Blah, blah, I-live-cakes...
I keep abondoning LJ and then returning, but I've now added it to my productivity app, so it's for realz now (Habitica. Join it. I don't do the RPG aspect, but I love the interface and the fact that I gain/lose gold and silver based on whether I achieve the things I put on my list... and dressing up my character and giving her pets. <3)
So what has happened sine my last posting? I don't know if it's lots or very little.
Work has continued to be very steady, which I should be grateful for, considering my field. But here's the thing about fields of work that are considered artsy/creative/playtime/obviously not real work: they are still work and they still (even if they are not your typical eight-hour work day), consume time in prep, travel, learning new songs and the business end of sending invoices,confirmations, casual lunch meetings to see the venue which actually means me driving an hour there and back, long phone calls planning wedding music... I mean, it's still work. I've been working 6 days a week, sometimes 7.
I love the end result and the singing part is fun as hell, especially when you get a good audience, but because I do my own booking and the businessy ends, I have to be the asshole who calls when I haven't been paid in a month or more, feeling like a debt collector when I'd rather it all be jazzy showtune fun forevor and who cares about money when we can dance!
I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to complain, but sometimes I can't help it. The worst part is that I get constant validation through applause and people coming up to tell me they like it. And I would love to just take that and run with it. But then I get people who feel very free (like too free) to talk to me about my weight ("I hope she can sing, because she ain't nothing to look at" or, my favorite, "I really enjoyed your program, but you neded to stop eating. It's too hard to look at you."). And I get why, on some level. It's actually their problem and not mine. They have been conditioned to believe a woman in the public eye (even the very small public eye I occupy as I'm never going to be Diana Krall or even Jane Monheit) needs to be classically or at least commercially attractive.
Girls like me should not be showing our faces and should be hiding our voices until we're more presentable to them. You know, that's bullshit. And I know it and I try not to let it get to me. But it echoes in my mind. I know I'm not hideous or anything, but it stays with me, way more than the complimentary comments and I wish I could be the kind of person for whom it's the other way around.
I know there is room for improvement, but I also have to walk out the door, as I am right now, put on some sequins and liquid eye-liner, and sing flirty showtunes without feeling too self-conscious to do it. Sometimes I have to just imagine Dawn French...
I think of her and how, though she has the same body type I do, yet she is well-loved and appears confident (though I know she feels similar pressures and insecurities through interviews). She has to get out there and do what she does despite knowing she would like a few (maybe more than a few) things to change. It's not going to happen tomorrow.
Anyway, besides all that, I am reasonably happy. I threw Uncle Mike yet another French Dinner party for his birthday (I made some fancy-ass quiches and a very nice soup and exotic salad. No leftovers, so I think it went well. Me and French cooking are getting along famously. Ask in the comments and I will provide recipes). He is going back on the hormone therapy despite his initial protests that he wouldn't and he seems to be dealing better with it the second time around. I just hope it lowers his PSA, but we won't know till June, which is torture.
We are going to be buying a treadmill together this week to be kept at his house (my place is too small) and I am saving so many shows for when I am walking/running.
I am getting back into DIY fun with the weather warming. I bought vinyl plank flooring that claims to look like wood, I can't wait to repair my concrete (which I have been dealing with since the summer) and lay it down.
As of now, there are three people in my family that I no longer speak to. I hate that it has come to this, but there are times when people are so difficult that you have no choice. Maybe I'll go into it at some point, but not now.
I am learning all kinds of new skills with Legendary Women. We have started a podcast and are about to put our first official episode up once I've finished editing it and making us all sound like pro V.O. artists.
I started some voice-over work for a web comic (a wonderful VO of a fantasy/western called Plume where I play an antagonistic spinster aunt. You can see the whole thing starting here or hear me here and here so far. I'll be coming back for later episodes.)
I have been learning new things as far as video editing, also for LW, and will be putting up a few things soon.
Game of Thrones is coming back next week and I am honor-bound to recap it.
I wrote a short fic for Smallville Sunken Ships, which you can see here if you want to. It's a one-shot and rated below R, which is rare for me.
I am trying to gear myself up to finish my unfinished fics. I know, if this were job, I would have been fired from it long ago. I've just been busy between work and family stuff that I have very little brainspace to dedicate to it. I do have it on my list and am working up to it. You know, I have that app now, so it's obviously (hopefully) a done deal.
So what has happened sine my last posting? I don't know if it's lots or very little.
Work has continued to be very steady, which I should be grateful for, considering my field. But here's the thing about fields of work that are considered artsy/creative/playtime/obviously not real work: they are still work and they still (even if they are not your typical eight-hour work day), consume time in prep, travel, learning new songs and the business end of sending invoices,confirmations, casual lunch meetings to see the venue which actually means me driving an hour there and back, long phone calls planning wedding music... I mean, it's still work. I've been working 6 days a week, sometimes 7.
I love the end result and the singing part is fun as hell, especially when you get a good audience, but because I do my own booking and the businessy ends, I have to be the asshole who calls when I haven't been paid in a month or more, feeling like a debt collector when I'd rather it all be jazzy showtune fun forevor and who cares about money when we can dance!
I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to complain, but sometimes I can't help it. The worst part is that I get constant validation through applause and people coming up to tell me they like it. And I would love to just take that and run with it. But then I get people who feel very free (like too free) to talk to me about my weight ("I hope she can sing, because she ain't nothing to look at" or, my favorite, "I really enjoyed your program, but you neded to stop eating. It's too hard to look at you."). And I get why, on some level. It's actually their problem and not mine. They have been conditioned to believe a woman in the public eye (even the very small public eye I occupy as I'm never going to be Diana Krall or even Jane Monheit) needs to be classically or at least commercially attractive.
Girls like me should not be showing our faces and should be hiding our voices until we're more presentable to them. You know, that's bullshit. And I know it and I try not to let it get to me. But it echoes in my mind. I know I'm not hideous or anything, but it stays with me, way more than the complimentary comments and I wish I could be the kind of person for whom it's the other way around.
I know there is room for improvement, but I also have to walk out the door, as I am right now, put on some sequins and liquid eye-liner, and sing flirty showtunes without feeling too self-conscious to do it. Sometimes I have to just imagine Dawn French...
I think of her and how, though she has the same body type I do, yet she is well-loved and appears confident (though I know she feels similar pressures and insecurities through interviews). She has to get out there and do what she does despite knowing she would like a few (maybe more than a few) things to change. It's not going to happen tomorrow.
Anyway, besides all that, I am reasonably happy. I threw Uncle Mike yet another French Dinner party for his birthday (I made some fancy-ass quiches and a very nice soup and exotic salad. No leftovers, so I think it went well. Me and French cooking are getting along famously. Ask in the comments and I will provide recipes). He is going back on the hormone therapy despite his initial protests that he wouldn't and he seems to be dealing better with it the second time around. I just hope it lowers his PSA, but we won't know till June, which is torture.
We are going to be buying a treadmill together this week to be kept at his house (my place is too small) and I am saving so many shows for when I am walking/running.
I am getting back into DIY fun with the weather warming. I bought vinyl plank flooring that claims to look like wood, I can't wait to repair my concrete (which I have been dealing with since the summer) and lay it down.
As of now, there are three people in my family that I no longer speak to. I hate that it has come to this, but there are times when people are so difficult that you have no choice. Maybe I'll go into it at some point, but not now.
I am learning all kinds of new skills with Legendary Women. We have started a podcast and are about to put our first official episode up once I've finished editing it and making us all sound like pro V.O. artists.
I started some voice-over work for a web comic (a wonderful VO of a fantasy/western called Plume where I play an antagonistic spinster aunt. You can see the whole thing starting here or hear me here and here so far. I'll be coming back for later episodes.)
I have been learning new things as far as video editing, also for LW, and will be putting up a few things soon.
Game of Thrones is coming back next week and I am honor-bound to recap it.
I wrote a short fic for Smallville Sunken Ships, which you can see here if you want to. It's a one-shot and rated below R, which is rare for me.
I am trying to gear myself up to finish my unfinished fics. I know, if this were job, I would have been fired from it long ago. I've just been busy between work and family stuff that I have very little brainspace to dedicate to it. I do have it on my list and am working up to it. You know, I have that app now, so it's obviously (hopefully) a done deal.