marcus had suggested a vacation, Esca had thought it was a perfect idea, a week long getaway, just them, time for them to reconnect and come together once more, the way they'd been in the past. Esca'd had big plans, plans that involved quiet nights in a luxurious hotel room, peaceful days on the beach and fine dinners in elegant restaurants. But when Marcus had insisted they take a ferry to Vancouver Island and go camping, it had thrown all of Esca's plans into disarray.
And now, it was looking like the opposite of Esca's hopes, the exact last thing he wanted.
“Marcus, you're not suggesting that we...” Esca trailed off, unsure how to articulate his fears.
“I don't know, Esca,” Marcus replied, his voice tight and strained, his shoulders tense, a hard line against a backdrop of stormy waters. “Maybe it's for the best. Maybe there's nothing left, anyway.”
He fell silent, and Esca didn't break the silence, stunned and unable to form words. This was all wrong. He stared out at the ocean and the sky, almost the same colour, filled with angry clouds that obscured the view of the Coast Mountains he had looked on with awe when they'd arrived. This couldn't be the end of them, it couldn't. Esca was not ready to let go, not in the slightest. But Marcus was adamant, and Esca knew better than anyone, save perhaps Uncle Frankie, just how stubborn Marcus could be, once he'd set his mind on something.
Then he remembered the box he'd packed in his suitcase, the one he'd placed there just in case. His plans were shot to hell, but Esca hadn't wanted to give up completely. He'd hoped that the moment would arise when he could...but any moments like the one he'd envisioned were long gone, impossible to reach. They weren't likely to have any such moments again, not unless Esca did something to stop the madness.
He turned abruptly and strode to the tent, pulling the zipper with perhaps a bit too much force, but he didn't care. He had to change things, and maybe this was the only way. Once inside, he rifled through his suitcase until he found what he was looking for, wasting no time in retreating from the tent once he had it in his hand. He paused a moment to rezip the tent. If things went to plan, he would be sleeping there that evening, and the last thing he wanted was mosquitoes sharing their bed.
Marcus hadn't moved an inch, still staring out on the harsh landscape, frozen in place. Esca's heart ached, understanding the pain that Marcus was feeling. He was feeling it too but, unlike Marcus, he had hope that he could change it. He walked forward quickly, moving in front of Marcus and turning to face him, lowering himself to the ground at Marcus' feet.
When he looked up Marcus' gaze had fallen, but he still wasn't looking at Esca, choosing instead to stare at the rocky ground. Esca could see that his eyes were red though, and his chest ached again.
“Marcus,” he said softly, taking a deep breath and diving in, not even knowing what it was he needed to say. “I'm sorry.”
“It's my fault too,” Marcus said, though Esca could barely hear him over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore behind him.
“We're both at fault. We let all the things we wanted to accomplish get in the way of our relationship, it's true. But-” Esca reached up and slid his hand under Marcus' chin, lifting his face up so that their eyes could meet. “But it doesn't mean it's over. I just means we have to start again, put the effort into it that we used to.”
“How can we do that?” Marcus asked, but Esca didn't answer him.
“First of all, I have to apologize for being such a stroppy bastard to you today.”
Marcus scoffed, looking back at the ground and shaking his head.
“I admit, I was pissed and in a bad mood, and I took it out on you, because I thought you'd ruined all my plans.”
“What are you talking about?” Marcus asked, meeting Esca's eyes once more.
“I had plans for this holiday, plans for a lovely, peaceful vacation in sumptuous luxury. I thought we could have a wonderful meal in a glittering restaurant, and then it would be the perfect time to give you this.” He lifted the box a little bit, but didn't give it to Marcus.
“What is it?” Marcus asked, holding out a hand expectantly.
“It's a ring,” Esca replied. “Well, it's two rings in one, they're interlocking. Very clever design, I might add. One for each of us.”
“Esca,” Marcus breathed, looking up from the box, his face filled with bewilderment and disbelief. “It's not...”
“Of course it is,” Esca replied, answering Marcus' unasked question. “See, I don't want to give it up, and I don't want to let it go. Things have been shite lately, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way.”
He paused, holding the box up higher and running his fingers over the velvety surface before holding it out for Marcus to take.
“I want to have a life with you again, Marcus Aquila, you big idiot. I still love you. I've always loved you, and busy lives or not, I can't see that ever changing.”
Marcus took the box and opened it, seeing the ring, just as Esca had described. The two pieces came apart, forming two slender bands of platinum. At home, there was a matching white gold band, made in the same design. Esca had loved the symbolism of the rings, they reminded him of how he felt about Marcus, how Marcus carried a piece of Esca with him, always.
“You want to marry me?” Marcus asked, running a fingertip over the ring, his expression one of shock and disbelief.
“Fuck yeah, I do,” Esca replied, grinning as Marcus continued gazing in awe at the ring. “That's why I was so mad at you, why I didn't want to come camping. I wanted it to be perfect but...in a way, it is. It can't ever be easy or normal for us, can it?”
“No,” Marcus agreed, shaking his head, snapping the box shut. “I can't bloody believe it.”
Esca frowned, puzzled. “What?”
“All this time, you've been planning to propose,” Marcus said, grinning like an idiot. “I had no idea.”
“You haven't given me an answer, either,” Esca snipped at him, sitting back on his heels.
Marcus ignored him. “All this time, you've been wondering how to propose to me, while I've been secreting myself away and pouring over catalogues, trying to find the perfect ring to give you.”
“You...what?”
“I wanted to ask you!” Marcus said, slipping from his seat to kneel with Esca on the ground, his legs bracketing Esca's knees, his arms sliding around Esca's waist. Esca didn't fight it, letting his hands drift onto Marcus' arms while he stared, confused, at his boyfriend...fiance?
“You did?”
“Hell yeah,” Marcus said with a chuckle. “I just had no idea how to go about it. I mean, we're both men, so I assumed it had to be different. Like, if I bought you a ring, did that make you the girl? Should I buy one for me too? Should you buy me one, if you said yes? I didn’t have a fucking clue, I just knew I wanted to marry you. ”
“Seriously,” Esca said, the disbelief on his face, now.
“Seriously,” Marcus replied. “I had no idea what I was doing.” He wrapped his arms tighter around Esca, pulling him closer and laying their foreheads together. “And then I thought we were falling apart and I wasn't sure if I should but I...I didn't want to let go. You know I'm lost without you, Esca.”
“You are rather a hopeless case,” Esca agreed, letting out a bit of nervous laughter. “What am I going to do with you?”
Marcus pulled back, enough so that Esca could look into his eyes. He was thrilled to see them no longer filled with worry or hurt, but with love and amusement instead.
“Let me make you the happiest man on earth?”
Esca laughed, shaking his head as the knot that had formed in his stomach dissipated completely. “Only if you let me do the same.”
“Deal,” Marcus said, his eyes darkening. He leaned in and kissed Esca, not holding back anything, releasing the pent up worries and emotions as Esca responded in kind, his heart filled with love for the man in his arms, his mind filled with visions of their future life together.
Suddenly, camping seemed like the perfect idea, and their argument had turned into the perfect proposal. Perfect because they were together, and they were happy. Also because they had an air mattress a few feet away, one that wasn't as uncomfortable as Esca liked to proclaim, loudly and often.
“Marcus,” Esca said, pulling back, hands pushing on Marcus' shoulders. “This is uncomfortable.”
“I'm completely comfortable,” Marcus said with a cheeky grin, his hands roaming down Esca's back to his ass.
“Well I'm not,” Esca said, leaning back further and keeping Marcus' roving lips at bay. “And we have a comfy air mattress in that tent right over there.”
“Comfy?” Marcus scoffed. “You think it's comfy? After all the complaining you've done?”
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Esca said, leaning in and trying to capture Marcus' lips again, to distract him. Marcus was quite willing to be distracted, so he responded eagerly, groaning into Esca's mouth with abandon. Esca wrapped his arms around Marcus' neck and held him close, making sure that he was thoroughly distracted.
Marcus was the one who pulled back the second time, gasping and thrusting up into Esca as best he can.
“You said something about an air mattress?” he said, squeezing Esca's ass rhythmically.
“And lube,” Esca added, standing up, using Marcus' shoulders as leverage. His hands followed Esca as he went, slipping down his legs until he'd stepped back out of reach. “So why don't you join me in there?” he asked, stepping around Marcus' still reaching hands and heading toward the tent. For a moment, he heard nothing but the steady crash of the waves on the beach, but he'd hardly made it four steps before he heard Marcus scrambling to his feet.
Esca walked faster, crossing the distance to the tent and leaning down to unzip the door before Marcus caught up with him, his hands falling to Esca's hips as he pressed his full blown erection against Esca's ass.
“Hurry up,” he growled, grinding his hips. It was clearly Esca's turn to be distracted, but he managed to get the zipper undone. Once it was opened Marcus gave a particularly hard thrust against Esca's ass, pushing him into the tent and following. It was a short roll onto the air mattress, easily accomplished when Marcus was manhandling him. Esca wasn't very heavy, and when he didn't resist, Marcus could move him around effortlessly. This time, Esca wasn't resisting.
“The zipper,” he insisted, giving Marcus a shove with his foot. “No mosquitoes, remember?”
“Fine, fine,” Marcus said, turning and reaching over to zip up the tent while Esca pulled his boots off, tossing them to the side and making fast work of his jeans. Marcus followed suit, taking off his boots and shimmying out of his jeans before crawling back toward Esca, pulling his shirt off as he went.
“That's more like it,” Esca said when Marcus slid back into his arms, his hands sliding up into Esca's shirt, pushing it out of the way as his mouth followed. Esca dug his fingers into Marcus' hair and just enjoyed the ride. Marcus' mouth was as talented as his hands, and Esca was very appreciative of his skills.
Marcus kissed his way up Esca's belly to his chest, pushing his shirt up. It was easier with Esca's cooperation. He was more eager for sex than he had been in months, maybe since he and Marcus had got together. There were a few differences, though. Marcus had grown up, of course, as had Esca, but the difference in Marcus was remarkable. Between eighteen and twenty-five, he'd grown another inch, his broad shoulders and large frame had filled out, making him more formidable than he had been at eighteen.
He'd also grown in other ways. He'd been a virgin when they had gotten together, but since then he had thrown himself into learning everything possible about sex between men. He'd become somewhat of a expert, at least as far as Esca was concerned.
“Take this off,” Marcus demanded. Esca had no hesitation complying, tugging his shirt off in record time. He pulled his underwear off as well, urging Marcus to do the same and soon they were both naked, their cocks hard, straining toward each other with a desperation that Esca felt throughout his entire body.
Marcus fell on him again, his hands everywhere, his lips taking up their position at Esca's collarbone before continuing their journey up his neck, no doubt leaving marks as he went. At last he reached Esca's lips, joining them in a kiss that was wild and deep, one that shook Esca to the core. He hadn't felt that moved by a kiss in years and he let himself fall into it, tugging Marcus' hair and scratching his back, mindless as he thrust upward into his lover's body, reaching a climax that had been far too long in the making.
“Marcus,” he choked out as he came, hot and slick between their bodies, his fingernails leaving crescents in the skin of Marcus' shoulders as he shook with the power of his orgasm. It was mere moments before he felt Marcus' release join his, warming the slippery mess between them once more, his large frame shivering in Esca's arms as Esca had in his moments before.
They held each other until all the come had congealed between them and Esca's skin began to cool almost to the point that it was uncomfortable. Marcus was a heavy weight on him, but it was a welcome one. Once again, it struck Esca how far apart they'd grown, how little they'd touched and held each other over the the past year. Tears pricked his eyes when the reality crashed over him, of how close they'd come to losing each other.
“Don’t wanna let go,” Marcus whispered, his voice tight with emotion, and Esca realized that he was having the same thoughts.
“Then don't.”
“Don't wanna crush you,” Marcus replied, but Esca just grinned and held on tighter.
“I like it,” he said, sliding his hands into Marcus' soft hair, scratching gently at the base of his neck, the way he knew Marcus liked. “I've missed this, Marcus,” he continued, eyes wet again, and Marcus lifted his head and their eyes met. “I've missed you.”
“I've missed you, too,” Marcus echoed, his own eyes shining with emotion. “Never again, okay. We never let life get in the way again, not like that. This is too important, you are too important.”
“Agreed,” Esca said, leaning in to kiss Marcus' softly, briefly. “We come first, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Marcus replied, kissing Esca again, but that kiss deepened into something much longer. His tongue stroked and prodded, pulling Esca's tongue into his mouth and pushing it out again, rediscovering every flavour and texture that was there.
Esca returned the kiss with fervour, clinging to Marcus' shoulders again, feeling the fire spark anew as hot blood filled his cock once more.
“Marcus,” Esca pleaded, knowing his voice sounding desperate, but unable to care. “I need you again.”
“Yeah? Me too,” Marcus said, pushing down once more, showing Esca that he was just as ready.
“I want you inside me, please,” Esca said, pushing his hips up as Marcus pushed down, getting harder by the second. He wouldn't last long, despite having just come, but he hoped that Marcus could last longer. Long enough to give him a good pounding anyway.
“Fuck, yeah, I want it too,” Marcus said, sucking Esca's bottom lip between his own before letting go and pushing himself up. As he rolled over and onto the floor of the tent, which was thankfully covered with a perfectly sized rug, the cool air rushed in, congealing the mess on Esca's belly even further.
“Wipes,” Esca called as Marcus dug lube out of his bag. He dug further and pulled out a package of wipes, an accessory they'd used much less of lately, one that Esca was determined to utilize more often, on the trip and when they'd returned home.
Marcus dropped the lube on the bed beside Esca and pulled a wipe out of the package, cleaning them both up with haste, his cock now fully erect again. The sight of it made Esca's mouth water and realization hit him that he hadn't given Marcus a blowjob in longer than he could remember. Lately, the sex between them had been quick and perfunctory, not something they had revelled in, as they had in years past.
That was about to change. Once he was done, Esca leaned over and took Marcus' cock in his mouth wetting it with his saliva as he slid his tongue down the length. He moaned as he felt it leap against his tongue, thickening further as Marcus groaned above him. He felt Marcus' hand twist in his hair, gripping tightly as he urged Esca to take him deeper, which Esca did with no hesitation.
“God, Esca,” Marcus panted, tugging Esca back and off his cock, hissing as Esca's lips slipped away. “I need you to stop or I won't be able to fuck you.”
Esca looked up at Marcus through his eyelashes as he affected a dramatic pout, leaning in to swipe his tongue up Marcus' cock before pulling back.
“Fine, but I'm blowing you later,” he said with a wink.
“You've got a deal,” Marcus said, grinning down at him, running his hand through Esca's hair one more time before leaning down to kiss him, pushing Esca onto his back and pressing him into the mattress with his own body. Esca pulled him down eagerly, loving the heat that rose between them again as their bodies slotted into place like matching pieces of a puzzle.
They kissed deeply and soulfully, hands roaming and gripping with an intensity that took Esca back to the early days of their relationship. Back to when making love seemed like a life or death event. It wasn't long before Marcus' hands slid down and clutched Esca's ass, bringing their groins closer together as he squeezed Esca's cheeks, pulling them apart and slipping his fingers down to press against Esca's hole.
Esca groaned deeply into Marcus' mouth, his cock harder than ever at the feel of Marcus' fingers against him. He felt bereft when Marcus pulled back, but the feeling was short lived, dissipating once he realized that Marcus was just coating his fingers with a generous amount of lube. He wasted no time getting the lube where it belonged, slipping one long finger into Esca's hole easily and working it with more patience than Esca felt, until the muscle loosened and Marcus slid in another.
“Enough!” Esca said, tugging on Marcus' hair, desperation rising as his arousal reached a peak. “Fuck me, already.”
“Not yet,” Marcus replied, moving his fingers slowly and steadily, his other hand clutching Esca's leg and holding it up, out of the way. His lips were busy on Esca's neck, not doing anything to quell Esca's desperation.
“Hurry,” Esca pleaded, still tugging on Marcus' hair.
“Anything you want, boss,” Marcus replied, licking a stripe up Esca's neck as he slid a third finger in, stretching Esca with a pleasurable burn that had his legs feeling weak.
“Don't be cheeky now,” Esca said, unable to keep from clenching his ass around Marcus' fingers. “Or I'll cut you off.”
Marcus scoffed, looking up at Esca with a raised brow, his fingers stilling. “I really don't think you're in any position to be making such demands,” he said, moving his fingers again, slowly as to drive Esca mad.
“Marcus, will you just fuck me, for fuck's sake?” Esca exclaimed, glaring down at Marcus, who was grinning up at him, his eyes brighter than Esca had seen in a long time, his expression more joyful. He looked like a boy again, like the boy Esca had fallen in love with.
“Please?” he asked, tugging Marcus' hair again, but gently this time, more encouraging than demanding and finally, finally, Marcus acquiesced.
He pulled his fingers out, sitting back on his heels as he reached for the lube, slathering it over his cock this time, before pulling both Esca's legs up and pushing them forward, pinning Esca to the bed, folded in half with his ass exposed. Esca gasped at the cool press of Marcus' cock on his hole, the sensation robbing him of sound as Marcus pressed in further, until his cock was completely encased in Esca's hot, clenching ass.
“Esca, I...ooh baby, I've missed you so much,” Marcus bit out between pants, his grip on Esca's legs strong, even as the muscles in his arms twitched with restraint.
“Missed you too,” Esca gasped, wanting to grab Marcus's hair, his shoulders, to wrap his legs around Marcus' waist, anything. But Marcus held him still. Despite the strength in Esca's wiry muscles, he was no match against the bulk of Marcus’ body over his. It was exhilarating and exasperating at the same time, not being able to move, being held completely at the mercy of Marcus' will.
Just when Esca thought he couldn't stand it any longer, Marcus began to move, pulling out and pushing in, slowly at first, but building quickly until he was thrusting hard and fast, his balls slapping against Esca's ass with every thrust.
“Marcus...” Esca groaned. His erection, which he had forgotten about during their banter, made a reappearance in the forefront of his thoughts. It bounced against his belly every time Marcus bottomed out in him, spreading sticky pre-cum all over his belly with every thrust.
“Wanna touch you,” he managed to get out, needing to clutch at Marcus, to grip his shoulders for dear life and hang on for the ride. Marcus immediately let go of his legs, letting them fall around his waist as he slid his hands under Esca's shoulders, wrapping Esca in a tight embrace, holding him off the bed, between his arms underneath and his chest above. Esca's legs tightened around Marcus' waist, constraining his movement, but the power behind his thrusts was unaffected, and the aim was improved as his cock began brushing Esca's prostate with nearly every thrust.
“Not...gonna...last...long...” Marcus said, his breath hot on Esca's neck.
Esca didn't even have time for a response before he was coming, his orgasm overtaking him with a speed that was so unexpected as to leave him breathless. Marcus' thrusting didn't slow, though some of his rhythm was lost to the hot clench of Esca's hole when he climaxed for the second time that evening.
“Marcus,” Esca whispered as his muscles loosened and the post-orgasm lethargy stole over him. The word was almost a plea as Marcus' cock continued to rub against Esca's over-sensitive prostate, his belly trapping Esca's sated cock in a vise of sensation.
The plea was all it took, and Marcus was coming deep inside Esca's receptive body, losing himself to the power of the moment as the pleasure overtook him. Esca had always loved holding Marcus as he reached his climax, loved how powerful it felt to hold such a strong man at the moment of his most profound vulnerability.
But in the moment, Esca was vulnerable, too. His eyes pricked hot with tears once more, one slipping unbidden down his cheek and they clung to each other in the aftermath. They didn't move for several long minutes, neither wanting to break the sanctity of the moment, to disturb the balance they had regained, to pull away from the intimacy that had almost been lost.
Inevitably, it had to end. Far too soon, Marcus' softened cock slid out of Esca's battered hole, and Marcus' bulk fell to the side, off Esca's smaller body though he didn't fall far. They breathed heavily to catch their breath but it wasn't long until the cold of the stormy night made them uncomfortable, the nip of chill in the air driving them to clean up quickly, swiping at their combined mess with quick efficiency, before slipping into bed and dragging the duvet up over their exhausted bodies.
Marcus wrapped himself around Esca, arms holding him tight and legs tangling, Esca not putting up even a modicum of resistance. He had missed this perhaps more than anything, the warm intimacy of slumber, breathing the same air and living in the same skin, as close as he'd ever felt to another human being.
They'd almost thrown this away, but they'd managed to snatch their love back from the edge in the nick of time. Esca felt overjoyed, relieved, and sated, admonishing himself again to never let go, even as lethargy took over him, body and mind, and he slid into the best sleep he'd had in months.
*
When Esca woke the next morning he found Marcus still wrapped around him, holding on as if Esca was his lifeline. Esca could understand why, they had been so distant lately. He hadn't realized just how bad things had gotten until they'd reconnected. The difference was a bit overwhelming. They'd been sleeping beside each other for months, but not really touching, not connecting. They'd reached out only when they wanted sex, or when they needed the others’ attention.
Somehow, they had fallen apart without even realizing that it was happening, neither noticing that life had busied them so much they'd been too busy for each other.
It wouldn't happen again. Esca wouldn't let it. Marcus was too important to him, what they shared was rare and precious, and Esca knew that Marcus felt the same way about him. Marcus had been so distressed the previous evening, more so than Esca had seen him since before he'd come out, when he'd been plagued by doubts and insecurities. Knowing that Marcus had thought Esca'd given up on them was sobering.
Esca made a pact with himself as he lay encompassed in Marcus' embrace, a pact that he would never again let Marcus feel like he'd given up. Esca snuggled in closer, nosing his face into the crease of Marcus' neck, just breathing him in. Marcus smelled like sex and the outdoors, a patently masculine scent that had Esca's cock rising quickly, enthusiastically anticipating another round of the sex that scented Marcus' skin so enticingly.
'Well,' Esca thought. 'Sleep will have to wait.' After all, they were on vacation, and who was he to deny his basic impulses?
Slowly so as not to rouse Marcus, Esca slid down, out of Marcus' arms, eager to encourage his cock to rise to the occasion as Esca’s had.
*
Unlike the day before, Esca found himself willing to be enthusiastic about Marcus' favourite activities. The morning sex put him in an amazing mood, and the grey clouds that had obscured the previous evening were long gone, leaving a bright sun rising over a flawless day.
They went fishing again but this time, instead of taking the boat out and sitting in it, with nothing to do but look out over the grey and wait, they went for a walk down the river. Upstream from the delta where their campsite was located sat a gentle bend in the river, curving around a broad, swath of stones that would be underwater once the autumn rains began to fall.
Not only was the monotony of sitting in the boat broken by the abundant scenery, but the sounds of water rushing over stones and the occasional glimpse of wildlife. Birds, shrews, deer and for a brief moment, even a bear, kept Esca engaged in the moment.
A bit of wandering, a peaceful lunch and a lazy blowjob from Marcus capped off a wonderful day. Marcus had caught several fish and, unlike the salmon of the previous night which had been overcooked and under-seasoned, the slow roasted trout with lemon, garlic and herbs was amazing; tender and flavourful, so much so that even though they had to remove several tiny bones, it was phenomenal.
Throughout the day, Esca marvelled at the man who was now his fiance. Marcus had gained a bit of height and had filled out, growing into his adult body with gusto. His strength had increased, along with a finesse in bed that left Esca weak in the knees just thinking about it. They were both far removed from the boys they had been, they were men now, having navigated the demands of adult life successfully and, thankfully, had ended up in each others arms, their love and commitment renewed.
After dinner had been cleared away and the campsite cleaned, Marcus made them mugs of rich hot chocolate laced with a generous amount of Bailey's Irish cream. They took their mugs to the beach, to a log that had been cast there by the water long ago and sat side by side, pressed close together as the light faded.
The sunset was a stark contrast to the last one they'd seen. Where the sky then had matched their moods, overcast with storm clouds, so it did on that night, warm oranges and reds reflected off the still water and sparse, candy floss clouds. When twilight had almost passed and their mugs were empty, Marcus rose, taking Esca's hand and pulling him back toward the campsite, eyes hot with intent.
It was a day that Esca would remember for the rest of his life, like the day he'd met Marcus and the first time they'd kissed. The pictures were forever imprinted on his mind and heart. They would serve as a reminder in years to come, reminding him to hold their love close, to cherish what they had and to open himself up to all the devotion that Marcus lavished upon him.
It would anchor them both, past and future, holding them together as the days flowed by. Life was like a river, they said, ever moving, ever changing, eddies and rapids and smooth calm stretches but, no matter the course, there was no standing still.