(no subject)
fyi
zach and i are over for good now. i will probably explain the details later, but for now, the only thing i can really say is that it is clear to me that zach is not ready for a relationship, and he is being a crutch to me, rather than a crutch for me. i'm sure you will hear a completely different story from him.
i'm devastated. my heart's been broken. he's not there for me and he never was. i thought we had an understanding, and our relationship was progressing so beautifully. but he stopped (or never was) listening to me and put words in my mouth instead. this is a reoccuring problem, so i finally decided it was in my better interest to end things. i looked out for him and took care of him. he wasn't looking out or taking care of me, and i had to do it myself. very unbalanced. not a relationship of any magnitude.
i know a lot of you thought this would happen, but please do me a favor and don't tell me so. it does not console or sooth my feelings. i really do/did love zach, and i tried really really hard to work everything out. but i can't do it alone. a relationship is not about doing it alone but doing it together. i thought we were working together, but i realized that zach was being selfish and uncaring when he always assumed i expected this or that out of him. if he truly loved me and cared about me, it would not have been that way.
while i'm sure he has his own story, i know his will be strung with comments about money. rest assured, my problem with him is not about money at all. i do have my own problems with money, and it stresses me out, and i talked to zach about it a lot. i don't deny that. but he would get pissed off at me because he said i was trying to make him feel guilty about having money and me not having money. that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. that doesn't even sound like something i would do, and if he thinks it is, it's then quite clear that he doesn't have a clue about who i am. and if he refuses to listen and give me benefit of doubt rather than always assuming the worst, then that is something that he will have to deal with alone. i have enough troubles with life by myself - i do not need him as another crutch. the only crutch he should be is one that helps me along, not one that makes me trip and fall.
if he does even read this and understand what i'm trying to get at, he won't believe me. he didn't when i explained to his face. he didn't listen and didn't believe me.
funny thing is... i had financial stress because he owed me to begin with. he didn't give me any money from his last check because he didn't want to. it was too small. i understood and never asked him for more money than he could give (as long as he paid rent before the end of the month). but his lack of non-payment put me in the negative with my bank. i never accused him of being the problem. i wanted him to support me and listen to me talk about how i was going to take care of my financial problem. i was not expecting any more than comfort and support. if he wants to think i was putting him on a guilt trip, then fine. he probably felt guilty to begin with, since he was dicking me on rent anyway. whatever. i really don't care, but i'd like to point out to others that i would never have had financial problems if he had paid me on time when he was originally going to, therefore, i would not have been worried about money to begin with, and i wouldn't've talked about it so much. he was the one without the level of responsibility to take care of his rent in a timely matter, but i don't care about that so much as his accusations of using him as a money tree. and then not believing me or understanding me when i told him otherwise... he didn't believe me... didn't trust me... he didn't listen and he didn't understand... that's what hurts so much...
well... i guess i explained everything now anyway. ah well... thank you for listening.
zach and i are over for good now. i will probably explain the details later, but for now, the only thing i can really say is that it is clear to me that zach is not ready for a relationship, and he is being a crutch to me, rather than a crutch for me. i'm sure you will hear a completely different story from him.
i'm devastated. my heart's been broken. he's not there for me and he never was. i thought we had an understanding, and our relationship was progressing so beautifully. but he stopped (or never was) listening to me and put words in my mouth instead. this is a reoccuring problem, so i finally decided it was in my better interest to end things. i looked out for him and took care of him. he wasn't looking out or taking care of me, and i had to do it myself. very unbalanced. not a relationship of any magnitude.
i know a lot of you thought this would happen, but please do me a favor and don't tell me so. it does not console or sooth my feelings. i really do/did love zach, and i tried really really hard to work everything out. but i can't do it alone. a relationship is not about doing it alone but doing it together. i thought we were working together, but i realized that zach was being selfish and uncaring when he always assumed i expected this or that out of him. if he truly loved me and cared about me, it would not have been that way.
while i'm sure he has his own story, i know his will be strung with comments about money. rest assured, my problem with him is not about money at all. i do have my own problems with money, and it stresses me out, and i talked to zach about it a lot. i don't deny that. but he would get pissed off at me because he said i was trying to make him feel guilty about having money and me not having money. that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of. that doesn't even sound like something i would do, and if he thinks it is, it's then quite clear that he doesn't have a clue about who i am. and if he refuses to listen and give me benefit of doubt rather than always assuming the worst, then that is something that he will have to deal with alone. i have enough troubles with life by myself - i do not need him as another crutch. the only crutch he should be is one that helps me along, not one that makes me trip and fall.
if he does even read this and understand what i'm trying to get at, he won't believe me. he didn't when i explained to his face. he didn't listen and didn't believe me.
funny thing is... i had financial stress because he owed me to begin with. he didn't give me any money from his last check because he didn't want to. it was too small. i understood and never asked him for more money than he could give (as long as he paid rent before the end of the month). but his lack of non-payment put me in the negative with my bank. i never accused him of being the problem. i wanted him to support me and listen to me talk about how i was going to take care of my financial problem. i was not expecting any more than comfort and support. if he wants to think i was putting him on a guilt trip, then fine. he probably felt guilty to begin with, since he was dicking me on rent anyway. whatever. i really don't care, but i'd like to point out to others that i would never have had financial problems if he had paid me on time when he was originally going to, therefore, i would not have been worried about money to begin with, and i wouldn't've talked about it so much. he was the one without the level of responsibility to take care of his rent in a timely matter, but i don't care about that so much as his accusations of using him as a money tree. and then not believing me or understanding me when i told him otherwise... he didn't believe me... didn't trust me... he didn't listen and he didn't understand... that's what hurts so much...
well... i guess i explained everything now anyway. ah well... thank you for listening.