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Excerpt from a letter 2
I had weird dreams about a serial killer dude who ate rotting human flesh and everyone sent to track him down ended up helping him instead, and there was also Idris Elba as an American beat cop (he got busted down from detective) and the guy who played the psychic cop in heroes and they were flirtiiiiiing and it was very cute.
It was disturbing in places but not for the killing (which took place off-screen) so much as for serial killer dude - who was unassuming and quiet and had cute glasses - never knowing who he could trust and also feeling like he couldn't control himself. he set up a school and was a very good head teacher and left the kids alone and everything but when the teachers had gone to bed he opened up the kitchen cabinets and there was a dead tramp rotting under the sink full of maggots and he turned to me - he was the only one who could see me - and said i've been holding off but it is very hard. i just want to put it in my mouth. only a little bit.
There was a lot of stuff about how people were tracking him, and there was some weird interactive map bit as well. My sleeping brain evidently feels cartography is important. Then there was a row of nine stone tanks which they were planning on punishing him in, piece by piece, and the last one had this weird not-exactly-shark thing in it that was almost all mouth. Then in the river next to it - maybe a fjord? - there was an actual shark roughly the size of a bus which kept rushing at me while I was waiting to see if the women (there was a whole collective of them who had been sent to capture the man but kept trying to help him escape) would save him this time.
1: What eye color do you find sexiest? Blue, although "sexy" is kind of a misnomer, I just find lighter shades easier to deal with because then I can tell if someone's pupils have dilated or not.
2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha? Is this like, which mocha flavour? Because I hate mocha. If you are putting coffee in something you are ruining it, I don't give a fuck what else is in there.
3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be? Um I already have proper tattoos on my back.
4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it? I grew up in an eeny weeny village which was terribly idyllic or would have been if I'd had any friends at all and not been bullied quite so much.
5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite) Torn between a selection: there was Tom Hickman, my mother's BFF/occasional lover, a bisexual artist who lived in the most amazing house I have seen in my entire life and who used to tell the world's most entertaining stories and paint pictures of cows; Mick, a friend of my mother's who used to take me for walks with his dog and unlike my mother let me go hill-sliding (also his dog was awesome) and had a VIDEO PLAYER so I could watch All Dogs Go To Heaven and genuinely didn't seem to care that I watched it EVERY SINGLE TIME; and Jill, one of our neighbours who let me build a den inside one of her hedges and even leant me secateurs (I was like 8) to clip away the middle and leant me books about cats and showed me her collection of cat ornaments and showed me how to feed her amazing collection of goldfish.
6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now? IDK they're all a bit too solid for my liking and most of them use bananas as a base.
7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years? I didn't really... get embarrassed at that age.
8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years? Didn't go to middle school, we had primary and secondary where I was.
9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years? I can't tell you the most because it was literally too embarrassing to ever recount, but the second most was probably one which also counts as "major trauma"... soooo .... I can't really answer this, either. They all involve some form of public nudity.
10: Pirates or ninjas? Why? Neither because I am bored rigid of this question
11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground? Yup. I was quite the little monkey as a kid. Also I fell out of a treehouse. That was a wonderful time.
12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set? No, the only things that genuinely excited me were animals and books, but I fucking loved swinging and doing that thing where you jump off at the highest point of the swing and see how far you can land.
13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get? I WOULD HAVE A POSSE OF HYENAS.
14: What's your most favorite part of your body? Whichever part currently hurts the least and isn't infected.
15: What's your most favorite part of your personality? ... no.
16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares? WHO CARES IS THE CORRECT ANSWER
17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? I don't think I've actually watched a single second.
18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk? No but dear god I wished I was drunk for England vs France in 1998. I ended up asleep / reading a D H Lawrence novel for most of it instead.
19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life? 28 DAY AGED GRASS FED T-BONE STEAK SERVED BLUE AND WITH PEPPERCORNS AND SEA SALT. It was like butter made of blood. I nearly died.
20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with? I like both. Margarine always felt like an illicit pleasure because I grew up on UNSALTED BUTTER which is a borefest.
21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?) Not here they don't. I think I usually have semi-skim in the tea, although we seem to have switched to whole recently. I don't drink milk on its owwwwn.
22: Which continents have you been on? Europe, North America, Asia. Soon to be adding Australasia to that number, at which point I may start getting completist and agitating for South America, Africa, and Antarctica. (I do want to visit the observation centre at the South pole).
23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? Not usually, although I have been seasick rather spectacularly on a rough crossing from Newcastle to Oslo. And threw up all over my copy of The Color Purple.
24: Backpacks or satchels? Satchels, I detest backpacks.
25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? How much are you paying me to do this?
26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Depends on the time period, I was pretty heavily into Jimbo & The Jetset, The Family Ness, Superted, Dangermouse, and Mysterious Cities of Gold, then we didn't have a TV for a bit, then I got into The Animals of Farthing Wood.
27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why? "Had to"? Maybe I want to! I would take a pig as they are easier to feed and much smarter and I could have a small housepig.
28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be? I am quite content looking at London thank you.
29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on? Bleurgh however long the one to Gujarat was when I was 5. I don't remember much thankfully. I think I'm taking a 12-hour one to Seoul this summer.
30: The latest you've ever slept? Well my body clock has done some magnificently fucked up things. There was one occasion where I slept from 10pm until 8pm the next day and then went back to bed again.
31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? I wouldn't buy it but I might well wear it.
32: Do you pick at scabs? Yes.
33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto? BAKED
34: How far can you throw a baseball? Not very.
35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Uhhh Sweden I suppose. I might sulk a great deal about the cold.
36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it? Noooooo.
37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why? I don't understand the difference between these.
38: A relationship with love or one with sex? Well I've got both. So up yours.
39: Do you eat enough vegetables? HAHAH NO
40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers? I like body horror.
41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public? Damn right I would
42: Do you swear in front of your parents? Yes although this is irrelevant as I've not seen them for 3 years.
43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween? I WAS AN ANIME CATGIRL
44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what? Jesus I have dyed my hair so often. Uh. Blonde. I want to be blonde.
45: Do you want to get married? Have kids? No and no.
46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should. The fuck is a non reusable one?
47: City or nature person? CITY CITY CITY CITY
48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?) Yes. I have used mud.
49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy? Ish. Not for long.
50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY! No.
Excerpt from a letter 2
I had weird dreams about a serial killer dude who ate rotting human flesh and everyone sent to track him down ended up helping him instead, and there was also Idris Elba as an American beat cop (he got busted down from detective) and the guy who played the psychic cop in heroes and they were flirtiiiiiing and it was very cute.
It was disturbing in places but not for the killing (which took place off-screen) so much as for serial killer dude - who was unassuming and quiet and had cute glasses - never knowing who he could trust and also feeling like he couldn't control himself. he set up a school and was a very good head teacher and left the kids alone and everything but when the teachers had gone to bed he opened up the kitchen cabinets and there was a dead tramp rotting under the sink full of maggots and he turned to me - he was the only one who could see me - and said i've been holding off but it is very hard. i just want to put it in my mouth. only a little bit.
There was a lot of stuff about how people were tracking him, and there was some weird interactive map bit as well. My sleeping brain evidently feels cartography is important. Then there was a row of nine stone tanks which they were planning on punishing him in, piece by piece, and the last one had this weird not-exactly-shark thing in it that was almost all mouth. Then in the river next to it - maybe a fjord? - there was an actual shark roughly the size of a bus which kept rushing at me while I was waiting to see if the women (there was a whole collective of them who had been sent to capture the man but kept trying to help him escape) would save him this time.
1: What eye color do you find sexiest? Blue, although "sexy" is kind of a misnomer, I just find lighter shades easier to deal with because then I can tell if someone's pupils have dilated or not.
2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha? Is this like, which mocha flavour? Because I hate mocha. If you are putting coffee in something you are ruining it, I don't give a fuck what else is in there.
3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be? Um I already have proper tattoos on my back.
4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it? I grew up in an eeny weeny village which was terribly idyllic or would have been if I'd had any friends at all and not been bullied quite so much.
5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite) Torn between a selection: there was Tom Hickman, my mother's BFF/occasional lover, a bisexual artist who lived in the most amazing house I have seen in my entire life and who used to tell the world's most entertaining stories and paint pictures of cows; Mick, a friend of my mother's who used to take me for walks with his dog and unlike my mother let me go hill-sliding (also his dog was awesome) and had a VIDEO PLAYER so I could watch All Dogs Go To Heaven and genuinely didn't seem to care that I watched it EVERY SINGLE TIME; and Jill, one of our neighbours who let me build a den inside one of her hedges and even leant me secateurs (I was like 8) to clip away the middle and leant me books about cats and showed me her collection of cat ornaments and showed me how to feed her amazing collection of goldfish.
6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now? IDK they're all a bit too solid for my liking and most of them use bananas as a base.
7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years? I didn't really... get embarrassed at that age.
8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years? Didn't go to middle school, we had primary and secondary where I was.
9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years? I can't tell you the most because it was literally too embarrassing to ever recount, but the second most was probably one which also counts as "major trauma"... soooo .... I can't really answer this, either. They all involve some form of public nudity.
10: Pirates or ninjas? Why? Neither because I am bored rigid of this question
11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground? Yup. I was quite the little monkey as a kid. Also I fell out of a treehouse. That was a wonderful time.
12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set? No, the only things that genuinely excited me were animals and books, but I fucking loved swinging and doing that thing where you jump off at the highest point of the swing and see how far you can land.
13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get? I WOULD HAVE A POSSE OF HYENAS.
14: What's your most favorite part of your body? Whichever part currently hurts the least and isn't infected.
15: What's your most favorite part of your personality? ... no.
16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares? WHO CARES IS THE CORRECT ANSWER
17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? I don't think I've actually watched a single second.
18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk? No but dear god I wished I was drunk for England vs France in 1998. I ended up asleep / reading a D H Lawrence novel for most of it instead.
19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life? 28 DAY AGED GRASS FED T-BONE STEAK SERVED BLUE AND WITH PEPPERCORNS AND SEA SALT. It was like butter made of blood. I nearly died.
20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with? I like both. Margarine always felt like an illicit pleasure because I grew up on UNSALTED BUTTER which is a borefest.
21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?) Not here they don't. I think I usually have semi-skim in the tea, although we seem to have switched to whole recently. I don't drink milk on its owwwwn.
22: Which continents have you been on? Europe, North America, Asia. Soon to be adding Australasia to that number, at which point I may start getting completist and agitating for South America, Africa, and Antarctica. (I do want to visit the observation centre at the South pole).
23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? Not usually, although I have been seasick rather spectacularly on a rough crossing from Newcastle to Oslo. And threw up all over my copy of The Color Purple.
24: Backpacks or satchels? Satchels, I detest backpacks.
25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? How much are you paying me to do this?
26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Depends on the time period, I was pretty heavily into Jimbo & The Jetset, The Family Ness, Superted, Dangermouse, and Mysterious Cities of Gold, then we didn't have a TV for a bit, then I got into The Animals of Farthing Wood.
27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why? "Had to"? Maybe I want to! I would take a pig as they are easier to feed and much smarter and I could have a small housepig.
28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be? I am quite content looking at London thank you.
29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on? Bleurgh however long the one to Gujarat was when I was 5. I don't remember much thankfully. I think I'm taking a 12-hour one to Seoul this summer.
30: The latest you've ever slept? Well my body clock has done some magnificently fucked up things. There was one occasion where I slept from 10pm until 8pm the next day and then went back to bed again.
31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? I wouldn't buy it but I might well wear it.
32: Do you pick at scabs? Yes.
33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto? BAKED
34: How far can you throw a baseball? Not very.
35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Uhhh Sweden I suppose. I might sulk a great deal about the cold.
36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it? Noooooo.
37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why? I don't understand the difference between these.
38: A relationship with love or one with sex? Well I've got both. So up yours.
39: Do you eat enough vegetables? HAHAH NO
40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers? I like body horror.
41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public? Damn right I would
42: Do you swear in front of your parents? Yes although this is irrelevant as I've not seen them for 3 years.
43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween? I WAS AN ANIME CATGIRL
44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what? Jesus I have dyed my hair so often. Uh. Blonde. I want to be blonde.
45: Do you want to get married? Have kids? No and no.
46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should. The fuck is a non reusable one?
47: City or nature person? CITY CITY CITY CITY
48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?) Yes. I have used mud.
49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy? Ish. Not for long.
50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY! No.