I don't want sympathy, I just want to call people wankers and take valium in the bath and eat crisps

[apiphile]

This is going under a cut because it is a grumpy inarticulate mess primarily derived from being too fucking hot all day at work and forgetting to take decongestants.

Comments

[wolfy_writing]

1. Unwanted pain sucks donkey balls, and you don't need to have a particular diagnosis to have the pain be real and serious and bad. (Except for when I get menstrual cramps, which don't count for some reason that lives in my head. That is the one exception in the entire universe, and it only applies to me, so you can't have it.)

2. Sorry about the food thing. Eating until full works for a lot of people, but every single approach to eating I've heard has at least a few people going "No, this is making me feel worse."

4. I know I tend to get creeped out by all of that "Look at me, I'm an ally!" stuff, because most people who announce stuff like that are usually more interested in language-policing than decent behavior, and often have the Grand Theoretical Construct explaining the One True Way, and denounce everyone who is intersexed/trans/queer/disabled/female/etc., wrong.

6. Isn't the fun of fantasies that you can do whatever and erase all consequences? Yeah, in actual reality, there are reasons to have precautions and limits, but I don't see what's so bad about imagining the nasty stuff. A lot of BDSM is playing with fantasies of rape and slavery anyway, and the actual reality for both of those things is pretty horrible, so why worry about people having less common nasty fantasies?

[apiphile]

1. Ah, I see we are of the same school of "no, no, everyone else's pain EXCEPT MINE".

2. Shockingly, people are all different! On the whole it is probably better for me, I just need to pair "stop eating when you're full" with "eat when you are hungry, instead of angrily telling your body to go fuck itself". I HAVE A HISTORY OF EATING DISORDER. Stupid brain.

4. YES THIS THANK YOU THIS. Thank you for putting that into much more intelligent words.

6. One would think. Full disclosure: I suspect the imaginary conglomerate of remembered bloggers in my head who police EVERYTHING I SAY OR DO are more harsh than the real ones.

[wolfy_writing]

1. I'm actually not like that about most things. It's just part of me keeps insisting that it's deeply ridiculous to act like menstrual pain is a real problem, and that part of me is only responsible for passing judgement on myself, and even when I have a really nasty one with vomiting, part of me is still going "You're being silly thinking this is serious." (Other people around me, preferring not to be vomited on, tend to look at me warily when I'm pale and crampy and urge me to go take painkillers, a hot bath, and a nap.)

2. Yeah, if you have a small stomach, then lots of small frequent meals often works, but that doesn't work as well if you don't do a lot of them. But a history of eating disorders would make it way harder to try to eat reasonably in a way that works for your body.

6. I understand. Sometimes it's easy for the brain to turn a relatively small amount of "I have issues with this" into a giant spate of "You are terrible for liking this!"

I don't know what most people find acceptable on these things. I'm one of the few people who looked at the Muki's Kitchen website and found it weirdly cute. (Yeah, it's about killing and eating women, but it's obviously fake, and it's cheerful gore-free mostly-consensual cannibal porn, and it's so goofy! It's stuff like "Bwahahaha! I am the wicked topless witch, and I am going to boil this pretty young naked woman in my cauldron!" "No, wicked witch! Don't boil me in the cauldron! Although it feels so good!")

[apiphile]

1. Hah I remember you telling me that someone told you that cramps were down to internalised misogyny - I posit that your lack of respect for them as a Thing is down to that, instead. ;)

2. The idea that I have a small stomach is kind of hilarious considering how VAST the GUNT is over here, but I do also recall Mad Mummy settling on eating lots of small meals.

6. I've not heard of Muki's Kitchen, but from the sound of it, it doesn't sound particularly horrifying. I am baffled by the proliferation of rules that come up around sexuality which amount to - outside of "make sure the other person wants to do what it is you're doing" - "have sex the way I tell you to and don't do this thing I find icky even though we are not going to fuck each other". I'd always thought that "does everyone involved in the sex thing want to do it and are they enjoying it" was the primary rule, but there are websites whining at me for having DIRTY BLOOD and PUTTING YOUR LIFE AT RISK and ... somehow it is worse to do that with choking sex than abseiling? I've certainly come closer to death going down a sheer cliff in Cheddar Gorge than I ever have in bed.

[wolfy_writing]

1. So I can blame annoying holier-than-thou New Age douchebags? Sweet!

2. I think the actual stomach bit (which is internal) is quite small?

6. Yeah, it's pretty tame as compared to something like American Psycho, which is an actual published novel, so I don't get the scale of the horror. I hsven't seen the dirty blood thing. I saw an angry feminist blogger claiming that anyone who doesn't want to have sex that involves possibly getting menstrual blood on them was a misogynist, but she had nearly everyone disagreeing with her.

I don't get The Rules of life and health risk. Like if I go swimming with sharks, that's a risk, but people ask sensible "Do you know what you're getting into?" questions, and aren't all "HOW DARE YOU DO THINGS THAT COULD RESULT IN DAMAGE OR DEATH!" I think it might have something to do with how health problems that have the loosest and most speculative correlation with being fat get the "You brought this on yourself!" treatment, but exercise-induced injuries don't? Basically people using danger as a way of blaming a person for doing things they don't approve of.

[apiphile]

1. Do it. It's satisfying and probably accurate.

6. Oh, it's less to do with that (although you know, I don't think it's "misogynist" so much as "disappointing") and more the idea that if you haven't got a signed affidavit of cleanliness-in-plasma from everyone that is renewed every six months, you have The AIDS and cannot do bloodletting. You can have unprotected sex, but no blood. I don't get it.

Basically people using danger as a way of blaming a person for doing things they don't approve of.

Thank you for once again boiling this down to something pithy and reasonable. YES.