so this is the new year..

[april12th]

the new year hasn't brought me anything but this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something is missing. i spent my new years eve crying my eyes out and chugging a bottle of the most delicious champagne, but it still didn't make me feel better. i just don't understand what's going on anymore, and i don't know what to do. tiffanie's was fun, and i should have known when i spent the whole night crying for no reason that something bad was going to happen. i'm just hungry for something more in my life, and i can't seem to find it. i feel like i'm starving, this empty feeling just won't go away. i had a taste of something nice for a while, but my own stupid mind made me think i needed something more than what we had, and now i have nothing at all. i'm just so tired. i'm glad i have people who care about me, and who worry about me, but that doesn't make it one bit better. maybe i'm a selfish person. maybe i'm just too picky. all i know is i need to find a solution to this problem before it eats away at me.

ashley