Glee-Fic: Undisclosed Desires, Chapter Six (Finn/Kurt/Blaine)
Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 6/?
Word Count: 2056
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Six
Kurt wakes up warm and comfortable, surprising considering that he’d fallen asleep in a chair the night before, and the sharp tang of clinical cleaning supplies invades his nostrils almost immediately so he presses his nose farther against Finn’s shoulder, smelling yesterday’s cologne and Finn and a hint of sex from the night before, something that stirs a sharp ache in his chest although he’ll never admit to that.
The beeping of machines is the next to register, steady and reassuring, and for a moment he wishes he were a child again and could ask his daddy to take him home so he could play with his toys and forget how much it hurt to have that beeping stop, have the machine flat-line and not really know what it meant except Mommy never came home and…
He buries his face in Finn’s shoulder, smelling everything that’s him and chasing the memories away although he knows he has to face the world sooner than later, so he stretches a bit as Finn presses a hand into the small of his back.
“Morning?” Kurt asks softly and Finn chuckles, breath warm in his ear.
“6:30, so pretty close. Sleep okay?”
“Must’ve,” Kurt decides, because he’d heard nothing during the night and while his throat is dry and his stomach is starting to complain, he feels mysteriously rested. “How’s…” he asks without looking, fingers curling into the worn fabric of Finn’s shirt, nose pressed into his neck and Finn holds him close.
“He’s fine. The nurses gave him the all-clear about a half-hour ago so he’s out like a light.”
“Good,” Kurt murmurs, closing his eyes again because it’s just so nice here. “He needs to rest. He…”
“He scared you pretty bad, huh?” Finn whispers and Kurt can only nod, tears stinging his eyes as he takes a shaky breath and tires to force them away. “Yeah. Me, too. When I got that phone call…”
“Thank you for coming. I just…I didn’t know who else to call,” he sinks back into Finn’s strong arms, letting him carry Kurt with his strength for a while. Finn really is his hero, and always has been.
“I couldn’t leave you alone. Or Blaine,” Finn adds, a slight rasp to his voice the only indication that he’s not as composed as he outwardly appears, and Kurt presses his nose against Finn’s neck and nudges him. “It’ll be fine, Kurt.”
“I hope,” Kurt replies, reaching for Finn’s hand and smiling when the other man takes it and squeezes his fingers briefly. “Is Jade still here?”
“I told her to go home, but I don’t think she…hey, baby,” he perks up and Kurt watches Jade enter the room, trying to ignore the spike of jealousy that comes with every time he sees her face. He knows that he and Finn breaking things off between them was necessary, but he misses the closeness. Finn just…they know each other so well there’s no need to be hesitant or uncomfortable; they just…fit, somehow, and he knows that Jade is good for Finn and that Finn really seems to like her, but he’s come to accept the fact that, probably until he dies, he’ll always be jealous of Finn’s girlfriends.
That’s just the way it is.
“Hey. How are you, Kurt?” she asks kindly, and he shrugs and snuggles closer to Finn, a petty, childish move but he could care less in that moment.
“I’m okay. I just…yeah. I know…I know he won’t do this again, but if it happened once, there’s always this fear, and I can’t…” he shakes his head and feels her hand settle on his hair, unwanted and intrusive but he can’t be bothered to shake her off right now.
He looks like crap, anyway.
“You should go home,” Finn tells Jade kindly, one hand gently rubbing Kurt’s back as if he senses his discomfort somehow.
“It’s Saturday. I’ve got nothing to go for,” she shakes her head. “But can I bring you boys anything while you wait? Coffee? Some breakfast? Hospital cafeterias usually have great food.”
“Yeah, they feed the crap to the patients,” Finn smirks and nods. “That’d be great if you would. I think we’ll probably stick around until they give him the all-clear and then I’ll drive them home. I can come to yours later if you…”
“No,” she looks thoughtful, tapping her chin before leaning down to kiss him softly. “No, I think your brother needs you today.”
“You’re awesome,” Finn hides his grin in Kurt’s hair and Kurt feels a strange surge of affection for this woman, who’s obviously far more perceptive than he originally gave her credit for. He’ll still be jealous, always, but maybe he can learn to accept her.
“Thank you,” he manages to croak out and Jade gives him a kind smile and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind her.
“Do you like her?” Finn murmurs into his hair, too close, and Kurt sighs.
“I do. I think…she’s good for you. And we…”
“We needed to end. I know,” Finn’s brown eyes are mournful and Kurt knows that he misses what they had, too. The closeness and comfort, if nothing else. It was never inherently sexual even though they were having sex, and it was…nice. “I really like her, Kurt. I mean, how many girls would do this for somebody? Stay overnight at the hospital for somebody they barely know?”
“It’s certainly appreciated, and I’m glad she’s not angry,” Kurt admits, even though he’d rather have her angry.
He’s a horrible person, and he tightens his fingers in Finn’s shirt unconsciously as Finn kisses his temple, innocent and brotherly but still amazingly comforting.
He finally shifts to look at Blaine, seeing the other man still hooked up to tubes and IVs but luckily breathing on his own, still pale and his skin almost greenish in the light, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, and Kurt feels his chest clench.
He’d almost lost him.
And the tears come again unbidden; horrid, wracking sobs as he buries his face in Finn’s shoulder and feels the soothing rumble of the other man’s voice as he tries to calm him.
“He’s fine. We’ll help him. I won’t make you do this alone, Kurt, I’ll be there for you,” Finn whispers, honest and open, and Kurt nods as best he can and tries to calm himself down. He knows Blaine’s okay, for now. And he knows he’ll never let so much as a drop of alcohol pass through the front door of their home again, because it’s not worth losing Blaine over.
Nothing is.
“I know. I don’t deserve it, but thank you,” he whispers and Finn stiffens, another strange reaction but Kurt won’t look too deeply into it as he sinks back into Finn’s embrace and lets the other man shield him from the world for a few moments longer.
Finn’s still mumbling nonsense against his hair, kissing his head every so often and Kurt feels an aching in his heart that he doesn’t know if he can ever fill.
Finn’s moving on. Finn’s found, if not love, at least something that could easily become love, and he knows that Finn would never hurt Jade because the other man’s just not like that.
But Kurt can’t do this alone; can’t deal with school and rehearsal and Blaine by himself, so to know that Finn will always be there…
It’s nice.
And he’ll take it for now.
000
He’s doing mindless work later, the same thing he always does to get his mind off of whatever Blaine’s been doing, and he hears a tiny croak from the living room so he sets down the rag he’s using to wash the counter, glaring at it before deciding to toss it because it’s got far too many holes to ever be patched up.
Kind of like your relationship with Blaine, a tiny voice tells him, and he angrily pushes it away, because no.
He’s not giving up on Blaine.
He grabs a glass of water and walks over to where Blaine’s seated on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and generally looking pitiful, and Kurt doesn’t particularly want to look at him right then but Blaine’s fingers close weakly around his wrist, hazel eyes blinking slowly at him and Kurt heaves a sigh and sits down, moving closer when Blaine opens the blanket and folds him up.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine murmurs, the words almost too quiet for Kurt to hear them, and Kurt feels a roiling anger start to bubble in his stomach.
“Why?” he forces out between gritted teeth, trying not to completely lose it.
“Wh…”
“Why did you do it, Blaine? Why would you even…you know what it does to you, how you act when you’re drinking, and I thought…you were doing so well and…were you trying to kill yourself?!” he all but yells, realizing in the second after the words have left his mouth that this has been his question all along, and now that it’s out in the open he’s not sure he wants to know the answer.
And by the stark look in Blaine’s eyes Kurt’s not quite sure if he knows the answer either, but he eventually sighs and lets his head rest on Kurt’s shoulder, eyes slipping closed. “No,” he finally admits. “I wasn’t. I was trying to make the pain go away, and I think a big part of me knew I was going too far, but…I couldn’t stop. And…” he takes a deep breath, fingers clutching at Kurt’s hip. “Maybe…maybe I didn’t want to.”
He stops, breath hitching a little, and Kurt tries to control his emotions because…
“No,” he chokes out, arms tightening around Blaine.
“No, what?”
“No, you’re not…you can’t…I love you, Blaine Anderson. You’re not allowed to die,” he snarls, realizing how childish that sounds but they’re gripping at each other like children, Blaine shivering in his grasp although Kurt feels hot enough to burst into flames at any moment.
“Kurt,” Blaine whimpers, curling up into his body and letting Kurt hold him, and there’s a trust and an innocence to his gaze in that moment that reminds Kurt so much of the boy he first fell in love with, the boy that he knows is in there somewhere, the boy who was with him through everything and who owns his soul, but…
But sometimes Kurt thinks that boy was just a figment of his own imagination. Blaine’s not perfect, and this mind-Blaine that he remembers so well is the closest thing to it.
Still…
“I want to go back,” Blaine whispers, as if he can read Kurt’s innermost thoughts, and Kurt strokes his hair and shushes him.
“We can’t go back, love. We’re older now, we’ve seen more and…” he stops, trying to figure out exactly how to word this. “But I still feel the same way about you that I did back then,” he says honestly, because in his heart Blaine’s still the same fresh-faced, eternally optimistic boy he was when he first came to McKinley, and Kurt would do almost anything to get that back.
“I know. But sometimes I wonder if this is who I am. Maybe that was an act…”
“It wasn’t an act,” Kurt says vehemently, squeezing Blaine’s hand. “Remember this? Remember everything? If that was an act, then I fell in love with a sham,” he tries not to sound too angry but honestly, if Blaine’s telling the truth…
“No,” Blaine’s grabbing for him again, so alone and tiny and Kurt can’t leave him. “It’s…I just don’t know, Kurt, I don’t feel like myself, but…”
“I’ll help you find yourself again,” Kurt promises, staring into Blaine’s beautiful eyes, and he can see the scared boy in there, see that Blaine really does need help, and he knows he’s not walking away from this. “Finn promised to help too,” he adds and tries not to notice the way Blaine stiffens at Finn’s name.
“Okay. That’s…” Blaine swallows. “Thank you.”
“Of course, baby. I love you,” Kurt cups Blaine’s face and leans down, Blaine meeting him halfway and kissing him tenderly.
“Love you, too,” Blaine murmurs as they part, and Kurt wraps him up in the blanket and knows that he’s going to see this through.
No matter what it takes.
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
Notes:
1. I am *so sorry* this has taken so long to get out. Unfortunately, I had a major Glee-breakdown in the past week and seriously considered quitting the show/fandom/everything entirely. I have…since reconsidered and am feeling mostly better about everything, but that’s where I was. I was also writing a lot of RPF, if that’s your kind of thing xP
2. Other than that, your reviews and comments mean so much to me so…keep leaving them :) I have sort of a plan of where I want the next few chapters to go, so hopefully updates will be more regular.
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 6/?
Word Count: 2056
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter Six
Kurt wakes up warm and comfortable, surprising considering that he’d fallen asleep in a chair the night before, and the sharp tang of clinical cleaning supplies invades his nostrils almost immediately so he presses his nose farther against Finn’s shoulder, smelling yesterday’s cologne and Finn and a hint of sex from the night before, something that stirs a sharp ache in his chest although he’ll never admit to that.
The beeping of machines is the next to register, steady and reassuring, and for a moment he wishes he were a child again and could ask his daddy to take him home so he could play with his toys and forget how much it hurt to have that beeping stop, have the machine flat-line and not really know what it meant except Mommy never came home and…
He buries his face in Finn’s shoulder, smelling everything that’s him and chasing the memories away although he knows he has to face the world sooner than later, so he stretches a bit as Finn presses a hand into the small of his back.
“Morning?” Kurt asks softly and Finn chuckles, breath warm in his ear.
“6:30, so pretty close. Sleep okay?”
“Must’ve,” Kurt decides, because he’d heard nothing during the night and while his throat is dry and his stomach is starting to complain, he feels mysteriously rested. “How’s…” he asks without looking, fingers curling into the worn fabric of Finn’s shirt, nose pressed into his neck and Finn holds him close.
“He’s fine. The nurses gave him the all-clear about a half-hour ago so he’s out like a light.”
“Good,” Kurt murmurs, closing his eyes again because it’s just so nice here. “He needs to rest. He…”
“He scared you pretty bad, huh?” Finn whispers and Kurt can only nod, tears stinging his eyes as he takes a shaky breath and tires to force them away. “Yeah. Me, too. When I got that phone call…”
“Thank you for coming. I just…I didn’t know who else to call,” he sinks back into Finn’s strong arms, letting him carry Kurt with his strength for a while. Finn really is his hero, and always has been.
“I couldn’t leave you alone. Or Blaine,” Finn adds, a slight rasp to his voice the only indication that he’s not as composed as he outwardly appears, and Kurt presses his nose against Finn’s neck and nudges him. “It’ll be fine, Kurt.”
“I hope,” Kurt replies, reaching for Finn’s hand and smiling when the other man takes it and squeezes his fingers briefly. “Is Jade still here?”
“I told her to go home, but I don’t think she…hey, baby,” he perks up and Kurt watches Jade enter the room, trying to ignore the spike of jealousy that comes with every time he sees her face. He knows that he and Finn breaking things off between them was necessary, but he misses the closeness. Finn just…they know each other so well there’s no need to be hesitant or uncomfortable; they just…fit, somehow, and he knows that Jade is good for Finn and that Finn really seems to like her, but he’s come to accept the fact that, probably until he dies, he’ll always be jealous of Finn’s girlfriends.
That’s just the way it is.
“Hey. How are you, Kurt?” she asks kindly, and he shrugs and snuggles closer to Finn, a petty, childish move but he could care less in that moment.
“I’m okay. I just…yeah. I know…I know he won’t do this again, but if it happened once, there’s always this fear, and I can’t…” he shakes his head and feels her hand settle on his hair, unwanted and intrusive but he can’t be bothered to shake her off right now.
He looks like crap, anyway.
“You should go home,” Finn tells Jade kindly, one hand gently rubbing Kurt’s back as if he senses his discomfort somehow.
“It’s Saturday. I’ve got nothing to go for,” she shakes her head. “But can I bring you boys anything while you wait? Coffee? Some breakfast? Hospital cafeterias usually have great food.”
“Yeah, they feed the crap to the patients,” Finn smirks and nods. “That’d be great if you would. I think we’ll probably stick around until they give him the all-clear and then I’ll drive them home. I can come to yours later if you…”
“No,” she looks thoughtful, tapping her chin before leaning down to kiss him softly. “No, I think your brother needs you today.”
“You’re awesome,” Finn hides his grin in Kurt’s hair and Kurt feels a strange surge of affection for this woman, who’s obviously far more perceptive than he originally gave her credit for. He’ll still be jealous, always, but maybe he can learn to accept her.
“Thank you,” he manages to croak out and Jade gives him a kind smile and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind her.
“Do you like her?” Finn murmurs into his hair, too close, and Kurt sighs.
“I do. I think…she’s good for you. And we…”
“We needed to end. I know,” Finn’s brown eyes are mournful and Kurt knows that he misses what they had, too. The closeness and comfort, if nothing else. It was never inherently sexual even though they were having sex, and it was…nice. “I really like her, Kurt. I mean, how many girls would do this for somebody? Stay overnight at the hospital for somebody they barely know?”
“It’s certainly appreciated, and I’m glad she’s not angry,” Kurt admits, even though he’d rather have her angry.
He’s a horrible person, and he tightens his fingers in Finn’s shirt unconsciously as Finn kisses his temple, innocent and brotherly but still amazingly comforting.
He finally shifts to look at Blaine, seeing the other man still hooked up to tubes and IVs but luckily breathing on his own, still pale and his skin almost greenish in the light, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, and Kurt feels his chest clench.
He’d almost lost him.
And the tears come again unbidden; horrid, wracking sobs as he buries his face in Finn’s shoulder and feels the soothing rumble of the other man’s voice as he tries to calm him.
“He’s fine. We’ll help him. I won’t make you do this alone, Kurt, I’ll be there for you,” Finn whispers, honest and open, and Kurt nods as best he can and tries to calm himself down. He knows Blaine’s okay, for now. And he knows he’ll never let so much as a drop of alcohol pass through the front door of their home again, because it’s not worth losing Blaine over.
Nothing is.
“I know. I don’t deserve it, but thank you,” he whispers and Finn stiffens, another strange reaction but Kurt won’t look too deeply into it as he sinks back into Finn’s embrace and lets the other man shield him from the world for a few moments longer.
Finn’s still mumbling nonsense against his hair, kissing his head every so often and Kurt feels an aching in his heart that he doesn’t know if he can ever fill.
Finn’s moving on. Finn’s found, if not love, at least something that could easily become love, and he knows that Finn would never hurt Jade because the other man’s just not like that.
But Kurt can’t do this alone; can’t deal with school and rehearsal and Blaine by himself, so to know that Finn will always be there…
It’s nice.
And he’ll take it for now.
000
He’s doing mindless work later, the same thing he always does to get his mind off of whatever Blaine’s been doing, and he hears a tiny croak from the living room so he sets down the rag he’s using to wash the counter, glaring at it before deciding to toss it because it’s got far too many holes to ever be patched up.
Kind of like your relationship with Blaine, a tiny voice tells him, and he angrily pushes it away, because no.
He’s not giving up on Blaine.
He grabs a glass of water and walks over to where Blaine’s seated on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and generally looking pitiful, and Kurt doesn’t particularly want to look at him right then but Blaine’s fingers close weakly around his wrist, hazel eyes blinking slowly at him and Kurt heaves a sigh and sits down, moving closer when Blaine opens the blanket and folds him up.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine murmurs, the words almost too quiet for Kurt to hear them, and Kurt feels a roiling anger start to bubble in his stomach.
“Why?” he forces out between gritted teeth, trying not to completely lose it.
“Wh…”
“Why did you do it, Blaine? Why would you even…you know what it does to you, how you act when you’re drinking, and I thought…you were doing so well and…were you trying to kill yourself?!” he all but yells, realizing in the second after the words have left his mouth that this has been his question all along, and now that it’s out in the open he’s not sure he wants to know the answer.
And by the stark look in Blaine’s eyes Kurt’s not quite sure if he knows the answer either, but he eventually sighs and lets his head rest on Kurt’s shoulder, eyes slipping closed. “No,” he finally admits. “I wasn’t. I was trying to make the pain go away, and I think a big part of me knew I was going too far, but…I couldn’t stop. And…” he takes a deep breath, fingers clutching at Kurt’s hip. “Maybe…maybe I didn’t want to.”
He stops, breath hitching a little, and Kurt tries to control his emotions because…
“No,” he chokes out, arms tightening around Blaine.
“No, what?”
“No, you’re not…you can’t…I love you, Blaine Anderson. You’re not allowed to die,” he snarls, realizing how childish that sounds but they’re gripping at each other like children, Blaine shivering in his grasp although Kurt feels hot enough to burst into flames at any moment.
“Kurt,” Blaine whimpers, curling up into his body and letting Kurt hold him, and there’s a trust and an innocence to his gaze in that moment that reminds Kurt so much of the boy he first fell in love with, the boy that he knows is in there somewhere, the boy who was with him through everything and who owns his soul, but…
But sometimes Kurt thinks that boy was just a figment of his own imagination. Blaine’s not perfect, and this mind-Blaine that he remembers so well is the closest thing to it.
Still…
“I want to go back,” Blaine whispers, as if he can read Kurt’s innermost thoughts, and Kurt strokes his hair and shushes him.
“We can’t go back, love. We’re older now, we’ve seen more and…” he stops, trying to figure out exactly how to word this. “But I still feel the same way about you that I did back then,” he says honestly, because in his heart Blaine’s still the same fresh-faced, eternally optimistic boy he was when he first came to McKinley, and Kurt would do almost anything to get that back.
“I know. But sometimes I wonder if this is who I am. Maybe that was an act…”
“It wasn’t an act,” Kurt says vehemently, squeezing Blaine’s hand. “Remember this? Remember everything? If that was an act, then I fell in love with a sham,” he tries not to sound too angry but honestly, if Blaine’s telling the truth…
“No,” Blaine’s grabbing for him again, so alone and tiny and Kurt can’t leave him. “It’s…I just don’t know, Kurt, I don’t feel like myself, but…”
“I’ll help you find yourself again,” Kurt promises, staring into Blaine’s beautiful eyes, and he can see the scared boy in there, see that Blaine really does need help, and he knows he’s not walking away from this. “Finn promised to help too,” he adds and tries not to notice the way Blaine stiffens at Finn’s name.
“Okay. That’s…” Blaine swallows. “Thank you.”
“Of course, baby. I love you,” Kurt cups Blaine’s face and leans down, Blaine meeting him halfway and kissing him tenderly.
“Love you, too,” Blaine murmurs as they part, and Kurt wraps him up in the blanket and knows that he’s going to see this through.
No matter what it takes.
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
Notes:
1. I am *so sorry* this has taken so long to get out. Unfortunately, I had a major Glee-breakdown in the past week and seriously considered quitting the show/fandom/everything entirely. I have…since reconsidered and am feeling mostly better about everything, but that’s where I was. I was also writing a lot of RPF, if that’s your kind of thing xP
2. Other than that, your reviews and comments mean so much to me so…keep leaving them :) I have sort of a plan of where I want the next few chapters to go, so hopefully updates will be more regular.