Diverticulitis (another play)
Setting: the desert planet Arakis. Two people are trudging across the high desert like drunken sailor. That is the only way to avoid having one's moisture absorbed by a worm as they are attracted by rhythmic walking . . .
Rick: Oh no. My stilsuit has a problem.
Stilgar: Wardrobe malfunction?
Rick: It's not funny you sanctimonious prick.
Stilgar: I thought you had that fixed . . .
Rick: I did.
Stilgar: Are you going to make it?
Rick: Yes, but damn it, it hurts. I went through hell for that repair. Now I'm back where I started.
The desert scene is interrupted by a mirage, this happens even when there is not enough water vapor to produce real mirages. Theorists theorize that in theory these mirages are caused by dehydration, drinking the distillate of one's own waste and of course, addiction to the spice melange . . .
Two pale pathetic sniveling humans walk up to the intrepid wanderers and predictably say,
Doug and Wendy: We're Doug and Wendy Whiner. We have diverticulitis (whining).
Stilgar: This is bullshit. Why are you sucking me into your ridiculous delusions?
exit Doug and Wendy
Rick: You are such an asshole, I can't believe you are blaming this on ME.
Stilgar: My suit is fine, I'm not dehydrated, . . . much.
Rick: Fine, it's all my fault. (whining) You know this isn't easy for me. I'm actually in pain.
Stilgar: Life is pain, princess.
Rick: I hate you. (starts walking rhythmically)
Stilgar: Hey, don't do that!
Rick: FINE! (starts walking arhythmically again)
Stilgar: I don't see why you're behaving this way. It's not cool.
Rick: You are UNBEARABLE! Nothing is cool, you IDIOT! It's 40 C freaking degrees in the shade, and I don't see any fucking shade . . .
A giant worm rises from the depths and swallows them whole and says in a Warner Brother's cartoon voice, "Shaddup!"
Stilgar's head pokes out the worms rectum and says, "Th-th-that's all folks."
Rick: Oh no. My stilsuit has a problem.
Stilgar: Wardrobe malfunction?
Rick: It's not funny you sanctimonious prick.
Stilgar: I thought you had that fixed . . .
Rick: I did.
Stilgar: Are you going to make it?
Rick: Yes, but damn it, it hurts. I went through hell for that repair. Now I'm back where I started.
The desert scene is interrupted by a mirage, this happens even when there is not enough water vapor to produce real mirages. Theorists theorize that in theory these mirages are caused by dehydration, drinking the distillate of one's own waste and of course, addiction to the spice melange . . .
Two pale pathetic sniveling humans walk up to the intrepid wanderers and predictably say,
Doug and Wendy: We're Doug and Wendy Whiner. We have diverticulitis (whining).
Stilgar: This is bullshit. Why are you sucking me into your ridiculous delusions?
exit Doug and Wendy
Rick: You are such an asshole, I can't believe you are blaming this on ME.
Stilgar: My suit is fine, I'm not dehydrated, . . . much.
Rick: Fine, it's all my fault. (whining) You know this isn't easy for me. I'm actually in pain.
Stilgar: Life is pain, princess.
Rick: I hate you. (starts walking rhythmically)
Stilgar: Hey, don't do that!
Rick: FINE! (starts walking arhythmically again)
Stilgar: I don't see why you're behaving this way. It's not cool.
Rick: You are UNBEARABLE! Nothing is cool, you IDIOT! It's 40 C freaking degrees in the shade, and I don't see any fucking shade . . .
A giant worm rises from the depths and swallows them whole and says in a Warner Brother's cartoon voice, "Shaddup!"
Stilgar's head pokes out the worms rectum and says, "Th-th-that's all folks."