Rawr!
Rawr... So I'm at a weird time of my life. 2 days until I'm 21 and you would thinks couldn't be better... But no. I'm more confused than ever right now. I have so far been accepted to NIU and UIC and still no word from DePaul, I called the admissions office today and they said they have made a decision and it's in the mail but that's all they could tell me on the phone. Rawr... But right now, I'm really leaning toward NIU since it is a better school for Accounting then the other two and it's cheap. But then It's like I should be in Chicago with my sister and and friends, but then at the same time, I don't know how excited I am to go back to Chicago... I just really don't know... Then there's this dumb boy situation I'm dealing with too. I'm so sick of always hanging out with guys! At least I have started hanging-out with some girls (they are in my cast and we've gotten really close), but they are underage so it's going to be hard soon unless I just don't go to the bars... But anyways, I've been hanging-out with Zac and Brad (they still have yet to meet each other) and Zac is fine, we both know our situation of just being friends but he still gets a little possesive of me at times, especially around his friend Jeff, a definite player, or new people. Then there's Brad who I was totally confused about my feelings for. He was feeding me all these lines too like wanting to be with me and how he's had this crush on me since he met me and all this other stuff. And I was starting to fall for it too, he even made me cry once with saying how great he thought I was. But then I find out that he was trying to get my friend Bridget to sleep with him so now it's like I don't believe anything he says because if all he was saying to me was true then why would he be wanting to sleep with somebody else? Granted that he did say that he does want to be with me but since I'm not making my mind up he's not just going to sit around and wait and if an opportunity comes to be with someone else he will take it. But I still feel betrayed and lied too. So it just better enforces my decision of not wanting to be with him. But now it's kind of like I really don't even want to hang-out with anymore either since when we do he's kind of pressuring me to be with him (even though he says he's not) but I don't want to be at all since he betrayed me. And I want to let him know that I know, but a part of me feels like maybe I'm just being too dramatic and just let it go and he doesn't need to know that I know. But it's kind of hard to talk to him because I just feel like crap. I've been giving him one worded answers and I think he's slowly realizing that something is pissing me off... But that's just me lately. I've been realizing that I don't need a lot of people's friendships. I have friends who do a lot for me already and I know will always be there for me. I don't need these other so-called friends who haven't been there. It's like I have been there for them, but they can't return the favor. So obviously they don't consider me to be that great of a friend so why should I consider them to be to me? Maybe that's harsh, but frankly don't care. Which brings me to my 21st that I'm not so excited for because a lot of my real friends aren't going to be there which really makes me sad... It's not a good birthday when you can't even celebrate it with your true friends. But I know that in a couple of weeks school's going to be out and I will have more time to spend with them. Road trips!!!