Glee-Fic: Undisclosed Desires, Chapter Nine (Finn/Kurt/Blaine)
Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 9/?
Word Count: 2100
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Nine
“You look like crap.”
“Thank you for the astute observation,” Kurt sniffs, nose a little plugged and eyes far too red from crying almost the whole way over, and the other man doesn’t speak another word as he opens the door to his dingy apartment and ushers Kurt in, not saying anything at all until they’re settled at the rickety table with mugs of weak tea, Kurt sipping at it carefully because it’s hot if nothing else.
“So. You wanna talk about it?”
“No,” Kurt says immediately before the words come tumbling out unbidden and then it’s everything, everything that’s happened since he’s moved to New York and everything he’s feared and everything he wishes for that won’t ever be. “And it’s not that…I’m not angry because they’re doing it, because I did the same thing to Blaine but…but I’m angry because Finn and I made a commitment to stop and I would have assumed that had anything else been going on they would have made the same decision. And this wasn’t…it wasn’t just sex. The way they were looking at each other…” he shivers and curls into himself, the tea not doing anything to warm him, and the man across from him reaches out a hand and places it on top of Kurt’s. “I know they fight and reconcile a lot and that they’re friends…mostly…but if…”
“There might be more to it,” the other man says quietly, gently rubbing the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. “You need to talk to them, Kurt.”
“Not tonight,” Kurt decides immediately. “I’ll break down if I do, I know it. I need to…to think about it. It’s funny,” he adds with a horribly self-deprecating laugh as he gulps at the tea, wanting it to burn on the way down. “It’s funny because I always thought I didn’t deserve either of them. But now it turns out that maybe we all deserve each other more than we realize. We’re all cheaters.”
He pauses to take another sip of the liquid, slower this time, and sets down the cup with an audible ‘clank’ on the plastic (he’s pretty sure it’s plastic) table.
“I guess…” he shakes his head. “Maybe I should have expected it. Finn and Blaine have been unusually close lately and Finn cares about Blaine more than he rightly should but I wouldn’t have…and they’ve both cheated before…”
“Wait, Blaine cheated on you?” the other man raises an eyebrow and Kurt grips his hand harder and looks down.
“Not in so many words. And not physically. But after Sebastian showed up and practically every time they interacted suddenly Blaine was so much more interested in getting intimate with me, and I can’t help but think…” he stops, because that’s really unfair to Blaine, but something in his head has never quite equated Blaine’s insistence that they should both be comfortable to Blaine meeting Sebastian to Blaine suddenly deciding they needed to get moving now and he hates himself for thinking that, almost, but he knows on some level it’s true.
“Yeah,” his companion agrees and Kurt collects his thoughts and keeps talking.
“And I never saw myself as the type to cheat, but then I never saw Finn as the type to cheat either after what Quinn and Rachel did to him and then he cheated with Quinn while she was dating…”
“Me,” he gets a wry smile for that one and smiles in return, although he feels sick to his stomach and his thoughts are still running a million miles a minute.
He can’t blame either of them, and yet he still is, because it hurts to know that Finn wanted to break things off with him but still keep some sort of sexual intimacy with Blaine. He doesn’t want to lose either of them, but the knowledge that maybe he’s already lost them has fresh tears forming and he covers his face and sobs, feeling worn out and drained and wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in somebody’s arms but he can’t and it’s killing him.
“Hey,” Kurt feels fingers grip his again and looks up, blinking away tears as the man across the table gives him a smile. “You can stay here for as long as you need to, okay? I mean, I don’t have much, but what’s mine is yours. Literally. I think I’ve still got some of your clothes that you can wear if you want…”
“Sam Evans, those pieces are five years out of fashion by this point. Or more,” Kurt sniffs but he can’t help smiling, and he always had loved that hemp coat.
“Yeah, you’ll be fine,” Sam shakes his now-brown hair out of his eyes and stands. “More tea?”
“I’m good.”
“It’s kinda like water anyway,” Sam wrinkles his nose and takes the cup into the kitchen to wash it out as Kurt thanks whatever higher power might possibly be out there for the other man. Sam being in New York is as much of an enigma as anything, but he’s going for an education degree and, Kurt has to admit, he can’t see a better fit for somebody as giving and good-natured as Sam is, even after everything he’s gone through in his life. “So. You tired?”
“More than a little,” Kurt admits, but Sam’s place is so small the bed doubles as a couch and he’s not sure they’re quite comfortable enough with each other for…that.
“Let’s get some rest, then,” Sam opens a closet and Kurt winces at how horribly his clothing is organized and how wrinkled it’s no-doubt getting before the other man backs up and passes him a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. “They’re clean, I promise. And I’ve got some of Finn’s old clothes here too but I figured you wouldn’t want those…considering…” he shrugs and Kurt has to give him points for being considerate as he changes quickly in the washroom and splashes some water on his face, forgoing his routine because he has none of his supplies.
By the time he gets out Sam’s under the covers and is watching something on a tiny, static-y television, the sound cutting in and out, and Kurt sniffs the collar of his shirt experimentally, only smelling detergent and deciding that this is as good as it was going to get.
He slides into bed and tries not to tense when Sam slings an arm around him and pulls him close, resting his cheek on Kurt’s hair.
“You looked like you needed a hug. This is all totally No Homo, though,” he adds with a smile and Kurt elbows him gently before accepting the embrace.
He needs it.
000
“You have to go,” Blaine’s words cut through the haze in Finn’s mind, the litany of words and sounds and the broken, broken noise Kurt had made before he’d rushed out, and he barely registers them as he blinks muzzily at the other man.
Somehow he’s in his clothes again, a duffel bag over his shoulder although he won’t be able to tell you how it got there, the world seeming like moving through syrup and he’s drowning, chest tightening up because he knew he shouldn’t have done anything with Blaine and now Kurt’s going to think that he’s willing to sleep with Blaine and not him and that’s not true but he thought it would be best and…
“Finn!” Blaine grips his shoulders and rubs gently. “Breathe! Calm down, it’s going to be okay,” his voice is shaking in a way that tells Finn he’s just saying the words as reassurance and not because he believes them, but Finn appreciates it regardless. “Look,” Blaine hugs him quickly but Finn grips onto him before he can let go, needing that last bit of comfort. “If he comes back tonight, I need to be the one to talk to him. Don’t worry. We’ll work this out.”
“You don’t believe that…”
“I have to,” Blaine gives him a last squeeze before letting him go and Finn stumbles blindly out of the apartment, hoping he can keep his wits about him long enough to drive somewhere, and right then he can only think of one place to go.
000
“I hope you don’t expect me to feel sorry for you,” Jade’s obviously been dragged out of bed, her hair a mass of wild curls and a frown on her face that lets Finn know that she does not appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night for this.
“I don’t,” Finn slumps forward on the table, murmuring something against the wooden surface and he’s not even sure what he’s saying.
“You’re going to have to speak English,” she chides but her tone isn’t frosty anymore and he looks up and gives her a tired smile.
“I know I shouldn’t have done it. But he was so…lost, and I…”
“You wanted to make him happy,” she finishes for him and he can only nod, sure he looks pitiful and about ten years younger than he is and God, he hasn’t needed his mom this badly in years. But then, his mom is kinda Kurt’s mom too, now, and she’d probably take Kurt’s side and…he slumps against the table again. “Finn.”
“Yeah?”
“This isn’t the end. With everything you’ve told me…I think you and Kurt can move past this. Have you tried to get a hold of him?”
Finn pulls out his phone and checks the screen, nothing there to inform him he’s missed calls, and he shakes his head mournfully. “Yeah, Blaine and I both tried, but he’s not answering his phone.”
“He’ll come back when he’s ready,” she promises, smiling, and Kurt’s eyes stare back at him and make him shiver. He might never see those eyes smile at him again. “Come to bed, Finn.”
“You think I can sleep?” Finn asks, although he yawns immediately after and she tilts her head to the side in a rather knowing gesture.
“Bed, Finn,” she repeats, patting his shoulder, and he follows her into the bedroom and wonders if things could have been different if he’d have told her the truth right away and if she hadn’t had to hear it from Rachel.
He really does think he could have come to love her, so easily, and not just because of her hair or eyes: because of her.
But he’ll never know now.
He strips down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbs into bed, making a pleased sound when she lets him pull her into his arms, warm and friendly and nothing more than that between them, but it’s enough comfort for now and sleep comes to him easily although the roiling in his stomach doesn’t cease and the aching in his heart just won’t go away.
000
Blaine sinks back against the door, sliding to the floor as Finn’s footsteps fade to nothing down the hall, and rubs his hands over his face.
He knew he shouldn’t have ever approached Finn again. He should have accepted that Finn wanted to break things off and left it at that, but a part of him…a bigger part than he’d ever admit…had wanted so badly for Finn to be inside of him that it had skewed all of his reasoning and left him completely unhinged.
And for Kurt to walk in not only on them having sex, but on them kissing and damn near making love…he can’t imagine what the other boy is feeling, and it tears him apart to know that he’s the reason for it.
He’s in the kitchen before he can stop himself, tearing through the cupboards before he remembers that Kurt’s dumped all the alcohol and forbidden any in the house at all, and he almost, almost rushes for the bathroom because painkillers will do the trick just as well but…
He doesn’t want to die.
The revelation hits him with the force of a speeding bullet train, his legs giving out as he sinks into a chair and covers his mouth, shaking.
He doesn’t want to die.
He wants to make things right…with Kurt and Finn…and until he does he’s got what’s maybe the strongest purpose he’s ever had in his life.
He sighs and gets to his feet, letting his unsteady legs carry him to the bedroom as he flops onto the bed and sticks his nose into Kurt’s pillow, inhaling his lover’s scent and trying to pretend that everything will be okay.
He’s going to make it okay.
And it’s that thought that sticks with him as he drops off into an uneasy slumber.
Next Chapter
1. I know normally I stick to one POV per chapter, but I felt this one had to switch because everything is happening simultaneously and I wanted to get all of their feelings out there at once.
2. That being said, let me know what you thought :) I know it’s depressing, but that’s inevitable right now…
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 9/?
Word Count: 2100
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Nine
“You look like crap.”
“Thank you for the astute observation,” Kurt sniffs, nose a little plugged and eyes far too red from crying almost the whole way over, and the other man doesn’t speak another word as he opens the door to his dingy apartment and ushers Kurt in, not saying anything at all until they’re settled at the rickety table with mugs of weak tea, Kurt sipping at it carefully because it’s hot if nothing else.
“So. You wanna talk about it?”
“No,” Kurt says immediately before the words come tumbling out unbidden and then it’s everything, everything that’s happened since he’s moved to New York and everything he’s feared and everything he wishes for that won’t ever be. “And it’s not that…I’m not angry because they’re doing it, because I did the same thing to Blaine but…but I’m angry because Finn and I made a commitment to stop and I would have assumed that had anything else been going on they would have made the same decision. And this wasn’t…it wasn’t just sex. The way they were looking at each other…” he shivers and curls into himself, the tea not doing anything to warm him, and the man across from him reaches out a hand and places it on top of Kurt’s. “I know they fight and reconcile a lot and that they’re friends…mostly…but if…”
“There might be more to it,” the other man says quietly, gently rubbing the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. “You need to talk to them, Kurt.”
“Not tonight,” Kurt decides immediately. “I’ll break down if I do, I know it. I need to…to think about it. It’s funny,” he adds with a horribly self-deprecating laugh as he gulps at the tea, wanting it to burn on the way down. “It’s funny because I always thought I didn’t deserve either of them. But now it turns out that maybe we all deserve each other more than we realize. We’re all cheaters.”
He pauses to take another sip of the liquid, slower this time, and sets down the cup with an audible ‘clank’ on the plastic (he’s pretty sure it’s plastic) table.
“I guess…” he shakes his head. “Maybe I should have expected it. Finn and Blaine have been unusually close lately and Finn cares about Blaine more than he rightly should but I wouldn’t have…and they’ve both cheated before…”
“Wait, Blaine cheated on you?” the other man raises an eyebrow and Kurt grips his hand harder and looks down.
“Not in so many words. And not physically. But after Sebastian showed up and practically every time they interacted suddenly Blaine was so much more interested in getting intimate with me, and I can’t help but think…” he stops, because that’s really unfair to Blaine, but something in his head has never quite equated Blaine’s insistence that they should both be comfortable to Blaine meeting Sebastian to Blaine suddenly deciding they needed to get moving now and he hates himself for thinking that, almost, but he knows on some level it’s true.
“Yeah,” his companion agrees and Kurt collects his thoughts and keeps talking.
“And I never saw myself as the type to cheat, but then I never saw Finn as the type to cheat either after what Quinn and Rachel did to him and then he cheated with Quinn while she was dating…”
“Me,” he gets a wry smile for that one and smiles in return, although he feels sick to his stomach and his thoughts are still running a million miles a minute.
He can’t blame either of them, and yet he still is, because it hurts to know that Finn wanted to break things off with him but still keep some sort of sexual intimacy with Blaine. He doesn’t want to lose either of them, but the knowledge that maybe he’s already lost them has fresh tears forming and he covers his face and sobs, feeling worn out and drained and wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in somebody’s arms but he can’t and it’s killing him.
“Hey,” Kurt feels fingers grip his again and looks up, blinking away tears as the man across the table gives him a smile. “You can stay here for as long as you need to, okay? I mean, I don’t have much, but what’s mine is yours. Literally. I think I’ve still got some of your clothes that you can wear if you want…”
“Sam Evans, those pieces are five years out of fashion by this point. Or more,” Kurt sniffs but he can’t help smiling, and he always had loved that hemp coat.
“Yeah, you’ll be fine,” Sam shakes his now-brown hair out of his eyes and stands. “More tea?”
“I’m good.”
“It’s kinda like water anyway,” Sam wrinkles his nose and takes the cup into the kitchen to wash it out as Kurt thanks whatever higher power might possibly be out there for the other man. Sam being in New York is as much of an enigma as anything, but he’s going for an education degree and, Kurt has to admit, he can’t see a better fit for somebody as giving and good-natured as Sam is, even after everything he’s gone through in his life. “So. You tired?”
“More than a little,” Kurt admits, but Sam’s place is so small the bed doubles as a couch and he’s not sure they’re quite comfortable enough with each other for…that.
“Let’s get some rest, then,” Sam opens a closet and Kurt winces at how horribly his clothing is organized and how wrinkled it’s no-doubt getting before the other man backs up and passes him a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. “They’re clean, I promise. And I’ve got some of Finn’s old clothes here too but I figured you wouldn’t want those…considering…” he shrugs and Kurt has to give him points for being considerate as he changes quickly in the washroom and splashes some water on his face, forgoing his routine because he has none of his supplies.
By the time he gets out Sam’s under the covers and is watching something on a tiny, static-y television, the sound cutting in and out, and Kurt sniffs the collar of his shirt experimentally, only smelling detergent and deciding that this is as good as it was going to get.
He slides into bed and tries not to tense when Sam slings an arm around him and pulls him close, resting his cheek on Kurt’s hair.
“You looked like you needed a hug. This is all totally No Homo, though,” he adds with a smile and Kurt elbows him gently before accepting the embrace.
He needs it.
000
“You have to go,” Blaine’s words cut through the haze in Finn’s mind, the litany of words and sounds and the broken, broken noise Kurt had made before he’d rushed out, and he barely registers them as he blinks muzzily at the other man.
Somehow he’s in his clothes again, a duffel bag over his shoulder although he won’t be able to tell you how it got there, the world seeming like moving through syrup and he’s drowning, chest tightening up because he knew he shouldn’t have done anything with Blaine and now Kurt’s going to think that he’s willing to sleep with Blaine and not him and that’s not true but he thought it would be best and…
“Finn!” Blaine grips his shoulders and rubs gently. “Breathe! Calm down, it’s going to be okay,” his voice is shaking in a way that tells Finn he’s just saying the words as reassurance and not because he believes them, but Finn appreciates it regardless. “Look,” Blaine hugs him quickly but Finn grips onto him before he can let go, needing that last bit of comfort. “If he comes back tonight, I need to be the one to talk to him. Don’t worry. We’ll work this out.”
“You don’t believe that…”
“I have to,” Blaine gives him a last squeeze before letting him go and Finn stumbles blindly out of the apartment, hoping he can keep his wits about him long enough to drive somewhere, and right then he can only think of one place to go.
000
“I hope you don’t expect me to feel sorry for you,” Jade’s obviously been dragged out of bed, her hair a mass of wild curls and a frown on her face that lets Finn know that she does not appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night for this.
“I don’t,” Finn slumps forward on the table, murmuring something against the wooden surface and he’s not even sure what he’s saying.
“You’re going to have to speak English,” she chides but her tone isn’t frosty anymore and he looks up and gives her a tired smile.
“I know I shouldn’t have done it. But he was so…lost, and I…”
“You wanted to make him happy,” she finishes for him and he can only nod, sure he looks pitiful and about ten years younger than he is and God, he hasn’t needed his mom this badly in years. But then, his mom is kinda Kurt’s mom too, now, and she’d probably take Kurt’s side and…he slumps against the table again. “Finn.”
“Yeah?”
“This isn’t the end. With everything you’ve told me…I think you and Kurt can move past this. Have you tried to get a hold of him?”
Finn pulls out his phone and checks the screen, nothing there to inform him he’s missed calls, and he shakes his head mournfully. “Yeah, Blaine and I both tried, but he’s not answering his phone.”
“He’ll come back when he’s ready,” she promises, smiling, and Kurt’s eyes stare back at him and make him shiver. He might never see those eyes smile at him again. “Come to bed, Finn.”
“You think I can sleep?” Finn asks, although he yawns immediately after and she tilts her head to the side in a rather knowing gesture.
“Bed, Finn,” she repeats, patting his shoulder, and he follows her into the bedroom and wonders if things could have been different if he’d have told her the truth right away and if she hadn’t had to hear it from Rachel.
He really does think he could have come to love her, so easily, and not just because of her hair or eyes: because of her.
But he’ll never know now.
He strips down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbs into bed, making a pleased sound when she lets him pull her into his arms, warm and friendly and nothing more than that between them, but it’s enough comfort for now and sleep comes to him easily although the roiling in his stomach doesn’t cease and the aching in his heart just won’t go away.
000
Blaine sinks back against the door, sliding to the floor as Finn’s footsteps fade to nothing down the hall, and rubs his hands over his face.
He knew he shouldn’t have ever approached Finn again. He should have accepted that Finn wanted to break things off and left it at that, but a part of him…a bigger part than he’d ever admit…had wanted so badly for Finn to be inside of him that it had skewed all of his reasoning and left him completely unhinged.
And for Kurt to walk in not only on them having sex, but on them kissing and damn near making love…he can’t imagine what the other boy is feeling, and it tears him apart to know that he’s the reason for it.
He’s in the kitchen before he can stop himself, tearing through the cupboards before he remembers that Kurt’s dumped all the alcohol and forbidden any in the house at all, and he almost, almost rushes for the bathroom because painkillers will do the trick just as well but…
He doesn’t want to die.
The revelation hits him with the force of a speeding bullet train, his legs giving out as he sinks into a chair and covers his mouth, shaking.
He doesn’t want to die.
He wants to make things right…with Kurt and Finn…and until he does he’s got what’s maybe the strongest purpose he’s ever had in his life.
He sighs and gets to his feet, letting his unsteady legs carry him to the bedroom as he flops onto the bed and sticks his nose into Kurt’s pillow, inhaling his lover’s scent and trying to pretend that everything will be okay.
He’s going to make it okay.
And it’s that thought that sticks with him as he drops off into an uneasy slumber.
Next Chapter
1. I know normally I stick to one POV per chapter, but I felt this one had to switch because everything is happening simultaneously and I wanted to get all of their feelings out there at once.
2. That being said, let me know what you thought :) I know it’s depressing, but that’s inevitable right now…