GODDAMNIT I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT EAT WHY AM I STILL HUNGRY
WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP PUTTING FOOD INTO YOU, BODY, THIS IS ANNOYING AND BORING CAN YOU NOT JUST RUN ON STARLIGHT AND RAINBOWS IF YOU DIDN'T NEED FEEDING ALL THE TIME I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET UP SO MUCH AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T KEEP GETTING HUNGRY YOU INEFFICIENT SHITEDEGGER.
Hot Boxes
Box 756
Box 7
Box 97
Box 69
Box 35
Box 0
Don't complain about my sudden pornographic obsession with teeth or I will start inflicting the less socially-acceptible ones on you. Like the ladybirds. Or the drooling. Or. Shut up now, Derek. Just shut up while you still can.
1. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
He was enthusiastic and eloquent, interesting, well-read, and kept making stupid sarcastic remarks. He was not afraid of making a twat out of himself, danced like a gay man and kissed like a lesbian. He was funny, really good-looking, and dressed like an old man going to the beach. ;) These are still things I like about him.
o2. what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
Oh Jesus. Okay. My uterus hasn't quite finished torturing me. My back and my right knee (which are both fucked) are giving me shit. My sinuses as usual. And as has been the case for the last five days, I feel like someone has detonated something inside my left ear and eustachian tube, which means that I'm deaf down one side and also in quite a lot of pain. With the exception of the ear, this is all normal.
o3. what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
I don't know, actually, and I am becoming annoyed with my sleep habits because I don't go to sleep until I am slightly too tired to tell the difference between reality and dreams, and then when I wake up I don't know what I dreamed about and what I remembered from conversations and I feel WEIRD.
o4. what are you listening to?
"Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage because I'm rocking it like it's the nineties tonight.
o5. what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
The entire rest of my life.
o6. where do you think your best friend is right now?
I don't, but she isn't answering her emails and it is beginning to bother me.
o7. have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
Yes, boyfriend only left for Ghent yesterday.
o8. sex on the first date?
Preferable. I really don't like the thing where you pretend you're not going to fuck or it takes you forever to decide (your ambivalence erodes my confidence kbai) or you, i dunno, "wait". Fuck "wait". I need to know NOW if there's any point speculating on this as a sex thing.
o9. kiss on the first date?
Might as well get it over with. 99% of people are shitty kissers.
1o. is there one person you want to be with right now?
uh, yeah, but she doesn't want to be around anyone so I think probably for the better that we're not in the same place.
11. are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
Of course I'm fucking not.
12. is there something you would like to say to someone?
As is customary with this question: There is, but I don't think there's a single person who would listen to the things I want to say to them.
13. what are three things you did today?
Had a bath, finished a book (twice), watched Doctor Who.
14. would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
Usually have them over because London and I have this addiction to sleeping in my own bed and not feeling awkward in someone else's house.
15. what is your favorite kind of gum?
I fucking loathe gum.
16. are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
"Friends" may be stretching it but I am on friendly/non-hostile terms with a couple of them, yes. Sadly their number is outweighed by the exes I would probably hit in the face with an axe if I ever had to breathe the same air as them again, and the ones who make me feel violently guilty every time I think about them.
17. what is on your wrists right now?
Scar tissue and dirt.
18. ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
Here's the interesting thing. As soon as I KNOW I don't stand a chance with a real-life person for whatever reason - they're taken, they have the wrong sexual orientation, they make it clear they wouldn't - I stop being interested. It's like a switch gets hit that says "nope". And it can't get reversed. Overall, I don't think I have a chance with ANYONE, but until I'm confirmed in my opinion I try anyway.
19. does anyone have strong feelings for you?
I hear my boyfriend loves me and shit. He tells me, anyway, and gets miserable when I'm not around. My BFF has informed me she will eat my face. So, there are strong feelings. I will not deny that there are also people who still rabidly fucking hate me.
2o. are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Lots of people.
21. have you ever wasted your time on someone?
well there was that time i spent 9 months dating an insane woman who couldn't be arsed to admit to herself that she was in love with someone else to the extent that she couldn't love me at all I suppose you LEARN from the time you spend with people, so it's not strictly speaking a waste i hope her uterus rots.
22. can you do the alphabet in sign language?
In BSL, yes.
23. how have you felt today?
By turns: furious, furious, confused, totally numb to the point where I was briefly convinced I was dead, angry.
24. you receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
Probably beading supplies and/or books.
25. what is wrong with you right now?
Same things as always: I'm nuts, mentally handicapped, morbidly obese, unloveable, unfuckably ugly, poor, smelly, and don't have anything like enough tattoos.
26. is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
Me. Always. All the time.
27. would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
Neither they both sound disgusting. I want cider but I'm trying to ration myself.
28. why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
Because I am vehemently in hate with her because she fucking hurled the entire enterprise aside when I was still in love with her and then dragged out the death of it by being a wretched fucking coward, having set her eyes on the apparently necessary end but trying to manipulate me into being the one who made things end. I'm not in love with her any more because she doesn't fucking deserve it.
29. how late did you stay up last night and why?
Uh about 3am and because my friends are compelling people to talk to who insist on living in time zones approximately seven to eight hours behind or ahead of mine.
3o. when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
One of: about five minutes ago, immersed in nasty-ass meaningless cowboy porn and making fun of Arizona. The best: Yesterday GODDAMNIT WHERE ARE YOU STANLEY.
31. what were you doing an hour ago?
Stiiiiiiiiill sitting where I am sitting doing pretty much exactly what I am now WOW my life is interesting. Also my left knee now also hurts.
32. what are you looking forward to in the next month?
Having money, I guess, if this job hasn't fallen through.
33. are you wearing jeans right now?
no I am wearing an obnoxiously smelly and inexplicably glittery Artwork t-shirt and fuck all else.
34. are you a patient person?
I am the utter antithesis of a patient person. I have nought patience. Nil. None. Nada.
35. do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
As I have lasted in one for eight fucking years, I am pretty convinced of my ability to last in one for three months.
36. favorite color?
Green.
37. did you have a dream last night?
I did! It was fucking unpleasant! They usually are. Or at least mind-captivatingly vivid and prone to holding my consciousness hostage for hours while they explode bullshit all over me. In the latter stages of this one my father was played by Anthony Hopkins, which I find suspect as my father in an accurate movie would be played by Simon Callow. He is more or less Simon Callow in the closet and angry about it.
38. are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
No. I am wearing my BUTT. Out in the open. The moths in my bedroom can SEE MY VAGINA.
39. if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
Hrm. I have this feeling that Josh Homme probably gives singularly fucking amazing hugs, so maybe him? I would want someone who is excellent at cuddling. Slightly squishy, tall, concentrated hugger who is just like THERE IS NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HUGGING YOU. I take my cuddles seriously, okay.
4o. do you love anyone who is not related to you?
I don't love anyone who is related to me.
41. if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
I bloody well hope people like me right now. Mostly I just want to talk about cowboy porn and locusts.
42. do you like meeting new people?
No.
43. are you afraid of falling in love?
Yes but unfortunately that shit is somewhat inevitable with me. More so than, like, falling off a cliff. Which is also a lot more scary.
44. ever liked someone older than you?
Not really. Lindsay is four years older than me but he's the except rather than the rule. Generally I prefer people younger.
45. has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes and I called them a lying turd.
46. have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
ALL THE TIME THAT I'M AWAKE.
Hot Boxes
Box 756
Box 7
Box 97
Box 69
Box 35
Box 0
Don't complain about my sudden pornographic obsession with teeth or I will start inflicting the less socially-acceptible ones on you. Like the ladybirds. Or the drooling. Or. Shut up now, Derek. Just shut up while you still can.
1. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
He was enthusiastic and eloquent, interesting, well-read, and kept making stupid sarcastic remarks. He was not afraid of making a twat out of himself, danced like a gay man and kissed like a lesbian. He was funny, really good-looking, and dressed like an old man going to the beach. ;) These are still things I like about him.
o2. what on your body is hurting or bothering you?
Oh Jesus. Okay. My uterus hasn't quite finished torturing me. My back and my right knee (which are both fucked) are giving me shit. My sinuses as usual. And as has been the case for the last five days, I feel like someone has detonated something inside my left ear and eustachian tube, which means that I'm deaf down one side and also in quite a lot of pain. With the exception of the ear, this is all normal.
o3. what was your last thought before going to bed last night?
I don't know, actually, and I am becoming annoyed with my sleep habits because I don't go to sleep until I am slightly too tired to tell the difference between reality and dreams, and then when I wake up I don't know what I dreamed about and what I remembered from conversations and I feel WEIRD.
o4. what are you listening to?
"Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage because I'm rocking it like it's the nineties tonight.
o5. what’s something you’re not looking forward to?
The entire rest of my life.
o6. where do you think your best friend is right now?
I don't, but she isn't answering her emails and it is beginning to bother me.
o7. have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
Yes, boyfriend only left for Ghent yesterday.
o8. sex on the first date?
Preferable. I really don't like the thing where you pretend you're not going to fuck or it takes you forever to decide (your ambivalence erodes my confidence kbai) or you, i dunno, "wait". Fuck "wait". I need to know NOW if there's any point speculating on this as a sex thing.
o9. kiss on the first date?
Might as well get it over with. 99% of people are shitty kissers.
1o. is there one person you want to be with right now?
uh, yeah, but she doesn't want to be around anyone so I think probably for the better that we're not in the same place.
11. are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
Of course I'm fucking not.
12. is there something you would like to say to someone?
As is customary with this question: There is, but I don't think there's a single person who would listen to the things I want to say to them.
13. what are three things you did today?
Had a bath, finished a book (twice), watched Doctor Who.
14. would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
Usually have them over because London and I have this addiction to sleeping in my own bed and not feeling awkward in someone else's house.
15. what is your favorite kind of gum?
I fucking loathe gum.
16. are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
"Friends" may be stretching it but I am on friendly/non-hostile terms with a couple of them, yes. Sadly their number is outweighed by the exes I would probably hit in the face with an axe if I ever had to breathe the same air as them again, and the ones who make me feel violently guilty every time I think about them.
17. what is on your wrists right now?
Scar tissue and dirt.
18. ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
Here's the interesting thing. As soon as I KNOW I don't stand a chance with a real-life person for whatever reason - they're taken, they have the wrong sexual orientation, they make it clear they wouldn't - I stop being interested. It's like a switch gets hit that says "nope". And it can't get reversed. Overall, I don't think I have a chance with ANYONE, but until I'm confirmed in my opinion I try anyway.
19. does anyone have strong feelings for you?
I hear my boyfriend loves me and shit. He tells me, anyway, and gets miserable when I'm not around. My BFF has informed me she will eat my face. So, there are strong feelings. I will not deny that there are also people who still rabidly fucking hate me.
2o. are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Lots of people.
21. have you ever wasted your time on someone?
well there was that time i spent 9 months dating an insane woman who couldn't be arsed to admit to herself that she was in love with someone else to the extent that she couldn't love me at all I suppose you LEARN from the time you spend with people, so it's not strictly speaking a waste i hope her uterus rots.
22. can you do the alphabet in sign language?
In BSL, yes.
23. how have you felt today?
By turns: furious, furious, confused, totally numb to the point where I was briefly convinced I was dead, angry.
24. you receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
Probably beading supplies and/or books.
25. what is wrong with you right now?
Same things as always: I'm nuts, mentally handicapped, morbidly obese, unloveable, unfuckably ugly, poor, smelly, and don't have anything like enough tattoos.
26. is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
Me. Always. All the time.
27. would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?
Neither they both sound disgusting. I want cider but I'm trying to ration myself.
28. why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
Because I am vehemently in hate with her because she fucking hurled the entire enterprise aside when I was still in love with her and then dragged out the death of it by being a wretched fucking coward, having set her eyes on the apparently necessary end but trying to manipulate me into being the one who made things end. I'm not in love with her any more because she doesn't fucking deserve it.
29. how late did you stay up last night and why?
Uh about 3am and because my friends are compelling people to talk to who insist on living in time zones approximately seven to eight hours behind or ahead of mine.
3o. when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
One of: about five minutes ago, immersed in nasty-ass meaningless cowboy porn and making fun of Arizona. The best: Yesterday GODDAMNIT WHERE ARE YOU STANLEY.
31. what were you doing an hour ago?
Stiiiiiiiiill sitting where I am sitting doing pretty much exactly what I am now WOW my life is interesting. Also my left knee now also hurts.
32. what are you looking forward to in the next month?
Having money, I guess, if this job hasn't fallen through.
33. are you wearing jeans right now?
no I am wearing an obnoxiously smelly and inexplicably glittery Artwork t-shirt and fuck all else.
34. are you a patient person?
I am the utter antithesis of a patient person. I have nought patience. Nil. None. Nada.
35. do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
As I have lasted in one for eight fucking years, I am pretty convinced of my ability to last in one for three months.
36. favorite color?
Green.
37. did you have a dream last night?
I did! It was fucking unpleasant! They usually are. Or at least mind-captivatingly vivid and prone to holding my consciousness hostage for hours while they explode bullshit all over me. In the latter stages of this one my father was played by Anthony Hopkins, which I find suspect as my father in an accurate movie would be played by Simon Callow. He is more or less Simon Callow in the closet and angry about it.
38. are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
No. I am wearing my BUTT. Out in the open. The moths in my bedroom can SEE MY VAGINA.
39. if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
Hrm. I have this feeling that Josh Homme probably gives singularly fucking amazing hugs, so maybe him? I would want someone who is excellent at cuddling. Slightly squishy, tall, concentrated hugger who is just like THERE IS NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HUGGING YOU. I take my cuddles seriously, okay.
4o. do you love anyone who is not related to you?
I don't love anyone who is related to me.
41. if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
I bloody well hope people like me right now. Mostly I just want to talk about cowboy porn and locusts.
42. do you like meeting new people?
No.
43. are you afraid of falling in love?
Yes but unfortunately that shit is somewhat inevitable with me. More so than, like, falling off a cliff. Which is also a lot more scary.
44. ever liked someone older than you?
Not really. Lindsay is four years older than me but he's the except rather than the rule. Generally I prefer people younger.
45. has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes and I called them a lying turd.
46. have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
ALL THE TIME THAT I'M AWAKE.