Fic: Over and Over, Chapter Two
Title: Over and Over
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point
Characters/Pairing: Blaine/Kurt
Chapters: 2/? (the fic starts here)
Word Count: 2299
Summary: Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)
Chapter Two
The first time he goes over to the loft it's just so Kurt can drop some schoolbooks off before they go for coffee. Blaine's hoping that this mysterious boyfriend he has yet to see won't interrupt their…well, he can't really call it a date, but their outing, at least…this time, but apparently the universe has decided to make getting to know Kurt extremely easy this time around but actually being with him insanely difficult.
You'd think one lifetime…just one lifetime…he'd have it easy, but nope, of course not.
Still, the loft is very Bohemian-chic, and Blaine can appreciate the artistry of it although it's really just a big open space with shower-curtain dividers and a mix of furniture that doesn't match. Obviously living with well-to-do parents has spoiled him, because most of his lives he'd had a lot less than this.
"Sorry," Kurt disappears behind the one curtain and Blaine follows him in cautiously, watching as he takes some books out of his satchel and sets them on a bedside table. A picture sitting there catches Blaine's eye and he reaches to pick it up, smiling at the sight of Kurt and an older, bald man wearing a baseball cap and a flannel shirt. He can see the resemblance, though, and he knows this man is Kurt's father, despite how different they first appear.
"My dad," Kurt says, although it's not really needed, and Blaine nods and sets the photo down. "He's amazing. I…I almost lost him a few years ago to a heart attack, and then again last year when he was diagnosed with cancer, but he's okay now. I just…sometimes it's hard, knowing that I'm here and he's back in Ohio. I know my stepmother's looking after him, but sometimes I want to be there myself, you know? Although I don't think he'd ever forgive me if I dropped chasing my dreams to go take care of him," he smiles sadly at the picture and Blaine thinks about what he's said for a moment, reaching to set the photo back.
"Your stepmother? What about…" and Blaine stops himself, because that's probably getting way too personal and he has to remember that Kurt still sees him as a virtual stranger.
"My mother died when I was young," Kurt says, and there's a fond smile on his face as he's obviously reminiscing. "She was beautiful, and that's…it gets harder to remember, sometimes. I can't remember the sound of her voice anymore, but I remember the smell of the perfume she wore and I remember how it felt to have her hug me and I…it was a long time ago, but I know she's in a better place," he sits on the edge of the bed, melancholy and staring out toward the windows, and Blaine perches carefully beside him.
"Do you think about that a lot? Life after death?" he asks curiously, because Kurt can't know that for him at least there is none because no death is ever permanent for long.
"Not really. I don't really believe in any god or any religion. I just believe in family, and friendships, and that maybe sometimes the world isn't quite as cruel as it seems to be. Sometimes," he says again, like he's re-thinking it. "But I know my mother did. And I believe that if God and Heaven…if it's real? She's there. She has to be. But for me I've never found any comfort in that thought," he leans back on his elbows and Blaine's struck with a memory, more vivid than he's had in a long time, because at one time Kurt had believed very strongly.
In fact, he'd make it his life's calling to do so.
000
He knows he has forgotten some lifetimes over the years, but storing that much time in his memory is probably impossible. The fact that this one comes back to him, triggered by Kurt's words, might be surprising considering it had happened over a thousand years ago, but it stands out in his mind for a couple of reasons: because, despite being soulmates, it was one time when they were never truly lovers, and because it might have been the first time he realized that no matter what form he was in or what he was like, loving Kurt…or, the soul that would become Kurt in this lifetime…was never going to be a problem.
He's not sure of the year exactly, but if he had to guess it was probably around 900 AD, somewhere in the North…or, what they thought of as the North then, but for Blaine Anderson, short and peaceful and put-together, the knowledge that he had once been the son of a powerful Viking seems almost laughable. Admittedly, even then he was smaller than average and when most boys of age went out raiding, his father had decided he was to stay at home and help his mother because as the only heir to the family he had to stay alive.
His mother then had been a kind woman, capable enough of defending herself and her home but without a love for violence a lot of their village had shared, and he was grateful in a way that his main duties were keeping the house tidy and keeping their animals fed instead of sharpening weapons and fighting life-or-death battles.
Kurt…well, Blaine thinks it's easier to think of them as 'Kurt-and-Blaine', even though they weren't, of course, but names and features are lost in time and only vague details remain, feelings and events and random facts that seem inconsequential but that have stayed with him.
Kurt was a monk, which again looking at Kurt now seems almost impossible, but maybe that's how it's supposed to work. His father had brought him home after a raid somewhere in England because, as he said, 'he is youthful and strong and your mother will need help when you come with on the raids.'
But for the time being, he was Blaine's to take care of, because nobody else could be bothered. And he remembers that even then Kurt was stubborn and unwilling, and he listened but it was done with a superior air and perhaps the fact that he was nearly ten years older than Blaine didn't help matters.
Blaine knew about the soulmate thing, even then, and he knew that Kurt was the man he was seeking in that lifetime, but it took the better part of a year for Kurt to even speak to him, and that's the one conversation he can remember clearer than any other.
000
"Have you ever taken a lover?"
Kurt looks up at him, his eyes bright in the firelight as he closes the cover of the book he never seems to let go of and bows his head
"I cannot," he replies. "We are forbidden to seek pleasures of the flesh. I chose to devote my life to God and although I no longer live in the monastery, I refuse to lose that part of my beliefs."
"What about a male lover?" Blaine presses, because he knows that some men in the village do…things, sometimes with their wives present, and he's almost too young to know what taking a lover entails but he knows he wants it with Kurt.
"I would not dare," Kurt replies softly, still stroking the pages of the book. "I do not know enough about your gods to know if such…dalliances are common here, but assuredly they are not where I was raised," he finally sets the book aside. "I do not understand a lot of things about this place. But I suppose, as a slave, I am not meant to."
"I do not think of you as a slave," Blaine says quickly, because he doesn't. Yes, Kurt is, but that does not mean Blaine has to treat him as such. "You are almost a part of the family now."
"Hardly," Kurt laughs bitterly, his fingers curled around the cross that he never takes off. His hair has grown longer in the past year his appearance less put together, but the fire in his eyes and his soul has never died and Blaine vows then that when he is head of the family the first thing he will do is announce Kurt as a free man. "I cannot fathom the act of treating another human being worse than you treat the animals you kill for food, but I am learning."
"I would like to learn," Blaine says, moving a little closer and reaching to touch Kurt's knee. This is about the most Kurt has said to him, and Blaine is not going to let this rare show of civility from him go to waste. "And I can help you learn. I can tell you about our gods, about Odin and Freya and Loki. About Valhalla, and…" his voice drops to a whisper, as if he's afraid to say the word, "and Ragnarok. If you, in turn, tell me about your homeland and your beliefs," he offers, and Kurt looks intrigued and even smiles a little.
"I suppose that seems like a fair trade-off. Your people are very odd to me, your love for violence and bloodshed frightens me, but I would like to understand if I am to be living here for a long time," he pats the side of the log he's sitting on and Blaine moves to sit beside him, nearly shaking with excitement at being so close because right now it's enough.
"Tell me about your one God, then, Priest," he urges, and Kurt begins to speak.
000
Blaine shakes the memory off, hands clenched in the fabric of his jeans as he tries to pull himself out and not remember too much more.
Because there's not much more to remember. A year or so after he and Kurt had started to grow close, a plague swept through the village, and while Kurt fought against the sickness as long as he could and Blaine prayed to every god he could think of, his own and Kurt's and anybody, the monk had eventually succumbed to the sickness and Blaine was left alone.
Not for long, as he'd maybe not tried all that hard to defend himself during the next raid he'd gone on, and part of him still feels guilty that he could not carry on his family's name but it wasn't worth it to live without his soulmate.
Death in battle was honorable, at least.
"Blaine?"
Blaine blinks and comes back to the present, seeing Kurt kneeling in front of him and looking concerned.
"Are you okay? You just zoned out on me there. Are you tired? Do you need to sleep?"
"I'm fine," Blaine promises, almost reaching for Kurt's hand but stopping himself before he can. "Sorry, just…thinking. I'm okay, though, let's just get some coffee," he stands up. Kurt looks less than convinced but nods and re-shoulders his bag.
"If you're sure. I brew a mean pot of coffee on my own, though, so if you want to stay in…watch a movie or something…" he pauses and Blaine realizes a moment later that Kurt actually wants this, and truth be told he's a little too shaken about reliving losing Kurt that keeping him close would be a blessing.
"Well, you'll have to prove it to me," he says with the most real smile he can muster. "I won't believe it until I see it."
"Is that a challenge, Mister? Because I never back down from a challenge," Kurt smiles warmly at him and then seems to remember himself and mumbles something about getting the coffee, leaving the room quickly.
It's a little scary how much it still hurts, seeing Kurt flirting and being open with him the way he really should be and then immediately putting up a wall when he gets confused as to why he's that comfortable around Blaine already.
But it's just something he'll have to get used to for now.
He gets off the bed and heads into the main area of the loft, sliding his finger along the DVD cases that were stacked beside the television as he hears Kurt puttering about in the kitchen.
"Pick whatever you want. As long as it's a musical!" Kurt yells over and Blaine has no problem with that so he grabs RENT off the shelf and bends down to try and work the DVD player (at least it doesn't remind him of anything in particular and he never lived through anything like that himself, so it's safe). He finally gets it started and looks up as Kurt comes over, carrying two cups of coffee.
Blaine accepts the one he's offered and they sit, Kurt grabbing a blanket to pull over their knees. "Well?" he looks expectant so Blaine takes a sip, and Kurt's right, he does brew a mean cup of coffee.
"It's excellent. As promised," he adds, causing Kurt to smile again (and Blaine makes it a mission from then on out to make Kurt smile as often as possible). "But you're sure I'm not interrupting anything by staying? You're not meeting your boyfriend, or…" he has to ask.
"Oh. No, we…it didn't work out. Just didn't feel right," he nearly parrots the exact words Santana had told Blaine he'd said many times before, and when he looks at Blaine then his eyes are open and honest and swirling with the most intense mixture of blue-grey-green and
Blaine realizes something that maybe should have registered on him many times before.
No matter what body Kurt's in, no matter how he looks, he always has the same eyes.
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, after all, and Blaine knows in that moment that truer words have never been spoken.
Chapter One // Chapter Three
Notes:
1. So the past life in this chapter was more than a little inspired by the television show 'Vikings', which if that's your sort of thing and you haven't watched the first season yet, I highly recommend you do so because it is awesome (and definitely does not end the same way it does in this chapter!). And if you're unfamiliar with Norse mythology, Odin, Freya, and Loki are gods/goddesses. Valhalla was Odin's great hall, and while the legends differ one of the common ones is that it was where the souls of those who died honorably in battle gathered after death. And Ragnarok is the Norse version of what today we call the apocalypse or judgment day or the end of the world.
2. Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter! I do try to reply to every review I get and I appreciate hearing what people think, and again, if you want to chat on tumblr I'm over at klainejolras :)