argablarg
I don't know how to talk to Joe about this.
Ok, to sum up.
Before I left Richmond, I talked to Joe about my lingering feelings for Cassidy and that I had plans to talk to her about it. Joe said he understood, that it was fine, and it's "normal to have feelings for more than one person."
So I talked to Cassidy a couple days ago and it turns out we both still feel the same way about each other. But there are no plans to return to a full-blown relationship. We're just going to go back to being comfortable with each other and being affectionate when we want. That will include kissing on a occasion.
So, you know, because I thought honesty was good for a relationship, I told Joe--and he seemed all right with everything until I mentioned kissing. Ever since, he's been pretty quiet and all he's really said about the situation is "I don't really know what it means for us."
I've said it doesn't change my feelings for him and it's not like I want to go hooking up with a bunch of people. Cassidy's just this weird, special case.
Joe told me I "don't have to worry" about him breaking up with me. But I feel like he's upset with me--which I can understand. Admittedly, if the tables were turned I would feel weird.
But I don't know, it's something I had to do.
And talking over Skype really isn't very effective but I'm not going to see him in person for a few weeks and I don't know what to do and I'm afraid to talk to him anyway because we've talked a bit in a normal way but he still didn't talk about much and it felt distant and detached and now I'm just avoiding him because I'm upset and I don't know what to do and I feel selfish and like I don't deserve to be talked to but then I just feel worse because why should I get to feel bad about this situation when I'm the one causing all the problems because I thought kissing wasn't a stupid thing to mention and I'm just worried he'll never, I don't know, trust me, I'm afraid he's mad at me for being upset about it and I took a nap earlier and I dreamt about us driving around and the car ran out of gas all of a sudden, so Joe pulled over and we ran into a line of parked cars and someone yelled at us, then we walked through a big restaurant but we kept going different ways to get to the other side and it just made me feel even more unnerved and like Joe was mad at me and I'm still afraid to talk to him because I always feel like I'm apologizing and he must be tired of it and I don't want to break up and I know he said he wasn't planning on it but I feel like he just doesn't like me anymore for telling him the truth but I still really don't want to break up because I like Joe so much and I have a lot of fun with him even if the sex-part isn't particularly great at this point but we get along really well and he makes me laugh and deals with me even when I'm bummed out and I miss him but I'm just afraid to talk to him and afraid he won't believe me when I tell him that I miss him and that I love him because I said "I love you" when we said goodnight the other night and he just seemed so, 'oh, yeah...you too', I know you can't really read that sort of stuff over a chat but I asked him if he was sure everything was cool and he still said he just didn't know and we should talk about it later but I've been too afraid to talk much more about it and basically he's just asked if this meant we were in some kind of open relationship but he didn't have anyone else he planned on dating and, like I said, neither do I but he still seemed confused and I just don't what to do, I want to go to sleep forever and forget I ever said anything, I don't regret talking to Cassidy because otherwise it would have eaten away at me forever but now I feel like Joe will never trust me again and I'm not even sure how I broke the trust because I told him everything but, again, were the tables turned, I would feel weird and confused as well and, again, that's why I feel like such a bad person because I just want Joe to be okay with this but that's a lot to ask when love is involved, I guess, and I still don't know what to do and I should probably just tell him all of this but in separate sentences and with pauses but I'm afraid he won't accept it, I don't know why, I'm just afraid because that's what I do.
Ok, to sum up.
Before I left Richmond, I talked to Joe about my lingering feelings for Cassidy and that I had plans to talk to her about it. Joe said he understood, that it was fine, and it's "normal to have feelings for more than one person."
So I talked to Cassidy a couple days ago and it turns out we both still feel the same way about each other. But there are no plans to return to a full-blown relationship. We're just going to go back to being comfortable with each other and being affectionate when we want. That will include kissing on a occasion.
So, you know, because I thought honesty was good for a relationship, I told Joe--and he seemed all right with everything until I mentioned kissing. Ever since, he's been pretty quiet and all he's really said about the situation is "I don't really know what it means for us."
I've said it doesn't change my feelings for him and it's not like I want to go hooking up with a bunch of people. Cassidy's just this weird, special case.
Joe told me I "don't have to worry" about him breaking up with me. But I feel like he's upset with me--which I can understand. Admittedly, if the tables were turned I would feel weird.
But I don't know, it's something I had to do.
And talking over Skype really isn't very effective but I'm not going to see him in person for a few weeks and I don't know what to do and I'm afraid to talk to him anyway because we've talked a bit in a normal way but he still didn't talk about much and it felt distant and detached and now I'm just avoiding him because I'm upset and I don't know what to do and I feel selfish and like I don't deserve to be talked to but then I just feel worse because why should I get to feel bad about this situation when I'm the one causing all the problems because I thought kissing wasn't a stupid thing to mention and I'm just worried he'll never, I don't know, trust me, I'm afraid he's mad at me for being upset about it and I took a nap earlier and I dreamt about us driving around and the car ran out of gas all of a sudden, so Joe pulled over and we ran into a line of parked cars and someone yelled at us, then we walked through a big restaurant but we kept going different ways to get to the other side and it just made me feel even more unnerved and like Joe was mad at me and I'm still afraid to talk to him because I always feel like I'm apologizing and he must be tired of it and I don't want to break up and I know he said he wasn't planning on it but I feel like he just doesn't like me anymore for telling him the truth but I still really don't want to break up because I like Joe so much and I have a lot of fun with him even if the sex-part isn't particularly great at this point but we get along really well and he makes me laugh and deals with me even when I'm bummed out and I miss him but I'm just afraid to talk to him and afraid he won't believe me when I tell him that I miss him and that I love him because I said "I love you" when we said goodnight the other night and he just seemed so, 'oh, yeah...you too', I know you can't really read that sort of stuff over a chat but I asked him if he was sure everything was cool and he still said he just didn't know and we should talk about it later but I've been too afraid to talk much more about it and basically he's just asked if this meant we were in some kind of open relationship but he didn't have anyone else he planned on dating and, like I said, neither do I but he still seemed confused and I just don't what to do, I want to go to sleep forever and forget I ever said anything, I don't regret talking to Cassidy because otherwise it would have eaten away at me forever but now I feel like Joe will never trust me again and I'm not even sure how I broke the trust because I told him everything but, again, were the tables turned, I would feel weird and confused as well and, again, that's why I feel like such a bad person because I just want Joe to be okay with this but that's a lot to ask when love is involved, I guess, and I still don't know what to do and I should probably just tell him all of this but in separate sentences and with pauses but I'm afraid he won't accept it, I don't know why, I'm just afraid because that's what I do.