FIC :: 30 Minutes to Whisper Your Name :: Implied Slash/Het
Title: 30 Minutes to Whisper Your Name
Author: Shining Zephyr
Rating: FRT
Genre: Angst
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner, Haley Brooks-Hotchner :: H/R implied
Summary: He could always talk to Haley; he would always get an answer. But not today.
Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing I don't own this show. Again.
Author Notes: It's been a rough few days, and Facebook RP has helped a little- but not a little. The result was this: an Alternate Universe Hotch and Reid that takes place 17 years into the future. Reid has slipped back into the Dilaudid phase of his life, and Aaron... Aaron drinks.
"...I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me!"
-- Haley Brooks-Hotchner, "100"
"Haley?"
It was such a simple question as Aaron gazed at the tombstone and the dirt mass nearby. He felt definitively underdressed. A t-shirt and slacks was not his choice of outfit when visiting the grave of his ex-wife, but honestly? He'd rolled out of bed and slapped on whatever he could find. This was half work-attire, half sleeping attire. It didn't really matter, though- wih his hands jammed in his pockets, he had a silent feeling he wasn't alone. Maybe it was her ghost, maybe it was someone else following him. Right then, he didn't care.
"It's me. ...Aaron."
So foreign to him.
"I've been- in a bit of a rut lately. Not only my job, and not only trying to cope with you being gone, but... I met someone. Someone I care for, I worry about. Someone for whom I really love, and... I want to change for them, Haley." He caught himself looking at his hands and the tightness in his throat once again. Why was it constantly hard to talk to her? Every time he came to just talk to her, it would always be like this, and he would be forced to leave because the blame on himself... It would be so heavy. So terrible.
"You remember Spencer. ...how could you forget? Sweet and kind and- he's something, Haley. He's something wonderful. He really is. He's just..." Another bit lip. "...he's a little lost? I don't know. You remember when he got kidnapped? When he got addicted to the drug? It's come back. His addiction." Aaron's voice choked up a little, and he looked down at the dirt and away from her headstone. Good god, he didn't even know if Spencer was right behind him or not. If Jack was, for god's sake.
He rubbed his arm, trying to reel it in. Failing. "Sweetheart, I- I love Spencer. I do. I want to be with him. I've wanted to for seventeen long years, and I feel like... like if I do, I'm unfaithful to you. It hurts so damn much, and-"
"And what?"
...he was going insane.
"Aaron. Aaron, look at me."
Slowly, the unit chief lifted his head and- there she was. Haley was smiling at him softly, albeit tears in her eyes. She stood there on top of her grave, floating and quite transparent. Her head was tilted in his direction, almost a curious spirit. "Aaron. I'm not mad at you. I never was."
There were tears welling up in his eyes now. "But Haley- Haley, I-"
She shook her head. "Stop. Stop. Just- hear me out. Please." Haley floated over to him, sinking to his level and resting a hand on his face. Almost as if she was human again. "I know. I know you loved me with all your heart. I know you still blame yourself for my death, for Foyet. And I know that- that you can see his ghost still. How it's been haunting you the past seventeen years since the day I was murdered... and I want you to let it go."
"I've been--"
"What you've been is blind," Haley told him gently. "Blind to not see the man in love with you. Madly in love with you for the last decade and a half, and- and you ignored it. You ignored it because you were wallowing in your pain because of Jack. Foyet. Me."
At this point, Aaron leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. The tears trickled down his face, and he couldn't answer his wife's ghost. All he could do was cry. He didn't care if anyone heard. He didn't give a flying fuck if Spencer could see him. If his own son would see him bawling almost childishly. He shook his head, choking out sobs. "I gave up... my stupid alcoholism... for a man I don't even know if... if..."
The ghost took a deep breath.
"You need him. And he needs you. Jack needs you." Her voice cracked as well. "I told you I wanted Jack to believe in love. That you need to show him. You have shown him nothing. NOTHING, Aaron. You've only shown him you have ghosts and you drink." Haley's sob became angry. "That. Isn't Love. That's self-loathing."
He didn't move.
"If you can't even love yourself... how can you love a man who's wanted you for seventeen years?"
Aaron couldn't answer her question. Not then. The tears stopped. Haley slowly disappeared.
He didn't move from his position sitting near her grave.
Author: Shining Zephyr
Rating: FRT
Genre: Angst
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner, Haley Brooks-Hotchner :: H/R implied
Summary: He could always talk to Haley; he would always get an answer. But not today.
Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing I don't own this show. Again.
Author Notes: It's been a rough few days, and Facebook RP has helped a little- but not a little. The result was this: an Alternate Universe Hotch and Reid that takes place 17 years into the future. Reid has slipped back into the Dilaudid phase of his life, and Aaron... Aaron drinks.
"...I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me!"
-- Haley Brooks-Hotchner, "100"
"Haley?"
It was such a simple question as Aaron gazed at the tombstone and the dirt mass nearby. He felt definitively underdressed. A t-shirt and slacks was not his choice of outfit when visiting the grave of his ex-wife, but honestly? He'd rolled out of bed and slapped on whatever he could find. This was half work-attire, half sleeping attire. It didn't really matter, though- wih his hands jammed in his pockets, he had a silent feeling he wasn't alone. Maybe it was her ghost, maybe it was someone else following him. Right then, he didn't care.
"It's me. ...Aaron."
So foreign to him.
"I've been- in a bit of a rut lately. Not only my job, and not only trying to cope with you being gone, but... I met someone. Someone I care for, I worry about. Someone for whom I really love, and... I want to change for them, Haley." He caught himself looking at his hands and the tightness in his throat once again. Why was it constantly hard to talk to her? Every time he came to just talk to her, it would always be like this, and he would be forced to leave because the blame on himself... It would be so heavy. So terrible.
"You remember Spencer. ...how could you forget? Sweet and kind and- he's something, Haley. He's something wonderful. He really is. He's just..." Another bit lip. "...he's a little lost? I don't know. You remember when he got kidnapped? When he got addicted to the drug? It's come back. His addiction." Aaron's voice choked up a little, and he looked down at the dirt and away from her headstone. Good god, he didn't even know if Spencer was right behind him or not. If Jack was, for god's sake.
He rubbed his arm, trying to reel it in. Failing. "Sweetheart, I- I love Spencer. I do. I want to be with him. I've wanted to for seventeen long years, and I feel like... like if I do, I'm unfaithful to you. It hurts so damn much, and-"
"And what?"
...he was going insane.
"Aaron. Aaron, look at me."
Slowly, the unit chief lifted his head and- there she was. Haley was smiling at him softly, albeit tears in her eyes. She stood there on top of her grave, floating and quite transparent. Her head was tilted in his direction, almost a curious spirit. "Aaron. I'm not mad at you. I never was."
There were tears welling up in his eyes now. "But Haley- Haley, I-"
She shook her head. "Stop. Stop. Just- hear me out. Please." Haley floated over to him, sinking to his level and resting a hand on his face. Almost as if she was human again. "I know. I know you loved me with all your heart. I know you still blame yourself for my death, for Foyet. And I know that- that you can see his ghost still. How it's been haunting you the past seventeen years since the day I was murdered... and I want you to let it go."
"I've been--"
"What you've been is blind," Haley told him gently. "Blind to not see the man in love with you. Madly in love with you for the last decade and a half, and- and you ignored it. You ignored it because you were wallowing in your pain because of Jack. Foyet. Me."
At this point, Aaron leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. The tears trickled down his face, and he couldn't answer his wife's ghost. All he could do was cry. He didn't care if anyone heard. He didn't give a flying fuck if Spencer could see him. If his own son would see him bawling almost childishly. He shook his head, choking out sobs. "I gave up... my stupid alcoholism... for a man I don't even know if... if..."
The ghost took a deep breath.
"You need him. And he needs you. Jack needs you." Her voice cracked as well. "I told you I wanted Jack to believe in love. That you need to show him. You have shown him nothing. NOTHING, Aaron. You've only shown him you have ghosts and you drink." Haley's sob became angry. "That. Isn't Love. That's self-loathing."
He didn't move.
"If you can't even love yourself... how can you love a man who's wanted you for seventeen years?"
Aaron couldn't answer her question. Not then. The tears stopped. Haley slowly disappeared.
He didn't move from his position sitting near her grave.