the update
another 3 weeks, another large sum of bad news to report. i don't even know where to begin so i guess i'll start where i always do.
work is officially shit. my december production is officially cancelled. i am officially looking for another job.
southern california is ablaze and we watched stephen's house burn down last night on television. i exaggerate a little, but very slightly. we watched his cul de sac burn on web news videos. 300,000 people evacuated and we can't find out if his house is still there.
does anyone else find it intriguing that they (fema) are all over so cal, possibly because they've already succeeded in displacing the black population of the south and it might look suspicious if they did the same to the mexicans?
and of course, the actual bad news. not that the others aren't bad. but there's nothing worse than a friend being murdered. and the more i say it, the more it sinks in. but it's still nowhere close. i keep hoping someone will call me and say it was all a mistake, that we're overreacting and everybody is fine.
i keep thinking about all the time we spent together. we used to sit at the piano for hours, improvising little medleys and mark would occasionally freestyle to mix it up.
but the part that haunts me is the one memory i will never forget. i suppose i consider it the first time mark and i spent any decent quality semi-alone time together. we were at his apartment on the haight (yeah, back then) and went onto the roof for air and cigarettes. mark and i sat against the roof ledge and the more i leaned back the more he leaned in. i sat there teetering over the edge of the roof, occasionally peering over my shoulder to the cement sidewalk below and wondering if he would catch me if i started to fall, but mostly staring back at those blue eyes because what else could i focus on when he's a mere 2 inches away from my nose. his hair tickled the top of my forehead and he never looked away from me.
and it's like those blue eyes keep staring at me from my memory
and now i'm crying so i can't keep going. it's too hard to stop. i'm going to smoke and drink and go downtown and see if i can find a thrifty white leia dress for rocky and maybe i'll feel better after that.
work is officially shit. my december production is officially cancelled. i am officially looking for another job.
southern california is ablaze and we watched stephen's house burn down last night on television. i exaggerate a little, but very slightly. we watched his cul de sac burn on web news videos. 300,000 people evacuated and we can't find out if his house is still there.
does anyone else find it intriguing that they (fema) are all over so cal, possibly because they've already succeeded in displacing the black population of the south and it might look suspicious if they did the same to the mexicans?
and of course, the actual bad news. not that the others aren't bad. but there's nothing worse than a friend being murdered. and the more i say it, the more it sinks in. but it's still nowhere close. i keep hoping someone will call me and say it was all a mistake, that we're overreacting and everybody is fine.
i keep thinking about all the time we spent together. we used to sit at the piano for hours, improvising little medleys and mark would occasionally freestyle to mix it up.
but the part that haunts me is the one memory i will never forget. i suppose i consider it the first time mark and i spent any decent quality semi-alone time together. we were at his apartment on the haight (yeah, back then) and went onto the roof for air and cigarettes. mark and i sat against the roof ledge and the more i leaned back the more he leaned in. i sat there teetering over the edge of the roof, occasionally peering over my shoulder to the cement sidewalk below and wondering if he would catch me if i started to fall, but mostly staring back at those blue eyes because what else could i focus on when he's a mere 2 inches away from my nose. his hair tickled the top of my forehead and he never looked away from me.
and it's like those blue eyes keep staring at me from my memory
and now i'm crying so i can't keep going. it's too hard to stop. i'm going to smoke and drink and go downtown and see if i can find a thrifty white leia dress for rocky and maybe i'll feel better after that.