NUMBERED LIST OF UNRELATED OBJECTS
1. Went to see Drive because Doug said to. It was pretty, although dragged in places and I really could not care less about Carey Mulligan or Ryan Gosling. Gorgeous shots of LA, some brilliantly brutal violence, reminded me in a weird way of Harsh Times, will forgive the mawk as a set-up for the misery.
2. Primer stings, why did no one tell me this?
3. Currently conducting a very intense relationship with my boots. Relationship with body is not in such a good shape and I fear potential for bloodletting/other abuse is rife at the moment. Am trying not to be a bitter old hag about things but it is remarkably difficult without anything to distract me, ergo Jess should write more fic ASAP.
4. Poem for today: Read in Tooth, another bastard villanelle.
5. Oh god fandoms why are you. I will be over here, crooning disgusting creepy love poetry to irredeemable hate figures and shooting you in the face with piss arrows of scorn. Please stop trying to make everything into a hollow fascimile of politeness and let the deviants get on with our immorality or Less Than Good behaviour on our own time.
6. Can't utter the sentence "I come from a family of artists" without injecting the disclaimer "technically" and "they're not very good, mind" otherwise I cringe to death at how it sounds.
7. You say, "man, I wish I hadn't internalised every goddamn argument I read because now it's harder to avoid feeling guilty about looking at attractive women than it was when I was swimming in the Nile over being a bender in the first place" and there's an angry sneer and DON'T BLAME US and well you shouldn't be looking at people's bodies anyway, look at their personalities.
8. I am so thoroughly sick of the song that goes Women Don't Like People For Their Looks Only For Their Personalities. I am thoroughly sick of the encouraching corset of social mores which apparently just tightens all the further upon you when you decide to buck the fucking norm, rather than freeing you from it, and I am sick to vomiting of this shabby nonsense about the correct way to be a human being.
9. Sometimes I am concerned that perhaps I am actually a dude, but it is not because I feel that I am a dude, more that I fail so wholeheartedly at everything I'm told a woman is supposed to think and feel - not by the stringent gatekeepers of femininity in The Patriarchy Rawr Rawr where a woman must be meek and self-effacing and devoid of desires beyond doing what daddy wants, but once again IN MY OWN CAMP the poison is in the well water. Women think like this. Women feel like this. Women want this. Women don't want that. Guess I don't get to be a woman, then, if this is what is involved. I shall put in my application forms for monsterhood yet again. Fuck you and your "aren't lecherous."
10. Having previously decided I was going to handle the birthday in good grace I am now eyeballing it with suspicion again. Yes, it's not until the end of the month and there's plenty of other people's between now and then but argh family and stress. And that's just if they try to contact me. Fuck.
2. Primer stings, why did no one tell me this?
3. Currently conducting a very intense relationship with my boots. Relationship with body is not in such a good shape and I fear potential for bloodletting/other abuse is rife at the moment. Am trying not to be a bitter old hag about things but it is remarkably difficult without anything to distract me, ergo Jess should write more fic ASAP.
4. Poem for today: Read in Tooth, another bastard villanelle.
5. Oh god fandoms why are you. I will be over here, crooning disgusting creepy love poetry to irredeemable hate figures and shooting you in the face with piss arrows of scorn. Please stop trying to make everything into a hollow fascimile of politeness and let the deviants get on with our immorality or Less Than Good behaviour on our own time.
6. Can't utter the sentence "I come from a family of artists" without injecting the disclaimer "technically" and "they're not very good, mind" otherwise I cringe to death at how it sounds.
7. You say, "man, I wish I hadn't internalised every goddamn argument I read because now it's harder to avoid feeling guilty about looking at attractive women than it was when I was swimming in the Nile over being a bender in the first place" and there's an angry sneer and DON'T BLAME US and well you shouldn't be looking at people's bodies anyway, look at their personalities.
8. I am so thoroughly sick of the song that goes Women Don't Like People For Their Looks Only For Their Personalities. I am thoroughly sick of the encouraching corset of social mores which apparently just tightens all the further upon you when you decide to buck the fucking norm, rather than freeing you from it, and I am sick to vomiting of this shabby nonsense about the correct way to be a human being.
9. Sometimes I am concerned that perhaps I am actually a dude, but it is not because I feel that I am a dude, more that I fail so wholeheartedly at everything I'm told a woman is supposed to think and feel - not by the stringent gatekeepers of femininity in The Patriarchy Rawr Rawr where a woman must be meek and self-effacing and devoid of desires beyond doing what daddy wants, but once again IN MY OWN CAMP the poison is in the well water. Women think like this. Women feel like this. Women want this. Women don't want that. Guess I don't get to be a woman, then, if this is what is involved. I shall put in my application forms for monsterhood yet again. Fuck you and your "aren't lecherous."
10. Having previously decided I was going to handle the birthday in good grace I am now eyeballing it with suspicion again. Yes, it's not until the end of the month and there's plenty of other people's between now and then but argh family and stress. And that's just if they try to contact me. Fuck.