(no subject)
It's been nearly a month since that surprising evening were i found myself in a steady game of ping pong and in the arms of Michael, comfortable and slightly startled of the fact. Unattached at the time, it was in the moment and without thought. And while 3 weeks have passed me by I'm not left with regrets, but annoyingly curiosity and anticipation for my next visit home. I continue to remind my self to carry no expectations, but it is difficult. Stupid of me to think before, during and after that i could remain unattached. I was so sure i could! But then again it is Michael. Class president, captain of the football team, future marine and lifetime nerd. While he bares a tattoo on his right arm that spells apathy, in reality everything he does is carried out with intent and purpose. Every word spoken, every gesture made, is quietly thoughtful, easy to go unnoticed. He knows art of not caring, and when to give a damn. I wonder if i ever will.
Ironic that that weekend fell exactly one year after that night with David. Although I have managed to reflect and learn from it, i continue to analyze and scold myself for not being more myself, more relaxed, more this more that. Dammit i need to stop, stop going back there. David. 18 years old and in his 5th year of high school, he went to school for a few hours during the day, and again later at night, after which he worked the graveyard shift at a ware house. He smoked pot daily, and was most the reliable source for the latest news and politics. If you caught him at the right angle he bore a remarkable resemblance to Tupac Shakur. He lived in a 2 room apartment that held a small television and a single couch. He has lived in every major city in the US plus some. And I am sure that every person that has come in contact with this man has been affected by his presence.
Good bye David...hello Michael?
Ironic that that weekend fell exactly one year after that night with David. Although I have managed to reflect and learn from it, i continue to analyze and scold myself for not being more myself, more relaxed, more this more that. Dammit i need to stop, stop going back there. David. 18 years old and in his 5th year of high school, he went to school for a few hours during the day, and again later at night, after which he worked the graveyard shift at a ware house. He smoked pot daily, and was most the reliable source for the latest news and politics. If you caught him at the right angle he bore a remarkable resemblance to Tupac Shakur. He lived in a 2 room apartment that held a small television and a single couch. He has lived in every major city in the US plus some. And I am sure that every person that has come in contact with this man has been affected by his presence.
Good bye David...hello Michael?