Fic: The Reminder
Title The Reminder
Fandom Doctor Who - Eighth Doctor Adventures
Pairing Eight/Fitz
Rating G-PG
Spoilers Set at some point after EarthWorld.
Word count 1888
Summary Fitz just wants the Doctor to remember the things that actually matter.
Author’s notes I actually wrote something which is almost fluff! Also, probably astronomically impossible planet, but you get those in canon, so why not?
With furrowed brow, the Doctor looked at the temporal coordinates displayed on the console and checked the environmental read-outs yet again. They had landed five minutes ago, but the Doctor had been keeping them inside, still fussing with the controls. Anji was weighing from one foot to another, her impatience only marginally hid, while Fitz leaned against one of the pillars, feeling content watching the Doctor work. He could see the Doctor’s pleasure at being back in the TARDIS. Perhaps he was just stalling to prove to himself that he still knew how to operate her.
Finally, the Doctor gave a curt nod to himself and spun on the spot, his frock-coat fanning out behind him. He stopped, almost lost his balance and then straightened up again, facing Fitz and Anji.
‘Alright, it’s all safe,’ he announced.
‘So, where are we?’ Anji asked as she looked towards the doors.
‘A planet,’ the Doctor said, his face shining up with glee.
‘Which planet?’ Fitz wondered. Anji was obviously reserving judgement on this trip, but he was grinning along with the Doctor, who was skipping with excitement.
‘It’s a treat!’ he explained. ‘Go on - have a look!’
Fitz caught Anji’s eye. She shrugged and smiled, as if saying, ‘alright, but after you.’ He walked over to the doors,with Anji only a few steps behind. The Doctor was still at the controls, but Fitz could sense him watching them. He reached out to the door and pushed it open.
The light that greeted them was like nothing he had ever seen. He stepped outside, afraid that moving into it might change the place, but it did not. They were high up in a desert canyon, stretching out on all sides, with no sign of any life. His feet stirred up red dust which glittered in the sun. No, suns, Fitz corrected himself and, holding up his hand in front of his eyes, tried to look at the sky. To their right, the sky was ablaze. The clouds were ablaze with purples, reds and gold. Above them it looked almost like day-time. To their left, the sky was the palest blue, and from behind the horizon stretched the infant beams of a new sun.
‘Oh god,’ Anji murmured. She was beside him now, her hand at her eyes too. Slowly, Fitz lowered his hands and looked down. It was so bright it hurt his eyes, so he half-closed them, and spun on the spot. Sunset, daylight, sunrise, sunset, daylight, sunrise...
‘How is this place even possible?’ he exclaimed. When he stopped, he saw the Doctor standing in the door of the TARDIS. He was not skipping anymore, and he was not grinning. Instead, he smiled, like an indulgent parent.
‘This planet orbits a sun along with two stars,’ he explained. ‘It cannot sustain life - it is far too hot. By rights, it’s a miracle that it ever managed to be formed. I had to make sure that we landed at a time when we could walk the surface without being incinerated. This is fine, though. One of the stars is a red dwarf by now - the one which is setting - so it’s cooler than usual, and the air’s breathable.’ He reached into his pockets. ‘Here - should have given you these before...’ He drew out two pairs of sunglasses and, taking one in each hand, threw them. Anji snatched hers out of the air. Fitz fumbled and almost dropped his. It felt much better with them on.
‘What about you?’ Anji asked. Now the Doctor did grin.
‘My eyes can handle it.’ He pulled the TARDIS door shut and crossed to them. ‘I wanted to take you someplace nice for once,’ he explained and smiled apologetically. ‘Just for a while.’
‘How did you learn about this place?’ Fitz wondered. The Doctor shrugged.
‘I’ve been reading in the TARDIS library.’ Fitz nodded, feeling suddenly disappointed. He had hoped that the Doctor would have remembered it, but no. He had found it in a book.
Anji, unaware of the implications of the Doctor’s amnesia, did not seem worried about this. Instead, she looked around again and asked:
‘Can we move around?’
‘Of course,’ the Doctor said. ‘Go for a walk. Don’t get lost, mind, and be careful. But really, this is an opportunity too good to miss.’ Anji smiled and unexpectedly, gave the Doctor a hug as thanks. He looked surprised, but pleased, and patted her head. She let go of him and, offering Fitz a grin, turned and walked away from them.
The Doctor gave a long, pleased sigh. Fitz was aware of how close he stood. There was something so comfortable of his presence.This was wonderful - being on this planet, with him... and yet he did not remember. Fitz looked out at the sunset. The purples were tinged with blues now. It struck him yet again how unearthly the light was. Out of the corner of his eye, he sensed the Doctor watching him.
‘Shall we go for a walk too?’ he asked, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper. Fitz shrugged, but then said:
‘I want to watch this.’ The Doctor touched his arm.
‘Let’s sit down, then.’ Fitz looked at him and nodded. He was still the same, still his Doctor, with his magic worlds and his crazy schemes. He still saw affection in his eyes. Fitz just had to stop obsessing about the fact that meeting again had not been how he had thought. Before, when they had escaped danger, he had kissed him, but after seeing him after a hundred years, he did not know who he was, and when he realised, he had just hugged him. Fitz had been too cowardly to kiss him - he had been so sure that the Doctor would do it that he had not even collected his courage for it. As they walked towards the edge of the cliff where they had landed and sat down, Fitz thought about how stupid he was being. It didn’t mean anything - there was nothing it represented. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t important. Except...
...Except, it was what the Doctor - the Doctor he had known before - would have done. So it did matter.
‘What is it?’
Fitz jumped, woken from his thoughts. The Doctor was watching him, a concerned crease between his eyebrows.
‘Oh - nothing,’ he said quickly and looked at the sunset. A small part of the sky was darkening, but the sun above them was moving in the same direction. It created a dark-blue strip of sky which moved imperceptibly towards the horizon.
‘No, there is something,’ the Doctor said. ‘You’re worried or angry or sad...’ Fitz looked back at him. The Doctor was biting the inside of his lip. The look he gave him was pitiful. ‘At me?’ Fitz sighed.
‘No, not at you,’ he said and rubbed his eyes under the sunglasses. ‘I’m angry, but it’s not your fault. Not really.’
‘Why are you angry?’ the Doctor asked with the insistence of a child who did not understand. He even tilted his head when he spoke.
‘It’s nothing,’ Fitz said. He leaned back on his hands and watched the dark strip of sky. They were silent for a long time, but he could not let the subject go. Perhaps I should just ask...? Yeah, be a masochist, Kreiner. Good idea. So even if he knew it was a stupid thing to do, he broke the silence.
‘Doctor, what do you remember? Of before?’ The Doctor smiled and looked up at the sky.
‘All sorts of things,’ he said. ‘We had adventures, you and I. We travelled to so many places. We lost each other. We found each other. I saved your life, and you saved mine.’ The Doctor looked away from the sky and at Fitz. When he saw his frown, his face fell. ‘Didn’t that happen?’ he asked.
‘It did,’ Fitz said, ‘but I don’t think you remember that. You’re just guessing.’ The Doctor swallowed. Fitz thought he could see his lower lip trembling. He panicked, feeling guilty. He had not meant to upset him. But before he had time to figure out what to do, the Doctor composed himself and said:
‘You’re right, Fitz.’ He pulled his hair out of his face and looked out over the landscape, then up at the sky, as though he was drawing strength from this place. Then he turned towards him. He did not seem to dare to look directly at Fitz, but he sat with his face turned towards him as he spoke. ‘I don’t remember. But I know. I have no idea what we did or where we went, or with whom we travelled, but I missed you every single day for an entire century. Even though I didn’t know who you were, what you looked like... all I knew was a name... But every time I put my hand in my pocket I longed to find out.’ He reached into his frock-coat and took out a strip of paper, worn and torn, but with the letters still legible. ‘This saved me a fair few times, you know,’ he said with a faint smile. ‘It would have been so easy to give up, but knowing that someone was waiting for me...’ He looked at the message in his hand. ‘Whenever I didn’t see the point of it, I’d take this out and read it, and count the years and the days. It always worked. It reminded me that there was a purpose. It made me feel...’ He fell silent, frowning. Fitz waited, until he could not bear it anymore.
‘Made you feel what?’
The Doctor turned his head suddenly and looked him in the eye. His eyes were so blue that they made the sky where sunset and sunrise happened at once look dull.
‘Loved.’
Fitz stared at him. He was almost convinced that he had not said anything, that he was just hearing what he wanted to hear, but no, the Doctor’s eyes spoke of the same thing. Fitz swallowed, hoping he could trust his voice.
‘You are,’ he said. ‘Of course you are.’
The Doctor’s face split into an expression of pure joy. The look of it made Fitz’s heart lift. What did it matter if he didn’t remember? What were a few memories? What really mattered had not changed after all. He had been wrong. The Doctor laughed, the beautiful silver peel of it ringing in the valley below them. Fitz laughed too and pulled him into a hug. The Doctor wrapped his arms around him hard, while Fitz buried his head in his hair. He realised that there were tears in his eyes. His first reaction was to hold onto the Doctor until he had blinked them away, so he would not see them, but he did not stop him when he pulled back and touched his cheek. Suddenly, courage seemed completely irrelevant. All he had to do was act. As the red dwarf disappeared below the horizon, the sun started its slow descent and the rising star began to climb the sky, Fitz leaned closer and kissed the Doctor. He sighed against his lips in both pleasure and surprise, and then, as though it was all the reminder he needed, he kissed him back.
Fandom Doctor Who - Eighth Doctor Adventures
Pairing Eight/Fitz
Rating G-PG
Spoilers Set at some point after EarthWorld.
Word count 1888
Summary Fitz just wants the Doctor to remember the things that actually matter.
Author’s notes I actually wrote something which is almost fluff! Also, probably astronomically impossible planet, but you get those in canon, so why not?
With furrowed brow, the Doctor looked at the temporal coordinates displayed on the console and checked the environmental read-outs yet again. They had landed five minutes ago, but the Doctor had been keeping them inside, still fussing with the controls. Anji was weighing from one foot to another, her impatience only marginally hid, while Fitz leaned against one of the pillars, feeling content watching the Doctor work. He could see the Doctor’s pleasure at being back in the TARDIS. Perhaps he was just stalling to prove to himself that he still knew how to operate her.
Finally, the Doctor gave a curt nod to himself and spun on the spot, his frock-coat fanning out behind him. He stopped, almost lost his balance and then straightened up again, facing Fitz and Anji.
‘Alright, it’s all safe,’ he announced.
‘So, where are we?’ Anji asked as she looked towards the doors.
‘A planet,’ the Doctor said, his face shining up with glee.
‘Which planet?’ Fitz wondered. Anji was obviously reserving judgement on this trip, but he was grinning along with the Doctor, who was skipping with excitement.
‘It’s a treat!’ he explained. ‘Go on - have a look!’
Fitz caught Anji’s eye. She shrugged and smiled, as if saying, ‘alright, but after you.’ He walked over to the doors,with Anji only a few steps behind. The Doctor was still at the controls, but Fitz could sense him watching them. He reached out to the door and pushed it open.
The light that greeted them was like nothing he had ever seen. He stepped outside, afraid that moving into it might change the place, but it did not. They were high up in a desert canyon, stretching out on all sides, with no sign of any life. His feet stirred up red dust which glittered in the sun. No, suns, Fitz corrected himself and, holding up his hand in front of his eyes, tried to look at the sky. To their right, the sky was ablaze. The clouds were ablaze with purples, reds and gold. Above them it looked almost like day-time. To their left, the sky was the palest blue, and from behind the horizon stretched the infant beams of a new sun.
‘Oh god,’ Anji murmured. She was beside him now, her hand at her eyes too. Slowly, Fitz lowered his hands and looked down. It was so bright it hurt his eyes, so he half-closed them, and spun on the spot. Sunset, daylight, sunrise, sunset, daylight, sunrise...
‘How is this place even possible?’ he exclaimed. When he stopped, he saw the Doctor standing in the door of the TARDIS. He was not skipping anymore, and he was not grinning. Instead, he smiled, like an indulgent parent.
‘This planet orbits a sun along with two stars,’ he explained. ‘It cannot sustain life - it is far too hot. By rights, it’s a miracle that it ever managed to be formed. I had to make sure that we landed at a time when we could walk the surface without being incinerated. This is fine, though. One of the stars is a red dwarf by now - the one which is setting - so it’s cooler than usual, and the air’s breathable.’ He reached into his pockets. ‘Here - should have given you these before...’ He drew out two pairs of sunglasses and, taking one in each hand, threw them. Anji snatched hers out of the air. Fitz fumbled and almost dropped his. It felt much better with them on.
‘What about you?’ Anji asked. Now the Doctor did grin.
‘My eyes can handle it.’ He pulled the TARDIS door shut and crossed to them. ‘I wanted to take you someplace nice for once,’ he explained and smiled apologetically. ‘Just for a while.’
‘How did you learn about this place?’ Fitz wondered. The Doctor shrugged.
‘I’ve been reading in the TARDIS library.’ Fitz nodded, feeling suddenly disappointed. He had hoped that the Doctor would have remembered it, but no. He had found it in a book.
Anji, unaware of the implications of the Doctor’s amnesia, did not seem worried about this. Instead, she looked around again and asked:
‘Can we move around?’
‘Of course,’ the Doctor said. ‘Go for a walk. Don’t get lost, mind, and be careful. But really, this is an opportunity too good to miss.’ Anji smiled and unexpectedly, gave the Doctor a hug as thanks. He looked surprised, but pleased, and patted her head. She let go of him and, offering Fitz a grin, turned and walked away from them.
The Doctor gave a long, pleased sigh. Fitz was aware of how close he stood. There was something so comfortable of his presence.This was wonderful - being on this planet, with him... and yet he did not remember. Fitz looked out at the sunset. The purples were tinged with blues now. It struck him yet again how unearthly the light was. Out of the corner of his eye, he sensed the Doctor watching him.
‘Shall we go for a walk too?’ he asked, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper. Fitz shrugged, but then said:
‘I want to watch this.’ The Doctor touched his arm.
‘Let’s sit down, then.’ Fitz looked at him and nodded. He was still the same, still his Doctor, with his magic worlds and his crazy schemes. He still saw affection in his eyes. Fitz just had to stop obsessing about the fact that meeting again had not been how he had thought. Before, when they had escaped danger, he had kissed him, but after seeing him after a hundred years, he did not know who he was, and when he realised, he had just hugged him. Fitz had been too cowardly to kiss him - he had been so sure that the Doctor would do it that he had not even collected his courage for it. As they walked towards the edge of the cliff where they had landed and sat down, Fitz thought about how stupid he was being. It didn’t mean anything - there was nothing it represented. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t important. Except...
...Except, it was what the Doctor - the Doctor he had known before - would have done. So it did matter.
‘What is it?’
Fitz jumped, woken from his thoughts. The Doctor was watching him, a concerned crease between his eyebrows.
‘Oh - nothing,’ he said quickly and looked at the sunset. A small part of the sky was darkening, but the sun above them was moving in the same direction. It created a dark-blue strip of sky which moved imperceptibly towards the horizon.
‘No, there is something,’ the Doctor said. ‘You’re worried or angry or sad...’ Fitz looked back at him. The Doctor was biting the inside of his lip. The look he gave him was pitiful. ‘At me?’ Fitz sighed.
‘No, not at you,’ he said and rubbed his eyes under the sunglasses. ‘I’m angry, but it’s not your fault. Not really.’
‘Why are you angry?’ the Doctor asked with the insistence of a child who did not understand. He even tilted his head when he spoke.
‘It’s nothing,’ Fitz said. He leaned back on his hands and watched the dark strip of sky. They were silent for a long time, but he could not let the subject go. Perhaps I should just ask...? Yeah, be a masochist, Kreiner. Good idea. So even if he knew it was a stupid thing to do, he broke the silence.
‘Doctor, what do you remember? Of before?’ The Doctor smiled and looked up at the sky.
‘All sorts of things,’ he said. ‘We had adventures, you and I. We travelled to so many places. We lost each other. We found each other. I saved your life, and you saved mine.’ The Doctor looked away from the sky and at Fitz. When he saw his frown, his face fell. ‘Didn’t that happen?’ he asked.
‘It did,’ Fitz said, ‘but I don’t think you remember that. You’re just guessing.’ The Doctor swallowed. Fitz thought he could see his lower lip trembling. He panicked, feeling guilty. He had not meant to upset him. But before he had time to figure out what to do, the Doctor composed himself and said:
‘You’re right, Fitz.’ He pulled his hair out of his face and looked out over the landscape, then up at the sky, as though he was drawing strength from this place. Then he turned towards him. He did not seem to dare to look directly at Fitz, but he sat with his face turned towards him as he spoke. ‘I don’t remember. But I know. I have no idea what we did or where we went, or with whom we travelled, but I missed you every single day for an entire century. Even though I didn’t know who you were, what you looked like... all I knew was a name... But every time I put my hand in my pocket I longed to find out.’ He reached into his frock-coat and took out a strip of paper, worn and torn, but with the letters still legible. ‘This saved me a fair few times, you know,’ he said with a faint smile. ‘It would have been so easy to give up, but knowing that someone was waiting for me...’ He looked at the message in his hand. ‘Whenever I didn’t see the point of it, I’d take this out and read it, and count the years and the days. It always worked. It reminded me that there was a purpose. It made me feel...’ He fell silent, frowning. Fitz waited, until he could not bear it anymore.
‘Made you feel what?’
The Doctor turned his head suddenly and looked him in the eye. His eyes were so blue that they made the sky where sunset and sunrise happened at once look dull.
‘Loved.’
Fitz stared at him. He was almost convinced that he had not said anything, that he was just hearing what he wanted to hear, but no, the Doctor’s eyes spoke of the same thing. Fitz swallowed, hoping he could trust his voice.
‘You are,’ he said. ‘Of course you are.’
The Doctor’s face split into an expression of pure joy. The look of it made Fitz’s heart lift. What did it matter if he didn’t remember? What were a few memories? What really mattered had not changed after all. He had been wrong. The Doctor laughed, the beautiful silver peel of it ringing in the valley below them. Fitz laughed too and pulled him into a hug. The Doctor wrapped his arms around him hard, while Fitz buried his head in his hair. He realised that there were tears in his eyes. His first reaction was to hold onto the Doctor until he had blinked them away, so he would not see them, but he did not stop him when he pulled back and touched his cheek. Suddenly, courage seemed completely irrelevant. All he had to do was act. As the red dwarf disappeared below the horizon, the sun started its slow descent and the rising star began to climb the sky, Fitz leaned closer and kissed the Doctor. He sighed against his lips in both pleasure and surprise, and then, as though it was all the reminder he needed, he kissed him back.