*sad laughter* FMLLLL.
So many things are annoying me that I have decided to vent my frustrations in poetry form.
Why Is The Universe So Fucking Disappointing
1. Soldering
A vain and self-absorbed creature, yes,
but one with an eye for projects
I decide to make charms which reflect
the logo I created for myself.
Branding, you see.
The first soldering iron I inherited
from a kindly friend; it came with a small coil
of dodgy-looking solder.
When switched on the solder did not melt
only flattened with a little pressure
and would not adhere to the
bloody wings
that I bought
from some dimestoremporium
in New york
(that's the name of their Etsy shop
and don't let my hideous experiences put you off
they're really rather good).
Assumed that it was the iron,
but pledged to acquire more solder;
traipsed to Wood Green Maplin's
only to discover
that my wallet was still at home.
Ordered online instead - hey, I'm
only human and rather inhumanly
agoraphobic; two trips in one day
makes me want to hide in the wardrobe.
"Next-day delivery" in Maplins-speak
Means about four days later;
My soldering station arrived
but no solder - for that I had
to wait another day.
No worries, I had other shit -
I'll tell you about that later.
Set up the station today, at last,
dialling the variable temperature potentiometer
up to the "maximum" section, as I've heard
that jewellery soldering requires
hotter temperatures than electronics
where components are fragile and often
damaged by the heat.
Soldering iron almost immediately begins emmiting smoke.
From the body, I mean, not the tip.
And every time I turn the temperature up
more steam comes pouring out of it.
Well this is a pain but it's not
the end of the world - after all I have
another soldering iron still.
Heated up, and applied to solder,
the secods fall like tree trunks
on the railway tracks
of my bloody fucking patience,
but sooner or later the solder melts,
beads
and rolls off the wings.
I burn my hands a few times -
positioning both components of the charm
is tricky, especially when I am
not ambidextrous and therefore
can't use pliers very well
with my left hand;
alas I am also
not fireproof and therefore
can't avoid singeing myself
when holding hot metal.
It's no use - all the charms
are coated with something that the solder
just won't stick to; it rolls off,
and when it cools
is easily picked at. Certainly
no way of pressing one part to the other
and sealing them together.
A brainwave, then.
Maybe I could use superglue?
Maybe.
If ours had't dried out two years ago.
2. Sewing
After a forray into jewellery-making
still-curtailed by the continued absence
of the beads I ordered to finish my rosary;
Might as well get on with sewing the remainder
of those nice metal buttons
on that jacket
to replace the fuck-ugly
wooden
painted ones
that SDL think pass
for metal.
Begin work and wonder suddenly
if there are enough buttons;
I remember counting them
fairly fucking thoroughly
when I bought the whole bag
about a year ago.
But since then it seems
one little button has gone missing
and I haven't quite got enough
for the whole of this jacket.
And I am not starting again
with another lot.
3. Minor irritations
People on Etsy don't seem to grasp
that cogs with no function
are not exactly steampunk.
(could you at least make it LOOK like
they do something)
I want to get my Yuletide fic
posted as soon as I can,
but I'm convinced it's terrible
and needs to be rewritten from the start;
my confidence in my own writing
is hardly bolstered by poor book sales
and the way all my friends
are getting published by
people other than themselves.
Indeed I am starting to wonder if,
with the kindest of motivations,
my friends just skim my words,
and politely tell me they're reading -
so as, of course, to spare my feelings.
And always in the back of my mind;
you're wasting money
you're wasting time
you'll never amount to anything
you'll have no home
why not just sleep until
everyone forgets you?
Why Is The Universe So Fucking Disappointing
1. Soldering
A vain and self-absorbed creature, yes,
but one with an eye for projects
I decide to make charms which reflect
the logo I created for myself.
Branding, you see.
The first soldering iron I inherited
from a kindly friend; it came with a small coil
of dodgy-looking solder.
When switched on the solder did not melt
only flattened with a little pressure
and would not adhere to the
bloody wings
that I bought
from some dimestoremporium
in New york
(that's the name of their Etsy shop
and don't let my hideous experiences put you off
they're really rather good).
Assumed that it was the iron,
but pledged to acquire more solder;
traipsed to Wood Green Maplin's
only to discover
that my wallet was still at home.
Ordered online instead - hey, I'm
only human and rather inhumanly
agoraphobic; two trips in one day
makes me want to hide in the wardrobe.
"Next-day delivery" in Maplins-speak
Means about four days later;
My soldering station arrived
but no solder - for that I had
to wait another day.
No worries, I had other shit -
I'll tell you about that later.
Set up the station today, at last,
dialling the variable temperature potentiometer
up to the "maximum" section, as I've heard
that jewellery soldering requires
hotter temperatures than electronics
where components are fragile and often
damaged by the heat.
Soldering iron almost immediately begins emmiting smoke.
From the body, I mean, not the tip.
And every time I turn the temperature up
more steam comes pouring out of it.
Well this is a pain but it's not
the end of the world - after all I have
another soldering iron still.
Heated up, and applied to solder,
the secods fall like tree trunks
on the railway tracks
of my bloody fucking patience,
but sooner or later the solder melts,
beads
and rolls off the wings.
I burn my hands a few times -
positioning both components of the charm
is tricky, especially when I am
not ambidextrous and therefore
can't use pliers very well
with my left hand;
alas I am also
not fireproof and therefore
can't avoid singeing myself
when holding hot metal.
It's no use - all the charms
are coated with something that the solder
just won't stick to; it rolls off,
and when it cools
is easily picked at. Certainly
no way of pressing one part to the other
and sealing them together.
A brainwave, then.
Maybe I could use superglue?
Maybe.
If ours had't dried out two years ago.
2. Sewing
After a forray into jewellery-making
still-curtailed by the continued absence
of the beads I ordered to finish my rosary;
Might as well get on with sewing the remainder
of those nice metal buttons
on that jacket
to replace the fuck-ugly
wooden
painted ones
that SDL think pass
for metal.
Begin work and wonder suddenly
if there are enough buttons;
I remember counting them
fairly fucking thoroughly
when I bought the whole bag
about a year ago.
But since then it seems
one little button has gone missing
and I haven't quite got enough
for the whole of this jacket.
And I am not starting again
with another lot.
3. Minor irritations
People on Etsy don't seem to grasp
that cogs with no function
are not exactly steampunk.
(could you at least make it LOOK like
they do something)
I want to get my Yuletide fic
posted as soon as I can,
but I'm convinced it's terrible
and needs to be rewritten from the start;
my confidence in my own writing
is hardly bolstered by poor book sales
and the way all my friends
are getting published by
people other than themselves.
Indeed I am starting to wonder if,
with the kindest of motivations,
my friends just skim my words,
and politely tell me they're reading -
so as, of course, to spare my feelings.
And always in the back of my mind;
you're wasting money
you're wasting time
you'll never amount to anything
you'll have no home
why not just sleep until
everyone forgets you?