SOP take 2

[royalneptune]

Okay so, after last time I pretty much deleted everything and started over again.

For the sake of background info, I'm applying to MFA programs. Right now my SOP is WAY too short for two of the schools requirements, and okay for three. So any suggestions to make the thing longer would be welcome.

Thanks guys.

Comments

[adequaticus]

My thoughts on paragraph #2...

"Adding on to my writing portfolio could be achieved through the wide variety of classes XXX offers"

This is a very awkwardly worded sentence. Restructure. List classes you're particularly interested in.

"In particular, the joint courses offered to both Publishing and Creative Writing students."

This isn't even a complete sentence...

"I think it's fantastic that the Creative Writing Program works so closely with the Publishing program and I want to be a part of that collaborative effort."

Saying the school is "fantastic" is juvenile. Tell them you want to take advantage of the existing collaboration.

"I have always enjoyed writing for magazines and newspapers..."

No you haven't... Again, this is juvenile.

"and believe that while at Emerson I could work on cultivating publishable work for these mediums so that upon graduation I could possibly pursue publication or work in those fields."

-You forgot to XXX out Emerson.
-Split up this last sentence in the second paragraphy. It's bulky and awkward.
-I may be wrong, but "cultivating" doesn't seem like the proper word to use.
-You use such *weak* words... 'I could maybe perhaps possibly do this if I maybe decide to...'

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I've been disappointed with every sentence you've written through the 2nd paragraph. This SoP is not good at all and needs heavy revision.