Ms. Grumpy Pants :-(
Ugh, I really hate being such a Debbie Downer, but I've had my grumpy pants on all week. I just don't want to do anything but be lazy and pout. I'm just really angry...mostly at my dad. He's been making comments to me, some very hurtful, to the point where I just feel so belittled and in a way abandoned. I'm not going to go deeper into it, but whenever something truly bothers me, I tend to bottle up everything and hide away (i.e. just staying in my room like a little hermit.) It sounds so strange, but that's the way I tend to deal with things.
To be completely honest, I hate showing any signs of weakness. I hate crying in front of people because I feel it's weak, I hate letting people see me bothered or just appearing in any sort of vulnerable state where I'm prone to weakness. I value the fact that I'm pretty independent and I do feel I tend to have a very strong interior. I may not be the most confrontational person, but I carry on.
It's just...I guess you could say that maybe I just have some issues...mostly with men. Sometimes I just really, really, really, HATE all men. And it's not because "oh, I'm single and I hate being single and so lonely". In ways, I'm a loner by nature. I do my own thing...it's odd, but I'm not afraid of being alone. I think I just have this complete loathing for men sometimes because (as much as I admit it) I sometimes feel just abandonded.
Yesterday I went to the same-sex marriage debate and the opposing man said that most children that grow up without their biological parent usually tend to have emotional/developmental problems. I would like to say I can prove that guy wrong, but this week and lately, I don't feel that way. I DO NOT, however, care to meet my biological father at all, but I must say a lot of the times I feel as if I that there is a part of me where I have no idea who I am. I mean, there's actually a part of me where I have no idea who, what, where, whatever I am. Ugh...I hate feeling this way. When I'm good, I'm grand and when I'm down...I'm just so down.
Anyways, enough of my pathetic sob story. There are people out there that have real problems and not my petty problems of "boo hoo, I don't know my dad." I'm out.
To be completely honest, I hate showing any signs of weakness. I hate crying in front of people because I feel it's weak, I hate letting people see me bothered or just appearing in any sort of vulnerable state where I'm prone to weakness. I value the fact that I'm pretty independent and I do feel I tend to have a very strong interior. I may not be the most confrontational person, but I carry on.
It's just...I guess you could say that maybe I just have some issues...mostly with men. Sometimes I just really, really, really, HATE all men. And it's not because "oh, I'm single and I hate being single and so lonely". In ways, I'm a loner by nature. I do my own thing...it's odd, but I'm not afraid of being alone. I think I just have this complete loathing for men sometimes because (as much as I admit it) I sometimes feel just abandonded.
Yesterday I went to the same-sex marriage debate and the opposing man said that most children that grow up without their biological parent usually tend to have emotional/developmental problems. I would like to say I can prove that guy wrong, but this week and lately, I don't feel that way. I DO NOT, however, care to meet my biological father at all, but I must say a lot of the times I feel as if I that there is a part of me where I have no idea who I am. I mean, there's actually a part of me where I have no idea who, what, where, whatever I am. Ugh...I hate feeling this way. When I'm good, I'm grand and when I'm down...I'm just so down.
Anyways, enough of my pathetic sob story. There are people out there that have real problems and not my petty problems of "boo hoo, I don't know my dad." I'm out.