[changmin/yunho] baby and i make six [2]
title : baby and i make six
pairing : changmin/yunho
rating : nc-17
words : 11,313
summary : changmin's life comes to what can be described as a standstill in the years after the group is finally disbanded. he thinks he's got his life figured out when reality throws a curveball at him and forces him to reconnect with his ex-bandmates.
a/n : written for kpop_olymfics. haven't written in much too long and so it's a bit choppy. thanks to those who beta'd/looked this over for me!
Jaejoong sits on the leftmost side of Changmin’s couch, squishing himself against the armrest as if there was a fat person stuck between him and Changmin when there’s nothing but air. Changmin finds it ironic that just a few years ago, Jaejoong would’ve been all over him, tugging on his hair or draping himself over his lap to fight for the remote. They really have grown up a lot and are no longer the same people they once were. Changmin has to admit, he finds minor satisfaction in the awkwardness that Jaejoong possesses now, a bit of that bitterness he’s harbored for so many years fading just to see how uncomfortable Jaejoong looks to be here right now. Almost as if he knows he doesn’t belong.
“Got here alright?” Changmin asks, tapping his fingers on his knee.
“I was going to call a cab but surprisingly, I still remembered how to get here. Guess I didn’t forget as much as I thought. This means that she really is one of ours, isn’t she?” Jaejoong says.
“Probably.” Changmin isn’t in the mood to make small talk, looking around a few times and then checking his watch. Are the others going to come at all? They were all invited just like Jaejoong was? Before he even gets to voice his questions aloud, Changmin catches sight of Junsu walking down the sidewalk to his house, clad in a business suit with another man trailing behind him. “Well,” Changmin murmurs under his breath, “bet you a hundred that that’s his lawyer.”
Jaejoong lifts his head and gazes at Junsu, shaking his head a little, “It’s his cousin.” The Kim family always did like to keep things personal and as close to their hearts as possible. “Last I heard though, he was training to be a lawyer too.”
“How convenient,” Changmin says with a roll of his eyes.
Yoochun never ends up showing but Changmin didn’t expect he would either. The other man’s been away on business a lot these days and Changmin doesn’t care either way if Yoochun’s there or not. The last time they spoke was when Changmin called the Park house. He had seen Yoochun just once and that was at the airport when Yoochun managed to hand him his DNA sample on a flyover. Yoochun was Yoochun and Changmin didn’t know quite what he was expecting but the other man was so laid back and just so happy with what he had in life that it made Changmin want to smile and he never thought he’d want to do that upon meeting Yoochun again.
On the other hand, Changmin is surprised that Yunho doesn’t show. He would’ve expected the older man here no matter what had happened between them. Changmin doesn’t have the time to waste on why Yunho’s there and why he isn’t and maybe it doesn’t matter. All he wants now are answers and either a yes or a no would be more than sufficient to him.
Luckily for him, it’s a no. Unluckily for Jaejoong, it’s a yes.
“She’s mine?” Jaejoong says blankly, holding the paper in his hand that tells him of his paternity match to little Mi-sun, “but uh- I mean- I don’t understand.” He looks around a little helplessly and more than a little unwilling, catching Changmin’s gaze and giving him a desperate look as if to ask him to make sense of this for him because Changmin was always so logical and good at it.
Changmin would help, he really might, if there was a way to. It’s just that there’s no way to explain or fix this. Changmin reaches for the paper and reads it over, nodding his head slightly to confirm that what that the report is true.
Jaejoong slumps into the leather sofa with a sigh, jaw clenching and unclenching a few times and Changmin can only wonder what he’s thinking right now. He thinks of reaching out to pat Jaejoong on the back but the idea of touching the other man no longer seems to be something he can do. From the other side, Junsu’s lawyer and part-time cousin, clears his throat and excuses them. Jaejoong doesn’t bother turning and neither does Changmin.
- - -
Jaejoong picks her up on a Sunday. He stops by unannounced with a baby carrier and Changmin has to gently remind him that Mi-sun is nearly four and doesn’t need a carrier. Jaejoong doesn’t exactly respond to that bit but when he sees her, he does start to cry and Changmin doesn’t think it’s that he’s touched but that he’s scared and lost as to what to do with a child. If it were Changmin, he would be crying too.
“Should’ve known it was Jaejoong-oppa’s,” Soo-yeon says from the doorway, “ she’s the spitting image of him.”
Changmin rolls his eyes and chucks a piece of paper rolled into a ball right at her, “You said she had my eyes so shut up. Don’t you have a date or some homework to do?”
She gives him a very child-appropriate middle finger and leaves after wishing Jaejoong good luck. “He’ll need it,” Soo-yeon mutters under her breath before walking off.
“She really is just like you,” Jaejoong says as he holds his hand out to grab hold of Mi-sun’s much tinier hand, “your sister, not my daughter,” he clarifies.
Changmin tilts his head curiously and gets off the couch to grab a few of Mi-sun’s belongings, various things that Soo-yeon and his mother and father have been buying for her in her two week long stay at his home. “Well, she’s a Shim, nothing I can do about it. Something in the water or food in this household probably.”
Mi-sun stands there looking at them both before slowly letting go of Jaejoong’s hand to tug on Changmin’s pant leg, hugging his left leg as she shakes her head. She’s cute and she’s grown on Changmin but she’s not his and Changmin doesn’t want her to be his either.
It takes a bit of pleading from Jaejoong and a lot of bribing from Changmin in the form of candies and chocolates before she finally follows Jaejoong out to the car. Changmin promises he’ll visit but he doesn’t think he will, waving just once before he closes the door on them.
“Good riddance,” he mumbles before collapsing onto the sofa for a long awaited nap.
- - -
His peace and quiet is short lived. Three days after Mi-sun leaves, she shows up again with a thumb in her mouth and Jaejoong nowhere to be found. Changmin’s more than a little pissed when he opens the door to find her sitting there. He ignores the toothy grin to find his phone and call up his irresponsible ex-bandmate, letting out a string of curses before he hangs up abruptly to wait for Jaejoong to get there.
“Just stay here and eat some candy,” he mutters, grumpily turning the TV on so that she has something to watch and won’t plead with him to play a game with her. Changmin’s a bit moodier today than he usually is in part because of a nasty dream he had and in part because he hasn’t had lunch yet. He doesn’t want to deal with any of this or any of them today.
Jaejoong shows up all of ten minutes later apologizing like mad but Changmin ignores it all, pointing into his living room where Mi-sun’s already falling asleep. She’s probably crashed from all the excitement and sugar she just consumed.
“Forget it,” Changmin says, “you’ve always been like this so whatever.”
“And what do you mean by always?” Jaejoong asks. Normally he’d let this go but he’s just so tired and in need a break, one goddamn break. “We haven’t seen each other in years, Changmin, please don’t talk about me like you still know me so well.”
“But you haven’t changed in the least and don’t give me that bullshit. When we were in the band together, you needed Yunho to bail you all the fucking time. Don’t make me start listing all the times we would be in bed and he’d get a call at two in the morning, asking for a ride or for cash,” Changmin snaps back.
Jaejoong colors and opens his mouth to growl something at Changmin but nothing comes out, mainly because Changmin’s right and mainly because he’s never been good at arguing against someone as logical as Changmin. It’s still a low blow nonetheless and Jaejoong can hardly believe Changmin’s bringing all of this up right now.
“Nothing to say because I’m right? Grow up, Jaejoong. I could care less what you do or don’t do but you have a kid now, a kid that knows the way to my house apparently so I would appreciate it if you could take care of her and if you can’t, there’s something called daycare. Look into it.”
“Shut up,” Jaejoong says, voice low and quiet, “you just shut up. You’ve always thought you were mature and wise but you’re not all that different from us, Changmin. You’re just as fucked up and it’s not our fault or the industry or the fans’ fault- it’s your own fault. Take some responsibility for your own shit, Changmin.”
“Oh, oh what responsibility are we talking about?” Changmn says with an almost amused chuckle, “please do enlighten me.”
Jaejoong snorts and crosses his arms across his chest, “You really don’t think you’ve messed up just like the rest of us have? You’re not as good as you think you are and that’s fine, we all have our faults but you never seem to admit or see them and that’s your problem.”
Changmin waves his hand as if for Jaejoong to go on, checking the time on his watch even. He would love to see where Jaejoong goes with all of this.
“One word,” Jaejoong says, “Yunho.”
Changmin blanches a bit and then looks up, eyes narrowed before he relaxes and shrugs, “Jaejoong, you know nothing about my relationship with him. He was the one that broke it off so shut-”
“No,” the other man says quietly, “you broke it off when you stopped talking to him, when you stopped visiting and writing while he was serving. You broke it off when you stopped giving a shit and decided that you needed to protect yourself more than you needed him in your life.” Jaejoong sighs and leans against the wall, deciding that he desperately needs to be drunk before he has a conversation like this. “You know why he broke up with you and you planned on it. You didn’t want to be the bad guy and you wanted to be able to say that he was the one that broke it off with you and not the other way around. It’s so simple, Changmin and he knew that, don’t you think he did? He knows you the best and the longest, there’s no way you really thought that he wouldn’t have figured it out. Give him more credit than that.”
Changmin does reply and he doesn’t plan on it either, gazing at Jaejoong from across the room, Mi-sun still snoring away on the sofa.
“You know why Yunho got that divorce, don’t you?” Jaejoong asks quietly.
“No,” Changmin says immediately, maybe just a little too fast. He was surprised, he reminds himself.
Jaejoong smiles a little but it’s not the happy sort. “Yeah, you do.”
Changmin holds his breath for a few seconds before letting it out all at once, “I didn’t know you two kept in touch.”
“We didn’t. I called him about the kid when you first came to me, thinking that you went to him first and we just started talking from there. It’s not like we’re friends,” Jaejoong says, “but you can imagine my surprise when he told me about his divorce. It didn’t take too many guesses before I figured out why it happened.” He walks over to Mi-sun and picks her up, brushing back her sweaty bangs, “You’re a smart guy, Changmin. I’m sure you’ll figure it out too.”
- - -
Changmin’s lonely. That’s the only explanation he has for what he’s about to do. He’s lonely and he’s just a little drunk, actually, make that very drunk. Alcohol tends to dull sensibilities so he’s just going to claim that he was drunk after all of this is over. Right, good, that’s exactly what he’ll do.
Standing in front of a familiar oak door, Changmin raises his hand and knocks just twice, holding his breath as he listens carefully for the sound of footsteps before taking a step back himself. He’s got a smile on his face already, deciding that he should be polite and mind his manners.
When the door opens and Yunho pokes his head out of the house to gaze at him, dressed in a fuzzy v-neck sweater with a pair of glasses on, all of Changmin’s well thought out plans go straight to hell and he jumps the older man almost immediately.
“Hi-,” Yunho mumbles against Changmin’s lips, gasping as he tries to push him away, doing his best to slap at the hands that are already reaching to undo his buttons and pull on the strings of his sweats. “Changmin-ah, what- what are you doing here?” he asks, voice a bit tight.
Lips red and hair a mess, Changmin tries to think up an answer for that, “I’m drunk,” he settles on saying.
Yunho shakes his head even as he’s closing the door, leading Changmin inside to sit on his sofa, “Really?”
“I’m drunk and hungry,” Changmin corrects himself. Yunho sighs and before he gets kicked out, Changmin sits up straighter and blurts out, “I’m lonely. I’m tired and I’m lonely and I miss you and I-,” Changmin swallows hard and slouches, “and I want you.”
“You can’t keep doing this, Changmin,” Yunho says quietly, expression soft even as he reaches for Changmin’s hand, “I’m married now. Changmin, I can’t keep doing this.”
“But you want to,” Changmin says softly, more than a little hopeful, “don’t you?”
Yunho grits his teeth and wishes he could tell Changmin no but his mouth doesn’t seem to want to force the word out. He’s never been able to deny Changmin anything and even to this day, when Changmin is no longer sixteen and in need of his babying and protection, Yunho still wants to. “Yes,” he whispers, closing his eyes as Changmin’s lips press against his urgently, “of course I do.”
It happens the same as it always does, a kiss to the lips and then the undressing. Yunho tells himself after every meeting that this time will be the last, that there will never be another “time” but again and again he allows himself to do this.
“I love you,” Changmin will whisper and Yunho will say it right back, murmuring the words into his ear as his hands roam across every inch of his skin. He wishes he could stop because he knows it’s wrong and he knows that if this were any other person, he would be able to hold back his desires but this isn’t just anyone else. That’s always been the problem for him. For Yunho, it’s almost as if the other person is his wife and the person he’s always meant to be with and love is Changmin.
“Okay?” Yunho asks, fingers slick as they press against Changmin’s hole, brushing his finger across the clenching muscle before he presses the tip of it inside of the younger man. “Relax,” he urges, pushing and pushing until he’s got all of his index finger inside of Changmin, stroking and pumping as slowly as he can manage before he’s pulling his finger back out to replace it with something much bigger.
There used to be a time when Yunho wouldn’t need to use a condom with Changmin but then again, there was also a time when Yunho would be able to say that Changmin was his one and only.
“Ready,” Changmin moans, begging for it with his back arched off the bed, legs spread wide and wrapped around Yunho’s waist. “I’m ready,” he repeats, thrusting upwards impatiently, “come on, Yunho,” he pants, “come on!”
And Yunho gives into the pleading, biting on his lip as he tenses, hand gripping onto the head of his cock as he guides it to Changmin’s hole, pushing it in and slowly waiting for Changmin to inhale before he thrusts in the rest of the way.
It’s like clockwork from there. A lot of pushing and pulling, a thrust and a scratch of nails down is back later, Yunho comes with a groan, hand already there around Changmin’s cock to ensure that the other man will come as well. He strokes and twists his wrist, knowing just went to apply pressure and just when to hold back on it, biting hard on Changmin’s lower lip as he slides both his hands up and down the length of Changmin’s cock.
An unrestrained scream and a flash of warmth across Yunho’s belly and he’ll know that Changmin’s come, hands sticky with his younger lover’s come. He kisses Changmin for two more minutes before pulling out, the regret setting in like it always does.
“Don’t come back again,” Yunho says quietly, like he always does.
Changmin smiles a little and cleans himself with a kleenex that Yunho hands over to him, “I won’t,” he replies, “like I said, I was drunk.”
“Don’t,” Yunho repeats, “don’t. It’s not okay that we’re doing this and it’s not okay that I’m letting you do this, something that I take full responsibility for but do not blame it on the alcohol that you did not drink. Just don’t.” Yunho closes his eyes, suddenly feeling as old as he is, “It’s demeaning.”
Changmin recoils a bit, wondering where Yunho’s coming from with all of this, a bit peeved that the other man is trying to take responsibility for what is really nothing at all. “Whatever,” he says, pulling on his shirt, “I won’t come back then.”
He leaves in a huff, shoelaces untied and it’s not until he’s a block away from Yunho’s apartment that he sees the older man’s wife’s car driving down the street, ducking behind a few bushes, heart pounding wildly. She’s early tonight. If Changmin had left just a few minutes later, she would’ve seen him exiting the apartment and that would’ve taken too much explaining. Changmin hurries to text Yunho and tell him of the sighting, sighing out of relief as soon as the text is sent.
“What are you doing?”
Changmin jerks and stands up, stuffing his phone back into his pants, “Dropped my phone,” he says to this random stranger on the street, “sorry.”
As he walks away, he can hear the lady on the street muttering about how weird he is and he colors with embarrassment. But really, what is he doing?
That, as it turns out, really was the last time. Changmin doesn’t dare go back again and Yunho never calls or texts or even emails him. Just a year later, Changmin finds a four year old girl in his living room and the first person he thinks of calling isn’t his mom but Yunho and because of the bridges he’s burned and because of his own guilt, he punches five on speed dial instead of two and tells himself that it’s nothing.
- - -
This time, as Changmin stands in front of Yunho’s door, hand raised up to knock, he’s definitely not drunk but he’d prefer to be. Yunho’s moved back to Gwangju since the divorce and Changmin hasn’t visited since that disastrous meeting about Mi-sun. But this will go okay, won’t it? Yunho’s always been so forgiving.
Changmin knocks and it’s not Yunho at the door. It’s Yunho’s ex-wife who immediately rolls her eyes and tells him to come in, “Yunho’s gone to the grocery store a block down.”
He takes a seat and stares at her when she offers him tea, mind blank but before he can even ask, she’s got an answer ready.
“I’m just here to give him back his share of the apartment in Seoul. I sold it and he’s entitled to 50%. Don’t worry,” she says, staring at him with a look in her eyes that Changmin finds himself intimidated by, “I was going to leave as soon as he got back since he needed someone to watch the house but since you’re here, I’m going to go. Tell him I said bye.” As she slips on her heels and grabs her bag, she turns and fixes him with yet another look, this one with just a bit of pity, “You just need to talk to him. It’s not as hard as you think it is.”
When Yunho returns, he’s humming under his breath, a jar of milk in hand along with some fresh oranges. The second he sees Changmin though, that all changes. “You were not here when I left,” he mumbles, eyes wide as he looks around, “she-,”
“She just left. She said to tell you goodbye,” Changmin says, standing up awkwardly, shuffling his feet from side to side. “Um, I hope it’s okay that she let me in.” Yunho nods a little at that, milk now sitting on the kitchen table and Changmin starts to regret coming here already. “It’s great that you’re such good friends with your exes,” he says, “I mean-,”
“Just tell me why you’re here.”
“To apologize,” Changmin replies, “for a lot of things. For being an idiot, for being insensitive, for not telling you first about Mi-sun even though I wanted to. I’m sorry for a lot of things.”
Yunho sighs and rubs at his face, “Don’t apologize for who you are,” he says quietly, “you’re how you always were, Changmin. I found it endearing then.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m nearing forty and things just don’t seem to be the same anything. I’m not the same.”
Changmin nods his head, playing with the skin growing under his fingernail, “If I were to ask then for a second chance,” he says quietly, “what would you say?”
Yunho looks at him, really looks at him for the longest time and he doesn’t respond. Changmin can feel his heart sinking, an excuse already in the back of his head that he can use as an explanation for the crazy question he just asked. But as he starts to say it, Changmin realizes he doesn’t want to lie anymore and really, there’s no need to either.
“It was worth a chance,” Changmin says softly, “just thought I’d ask.” He’s got one foot in his shoe and the other on the carpet still when Yunho reaches out to grab him by the arm, holding on tightly before letting go.
“All you ever had to do was ask,” Yunho says quietly, “I told you before, there’s a second, a third and a tenth chance waiting for you if only you’d ask.”
Things don’t automatically right themselves from there. Changmin doesn’t take a flying leap into Yunho’s arms and they certainly don’t kiss or have fantastic make up sex. It’s a slow process and at the age of thirty-six, Changmin thinks that he finally has the right amount of patience to wait and see this relationship through.
They start off slow, a date at the corner cafe and a meal at the restaurant on weekends. They progress slowly to spending time alone in the same house, watching TV together and cooking side by side. Changmin doesn’t rush and Yunho never pushes either, both of the content with the way things are going. Jaejoong tells him that perhaps it’s because they never really dated like normal people do and that this was life’s way of giving them a real chance for a proper relationship.
“The love has always been there,” Jaejoong tells Changmin wisely over a cup of hot chocolate that he’s sharing with his daughter, “now you just need to work on the other bit of it, the leading the normal life and doing regular things together and not just together because you’re the only ones there.”
Changmin hates to admit that Jaejoong might be right but this is one occasion in which he doesn’t have to admit it because he knows it. Jaejoong knows it too, the smug bastard. When Changmin texts him after his second, first kiss with Yunho, Jaejoong calls just to laugh at him and Changmin is left wondering why he didn’t punch Jaejoong harder when the older man had offered himself up as a punching bag a few months ago.
Things aren’t perfect, it’s still a constant struggle and he fights like crazy with Yunho but he learns that that’s normal and that, Changmin thinks, is something he can deal with after all.
pairing : changmin/yunho
rating : nc-17
words : 11,313
summary : changmin's life comes to what can be described as a standstill in the years after the group is finally disbanded. he thinks he's got his life figured out when reality throws a curveball at him and forces him to reconnect with his ex-bandmates.
a/n : written for kpop_olymfics. haven't written in much too long and so it's a bit choppy. thanks to those who beta'd/looked this over for me!
Jaejoong sits on the leftmost side of Changmin’s couch, squishing himself against the armrest as if there was a fat person stuck between him and Changmin when there’s nothing but air. Changmin finds it ironic that just a few years ago, Jaejoong would’ve been all over him, tugging on his hair or draping himself over his lap to fight for the remote. They really have grown up a lot and are no longer the same people they once were. Changmin has to admit, he finds minor satisfaction in the awkwardness that Jaejoong possesses now, a bit of that bitterness he’s harbored for so many years fading just to see how uncomfortable Jaejoong looks to be here right now. Almost as if he knows he doesn’t belong.
“Got here alright?” Changmin asks, tapping his fingers on his knee.
“I was going to call a cab but surprisingly, I still remembered how to get here. Guess I didn’t forget as much as I thought. This means that she really is one of ours, isn’t she?” Jaejoong says.
“Probably.” Changmin isn’t in the mood to make small talk, looking around a few times and then checking his watch. Are the others going to come at all? They were all invited just like Jaejoong was? Before he even gets to voice his questions aloud, Changmin catches sight of Junsu walking down the sidewalk to his house, clad in a business suit with another man trailing behind him. “Well,” Changmin murmurs under his breath, “bet you a hundred that that’s his lawyer.”
Jaejoong lifts his head and gazes at Junsu, shaking his head a little, “It’s his cousin.” The Kim family always did like to keep things personal and as close to their hearts as possible. “Last I heard though, he was training to be a lawyer too.”
“How convenient,” Changmin says with a roll of his eyes.
Yoochun never ends up showing but Changmin didn’t expect he would either. The other man’s been away on business a lot these days and Changmin doesn’t care either way if Yoochun’s there or not. The last time they spoke was when Changmin called the Park house. He had seen Yoochun just once and that was at the airport when Yoochun managed to hand him his DNA sample on a flyover. Yoochun was Yoochun and Changmin didn’t know quite what he was expecting but the other man was so laid back and just so happy with what he had in life that it made Changmin want to smile and he never thought he’d want to do that upon meeting Yoochun again.
On the other hand, Changmin is surprised that Yunho doesn’t show. He would’ve expected the older man here no matter what had happened between them. Changmin doesn’t have the time to waste on why Yunho’s there and why he isn’t and maybe it doesn’t matter. All he wants now are answers and either a yes or a no would be more than sufficient to him.
Luckily for him, it’s a no. Unluckily for Jaejoong, it’s a yes.
“She’s mine?” Jaejoong says blankly, holding the paper in his hand that tells him of his paternity match to little Mi-sun, “but uh- I mean- I don’t understand.” He looks around a little helplessly and more than a little unwilling, catching Changmin’s gaze and giving him a desperate look as if to ask him to make sense of this for him because Changmin was always so logical and good at it.
Changmin would help, he really might, if there was a way to. It’s just that there’s no way to explain or fix this. Changmin reaches for the paper and reads it over, nodding his head slightly to confirm that what that the report is true.
Jaejoong slumps into the leather sofa with a sigh, jaw clenching and unclenching a few times and Changmin can only wonder what he’s thinking right now. He thinks of reaching out to pat Jaejoong on the back but the idea of touching the other man no longer seems to be something he can do. From the other side, Junsu’s lawyer and part-time cousin, clears his throat and excuses them. Jaejoong doesn’t bother turning and neither does Changmin.
- - -
Jaejoong picks her up on a Sunday. He stops by unannounced with a baby carrier and Changmin has to gently remind him that Mi-sun is nearly four and doesn’t need a carrier. Jaejoong doesn’t exactly respond to that bit but when he sees her, he does start to cry and Changmin doesn’t think it’s that he’s touched but that he’s scared and lost as to what to do with a child. If it were Changmin, he would be crying too.
“Should’ve known it was Jaejoong-oppa’s,” Soo-yeon says from the doorway, “ she’s the spitting image of him.”
Changmin rolls his eyes and chucks a piece of paper rolled into a ball right at her, “You said she had my eyes so shut up. Don’t you have a date or some homework to do?”
She gives him a very child-appropriate middle finger and leaves after wishing Jaejoong good luck. “He’ll need it,” Soo-yeon mutters under her breath before walking off.
“She really is just like you,” Jaejoong says as he holds his hand out to grab hold of Mi-sun’s much tinier hand, “your sister, not my daughter,” he clarifies.
Changmin tilts his head curiously and gets off the couch to grab a few of Mi-sun’s belongings, various things that Soo-yeon and his mother and father have been buying for her in her two week long stay at his home. “Well, she’s a Shim, nothing I can do about it. Something in the water or food in this household probably.”
Mi-sun stands there looking at them both before slowly letting go of Jaejoong’s hand to tug on Changmin’s pant leg, hugging his left leg as she shakes her head. She’s cute and she’s grown on Changmin but she’s not his and Changmin doesn’t want her to be his either.
It takes a bit of pleading from Jaejoong and a lot of bribing from Changmin in the form of candies and chocolates before she finally follows Jaejoong out to the car. Changmin promises he’ll visit but he doesn’t think he will, waving just once before he closes the door on them.
“Good riddance,” he mumbles before collapsing onto the sofa for a long awaited nap.
- - -
His peace and quiet is short lived. Three days after Mi-sun leaves, she shows up again with a thumb in her mouth and Jaejoong nowhere to be found. Changmin’s more than a little pissed when he opens the door to find her sitting there. He ignores the toothy grin to find his phone and call up his irresponsible ex-bandmate, letting out a string of curses before he hangs up abruptly to wait for Jaejoong to get there.
“Just stay here and eat some candy,” he mutters, grumpily turning the TV on so that she has something to watch and won’t plead with him to play a game with her. Changmin’s a bit moodier today than he usually is in part because of a nasty dream he had and in part because he hasn’t had lunch yet. He doesn’t want to deal with any of this or any of them today.
Jaejoong shows up all of ten minutes later apologizing like mad but Changmin ignores it all, pointing into his living room where Mi-sun’s already falling asleep. She’s probably crashed from all the excitement and sugar she just consumed.
“Forget it,” Changmin says, “you’ve always been like this so whatever.”
“And what do you mean by always?” Jaejoong asks. Normally he’d let this go but he’s just so tired and in need a break, one goddamn break. “We haven’t seen each other in years, Changmin, please don’t talk about me like you still know me so well.”
“But you haven’t changed in the least and don’t give me that bullshit. When we were in the band together, you needed Yunho to bail you all the fucking time. Don’t make me start listing all the times we would be in bed and he’d get a call at two in the morning, asking for a ride or for cash,” Changmin snaps back.
Jaejoong colors and opens his mouth to growl something at Changmin but nothing comes out, mainly because Changmin’s right and mainly because he’s never been good at arguing against someone as logical as Changmin. It’s still a low blow nonetheless and Jaejoong can hardly believe Changmin’s bringing all of this up right now.
“Nothing to say because I’m right? Grow up, Jaejoong. I could care less what you do or don’t do but you have a kid now, a kid that knows the way to my house apparently so I would appreciate it if you could take care of her and if you can’t, there’s something called daycare. Look into it.”
“Shut up,” Jaejoong says, voice low and quiet, “you just shut up. You’ve always thought you were mature and wise but you’re not all that different from us, Changmin. You’re just as fucked up and it’s not our fault or the industry or the fans’ fault- it’s your own fault. Take some responsibility for your own shit, Changmin.”
“Oh, oh what responsibility are we talking about?” Changmn says with an almost amused chuckle, “please do enlighten me.”
Jaejoong snorts and crosses his arms across his chest, “You really don’t think you’ve messed up just like the rest of us have? You’re not as good as you think you are and that’s fine, we all have our faults but you never seem to admit or see them and that’s your problem.”
Changmin waves his hand as if for Jaejoong to go on, checking the time on his watch even. He would love to see where Jaejoong goes with all of this.
“One word,” Jaejoong says, “Yunho.”
Changmin blanches a bit and then looks up, eyes narrowed before he relaxes and shrugs, “Jaejoong, you know nothing about my relationship with him. He was the one that broke it off so shut-”
“No,” the other man says quietly, “you broke it off when you stopped talking to him, when you stopped visiting and writing while he was serving. You broke it off when you stopped giving a shit and decided that you needed to protect yourself more than you needed him in your life.” Jaejoong sighs and leans against the wall, deciding that he desperately needs to be drunk before he has a conversation like this. “You know why he broke up with you and you planned on it. You didn’t want to be the bad guy and you wanted to be able to say that he was the one that broke it off with you and not the other way around. It’s so simple, Changmin and he knew that, don’t you think he did? He knows you the best and the longest, there’s no way you really thought that he wouldn’t have figured it out. Give him more credit than that.”
Changmin does reply and he doesn’t plan on it either, gazing at Jaejoong from across the room, Mi-sun still snoring away on the sofa.
“You know why Yunho got that divorce, don’t you?” Jaejoong asks quietly.
“No,” Changmin says immediately, maybe just a little too fast. He was surprised, he reminds himself.
Jaejoong smiles a little but it’s not the happy sort. “Yeah, you do.”
Changmin holds his breath for a few seconds before letting it out all at once, “I didn’t know you two kept in touch.”
“We didn’t. I called him about the kid when you first came to me, thinking that you went to him first and we just started talking from there. It’s not like we’re friends,” Jaejoong says, “but you can imagine my surprise when he told me about his divorce. It didn’t take too many guesses before I figured out why it happened.” He walks over to Mi-sun and picks her up, brushing back her sweaty bangs, “You’re a smart guy, Changmin. I’m sure you’ll figure it out too.”
- - -
Changmin’s lonely. That’s the only explanation he has for what he’s about to do. He’s lonely and he’s just a little drunk, actually, make that very drunk. Alcohol tends to dull sensibilities so he’s just going to claim that he was drunk after all of this is over. Right, good, that’s exactly what he’ll do.
Standing in front of a familiar oak door, Changmin raises his hand and knocks just twice, holding his breath as he listens carefully for the sound of footsteps before taking a step back himself. He’s got a smile on his face already, deciding that he should be polite and mind his manners.
When the door opens and Yunho pokes his head out of the house to gaze at him, dressed in a fuzzy v-neck sweater with a pair of glasses on, all of Changmin’s well thought out plans go straight to hell and he jumps the older man almost immediately.
“Hi-,” Yunho mumbles against Changmin’s lips, gasping as he tries to push him away, doing his best to slap at the hands that are already reaching to undo his buttons and pull on the strings of his sweats. “Changmin-ah, what- what are you doing here?” he asks, voice a bit tight.
Lips red and hair a mess, Changmin tries to think up an answer for that, “I’m drunk,” he settles on saying.
Yunho shakes his head even as he’s closing the door, leading Changmin inside to sit on his sofa, “Really?”
“I’m drunk and hungry,” Changmin corrects himself. Yunho sighs and before he gets kicked out, Changmin sits up straighter and blurts out, “I’m lonely. I’m tired and I’m lonely and I miss you and I-,” Changmin swallows hard and slouches, “and I want you.”
“You can’t keep doing this, Changmin,” Yunho says quietly, expression soft even as he reaches for Changmin’s hand, “I’m married now. Changmin, I can’t keep doing this.”
“But you want to,” Changmin says softly, more than a little hopeful, “don’t you?”
Yunho grits his teeth and wishes he could tell Changmin no but his mouth doesn’t seem to want to force the word out. He’s never been able to deny Changmin anything and even to this day, when Changmin is no longer sixteen and in need of his babying and protection, Yunho still wants to. “Yes,” he whispers, closing his eyes as Changmin’s lips press against his urgently, “of course I do.”
It happens the same as it always does, a kiss to the lips and then the undressing. Yunho tells himself after every meeting that this time will be the last, that there will never be another “time” but again and again he allows himself to do this.
“I love you,” Changmin will whisper and Yunho will say it right back, murmuring the words into his ear as his hands roam across every inch of his skin. He wishes he could stop because he knows it’s wrong and he knows that if this were any other person, he would be able to hold back his desires but this isn’t just anyone else. That’s always been the problem for him. For Yunho, it’s almost as if the other person is his wife and the person he’s always meant to be with and love is Changmin.
“Okay?” Yunho asks, fingers slick as they press against Changmin’s hole, brushing his finger across the clenching muscle before he presses the tip of it inside of the younger man. “Relax,” he urges, pushing and pushing until he’s got all of his index finger inside of Changmin, stroking and pumping as slowly as he can manage before he’s pulling his finger back out to replace it with something much bigger.
There used to be a time when Yunho wouldn’t need to use a condom with Changmin but then again, there was also a time when Yunho would be able to say that Changmin was his one and only.
“Ready,” Changmin moans, begging for it with his back arched off the bed, legs spread wide and wrapped around Yunho’s waist. “I’m ready,” he repeats, thrusting upwards impatiently, “come on, Yunho,” he pants, “come on!”
And Yunho gives into the pleading, biting on his lip as he tenses, hand gripping onto the head of his cock as he guides it to Changmin’s hole, pushing it in and slowly waiting for Changmin to inhale before he thrusts in the rest of the way.
It’s like clockwork from there. A lot of pushing and pulling, a thrust and a scratch of nails down is back later, Yunho comes with a groan, hand already there around Changmin’s cock to ensure that the other man will come as well. He strokes and twists his wrist, knowing just went to apply pressure and just when to hold back on it, biting hard on Changmin’s lower lip as he slides both his hands up and down the length of Changmin’s cock.
An unrestrained scream and a flash of warmth across Yunho’s belly and he’ll know that Changmin’s come, hands sticky with his younger lover’s come. He kisses Changmin for two more minutes before pulling out, the regret setting in like it always does.
“Don’t come back again,” Yunho says quietly, like he always does.
Changmin smiles a little and cleans himself with a kleenex that Yunho hands over to him, “I won’t,” he replies, “like I said, I was drunk.”
“Don’t,” Yunho repeats, “don’t. It’s not okay that we’re doing this and it’s not okay that I’m letting you do this, something that I take full responsibility for but do not blame it on the alcohol that you did not drink. Just don’t.” Yunho closes his eyes, suddenly feeling as old as he is, “It’s demeaning.”
Changmin recoils a bit, wondering where Yunho’s coming from with all of this, a bit peeved that the other man is trying to take responsibility for what is really nothing at all. “Whatever,” he says, pulling on his shirt, “I won’t come back then.”
He leaves in a huff, shoelaces untied and it’s not until he’s a block away from Yunho’s apartment that he sees the older man’s wife’s car driving down the street, ducking behind a few bushes, heart pounding wildly. She’s early tonight. If Changmin had left just a few minutes later, she would’ve seen him exiting the apartment and that would’ve taken too much explaining. Changmin hurries to text Yunho and tell him of the sighting, sighing out of relief as soon as the text is sent.
“What are you doing?”
Changmin jerks and stands up, stuffing his phone back into his pants, “Dropped my phone,” he says to this random stranger on the street, “sorry.”
As he walks away, he can hear the lady on the street muttering about how weird he is and he colors with embarrassment. But really, what is he doing?
That, as it turns out, really was the last time. Changmin doesn’t dare go back again and Yunho never calls or texts or even emails him. Just a year later, Changmin finds a four year old girl in his living room and the first person he thinks of calling isn’t his mom but Yunho and because of the bridges he’s burned and because of his own guilt, he punches five on speed dial instead of two and tells himself that it’s nothing.
- - -
This time, as Changmin stands in front of Yunho’s door, hand raised up to knock, he’s definitely not drunk but he’d prefer to be. Yunho’s moved back to Gwangju since the divorce and Changmin hasn’t visited since that disastrous meeting about Mi-sun. But this will go okay, won’t it? Yunho’s always been so forgiving.
Changmin knocks and it’s not Yunho at the door. It’s Yunho’s ex-wife who immediately rolls her eyes and tells him to come in, “Yunho’s gone to the grocery store a block down.”
He takes a seat and stares at her when she offers him tea, mind blank but before he can even ask, she’s got an answer ready.
“I’m just here to give him back his share of the apartment in Seoul. I sold it and he’s entitled to 50%. Don’t worry,” she says, staring at him with a look in her eyes that Changmin finds himself intimidated by, “I was going to leave as soon as he got back since he needed someone to watch the house but since you’re here, I’m going to go. Tell him I said bye.” As she slips on her heels and grabs her bag, she turns and fixes him with yet another look, this one with just a bit of pity, “You just need to talk to him. It’s not as hard as you think it is.”
When Yunho returns, he’s humming under his breath, a jar of milk in hand along with some fresh oranges. The second he sees Changmin though, that all changes. “You were not here when I left,” he mumbles, eyes wide as he looks around, “she-,”
“She just left. She said to tell you goodbye,” Changmin says, standing up awkwardly, shuffling his feet from side to side. “Um, I hope it’s okay that she let me in.” Yunho nods a little at that, milk now sitting on the kitchen table and Changmin starts to regret coming here already. “It’s great that you’re such good friends with your exes,” he says, “I mean-,”
“Just tell me why you’re here.”
“To apologize,” Changmin replies, “for a lot of things. For being an idiot, for being insensitive, for not telling you first about Mi-sun even though I wanted to. I’m sorry for a lot of things.”
Yunho sighs and rubs at his face, “Don’t apologize for who you are,” he says quietly, “you’re how you always were, Changmin. I found it endearing then.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m nearing forty and things just don’t seem to be the same anything. I’m not the same.”
Changmin nods his head, playing with the skin growing under his fingernail, “If I were to ask then for a second chance,” he says quietly, “what would you say?”
Yunho looks at him, really looks at him for the longest time and he doesn’t respond. Changmin can feel his heart sinking, an excuse already in the back of his head that he can use as an explanation for the crazy question he just asked. But as he starts to say it, Changmin realizes he doesn’t want to lie anymore and really, there’s no need to either.
“It was worth a chance,” Changmin says softly, “just thought I’d ask.” He’s got one foot in his shoe and the other on the carpet still when Yunho reaches out to grab him by the arm, holding on tightly before letting go.
“All you ever had to do was ask,” Yunho says quietly, “I told you before, there’s a second, a third and a tenth chance waiting for you if only you’d ask.”
Things don’t automatically right themselves from there. Changmin doesn’t take a flying leap into Yunho’s arms and they certainly don’t kiss or have fantastic make up sex. It’s a slow process and at the age of thirty-six, Changmin thinks that he finally has the right amount of patience to wait and see this relationship through.
They start off slow, a date at the corner cafe and a meal at the restaurant on weekends. They progress slowly to spending time alone in the same house, watching TV together and cooking side by side. Changmin doesn’t rush and Yunho never pushes either, both of the content with the way things are going. Jaejoong tells him that perhaps it’s because they never really dated like normal people do and that this was life’s way of giving them a real chance for a proper relationship.
“The love has always been there,” Jaejoong tells Changmin wisely over a cup of hot chocolate that he’s sharing with his daughter, “now you just need to work on the other bit of it, the leading the normal life and doing regular things together and not just together because you’re the only ones there.”
Changmin hates to admit that Jaejoong might be right but this is one occasion in which he doesn’t have to admit it because he knows it. Jaejoong knows it too, the smug bastard. When Changmin texts him after his second, first kiss with Yunho, Jaejoong calls just to laugh at him and Changmin is left wondering why he didn’t punch Jaejoong harder when the older man had offered himself up as a punching bag a few months ago.
Things aren’t perfect, it’s still a constant struggle and he fights like crazy with Yunho but he learns that that’s normal and that, Changmin thinks, is something he can deal with after all.