zing, tring, clickety-click-clickety-click
I'm ... not exactly sure what I witnessed tonight.
I was so nervous. Omigod. The gig was at eight, I deliberately got to the Enmore by six just so I could pick up my ticket nice and easy without having to wait in line with five other billion people. And that went great. Picked up my ticket, picked up the latest issue of Drum with Muse on the cover even though I have an unread copy sitting at the base of my bookcase. And went to withdraw money just in case there was merchandise.
So I've flicked open the magazine and I'm walking past the main doors and I look up at the marquee, thinking they'll have Laugh For Life Fundraiser as the titled event. And god it was the strangest moment to see 'Jerry Lewis' set up there in black block letters on the authentic greyish white marquee bordered with gold and lights ... exactly how it would have been back in 1950 in New York and Los Angeles. For that second, with me in a dress with my hair done up all nice, I could have been back in that time. Dress would have been wrong though cos it was more Seventies print and the boots were Sixties but still.
And then I wanted to cry because it was an impossible thought. But anyway, went and got money and went back to the bistro area of the Enmore where I sat and read through the entire issue of Drum and then did some valuable journalising. I was so nervous I was trembling. So badly wanted this to be an awesome awesome night.
And you know? It kinda was.
They structured it beautifully. Paulie and Mikey got us audience all in a frenzy and then brought Jerry in. Standing fucking ovation, man. The man walked on stage and received a standing ovation. And right then and there I knew I was in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. Because suddenly I had gone from being the only Jerry Lewis fan I know --- outside of work --- to being surrounded by people who love him as much as I do. although perhaps in not quite so lascivious a manner.
And he looked wonderful. Oddly shorter, though. Must be that age shrinking thing because I know he used to be six foot and he definitely didn't look it next to the others. But his tux was lovely and he was all dapper and smart. I was too far away to see the ring but of course he'd have his proper wedding ring on rather than the sexy 'signet' cover. I stood up and cheered and screamed with the rest but then sat down and waited with curiosity. Come on, Jer, show me what you got. Don't let me have to carry you with my love.
Quite honestly? I was quiet for the first bit. Didn't applaud because I recognised every joke he did from the 1984 Vegas show, right down to the scratching of himself although he didn't actually use the same line. The rest of the audience had no problem, they loved it and I was almost kicking myself for having watched the Vegas show on YouTube. Not that I knew at that point that I would BE SEEING JERRY LEWIS LIVE! sure beats the other way. See, now I'm never going to be able to say that phrase without saying what he says right after.
But then he began to bring out stuff I'd never heard before and suddenly I was totally in there, totally engaged. And omigod omigod omigod. Quite literally I had this thought of "Oh my, I wonder if he'll swear. I wonder if he'll drop the F-word. Would he?" Cos, yeah, in all the footage I've seen, he's never swore.
And then right after Julia Morris, he told us she had inspired him to tell a joke he had never ever told in his professional capacity. It started off with "Hey, bitch. Hey, bitches." Which had me going round-eyed, thrilled and appalled, totally on the edge of my seat. And it ended with "Whee, what a fucking breeze!" I think I pretty much had a brain seizure at that point. It was a dream come true. I was so ridiculously happy.
But yeah, it was fabulously structured in that we had a little bit of Jer, then one of the other comedians doing prolly a fifteen to twenty minute routine, then a little more of Jer, then another of the comedians. And so forth. It was great because it gave him a break and kept us interested, kept the anticipation up.
Julia Morris was marvellous. Loved her dress, loved her energy, loved the Gosford bit, loved how starstruck she was by him. In fact, it was bloody awesome to see them all react to him. Tom Gleason was fabulous, the way he worked the audience up to such a pitch I couldn't even hear him and desperately wanted to cos the story was just that hilarious and he was delivering it with such a wonderful balance of embarrassment and absurdity.
Fiona O'Loughlin was totally gorgeous and I adored the way she came on, completely in awe of Jerry, so much so that she got kissed by him and then worked it into her act by saying something to the effect of "I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, Jerry Lewis just kissed me." I loved the snarkiness of her and the vulnerability too, so much so that I felt a bit bad that her monologue kind of lacked a big finish. Or maybe I was just expecting a bigger punchline.
And oooohh Kitty Flanagan. There was a very strange vibe going on with her, particularly the way she and Jer gave each other a very wide berth when she came on. I noticed that, wondered why, then filed it away. But when she got into her routine, it was awesome. Until the end where she simulated the way men simulate sex and I had this sudden thought of "Ooh, I bet Jerry's not going to like that." I mean, I loved what she did, it was spot on and fantastic. But if he doesn't like fart jokes, he's not going to like that.
And sure enough when she finished and he came back on, he took a completely unsurprising potshot by way of "Some very funny people here tonight ... and they're all in the seats." Ooooohhhhh ... boined!
I wasn't looking forward to Peter Berner because the Aunt's seen him once and told me how misogynist he was. And that's something that just doesn't fly with me. I can take ethnic humour even if I wince, cringe and don't smile. I can sort of deafen my ears to disability humour. But misogynist shit just makes me want to stab the guy in the eye and walk out. Except for that one fabulous joke by Ed Byrne which I will never ever forget as long as I live. Cos it's not so much poking fun at women as much as relationships and it ends on the immortal line that I still to this day repeat sometimes in my head, lilting inflection and all, and it still cracks me up: "If yer don't know what you've done, there's NOOOOOOO point me telling you!" *collapses into giggles*
But Peter Berner was totally awesome. He came on and got stuck into the economy, our politicians, the war on terror and did it with such ease and familiarity that I never felt too ignorant or out of my depth. In fact, I was waiting for him to mention the K-Rudd F-bomb thing fully a minute before he actually did. That was awesome. That made me feel very clever and current indeed. *snort* And omigod then he got into this whole thing about aircraft safety measures and how they all actually don't work in a crash. Pure awesomeness. Truly fine scheduling of a show because he got by far the biggest applause that anybody other than Jerry did and he finished up the first half of the show. I was quite disappointed that Paulie and Mikey didn't get to do their own routines, I was rather looking forward to that. But they weren't the point.
The second half was just Jer. Which everybody got very excited about until it turned out he wanted to do a Q&A thing and I swear to god it went from awkward to mortifying in less than three seconds. Kudos to Jer, though, he tried to keep it sharp and witty but man, whether all that was set up or not, it was awful. Too many people gushing about him and then asking completely stupid questions, including the one he never ever answers being why he chose muscular dystrophy as a cause. Dude, even I know he never answers that question and I only just discovered that today. Of course I want to know the answer but I also know I'm never gonna get it from him.
One of the questions was this weirdly well-rehearsed lady who asked Jer how one was supposed to get over an addiction to him. Which, yeah, was verrah cheesy and everything and I was kinda cringeing in my seat. But part of me was also sighing with relief and murmuring "Okay, good, it's not just me then. Good. See, it's perfectly normal to be obsessed with Jerry Lewis. Other people do it so it's not just me being a freaky freakish freak. Oh thank goodness."
And of course Jer just goes "Sorry, honey, you're screwed." Hee. *giggles madly* Does that sound like arrogance? I'm sure it does. To people who don't hear the absurdity of it. Hee!
He did sing a couple of songs through the whole show. One was his Jolson tribute, Mammy, which was a total revelation for me personally because for the first time ever, I fully understood the sheer awesomeness of a big band. I mean, visually. When the horn section got up and those trombones went whoomph whoomph in this amazing visual of gold swoops, quite honestly I totally forgot Jerry Lewis was on the other side of that stage. Apparently I've never seen a big band actually get up and do that before and holy fuck, I want to see it again!
And he closed with For Once In My Life which man, he belted out like nobody's business and pretty much made me love him all over again. I can't remember if he sang anything else. They did start a song and he picked up his trumpet which got me all excited and then I nearly jumped out of my seat with the touch of anarchy that resulted. Didn't much care for the dribbling water trick but the audience loved it and there was a particularly awesome beat he held before doing it again.
I love the way he uses the rhythm of comedy, like in the honeymoon sketch when he's blaring the horn to get Dean's attention, and the moment he stops Dean responds and Jer jerks with an involuntary beep. Oh god, it's priceless, that timing. So perfect and so elegant and so clever.
And they ran clips too in some of his bits. A Colgate Comedy Hour clip I'd never seen before, I think it was the sketch in the gym and of course now I can't find it! And hee, the start of the honeymoon sketch with all the kissing. Of course everyone loved the sight of Dean. The tiniest snippet from The Nutty Professor which got a huge cheer, being the bit with the shoes and then the bit with the hands. Made me so glad I watched the film before the gig. And bits from previous telethons which ranged from screamingly funny to slightly odd to sheer awesome. They even had one shot from the reunion which of course made me squeal but that was a set-up for a joke that was Jer yelling out for "Alec Trishan." *snorfle*
And best of all? They played my most favourite clip! *squeeeeeeeeee* Only the sound was much lower than I would have had it. I would have made it blast through the entire theatre cos, as it was, it took the audience long enough to figure out what was going on. You'd think they'd never seen that bit before. Tch.
Me, I was just so delighted that I could finally direct all the joy I feel for that clip exactly where it should be directed. All these times I've watched it at home, alone, bursting with pure love with nowhere to release it. And well, finally it could sort of mentally spiritually go where it should. Right at Jer. poor chap.
I hope I wasn't imagining how pleased he was at the reception that clip got. And he was so lovely when he mentioned the screening of The Nutty Professor last night and that he got to be interviewed by this very clever very impressive young man, and how great it was to see people react to the film he made fifty years ago in exactly the ways he wanted people to react, that it totally stands the test of time.
And argh jesus, bestest sequence of the entire night? Pure magic time?
The typewriter sketch.
Yes. He actually Did the typewriter sketch. And no one knew --- I certainly didn't --- when he took the black folding chair from beside the piano and opened it in the centre of the stage. He sat down, raised his hands to mid-air, the music began and I let out this gasp of pure disbelief and recognition. I wasn't the only one.
It was magic. Every single second of it. I swear to god I didn't even blink. And he was perfect, every single move, every shift, every bell, every nuance. Pure magic. I think every hair on my body stood. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
I SAW JERRY LEWIS DO THE TYPEWRITER SKETCH!! With my own two eyes, I saw it. These eyes, these very eyes. Holy fuck, no words.
I even picked up a joke I hadn't noticed before, that he zings the bell in completely the wrong direction and it zings back hard. It's definitely not in the film version. And I don't theenk it's in the Colgate Comedy Hour version. Maybe he added it later? I don't know, I'm doubting myself now. No, it's in the German telly version! 1971. Which I only just watched for the first time. Oh man, that is awesome, even down to the tongue bits. Hee!
And I wonder why I have such a thing for his hands. Man, that was so wonderful.
Wasn't a perfect night. There was a lady in front of me who was a screamer. You know the type ... she doesn't laugh, she screams. Repeatedly. At a painfully high pitch. Until I find myself yearning for a piano wire and am visualising decapitating her with it. And Jer was particularly hilarious cos in the very first bit when she laughed just after everybody else, he looked right in our direction and said "No, lady, there will be no individual laughter. You will laugh with everybody else." And we were like all the way back in row Q. That was fabulous.
Mind you, she did stop after her worst outbreak. I don't know why, I certainly didn't do anything and I didn't notice anyone else tell her to shut up although the lady sitting in front of her did get up and leave. But shut up she did and I was most grateful.
And, well, I don't know whether I want to mention this but truthful record and all. There was a really distressing incident at the end of the show. During the Q&A, there was a guy yelling out "wanker" every now and then from the back of the theatre, a few rows behind me, but he was nicely drowned out by the action on stage. I noticed, hoped he wouldn't repeat it. Then right at the very end, either just before Jer did his final curtain call or before the encore, the guy yelled out really loudly and drunkenly "You rude arsehole!" And Jer heard him, sort of did a rude noise back and tried to ignore him. But the guy kept on and it was so upsetting cos it was loud and totally uncalled for, man. There was so much love in that room and this one guy had to go and spoil it.
He got the most incredible reaction, though. First there was a shocked silence, then people started shushing him. Then, as Jerry continued to talk and this guy refused to shut up, the people around him got even louder. And finally this lady's voice cut through strident and clear: "Get out!" Twice. Man, she must have been a schoolteacher or something cos, even sitting, my knees automatically buckled like a Pratchett moment. I pretty much fell in love with her on the spot, she was so fierce and so angry. And the fuckwit actually tried to argue her, said he'd paid his money and he could say what he liked. Someone called for security and there was a bit of a scuffle and then peace again.
But it was very distressing and I was very distressed for Jerry and maybe I was projecting or something because all of a sudden he seemed quite shaky and breathless. Admittedly he had just belted out the closing number and it was the end of a fairly long night but still all I wanted to do was put my arms around him and apologise and hug him. It was just so awful. Here's he come all the way from America at the age of eighty-four to do a charity show for a cause dear to his heart and it's been a marvellous night and right at the end, this drunken fuck has to spoil things.
The worst thing is I kept wondering whether it was real or a set-up. And only when I was walking to the bus stop did I realise why I thought that --- because when Dean and Jer started out, that was the act. Dean sang and Jer heckled. Only this guy wasn't heckling. He was abusive. And rightly so, the audience turned on him. Now that's vindication. I'm so glad he got that reaction.
Mind you, just goes to prove what a skilled entertainer Jerry Lewis is because he clearly felt the distress of the audience and talked about how his dad taught him to always leave the audience with a thought to take home. Now he could do this every single night in every single one of his shows but tonight it was exactly what we needed. And it was set up to be completely schmaltzy and cheesy and then bam, he undercut it and god I love it when a comedian can create that brilliant flash of intellect and meta-awareness in my brain that causes me to laugh completely involuntarily and feel utterly satisfied on every level, emotional to intellectual to spiritual. The line? "Just remember: a friend in need ... (beat) ... is a pest."
*falls over laughing*
Have I mentioned lately how much I adore Jerry Lewis?
There was no merchandise but on every seat was a pamphlet for the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation which was only right. And clearly the universe has heard my whingeing because my seat just happened to be in the stalls and I had completely forgotten that the seating in the stalls are not the horrible back breaking buckling instruments of torture. Instead, they're these perfectly comfortable red chairs and my god, I was so grateful for them. Plus the screamer was a nicely short woman who gave me a perfect view of Jer and the other comedians all night. And best of all, I had a very nice lady on one side of me who asked when I discovered Jerry Lewis --- "I was eight, I watched Pardners" --- and an old couple on the other side who left at interval and didn't come back.
The audience was definitely skewed towards the older demographic, quite obviously people who don't go to the theatre or don't go out much at all, judging from their clothes. Lots of old overweight specimens. To the point of me wondering whether I'd be the youngest person there at the tender age of five months to my thirtieth birthday. But no, there were a few young girls and a few young guys who came in later.
I wonder just how many Jewish people were in that audience. Cos when I was waiting outside, this lovely old lady struck up a conversation with me and she was certainly one of many. I loved it. It reminded me so much of when we went to see Russell Peters at the same theatre and how I'd never seen so many Indian people in an Australian theatre! Kinda gives me the warm and fuzzies to see the ethnic population turn out to support their boychik, be he Yiddish or Yindian.
I was struck by a rather thunderous thought as I walked away from the theatre. I had just seen a performer who was one of the most celebrated acts from my grandmother's heyday. And she's not here. He's here, I'm here but she's not. That just ... spins me out, man. I don't know what to do with that.
But wow. Wow. I just witnessed a legend. Man, how many people can say they've seen Jerry Lewis perform? If someone had told me that a year ago or even a few months ago, I would have gone bug-eyed and "No way?! Really?! Omg, what's he like? Is he amazing?! Tell me!"
And to think last year I could have seen him at the Opera House. Where the fuck I was then I do not know. But what amazing timing is this, huh? That I just happen to get violently obsessed with the man and his career and he just happens to land on my shores right now? Not six months before, not six months after, no ships passing in the night like me and Trent Reznor. Here and now and wow.
I'm still a little in shock. Ask me in a year.
God, I'm glad I'm not working tomorrow.
I was so nervous. Omigod. The gig was at eight, I deliberately got to the Enmore by six just so I could pick up my ticket nice and easy without having to wait in line with five other billion people. And that went great. Picked up my ticket, picked up the latest issue of Drum with Muse on the cover even though I have an unread copy sitting at the base of my bookcase. And went to withdraw money just in case there was merchandise.
So I've flicked open the magazine and I'm walking past the main doors and I look up at the marquee, thinking they'll have Laugh For Life Fundraiser as the titled event. And god it was the strangest moment to see 'Jerry Lewis' set up there in black block letters on the authentic greyish white marquee bordered with gold and lights ... exactly how it would have been back in 1950 in New York and Los Angeles. For that second, with me in a dress with my hair done up all nice, I could have been back in that time. Dress would have been wrong though cos it was more Seventies print and the boots were Sixties but still.
And then I wanted to cry because it was an impossible thought. But anyway, went and got money and went back to the bistro area of the Enmore where I sat and read through the entire issue of Drum and then did some valuable journalising. I was so nervous I was trembling. So badly wanted this to be an awesome awesome night.
And you know? It kinda was.
They structured it beautifully. Paulie and Mikey got us audience all in a frenzy and then brought Jerry in. Standing fucking ovation, man. The man walked on stage and received a standing ovation. And right then and there I knew I was in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. Because suddenly I had gone from being the only Jerry Lewis fan I know --- outside of work --- to being surrounded by people who love him as much as I do. although perhaps in not quite so lascivious a manner.
And he looked wonderful. Oddly shorter, though. Must be that age shrinking thing because I know he used to be six foot and he definitely didn't look it next to the others. But his tux was lovely and he was all dapper and smart. I was too far away to see the ring but of course he'd have his proper wedding ring on rather than the sexy 'signet' cover. I stood up and cheered and screamed with the rest but then sat down and waited with curiosity. Come on, Jer, show me what you got. Don't let me have to carry you with my love.
Quite honestly? I was quiet for the first bit. Didn't applaud because I recognised every joke he did from the 1984 Vegas show, right down to the scratching of himself although he didn't actually use the same line. The rest of the audience had no problem, they loved it and I was almost kicking myself for having watched the Vegas show on YouTube. Not that I knew at that point that I would BE SEEING JERRY LEWIS LIVE! sure beats the other way. See, now I'm never going to be able to say that phrase without saying what he says right after.
But then he began to bring out stuff I'd never heard before and suddenly I was totally in there, totally engaged. And omigod omigod omigod. Quite literally I had this thought of "Oh my, I wonder if he'll swear. I wonder if he'll drop the F-word. Would he?" Cos, yeah, in all the footage I've seen, he's never swore.
And then right after Julia Morris, he told us she had inspired him to tell a joke he had never ever told in his professional capacity. It started off with "Hey, bitch. Hey, bitches." Which had me going round-eyed, thrilled and appalled, totally on the edge of my seat. And it ended with "Whee, what a fucking breeze!" I think I pretty much had a brain seizure at that point. It was a dream come true. I was so ridiculously happy.
But yeah, it was fabulously structured in that we had a little bit of Jer, then one of the other comedians doing prolly a fifteen to twenty minute routine, then a little more of Jer, then another of the comedians. And so forth. It was great because it gave him a break and kept us interested, kept the anticipation up.
Julia Morris was marvellous. Loved her dress, loved her energy, loved the Gosford bit, loved how starstruck she was by him. In fact, it was bloody awesome to see them all react to him. Tom Gleason was fabulous, the way he worked the audience up to such a pitch I couldn't even hear him and desperately wanted to cos the story was just that hilarious and he was delivering it with such a wonderful balance of embarrassment and absurdity.
Fiona O'Loughlin was totally gorgeous and I adored the way she came on, completely in awe of Jerry, so much so that she got kissed by him and then worked it into her act by saying something to the effect of "I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, Jerry Lewis just kissed me." I loved the snarkiness of her and the vulnerability too, so much so that I felt a bit bad that her monologue kind of lacked a big finish. Or maybe I was just expecting a bigger punchline.
And oooohh Kitty Flanagan. There was a very strange vibe going on with her, particularly the way she and Jer gave each other a very wide berth when she came on. I noticed that, wondered why, then filed it away. But when she got into her routine, it was awesome. Until the end where she simulated the way men simulate sex and I had this sudden thought of "Ooh, I bet Jerry's not going to like that." I mean, I loved what she did, it was spot on and fantastic. But if he doesn't like fart jokes, he's not going to like that.
And sure enough when she finished and he came back on, he took a completely unsurprising potshot by way of "Some very funny people here tonight ... and they're all in the seats." Ooooohhhhh ... boined!
I wasn't looking forward to Peter Berner because the Aunt's seen him once and told me how misogynist he was. And that's something that just doesn't fly with me. I can take ethnic humour even if I wince, cringe and don't smile. I can sort of deafen my ears to disability humour. But misogynist shit just makes me want to stab the guy in the eye and walk out. Except for that one fabulous joke by Ed Byrne which I will never ever forget as long as I live. Cos it's not so much poking fun at women as much as relationships and it ends on the immortal line that I still to this day repeat sometimes in my head, lilting inflection and all, and it still cracks me up: "If yer don't know what you've done, there's NOOOOOOO point me telling you!" *collapses into giggles*
But Peter Berner was totally awesome. He came on and got stuck into the economy, our politicians, the war on terror and did it with such ease and familiarity that I never felt too ignorant or out of my depth. In fact, I was waiting for him to mention the K-Rudd F-bomb thing fully a minute before he actually did. That was awesome. That made me feel very clever and current indeed. *snort* And omigod then he got into this whole thing about aircraft safety measures and how they all actually don't work in a crash. Pure awesomeness. Truly fine scheduling of a show because he got by far the biggest applause that anybody other than Jerry did and he finished up the first half of the show. I was quite disappointed that Paulie and Mikey didn't get to do their own routines, I was rather looking forward to that. But they weren't the point.
The second half was just Jer. Which everybody got very excited about until it turned out he wanted to do a Q&A thing and I swear to god it went from awkward to mortifying in less than three seconds. Kudos to Jer, though, he tried to keep it sharp and witty but man, whether all that was set up or not, it was awful. Too many people gushing about him and then asking completely stupid questions, including the one he never ever answers being why he chose muscular dystrophy as a cause. Dude, even I know he never answers that question and I only just discovered that today. Of course I want to know the answer but I also know I'm never gonna get it from him.
One of the questions was this weirdly well-rehearsed lady who asked Jer how one was supposed to get over an addiction to him. Which, yeah, was verrah cheesy and everything and I was kinda cringeing in my seat. But part of me was also sighing with relief and murmuring "Okay, good, it's not just me then. Good. See, it's perfectly normal to be obsessed with Jerry Lewis. Other people do it so it's not just me being a freaky freakish freak. Oh thank goodness."
And of course Jer just goes "Sorry, honey, you're screwed." Hee. *giggles madly* Does that sound like arrogance? I'm sure it does. To people who don't hear the absurdity of it. Hee!
He did sing a couple of songs through the whole show. One was his Jolson tribute, Mammy, which was a total revelation for me personally because for the first time ever, I fully understood the sheer awesomeness of a big band. I mean, visually. When the horn section got up and those trombones went whoomph whoomph in this amazing visual of gold swoops, quite honestly I totally forgot Jerry Lewis was on the other side of that stage. Apparently I've never seen a big band actually get up and do that before and holy fuck, I want to see it again!
And he closed with For Once In My Life which man, he belted out like nobody's business and pretty much made me love him all over again. I can't remember if he sang anything else. They did start a song and he picked up his trumpet which got me all excited and then I nearly jumped out of my seat with the touch of anarchy that resulted. Didn't much care for the dribbling water trick but the audience loved it and there was a particularly awesome beat he held before doing it again.
I love the way he uses the rhythm of comedy, like in the honeymoon sketch when he's blaring the horn to get Dean's attention, and the moment he stops Dean responds and Jer jerks with an involuntary beep. Oh god, it's priceless, that timing. So perfect and so elegant and so clever.
And they ran clips too in some of his bits. A Colgate Comedy Hour clip I'd never seen before, I think it was the sketch in the gym and of course now I can't find it! And hee, the start of the honeymoon sketch with all the kissing. Of course everyone loved the sight of Dean. The tiniest snippet from The Nutty Professor which got a huge cheer, being the bit with the shoes and then the bit with the hands. Made me so glad I watched the film before the gig. And bits from previous telethons which ranged from screamingly funny to slightly odd to sheer awesome. They even had one shot from the reunion which of course made me squeal but that was a set-up for a joke that was Jer yelling out for "Alec Trishan." *snorfle*
And best of all? They played my most favourite clip! *squeeeeeeeeee* Only the sound was much lower than I would have had it. I would have made it blast through the entire theatre cos, as it was, it took the audience long enough to figure out what was going on. You'd think they'd never seen that bit before. Tch.
Me, I was just so delighted that I could finally direct all the joy I feel for that clip exactly where it should be directed. All these times I've watched it at home, alone, bursting with pure love with nowhere to release it. And well, finally it could sort of mentally spiritually go where it should. Right at Jer. poor chap.
I hope I wasn't imagining how pleased he was at the reception that clip got. And he was so lovely when he mentioned the screening of The Nutty Professor last night and that he got to be interviewed by this very clever very impressive young man, and how great it was to see people react to the film he made fifty years ago in exactly the ways he wanted people to react, that it totally stands the test of time.
And argh jesus, bestest sequence of the entire night? Pure magic time?
The typewriter sketch.
Yes. He actually Did the typewriter sketch. And no one knew --- I certainly didn't --- when he took the black folding chair from beside the piano and opened it in the centre of the stage. He sat down, raised his hands to mid-air, the music began and I let out this gasp of pure disbelief and recognition. I wasn't the only one.
It was magic. Every single second of it. I swear to god I didn't even blink. And he was perfect, every single move, every shift, every bell, every nuance. Pure magic. I think every hair on my body stood. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
I SAW JERRY LEWIS DO THE TYPEWRITER SKETCH!! With my own two eyes, I saw it. These eyes, these very eyes. Holy fuck, no words.
I even picked up a joke I hadn't noticed before, that he zings the bell in completely the wrong direction and it zings back hard. It's definitely not in the film version. And I don't theenk it's in the Colgate Comedy Hour version. Maybe he added it later? I don't know, I'm doubting myself now. No, it's in the German telly version! 1971. Which I only just watched for the first time. Oh man, that is awesome, even down to the tongue bits. Hee!
And I wonder why I have such a thing for his hands. Man, that was so wonderful.
Wasn't a perfect night. There was a lady in front of me who was a screamer. You know the type ... she doesn't laugh, she screams. Repeatedly. At a painfully high pitch. Until I find myself yearning for a piano wire and am visualising decapitating her with it. And Jer was particularly hilarious cos in the very first bit when she laughed just after everybody else, he looked right in our direction and said "No, lady, there will be no individual laughter. You will laugh with everybody else." And we were like all the way back in row Q. That was fabulous.
Mind you, she did stop after her worst outbreak. I don't know why, I certainly didn't do anything and I didn't notice anyone else tell her to shut up although the lady sitting in front of her did get up and leave. But shut up she did and I was most grateful.
And, well, I don't know whether I want to mention this but truthful record and all. There was a really distressing incident at the end of the show. During the Q&A, there was a guy yelling out "wanker" every now and then from the back of the theatre, a few rows behind me, but he was nicely drowned out by the action on stage. I noticed, hoped he wouldn't repeat it. Then right at the very end, either just before Jer did his final curtain call or before the encore, the guy yelled out really loudly and drunkenly "You rude arsehole!" And Jer heard him, sort of did a rude noise back and tried to ignore him. But the guy kept on and it was so upsetting cos it was loud and totally uncalled for, man. There was so much love in that room and this one guy had to go and spoil it.
He got the most incredible reaction, though. First there was a shocked silence, then people started shushing him. Then, as Jerry continued to talk and this guy refused to shut up, the people around him got even louder. And finally this lady's voice cut through strident and clear: "Get out!" Twice. Man, she must have been a schoolteacher or something cos, even sitting, my knees automatically buckled like a Pratchett moment. I pretty much fell in love with her on the spot, she was so fierce and so angry. And the fuckwit actually tried to argue her, said he'd paid his money and he could say what he liked. Someone called for security and there was a bit of a scuffle and then peace again.
But it was very distressing and I was very distressed for Jerry and maybe I was projecting or something because all of a sudden he seemed quite shaky and breathless. Admittedly he had just belted out the closing number and it was the end of a fairly long night but still all I wanted to do was put my arms around him and apologise and hug him. It was just so awful. Here's he come all the way from America at the age of eighty-four to do a charity show for a cause dear to his heart and it's been a marvellous night and right at the end, this drunken fuck has to spoil things.
The worst thing is I kept wondering whether it was real or a set-up. And only when I was walking to the bus stop did I realise why I thought that --- because when Dean and Jer started out, that was the act. Dean sang and Jer heckled. Only this guy wasn't heckling. He was abusive. And rightly so, the audience turned on him. Now that's vindication. I'm so glad he got that reaction.
Mind you, just goes to prove what a skilled entertainer Jerry Lewis is because he clearly felt the distress of the audience and talked about how his dad taught him to always leave the audience with a thought to take home. Now he could do this every single night in every single one of his shows but tonight it was exactly what we needed. And it was set up to be completely schmaltzy and cheesy and then bam, he undercut it and god I love it when a comedian can create that brilliant flash of intellect and meta-awareness in my brain that causes me to laugh completely involuntarily and feel utterly satisfied on every level, emotional to intellectual to spiritual. The line? "Just remember: a friend in need ... (beat) ... is a pest."
*falls over laughing*
Have I mentioned lately how much I adore Jerry Lewis?
There was no merchandise but on every seat was a pamphlet for the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation which was only right. And clearly the universe has heard my whingeing because my seat just happened to be in the stalls and I had completely forgotten that the seating in the stalls are not the horrible back breaking buckling instruments of torture. Instead, they're these perfectly comfortable red chairs and my god, I was so grateful for them. Plus the screamer was a nicely short woman who gave me a perfect view of Jer and the other comedians all night. And best of all, I had a very nice lady on one side of me who asked when I discovered Jerry Lewis --- "I was eight, I watched Pardners" --- and an old couple on the other side who left at interval and didn't come back.
The audience was definitely skewed towards the older demographic, quite obviously people who don't go to the theatre or don't go out much at all, judging from their clothes. Lots of old overweight specimens. To the point of me wondering whether I'd be the youngest person there at the tender age of five months to my thirtieth birthday. But no, there were a few young girls and a few young guys who came in later.
I wonder just how many Jewish people were in that audience. Cos when I was waiting outside, this lovely old lady struck up a conversation with me and she was certainly one of many. I loved it. It reminded me so much of when we went to see Russell Peters at the same theatre and how I'd never seen so many Indian people in an Australian theatre! Kinda gives me the warm and fuzzies to see the ethnic population turn out to support their boychik, be he Yiddish or Yindian.
I was struck by a rather thunderous thought as I walked away from the theatre. I had just seen a performer who was one of the most celebrated acts from my grandmother's heyday. And she's not here. He's here, I'm here but she's not. That just ... spins me out, man. I don't know what to do with that.
But wow. Wow. I just witnessed a legend. Man, how many people can say they've seen Jerry Lewis perform? If someone had told me that a year ago or even a few months ago, I would have gone bug-eyed and "No way?! Really?! Omg, what's he like? Is he amazing?! Tell me!"
And to think last year I could have seen him at the Opera House. Where the fuck I was then I do not know. But what amazing timing is this, huh? That I just happen to get violently obsessed with the man and his career and he just happens to land on my shores right now? Not six months before, not six months after, no ships passing in the night like me and Trent Reznor. Here and now and wow.
I'm still a little in shock. Ask me in a year.
God, I'm glad I'm not working tomorrow.