Those Summer Nights.....
So I'm pretty bummed right now... All my friends have left me for school, and even the one who is done with school has left for California for a whole month (maybe more) to help her relatives out. So that means I am stuck here in plain boring Harvard with no one but my family. And right now, that sucks considering how my mum has gone completely psycho. This just really bites, and I have to live like this for almost two weeks. I mean, I could move into my apartment in Dekalb tomorrow, but my roommate isn't moving in until next week Friday and I don't know anybody in Dekalb. And I'm just really scared about all this transitioning too. My roommate and I have already managed to get into somewhat of a fight over who gets what bedroom in the apartment and I guess I'm just all of a sudden really scared to live with her. Granted I have my own bedroom connected to a bathroom, so in all honesty, I don't have to deal with her ever if I don't want to, but still.... I just have a bad feeling about all this.
And I just don't really want summer to end either. I have honestly had THE best summer ever and I don't want it to be over. I've learned so many things and had so much fun doing it. I strengthened my dying relationship with Clarisse, rekindled my friendship with Lizz since we haven't seen each other in almost 3 years, finally have gotten over David completely and utterly to the point where I don't even care what he does with his life anymore because I've realized how completely messed up he truly is and how that just really will never change and he doesn't care (well he does, just not enough to do anything about it), gotten into a bad relationship with an older man (8 years to be exact) and realized how I am not ready for that and probably will never be and how messed-up he is too (what's up with me and messed-up boys???), made-out with a bunch of my high school crushes, including my absolutely biggest crush ever (I'll give clues since I don't want to put his name right out there just in case, he's a year older than me, and I used to totally obsess over him when cheering my freshman year when he was a football player and a basketball player but then he quit both of those after that year). I really do want to hang-out with him and see where things can go... I don't know, maybe I can get my guts up to call him...... Probably not though....... Because while I do think he may have some slight interest in me, I can't help but think that we come from way too different cliques of friends, he has all the jocks who are kind of asses as friends and then you've got my friends who frankly don't give a crap what people think of us because we know those who matter don't care. But I do know he's not like that, he's actually really nice and totally funny, when we hung-out that night, he let me wear his flip-flops so I didn't have to wear my heels anymore at an after party and then he makes up songs about people ( a total me thing) and also absolutely loves Styx and Meatloaf and basically all the music I love. And the next morning (yes, I stayed the night) it wasn't one of those awkward I-just-made-out-with-you-because-I-was-drunk moments because that's when we actually were talking and he even pinned me down and made-out with me some more. And he definitely did ask for my number and then next day wrote me a facebook message that he effed it up when he put it in his phone and that it didn't save so gave me his number so I could call him if I liked. Which I did a couple of days later but he was busy with friends so it was really quick and he said he would call me the next day to see where I was going out that night. And he did call only to say that he wasn't going out since he had to work at 8AM the next morning and he thought that being hung-over and flying planes wasn't a smart choice and that he was going to go to Madison the next night with the boys but thought he should call me anyhow since he said he would but that I should call him sometime this week if I like. And I do like to and to hang-out to get to know him better to see where it can go. But I don't like rejection very well and it's been a really really really long time since I've actually had a crush on someone, I think it was back in October and that was on a guy named Pat (oh! what a coincidence!) and we did hang-out on a couple of occasions but it just didn't work out because he reminded me too much of David at times and it creeped me out, but when I liked him it was really easy because he liked me too and wasn't shy about doing something about it... But this new Pat is definitely shy so this is hard.... I need help.... But if anybody makes it through this entry to actually give me advice is freaking amazing! I don't think I could.... Sorry if being retarded, I'm just in a weird mood for obvious reasons....
And I just don't really want summer to end either. I have honestly had THE best summer ever and I don't want it to be over. I've learned so many things and had so much fun doing it. I strengthened my dying relationship with Clarisse, rekindled my friendship with Lizz since we haven't seen each other in almost 3 years, finally have gotten over David completely and utterly to the point where I don't even care what he does with his life anymore because I've realized how completely messed up he truly is and how that just really will never change and he doesn't care (well he does, just not enough to do anything about it), gotten into a bad relationship with an older man (8 years to be exact) and realized how I am not ready for that and probably will never be and how messed-up he is too (what's up with me and messed-up boys???), made-out with a bunch of my high school crushes, including my absolutely biggest crush ever (I'll give clues since I don't want to put his name right out there just in case, he's a year older than me, and I used to totally obsess over him when cheering my freshman year when he was a football player and a basketball player but then he quit both of those after that year). I really do want to hang-out with him and see where things can go... I don't know, maybe I can get my guts up to call him...... Probably not though....... Because while I do think he may have some slight interest in me, I can't help but think that we come from way too different cliques of friends, he has all the jocks who are kind of asses as friends and then you've got my friends who frankly don't give a crap what people think of us because we know those who matter don't care. But I do know he's not like that, he's actually really nice and totally funny, when we hung-out that night, he let me wear his flip-flops so I didn't have to wear my heels anymore at an after party and then he makes up songs about people ( a total me thing) and also absolutely loves Styx and Meatloaf and basically all the music I love. And the next morning (yes, I stayed the night) it wasn't one of those awkward I-just-made-out-with-you-because-I-was-drunk moments because that's when we actually were talking and he even pinned me down and made-out with me some more. And he definitely did ask for my number and then next day wrote me a facebook message that he effed it up when he put it in his phone and that it didn't save so gave me his number so I could call him if I liked. Which I did a couple of days later but he was busy with friends so it was really quick and he said he would call me the next day to see where I was going out that night. And he did call only to say that he wasn't going out since he had to work at 8AM the next morning and he thought that being hung-over and flying planes wasn't a smart choice and that he was going to go to Madison the next night with the boys but thought he should call me anyhow since he said he would but that I should call him sometime this week if I like. And I do like to and to hang-out to get to know him better to see where it can go. But I don't like rejection very well and it's been a really really really long time since I've actually had a crush on someone, I think it was back in October and that was on a guy named Pat (oh! what a coincidence!) and we did hang-out on a couple of occasions but it just didn't work out because he reminded me too much of David at times and it creeped me out, but when I liked him it was really easy because he liked me too and wasn't shy about doing something about it... But this new Pat is definitely shy so this is hard.... I need help.... But if anybody makes it through this entry to actually give me advice is freaking amazing! I don't think I could.... Sorry if being retarded, I'm just in a weird mood for obvious reasons....