(Untitled)

[obsoletechild]

More SOP fun. Cut to spare those who don't want to read all about it.

Comments

[saralinds]

Much better! It's much clearer and more straightforward than the draft I saw two days ago. You can do it!!! :)

One obvious typo- fiel --> field.

Somehow even in this shorter essay, it still needs at least one concluding sentence...

[notquitezeus]

glad to see you're feeling better

[obsoletechild]

I don't really understand the problem with the second paragraph organization (it seems to me that is the way it is organized, so I don't know what to change to make it better). So this is what I end up with taking the other recommendations

[notquitezeus]

yeah, i see where you're coming from. almost all my writing in the past 3 years has been geared around proposals where space is at a super premium and i have half a page to explain magic without actually calling it that, so i place a heavy premium on writing that gets to the point quickly and i may well have overshot the mark. the first time i read through, you seemed to re-iterate a lot about how you need the degree and, for me at least, that space could be better used.

[obsoletechild]

I'm just going to take it out. You and everyone else are probably right. I don't care anymore and I don't feel like I am in a good position to judge myself. Besides which, just getting this over with is probably the best thing I can do.

I appreciate all the help.