Since the middle of the day is apparently when I blog

[apiphile]

Last night: after writing for a bit in one cafe, met up with Jess for coffee (having to explain repeatedly that I was in the food store literally visible from her workplace which she had somehow never noticed existing despite me talking about it on several occasions) dressed like this:

Comments

[wolfy_writing]

Looking sharp!

Go on and break reality. Frankly, I'd rather have a surreal reality-warping apocalypse than the grim regular kind.

That sounds so disturbing that I'd be tempted to skip sleep altogether. I've had hypnogogic hallucinations - basically every kind of hallucination that doesn't require drugs or mental illness, I've had - but they're usually just random snatches of conversation. If I'd learned to associate them with impending violence, I would freak right out.

STUPID SOCIAL MONKEY WHY DOES THE REMOVAL OF A PERCEIVED THREAT MAKE YOU HAPPY YOU'RE PATHETIC

...actually, isn't it normally and good to find it pleasing when a potentially violent situation turns out peaceful? Because some guy being friendly over weights is much better than him threatening you, so what's wrong with enjoying it?

YOU ARE SERIOUSLY MENTALLY ILL AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ALLOWED YOU TO DEAL WITH IT IN THIS WAY BECAUSE IT IS NOT HELPING YOU.

Yeah, I thought you'd find something recognizable in that.

[apiphile]

I mean the broken reality is probably likely to end in Nazis anyway...

That sounds so disturbing that I'd be tempted to skip sleep altogether.

HELLO THERE, THREE YEARS OF POST-TRAUMATIC INSOMNIA, A LOT OF DIFFERENT EXPERIMENTS IN CHEMICALLY KNOCKING MYSELF OUT AND STIMULANT ABUSE: HOW YOU DOIN'? (I like zopiclone/dopareel because while it is essentially untrippy, unlike valium, it puts you under effectively and has very few side effects besides a bad mouth taste in the mornings and MILD AMNESIA. as in not remembering my dreams. So of course now I can't GET IT.)

so what's wrong with enjoying it?

I utterly and angrily resent all instances of being manipulated by evolutionary adaptations in my brain (or at least being aware of them). The Monkey Button is Pushed, so the Monkey Does The Thing. Please remove all my emotions and replace them with robot parts AT ONCE.

[wolfy_writing]

Well, shit. I'm sick of Nazis. Can't we get Cthulu instead? Or things that melt your brain? Or the Infinite Chicken from that one children's math book?

My sleeping pill history consists of antihistamines and That One Time Doctors Prescribed Me Three Ambien. (Literally three pills.) Neither of those things makes the brain quieter at night.

If the Singularity happens in your lifetime, you're going to have the best time uploading yourself and being able to reprogram your own brain.

[apiphile]

Plausibility; when it breaks in this narrative it's aaaaall about belief.

I thought Ambien also gave people amnesia?

If the Singularity happens I will probably still manage to get stuck in some weird fascist hell, LBR.

[wolfy_writing]

So it's going to be common things such as the widespread culture beliefs about Nazis/totalitarianism, and widespread cultural beliefs about nuclear war? Can the Nazis get nuked at least

[apiphile]

That would be nice but - anyway I need to print out my outline and tidy it up because I've had a couple of breakthroughs! And then I can get back to the nittygritty.

IDK but I feel like someone would find a way to fuck up the Singularity and make it horrible because PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT.

[wolfy_writing]

Humans are creative in making things horrible, true.