Dad....

[apokryphos]

Today after I had come home from school I recieved a phonen. call from my mom to come over immediately. When I got there I was greeted by a coronor....nobody needed to tell me anything after that... Over the past month or so my father had been acting very unusually. When he was sober he acted like he was drunk. He was quite the alcoholic... On thanksgiving we drove up to my uncle's. He was swerving all over the highway, I told him to pull over and let me drive. I knew something was wrong....I just didn't know what. After thanksgiving I had decided that perhaps it would be best if I went and lived with him, to make sure everything was all right...I had planned to move in within the next week.... Before he died, I had told him I was going to move in.. he was so happy....he must have been depressed. He lived by himself. He called my mom and told her how excited he was that I was moving in. When she called me after that she told me she was worried that he would pass out and never wake up....she suggested we have him over for dinner that night. I didn't think it was necessary....boy was I wrong. Apparantly he had been using large amounts of valium along with alcohol. Everybody told me "oh how shocking it is", but it feels like I knew something would happen this whole time....of course I have regret...more regret than I have ever had in my entire life...I knew something was wrong, yet I did nothing. I talked to everybody that he had interacted with recently...they all agreed something was wrong...my uncle talked to him, but my father was in denial. I don't know how the fuck he could go to work everybody and NOBODY notice? fuck.....

I love you dad....I am going to miss you. :(