(no subject)
Every 23rd show I am surprised the night ends so quickly and feel like a bit of a jerk because there was so many people I wanted to talk to and failed to even say hello to.
So you remember how I posted about my menstrual cycle a few entries back. Yeah, this is more of that so feel free to stop reading now. I just got a surprise way-early (for me) period. The second one in a row. I know two is not a pattern, but it seems I might be on a normal and regular cycle all of a sudden, which is kinda blowing my mind. See, the website where I track my periods usually emails me on the 35th day of my cycle to remind me it's coming, and then I spend a week or two wondering where it is. But lately the email comes way too late. I'm going to have to change the parameters!
I'm normal!
Hope it keeps up, having an internal cycle might help me not be an erratic freak in general.
Also, I've spent the past week waiting for a breakup that never comes. There's nothing but silence. I've been thinking about how waiting one day for something which has a small chance of being bad is harder than waiting a year for something guaranteed to be great. I've been thinking about how I once said that allowing someone silence when they need it is perhaps the surest sign that you care for them, and how I'm not yet strong or wise enough to wait gracefully. I've been thinking about how choosing to say nothing just because you don't have it all figured out is a pretty big indication that you don't trust very much, that trusting is feeling safe to talk about uncertainties. And not trusting makes it impossible to give. And love is giving. Of course, it's difficult to trust, and nobody should be judged simply for struggling with something that's supposed to be difficult. After all, you give important pieces of yourself to someone and it's practically guaranteed that at one point or another they'll have nothing to give you but silence when there's something that you need to hear.
So you remember how I posted about my menstrual cycle a few entries back. Yeah, this is more of that so feel free to stop reading now. I just got a surprise way-early (for me) period. The second one in a row. I know two is not a pattern, but it seems I might be on a normal and regular cycle all of a sudden, which is kinda blowing my mind. See, the website where I track my periods usually emails me on the 35th day of my cycle to remind me it's coming, and then I spend a week or two wondering where it is. But lately the email comes way too late. I'm going to have to change the parameters!
I'm normal!
Hope it keeps up, having an internal cycle might help me not be an erratic freak in general.
Also, I've spent the past week waiting for a breakup that never comes. There's nothing but silence. I've been thinking about how waiting one day for something which has a small chance of being bad is harder than waiting a year for something guaranteed to be great. I've been thinking about how I once said that allowing someone silence when they need it is perhaps the surest sign that you care for them, and how I'm not yet strong or wise enough to wait gracefully. I've been thinking about how choosing to say nothing just because you don't have it all figured out is a pretty big indication that you don't trust very much, that trusting is feeling safe to talk about uncertainties. And not trusting makes it impossible to give. And love is giving. Of course, it's difficult to trust, and nobody should be judged simply for struggling with something that's supposed to be difficult. After all, you give important pieces of yourself to someone and it's practically guaranteed that at one point or another they'll have nothing to give you but silence when there's something that you need to hear.