let me
Half day at work but that worked out fine cos it allowed the MJJ fan at work and I to go see This Is It. I was more than happy to see it a second time and so soon. Like I'm going to pass up an opportunity to see Michael on the big screen in something I don't know every frame of yet.
And awwww it was lovely. I was so excited before, knowing what I was about to see, and then it was just wonderful to see him again. I wanted to put my arms around him and hug him again, but significantly this time it wasn't a protective thing, it was pure affection. And, you know, this may be impossible to believe but I still find him beautiful. When he's onstage, shades off, even with his hair falling all over his face, I find his face and form so beautiful. When I realised this, I tried for a few seconds to figure out why but then thought "You know what, fuck it, I don't care why, I'm not going to question why. I just love him and that's enough for me to know."
A few things though that I forgot to mention from the first time around and this time reminded me. It was still very strange to see him Not do the lean in Smooth Criminal. I mean, it's understandable but still a weird little incongruence in the mind. On Saturday, both the son and I looked at each other with this expression of dismay. But oh man, how much do I love the way the stage changes during Earth Song, all those fiery apocalyptic colours and was there foliage on the stage too? It was such a great shift of tone and visual, so effective. And heh, I did grin to see the tank from the HIStory tour now changed to a bulldozer for this inconvenient age. And that great moment when Michael says "no, let it close in silence." Theatrical sense for the win, baby!
God, those dancers are awesome! The precision and energy and grace of them, man they complement him so well. And most of all I love that one shot at the end of a number --- I forget which one now, prolly in the J5 medley --- when it finishes and he's still in the pose, smiling joyfully, and there's this dancer just behind him, beaming at him with such adoration I find myself beaming right back, so glad to see someone else show love for this man.
And I LOVED that the girls were part of the Beat It dance, zomg! It gave it such a great extra zing. Also, curious thing about Judith Hill ... on one hand, I love that she's so much younger and very differently looking to Siedah, gave a great new look to I Just Can't Stop Loving You. On the other hand, her voice was just so weak compared to Siedah's fabulous texture. But I must remind myself that this was only the rehearsal and she was pretty damned good at the memorial, if I remember correctly.
This time around, I realised very suddenly just why he was wearing that big black coat during Black Or White. As much as I loved the black on black cross detail and the cut of that coat, it was surprisingly dark and heavy compared to the fabulous loose white shirt streaming in the wind look I'm used to for that number. Then this time I caught sight of the gorgeous silver and multicoloured lining of the coat when it flew up and aaarrrrrgggghhhh Awesomeness! I wonder if they were all Christian Audigier designs or that Zaldy guy we saw interviewed.
The MJJ fan from work found the film very sad which actually made me realise just how sad I'm not. But then it turned out she'd never even seen Bucharest and had never seen Michael in concert, possibly only the 30th anniversary! No wonder she was reacting to stuff I thought every MJJ fan should know by heart from Bucharest.
So yeah, she was all regretful about what we've missed out on whereas I'm still in the "but, but ... you know now what it would have looked like, you know what it would have felt like." Only now I realise if you haven't seen a full Michael Jackson concert, no, there's no way you could know. And I'm not saying all his concerts are the same but if you know the energy of one, whether you were there or not, you know exactly what the energy would have been at the O2. Just times ten. *lol* Cos he always delivers.
I did get unexpectedly emotional at the end this time. Just when they slowed the motion down and his name came up. I had this fierce moment of watching him and promising him silently: "I will take you into the future with me. I won't leave you behind."
Because there was that moment of him saying "no, I have to cue that" and I suddenly got an image of all the musicians and performers who are watching and will watch this film, young people who will be the future performers. They'll watch that moment and learn, understand that this is how you make the right moment of drama, this is how you thrill the audience with your command of the music and the dance, your command of the theatrical stage moment. They'll understand that intuitively and, when they're onstage in front of a band, they'll use that knowledge because they've seen and learnt it.
And for me, it's everything he's done through the years, the pure fact of him being a creative visionary. But right then it was the moment when he smiles and says "It's an adventure." Have fun. Bring joy. Do what makes you happy. It's that positive energy I find irresistible and endlessly rejuvenating about him, the creative positivity of everything he does. He just does it and there's no angst about it. He makes me believe I can do it too. And that ... *shakes head* I don't know if that can be understood by someone who isn't inspired by artists. If there is anyone like that at all. *lol*
So yeah, my little moment of emotional promise. The vaada I made, as we'd say in the Hindi fillums. Which is no great big whoop and no big melodrama. It'll be silent, as small as the fact that I write and continue to believe that I can and will write, as simple as every day, create your history. *shrug* Which I've always believed, be it before or because of him. Every day, write your biography. As far as I'm concerned, that's how we take him into the future. It's no big grand gesture, it's just there in the act of living and creating.
And having said that, apparently I'm not working tomorrow which sucks but that means I can either write or go change my name, provided there's a JP at Downing Centre to valide my true copies. Or do both.
My dear heart. On this day, exactly three months to my thirtieth birthday. i wonder if i'll be alive then, never actually intended to be ...
And awwww it was lovely. I was so excited before, knowing what I was about to see, and then it was just wonderful to see him again. I wanted to put my arms around him and hug him again, but significantly this time it wasn't a protective thing, it was pure affection. And, you know, this may be impossible to believe but I still find him beautiful. When he's onstage, shades off, even with his hair falling all over his face, I find his face and form so beautiful. When I realised this, I tried for a few seconds to figure out why but then thought "You know what, fuck it, I don't care why, I'm not going to question why. I just love him and that's enough for me to know."
A few things though that I forgot to mention from the first time around and this time reminded me. It was still very strange to see him Not do the lean in Smooth Criminal. I mean, it's understandable but still a weird little incongruence in the mind. On Saturday, both the son and I looked at each other with this expression of dismay. But oh man, how much do I love the way the stage changes during Earth Song, all those fiery apocalyptic colours and was there foliage on the stage too? It was such a great shift of tone and visual, so effective. And heh, I did grin to see the tank from the HIStory tour now changed to a bulldozer for this inconvenient age. And that great moment when Michael says "no, let it close in silence." Theatrical sense for the win, baby!
God, those dancers are awesome! The precision and energy and grace of them, man they complement him so well. And most of all I love that one shot at the end of a number --- I forget which one now, prolly in the J5 medley --- when it finishes and he's still in the pose, smiling joyfully, and there's this dancer just behind him, beaming at him with such adoration I find myself beaming right back, so glad to see someone else show love for this man.
And I LOVED that the girls were part of the Beat It dance, zomg! It gave it such a great extra zing. Also, curious thing about Judith Hill ... on one hand, I love that she's so much younger and very differently looking to Siedah, gave a great new look to I Just Can't Stop Loving You. On the other hand, her voice was just so weak compared to Siedah's fabulous texture. But I must remind myself that this was only the rehearsal and she was pretty damned good at the memorial, if I remember correctly.
This time around, I realised very suddenly just why he was wearing that big black coat during Black Or White. As much as I loved the black on black cross detail and the cut of that coat, it was surprisingly dark and heavy compared to the fabulous loose white shirt streaming in the wind look I'm used to for that number. Then this time I caught sight of the gorgeous silver and multicoloured lining of the coat when it flew up and aaarrrrrgggghhhh Awesomeness! I wonder if they were all Christian Audigier designs or that Zaldy guy we saw interviewed.
The MJJ fan from work found the film very sad which actually made me realise just how sad I'm not. But then it turned out she'd never even seen Bucharest and had never seen Michael in concert, possibly only the 30th anniversary! No wonder she was reacting to stuff I thought every MJJ fan should know by heart from Bucharest.
So yeah, she was all regretful about what we've missed out on whereas I'm still in the "but, but ... you know now what it would have looked like, you know what it would have felt like." Only now I realise if you haven't seen a full Michael Jackson concert, no, there's no way you could know. And I'm not saying all his concerts are the same but if you know the energy of one, whether you were there or not, you know exactly what the energy would have been at the O2. Just times ten. *lol* Cos he always delivers.
I did get unexpectedly emotional at the end this time. Just when they slowed the motion down and his name came up. I had this fierce moment of watching him and promising him silently: "I will take you into the future with me. I won't leave you behind."
Because there was that moment of him saying "no, I have to cue that" and I suddenly got an image of all the musicians and performers who are watching and will watch this film, young people who will be the future performers. They'll watch that moment and learn, understand that this is how you make the right moment of drama, this is how you thrill the audience with your command of the music and the dance, your command of the theatrical stage moment. They'll understand that intuitively and, when they're onstage in front of a band, they'll use that knowledge because they've seen and learnt it.
And for me, it's everything he's done through the years, the pure fact of him being a creative visionary. But right then it was the moment when he smiles and says "It's an adventure." Have fun. Bring joy. Do what makes you happy. It's that positive energy I find irresistible and endlessly rejuvenating about him, the creative positivity of everything he does. He just does it and there's no angst about it. He makes me believe I can do it too. And that ... *shakes head* I don't know if that can be understood by someone who isn't inspired by artists. If there is anyone like that at all. *lol*
So yeah, my little moment of emotional promise. The vaada I made, as we'd say in the Hindi fillums. Which is no great big whoop and no big melodrama. It'll be silent, as small as the fact that I write and continue to believe that I can and will write, as simple as every day, create your history. *shrug* Which I've always believed, be it before or because of him. Every day, write your biography. As far as I'm concerned, that's how we take him into the future. It's no big grand gesture, it's just there in the act of living and creating.
And having said that, apparently I'm not working tomorrow which sucks but that means I can either write or go change my name, provided there's a JP at Downing Centre to valide my true copies. Or do both.
My dear heart. On this day, exactly three months to my thirtieth birthday. i wonder if i'll be alive then, never actually intended to be ...