Adventures in wearing a panic attack
I have been in a foul mood for several days and taking it out on the people I live with.
I've had a great time with a friend and acquired a new favourite restaurant and a new favourite dessert ("bing", perfect for hot weather), but I've also apparently acquired a significantly increased intolerance to my binder (or larger chest muscles) and I just cannot ever breathe. Something in the air pressure is wrong as well, so I have a near permanent headache, and all in all am feeling slightly unwell and kind of ... oppressed ... all the time. Slightly panicked. Like something bad is about to happen. A lot of things can, for example, go wrong. And the world is on fire.
Having promised a review of Macbeth I don't want to give one. Have been having a hard time with mental health - feel isolated, convinced all my friends hate me, hate myself (very disappointed with health/fitness failures, creative stagnation, CONSTANT LACK OF TIME, and own inability to keep going continually), I am not even slightly rested, I wake up exhausted, I'm hungry but not hungry, I'm... oh bollocks, that's depression, isn't it?
THINGS.
1. Received beautiful tiny hand-painted cards of sealife from wolfy_writes in the post!
2. Cycled in to work - this went ... uh. Well. First, there was An Incident with a wing mirror where I almost but not quite went arse over tit, and in correcting the problem banged myself in several places and also sprained my toe. And then suffered memory loss for large parts of the ride because that's how I respond to stress, I've noticed.
3. I crowd-sourced opinion from partners and decided this warranted spoiling my macros with a stupid Starbucks drink.
4. Going to meet up with people (again) tomorrow evening which should hopefully cure me of the constant sense that everyone hates me, although it may also make me feel more isolated and filled with self-loathing! WHO EVEN KNOWS.
5. There is a vein standing out in my neck and I feel like I'm not actually inside my own body.
Bother bother bother bother
I've had a great time with a friend and acquired a new favourite restaurant and a new favourite dessert ("bing", perfect for hot weather), but I've also apparently acquired a significantly increased intolerance to my binder (or larger chest muscles) and I just cannot ever breathe. Something in the air pressure is wrong as well, so I have a near permanent headache, and all in all am feeling slightly unwell and kind of ... oppressed ... all the time. Slightly panicked. Like something bad is about to happen. A lot of things can, for example, go wrong. And the world is on fire.
Having promised a review of Macbeth I don't want to give one. Have been having a hard time with mental health - feel isolated, convinced all my friends hate me, hate myself (very disappointed with health/fitness failures, creative stagnation, CONSTANT LACK OF TIME, and own inability to keep going continually), I am not even slightly rested, I wake up exhausted, I'm hungry but not hungry, I'm... oh bollocks, that's depression, isn't it?
THINGS.
1. Received beautiful tiny hand-painted cards of sealife from wolfy_writes in the post!
2. Cycled in to work - this went ... uh. Well. First, there was An Incident with a wing mirror where I almost but not quite went arse over tit, and in correcting the problem banged myself in several places and also sprained my toe. And then suffered memory loss for large parts of the ride because that's how I respond to stress, I've noticed.
3. I crowd-sourced opinion from partners and decided this warranted spoiling my macros with a stupid Starbucks drink.
4. Going to meet up with people (again) tomorrow evening which should hopefully cure me of the constant sense that everyone hates me, although it may also make me feel more isolated and filled with self-loathing! WHO EVEN KNOWS.
5. There is a vein standing out in my neck and I feel like I'm not actually inside my own body.
Bother bother bother bother