May 27, 2004 23:58
May 26th, 2004
Dear Sir or Madam,
Recently I viewed your film, “Hooter Heaven”. While I was certainly not expecting an Academy Award-deserving film, I have to say that I did not anticipate the drivel that was executed on the screen.
First of all, the title is extremely misleading. Apart from not seeing nearly as many hooters as I had prepared myself for, I must say that I did not witness anything “heaven”ly about any part of this production. I heard no harp music, saw no wings, and failed to see even the slightest bit of religious devotion in any number of the nearly inaudible dialogue scenes. No, there was nothing angelic about this film.
As for the musical aspect of your film, I had to wonder whether or not you received licensing permission to use the song by Enigma, or even the Mortal Kombat theme. Even though your renditions of the songs sounded like poor MIDI files, I feel that the artists need to know their material is being used.
The music, although obnoxious and nonsensical, was not the only thing that led to my dissatisfaction while viewing this. I understand that this was an amateur production, and I have full respect for that. However, it must be stated that one can hardly enjoy the film to the fullest when one can hear the director utter the word “change” to direct the actors to change positions. Might I suggest a nice pull back transition? This will allow for proper editing and will not make the scene lose its rhythm.
The lighting and costuming also presented problems to the total outcome of the film. The lighting drowned out each scene and was extremely distracting. Perhaps the actors did not perform to the best of their abilities because they were blinded by the overbearing lighting. As for the costumes, it seemed as if the actors wore their own clothing. I do not know how these people live their everyday lives outside of the adult industry, but I can assure you that none of them are involved in the clergy, nor are they modern day saints or prophets. It is at this time that I must redirect your attention to the title of the film. “Hooter Heaven” was nothing but. Perhaps if you had called your movie “Dirty Pillows in Detroit” or something to that effect, the actors could have kept their own clothes as costumes, no questions asked.
Now we come to the writing portion of this chaotic disaster. I think we are all aware of what a waste of time it would be for me to comment on the heinous dialogue. All I have to say about it is that if you plan to have any sort of plot line in your movies, please make them audible enough and long enough to engage the audience in the story that is being presented.
For as much respect as I have for the actors and actresses in this industry, I must speak my piece. While most of the actors seemed to be performing with some sense of occasion, I found that the actress in the second scene seemed to not even pretend to enjoy herself. In fact, the whole scene seemed to be non-consenting on her part. I realize that there are some fetishes in which “dead girl” sex is arousing to some viewers. However, I do not believe that “Hooter Heaven” was the right theme to feature necrophilia-reenactments. I admit that the whole situation with that actress made me feel extremely uncomfortable.
In short, I strongly believe that the potential for this film was predetermined by its name. I think that in this situation, it was just a question of aiming too high. I commend you on your efforts, although they fell too short for my taste.
Respectfully Yours,
I'm not sure if I'm going to add my real name or not. Probably not, since I really don't want these people sending me nice gift baskets of porn.