No More Pretending. Chapter 13: Aftershocks
Author’s notes: I’ll just go find a quiet, well-hidden corner and resign myself to the fact that there will likely be yelling after this chapter… But no throwing things please :)
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“Rachel!” Kurt is down on his knees in a heartbeat, clutching her icy hands. “What happened? What are you doing here? And why didn’t you just let yourself in, for god’s sake?”
She sniffles, fresh tears flowing down her cheeks. “I wasn’t sure if I could. I didn’t want to scare you, and besides… it’s not my home anymore, I can’t just-”
“Don’t be ridiculous, it will always be your home,” Kurt interrupts her. “Come on.”
He stands up, pulling her with him. She goes easily, and a moment later they are in the brightly lit living room and Kurt can look at her properly.
She looks tired and drawn, with red, puffy eyes and chapped lips. Her right shoulder is sagging under the weight of the backpack and Kurt reaches to take it off her. She smiles weakly at him, but her eyes are filling with tears again.
“Hey. Come on Rach, what’s wrong?” One gentle pull and she’s falling into his arms, sobbing on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m so sorry. You were right and I should have listened to you, I’m sorry.”
It shakes him, fear shooting through his chest. “Oh my god, are you okay? Did someone hurt you?”
She shakes her head, still crying. “No, I’m fine, I promise. I’m okay.”
She doesn’t look okay, but she doesn’t seem physically hurt either, and she smiles weakly through her tears when he looks her over anxiously. He hugs her tighter and strokes her back.
“Okay, come on, you’re frozen, let me make you some tea and you can tell me what happened, okay?”
She sniffles and pulls away, nodding.
By the time they have hung their coats and freshened up, Rachel is noticeably calmer. She perches on the kitchen stool while Kurt starts making tea, and takes a deep breath.
“Brody kicked me out,” she says gravely.
Kurt frowns. “What? Why?”
“Because apparently I was stifling his artistic lifestyle.” Her voice is wavering and Kurt thinks she’s going to cry again, but instead she starts giggling, even though her eyes are tearful. It sounds a little manic, and no matter how worried he is, Kurt can’t help but snort lightly, too. If she can still laugh at it, she’s going to be fine.
“You what? What does that even mean?”
“Mostly, I just expected him not to sleep with anyone else.”
Kurt’s jaw drops. “You’re kidding.”
Lower lip trembling, she shrugs, but then forces a grin. “Oh, and I asked him not to walk around naked all day.”
That gets Kurt to laugh again, so sudden that he almost spills the tea that he’s carrying to the table, barely able to put it down in time. “Oh my god, Rachel!”
“What? It was distracting!” She giggles. “How was I supposed to try and get ready for my auditions with all that hot-“ Kurt covers his ears, mortified.
“TMI! TMI, thank you very much.”
That sets her off and they are both laughing for a good long while and yes, it is hysterical and more than a little unhinged, but this is familiar. Laughing in the face of hardships has always been an old and tried coping mechanism for the two of them. Laughing meant it was something manageable. It’s when they couldn’t laugh anymore that meant real trouble.
Eventually though, the attack of hilarity passes and Kurt takes a shaky breath, wiping at his eyes.
“No, seriously though, what happened? I thought you were happy. You told me you were happy, just yesterday.”
The speed with which the tears of laughter in Rachel’s eyes turn into a deluge of real tears is startling. “I lied. I was miserable all this month. I missed you, and… I missed everything. Brody might have let me live there, but he wasn’t thrilled about it. There were always people over, partying late into the night nearly every day, or he went out and only sometimes took me with him, and I just… I told myself it would get better. Only it didn’t.”
Kurt shakes his head, stunned. “Why didn’t you come home?”
“After the dramatic exit I made? Come on, how could I just come back?” She sniffles. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to prove you wrong if I came back, would I? Show you how very grown-up and self-sufficient I am.” She snorts bitterly. “Yeah, well, newsflash. I’m not.”
Kurt takes her hand across the table. “Oh honey…”
“And you were right about the auditions, too. Last week this one guy didn’t even let me finish one song, he just said I can have the role if I show him how well I perform in other areas.” Kurt’s jaw drops, and she shrugs. “That might have been Brody’s doing though. He used to work in that theater and said he’d recommend me to the casting director.”
“Oh my god, Rach-“
“And then last night this woman came over - I swear, Kurt, she must have been at least forty - and she was all over him from the moment he opened the door. And when I tried to set her straight, because she clearly didn’t realize he wasn’t single anymore, she just-“ Rachel’s voice breaks and a fresh wave of tears flows. “She laughed at me. She said I was cute, but I should get back to playing with Barbie dolls and let the adults do their thing. And Brody… Brody-“ Her chin is wibbling now like it only does when she’s very upset. “He yelled at me for trying to control his life.”
A bad feeling starts to nibble at Kurt’s brain. “Rachel…” he asks carefully. “How old is Brody?”
“What?” She looks at him, confused. “Twenty seven.”
Okay, not some middle-aged pervert then, at least.
“Anyway, they left together and went to her place, I think. And Brody didn’t come home for the night, and it was just... too much. In the morning I gathered my things and left.” She sighs heavily. “It looks like it’s my modus operandi, huh?”
“Where have you been the whole day?” Kurt asks as she takes a sip of her tea.
“At the bakery, and then walking around, mostly. Just, thinking and trying to gather the courage to come and apologize to you. I only came here after ten, when it got too cold to stay outside, but you weren’t home.”
“I was at Blaine’s,” he says. “Still, you should have called me. Or just let yourself in, you silly goose.”
She bites her lip. “Does it mean I can move back in?” She sounds so unsure and vulnerable that Kurt’s heart aches.
“Of course you can, did you honestly have any doubts?” He rolls his eyes.
“Well, I told you some terrible stuff that night, I thought-“ Her voice is breaking again. “And I’m sorry, Kurt. I didn’t mean it, I was just so angry and I wanted to hurt you.”
Kurt shrugs. “It’s okay. You weren’t the only one saying hurtful things that night.”
She shakes her head. “No, but you were just worried about me, not saying them out of spite, whereas I… the truth is I… I envy you. You and Blaine both, with your love and your certainty-”
Kurt stares at her, stunned. “Yes, I can see how our messed up relationship and wasted chances are things to be envious of,” he scoffs, but she only waves his words away.
“You’ll figure it out eventually. You two are too in love to let it go. And that’s not something many people find this young. Or ever,” she adds wistfully, and Kurt has to roll his eyes again.
“Oh how I missed your dramatic ways. I’m sure the long decades of solitude have scarred you deeply, but don’t lose hope, my fair lady.” This is enough to make Rachel snort and swat at his hand, and Kurt grins at her: mission accomplished.
“Shut up, I’m fresh out of a bad break-up, I’m allowed to mope.”
“Um, did you actually break up with him before you went?” Kurt raises his eyebrow.
“I… left him a note?”
“Of course.” He grins, and she sticks out her tongue at him. It’s almost as if the last month didn’t happen.
The date with Elias is nice. There are no sparks in the air or butterflies in Kurt’s stomach, it’s simply nice, but that’s more than he expected. They go to a little restaurant that Elias claims is the best Greek place in all of New York. He already knows everyone there by name and they treat him, and by extension Kurt, like family, bringing them homemade wine and candles when they learn they are on a date, and making special dishes for them that aren’t on the menu. It’s the first time Kurt eats Greek and he loves it.
They start out talking about food, but soon learn they share a passion for baking and cooking, and the experience of having sisters who hate both. This leads to a discussion about stereotypical gender roles and Elias tells Kurt about growing up gay in a small Greek town, a surprisingly non-traumatic experience. When Kurt doesn’t respond with his own story, Elias doesn’t press for it, just smoothly changes the topic. The conversation is easy and light, the atmosphere relaxed, and when Elias leans in to kiss him goodnight, Kurt doesn’t move away.
It’s nothing like kissing Blaine, but it’s so much more than nothing and Kurt falls into it, and responds, and then agrees to meet again, because why not.
It was nice, after all.
That’s what he tells Blaine, too, when he asks how the date went: “It was nice.” He only gets a nod of acknowledgement in response, and that’s the end of the conversation, but the mood is sullen for the rest of the night and Kurt leaves the dorms with an unpleasant feeling like he’d done something wrong. Which he hadn’t.
Didn’t Blaine tell him he should date other people?
The second date is on a beautiful, sunny spring day. Elias brings him flowers and they hold hands as they walk through Central Park, and stop for hot-dogs. They end up going to the movies to see some romantic comedy that neither of them actually watches because they are too busy making out in the last row of the almost empty theater. Kurt goes home feeling giddy and young, a little drunk on the utterly teenage experience and actually excited for the third date.
Blaine doesn’t ask how it went this time. In fact, Blaine barely asks about anything because he’s thrown himself into preparations for the school spring musical so completely that one might think he has the lead and not the relatively small support role.
The third time Kurt goes out with Elias, they don’t actually go anywhere. It’s a Saturday night and Kurt has told Rachel there’s a distinct possibility he may not be coming home until the morning. In the tiny Brooklyn apartment they eat dinner that Elias made, and then kiss the taste of the chocolate mousse dessert off each other’s lips. There’s no rush and no pressure, and Kurt is comfortable with where things are heading - right until the moment when he suddenly isn’t.
He’s off the couch in a heartbeat, awkwardly trying to fasten his pants, and his cheeks must be glowing bright pink judging by how hot they feel. Elias is staring at him, dumbfounded, with his lips slightly parted and very red. Those lips that were just murmuring into his ear how much he’d love to suck Kurt’s cock.
But the incomprehension on Elias’s face passes quickly, replaced by a gentle frown.
“Oh. Was it too soon? I’m sorry, Kurt, I didn’t know. Are you- Is this the first time you-“
Kurt would probably find it endearing if the circumstances were different, these attempts to be delicate about a sensitive topic for his sake, but right now, he can’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t even bother to tell Elias that he’s not a virgin - he’s too eager to leave right now, feeling embarrassed and strangely dirty. He’s never felt like this in his earlier sexual encounters, no matter how far he went with Blaine.
He tells Elias he’ll see him at work on Monday, apologizes for ruining the mood and flees home without as much as a goodnight kiss.
xXxXx
Finding Rachel on the floor, panting and covered in sweat, doing crunches, is not something Blaine expected when he knocked and let himself into Kurt and Rachel’s apartment. He finally made time to visit them after two weeks of pretending - mostly to himself - that he was too busy to see Kurt (and his awful newfound happiness with someone who wasn’t Blaine), and now that he’s here, he feels like he should apologize. But mostly, he’s excited to spend an evening with both of them. He’s missed them.
But Kurt isn’t there, which becomes evident as Blaine scans the open space of the apartment.
“He said he’s coming home an hour later tonight,” Rachel supplies through gritted teeth, trying to force her shaking muscles to crunch some more. “I think he wanted some time with Elias after work.” She finishes on a groan and flops onto the floor, breathing heavily.
The balloon of anticipation in Blaine’s chest goes poof. Elias. Of course.
He tries to smile anyway, though it feels like a painful frown. “Oh.”
“But hey, it’s fine, we can catch up until he’s back. I haven’t seen you in forever. I’m done with my workout now, I just need to crawl to the shower.” She pulls herself up to her knees with a moan. “Okay, I’ll be back in five minutes, make yourself at home.”
It takes closer to twenty, but when she gets out of the bathroom, Blaine has to suppress a juvenile urge to whistle. She looks pink and soft from the steam, with her shiny hair in a loose braid and some kind of a half-transparent black dress-tunic-thing falling halfway down her bare thighs, leaving nothing to the imagination. Like the fact that she isn’t wearing a bra. When she comes over and sits next to him on the couch, Blaine catches a scent of something warm and sweet, with hints of vanilla. It suits her.
“You look lovely,” he says, because she does and he’s a gentleman, and she smiles sweetly.
“Oh, thank you. You look very handsome yourself.”
Blaine is just about to reply when she leans in and just… kisses him. He’s so surprised he doesn’t react at first, just sitting there with his lips parted for a few seconds as she goes in to deepen the kiss, and it’s the brush of her tongue over his top lip that pulls him away.
“Rachel, what are you-“
“Shh,” she whispers and her lips draw a warm path down to his jaw and the side of his neck.
He moves away, but she follows, getting up on her knees and almost into his lap. It’s takes a gentle push against her shoulder and a firm “Rachel, no,” to make her pause.
“Why not?” she asks, her eyes wide and innocent, but her tone off somehow. “We still have time before Kurt comes back. I texted him, he’s not even on the train yet. Come on, I know we’re attracted to each other. And we’re both single, young and hot.” She purrs seductively and moves back into his personal space. “It will be amazing.”
The speed with which Blaine gets up from the couch almost topples him over. “What’s gotten into you?”
“You?” She makes a seductive face that looks like it’s borrowed from a very bad porno, but then her act breaks and she flops back on the couch with a sigh. “Ugh. Well, that worked better in theory.”
Blaine is still looking at her with wide, incredulous eyes from a safe distance. “Please tell me that was some sort of acting exercise.”
Hurt runs through her features. “Why? Does the idea of having sex with me repulse you that much?”
“No, but-“
“Or is it because you’ve decided you’re actually gay after all?”
“No,” he says loudly to make her listen. “It’s because we’re friends and ruining this by sleeping with you is one of the last things I want to do.”
She pouts and pulls her knees to her chest. “And because you’re in love with my brother.”
He sighs. “And because I’m in love with your brother, yes.”
“Silly boys,” she mutters. “Why can’t you just get back together already if you’re both so crazy for each other?”
Blaine bristles around the ache her words bring. “It’s not that easy, Rach, it’s-“
She just waves her hand, looking at her feet. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.” They are both silent for a moment and Blaine is just considering sitting in the armchair to keep a little distance when she looks at him, something deep and desperate in her eyes. “But you care about me, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“So couldn’t you just… have sex with me because of that?”
Blaine sits back down next to her, truly concerned now. “Rachel, what‘s this about?”
She lets out a shaky sigh, curling up on herself even tighter. “I’ve never been with anyone who really just… cared about me. Not just my body - me. Because no one does, other than Kurt and you. And I just… I want to know what it’s like, a single moment when it feels - right, you know?“
She’s shaking all over and Blaine takes her hand and tips her chin up to look into her eyes, seriously worried now. He refuses to look away from her face even when she squirms. “Rach. What’s going on, really?”
And just like that, she starts crying - big heaving sobs, and he gathers her close and holds her through it, the shoulder of his shirt soaked within minutes.
The words come when she’s already gotten the worst of it out, so quiet they are barely there, just inches from his ear.
“I’m pregnant.”
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Chapter song: Please Sister by The Cardigans
The next chapter will be posted on Saturday 19 October.
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“Rachel!” Kurt is down on his knees in a heartbeat, clutching her icy hands. “What happened? What are you doing here? And why didn’t you just let yourself in, for god’s sake?”
She sniffles, fresh tears flowing down her cheeks. “I wasn’t sure if I could. I didn’t want to scare you, and besides… it’s not my home anymore, I can’t just-”
“Don’t be ridiculous, it will always be your home,” Kurt interrupts her. “Come on.”
He stands up, pulling her with him. She goes easily, and a moment later they are in the brightly lit living room and Kurt can look at her properly.
She looks tired and drawn, with red, puffy eyes and chapped lips. Her right shoulder is sagging under the weight of the backpack and Kurt reaches to take it off her. She smiles weakly at him, but her eyes are filling with tears again.
“Hey. Come on Rach, what’s wrong?” One gentle pull and she’s falling into his arms, sobbing on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Kurt. I’m so sorry. You were right and I should have listened to you, I’m sorry.”
It shakes him, fear shooting through his chest. “Oh my god, are you okay? Did someone hurt you?”
She shakes her head, still crying. “No, I’m fine, I promise. I’m okay.”
She doesn’t look okay, but she doesn’t seem physically hurt either, and she smiles weakly through her tears when he looks her over anxiously. He hugs her tighter and strokes her back.
“Okay, come on, you’re frozen, let me make you some tea and you can tell me what happened, okay?”
She sniffles and pulls away, nodding.
By the time they have hung their coats and freshened up, Rachel is noticeably calmer. She perches on the kitchen stool while Kurt starts making tea, and takes a deep breath.
“Brody kicked me out,” she says gravely.
Kurt frowns. “What? Why?”
“Because apparently I was stifling his artistic lifestyle.” Her voice is wavering and Kurt thinks she’s going to cry again, but instead she starts giggling, even though her eyes are tearful. It sounds a little manic, and no matter how worried he is, Kurt can’t help but snort lightly, too. If she can still laugh at it, she’s going to be fine.
“You what? What does that even mean?”
“Mostly, I just expected him not to sleep with anyone else.”
Kurt’s jaw drops. “You’re kidding.”
Lower lip trembling, she shrugs, but then forces a grin. “Oh, and I asked him not to walk around naked all day.”
That gets Kurt to laugh again, so sudden that he almost spills the tea that he’s carrying to the table, barely able to put it down in time. “Oh my god, Rachel!”
“What? It was distracting!” She giggles. “How was I supposed to try and get ready for my auditions with all that hot-“ Kurt covers his ears, mortified.
“TMI! TMI, thank you very much.”
That sets her off and they are both laughing for a good long while and yes, it is hysterical and more than a little unhinged, but this is familiar. Laughing in the face of hardships has always been an old and tried coping mechanism for the two of them. Laughing meant it was something manageable. It’s when they couldn’t laugh anymore that meant real trouble.
Eventually though, the attack of hilarity passes and Kurt takes a shaky breath, wiping at his eyes.
“No, seriously though, what happened? I thought you were happy. You told me you were happy, just yesterday.”
The speed with which the tears of laughter in Rachel’s eyes turn into a deluge of real tears is startling. “I lied. I was miserable all this month. I missed you, and… I missed everything. Brody might have let me live there, but he wasn’t thrilled about it. There were always people over, partying late into the night nearly every day, or he went out and only sometimes took me with him, and I just… I told myself it would get better. Only it didn’t.”
Kurt shakes his head, stunned. “Why didn’t you come home?”
“After the dramatic exit I made? Come on, how could I just come back?” She sniffles. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to prove you wrong if I came back, would I? Show you how very grown-up and self-sufficient I am.” She snorts bitterly. “Yeah, well, newsflash. I’m not.”
Kurt takes her hand across the table. “Oh honey…”
“And you were right about the auditions, too. Last week this one guy didn’t even let me finish one song, he just said I can have the role if I show him how well I perform in other areas.” Kurt’s jaw drops, and she shrugs. “That might have been Brody’s doing though. He used to work in that theater and said he’d recommend me to the casting director.”
“Oh my god, Rach-“
“And then last night this woman came over - I swear, Kurt, she must have been at least forty - and she was all over him from the moment he opened the door. And when I tried to set her straight, because she clearly didn’t realize he wasn’t single anymore, she just-“ Rachel’s voice breaks and a fresh wave of tears flows. “She laughed at me. She said I was cute, but I should get back to playing with Barbie dolls and let the adults do their thing. And Brody… Brody-“ Her chin is wibbling now like it only does when she’s very upset. “He yelled at me for trying to control his life.”
A bad feeling starts to nibble at Kurt’s brain. “Rachel…” he asks carefully. “How old is Brody?”
“What?” She looks at him, confused. “Twenty seven.”
Okay, not some middle-aged pervert then, at least.
“Anyway, they left together and went to her place, I think. And Brody didn’t come home for the night, and it was just... too much. In the morning I gathered my things and left.” She sighs heavily. “It looks like it’s my modus operandi, huh?”
“Where have you been the whole day?” Kurt asks as she takes a sip of her tea.
“At the bakery, and then walking around, mostly. Just, thinking and trying to gather the courage to come and apologize to you. I only came here after ten, when it got too cold to stay outside, but you weren’t home.”
“I was at Blaine’s,” he says. “Still, you should have called me. Or just let yourself in, you silly goose.”
She bites her lip. “Does it mean I can move back in?” She sounds so unsure and vulnerable that Kurt’s heart aches.
“Of course you can, did you honestly have any doubts?” He rolls his eyes.
“Well, I told you some terrible stuff that night, I thought-“ Her voice is breaking again. “And I’m sorry, Kurt. I didn’t mean it, I was just so angry and I wanted to hurt you.”
Kurt shrugs. “It’s okay. You weren’t the only one saying hurtful things that night.”
She shakes her head. “No, but you were just worried about me, not saying them out of spite, whereas I… the truth is I… I envy you. You and Blaine both, with your love and your certainty-”
Kurt stares at her, stunned. “Yes, I can see how our messed up relationship and wasted chances are things to be envious of,” he scoffs, but she only waves his words away.
“You’ll figure it out eventually. You two are too in love to let it go. And that’s not something many people find this young. Or ever,” she adds wistfully, and Kurt has to roll his eyes again.
“Oh how I missed your dramatic ways. I’m sure the long decades of solitude have scarred you deeply, but don’t lose hope, my fair lady.” This is enough to make Rachel snort and swat at his hand, and Kurt grins at her: mission accomplished.
“Shut up, I’m fresh out of a bad break-up, I’m allowed to mope.”
“Um, did you actually break up with him before you went?” Kurt raises his eyebrow.
“I… left him a note?”
“Of course.” He grins, and she sticks out her tongue at him. It’s almost as if the last month didn’t happen.
The date with Elias is nice. There are no sparks in the air or butterflies in Kurt’s stomach, it’s simply nice, but that’s more than he expected. They go to a little restaurant that Elias claims is the best Greek place in all of New York. He already knows everyone there by name and they treat him, and by extension Kurt, like family, bringing them homemade wine and candles when they learn they are on a date, and making special dishes for them that aren’t on the menu. It’s the first time Kurt eats Greek and he loves it.
They start out talking about food, but soon learn they share a passion for baking and cooking, and the experience of having sisters who hate both. This leads to a discussion about stereotypical gender roles and Elias tells Kurt about growing up gay in a small Greek town, a surprisingly non-traumatic experience. When Kurt doesn’t respond with his own story, Elias doesn’t press for it, just smoothly changes the topic. The conversation is easy and light, the atmosphere relaxed, and when Elias leans in to kiss him goodnight, Kurt doesn’t move away.
It’s nothing like kissing Blaine, but it’s so much more than nothing and Kurt falls into it, and responds, and then agrees to meet again, because why not.
It was nice, after all.
That’s what he tells Blaine, too, when he asks how the date went: “It was nice.” He only gets a nod of acknowledgement in response, and that’s the end of the conversation, but the mood is sullen for the rest of the night and Kurt leaves the dorms with an unpleasant feeling like he’d done something wrong. Which he hadn’t.
Didn’t Blaine tell him he should date other people?
The second date is on a beautiful, sunny spring day. Elias brings him flowers and they hold hands as they walk through Central Park, and stop for hot-dogs. They end up going to the movies to see some romantic comedy that neither of them actually watches because they are too busy making out in the last row of the almost empty theater. Kurt goes home feeling giddy and young, a little drunk on the utterly teenage experience and actually excited for the third date.
Blaine doesn’t ask how it went this time. In fact, Blaine barely asks about anything because he’s thrown himself into preparations for the school spring musical so completely that one might think he has the lead and not the relatively small support role.
The third time Kurt goes out with Elias, they don’t actually go anywhere. It’s a Saturday night and Kurt has told Rachel there’s a distinct possibility he may not be coming home until the morning. In the tiny Brooklyn apartment they eat dinner that Elias made, and then kiss the taste of the chocolate mousse dessert off each other’s lips. There’s no rush and no pressure, and Kurt is comfortable with where things are heading - right until the moment when he suddenly isn’t.
He’s off the couch in a heartbeat, awkwardly trying to fasten his pants, and his cheeks must be glowing bright pink judging by how hot they feel. Elias is staring at him, dumbfounded, with his lips slightly parted and very red. Those lips that were just murmuring into his ear how much he’d love to suck Kurt’s cock.
But the incomprehension on Elias’s face passes quickly, replaced by a gentle frown.
“Oh. Was it too soon? I’m sorry, Kurt, I didn’t know. Are you- Is this the first time you-“
Kurt would probably find it endearing if the circumstances were different, these attempts to be delicate about a sensitive topic for his sake, but right now, he can’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t even bother to tell Elias that he’s not a virgin - he’s too eager to leave right now, feeling embarrassed and strangely dirty. He’s never felt like this in his earlier sexual encounters, no matter how far he went with Blaine.
He tells Elias he’ll see him at work on Monday, apologizes for ruining the mood and flees home without as much as a goodnight kiss.
xXxXx
Finding Rachel on the floor, panting and covered in sweat, doing crunches, is not something Blaine expected when he knocked and let himself into Kurt and Rachel’s apartment. He finally made time to visit them after two weeks of pretending - mostly to himself - that he was too busy to see Kurt (and his awful newfound happiness with someone who wasn’t Blaine), and now that he’s here, he feels like he should apologize. But mostly, he’s excited to spend an evening with both of them. He’s missed them.
But Kurt isn’t there, which becomes evident as Blaine scans the open space of the apartment.
“He said he’s coming home an hour later tonight,” Rachel supplies through gritted teeth, trying to force her shaking muscles to crunch some more. “I think he wanted some time with Elias after work.” She finishes on a groan and flops onto the floor, breathing heavily.
The balloon of anticipation in Blaine’s chest goes poof. Elias. Of course.
He tries to smile anyway, though it feels like a painful frown. “Oh.”
“But hey, it’s fine, we can catch up until he’s back. I haven’t seen you in forever. I’m done with my workout now, I just need to crawl to the shower.” She pulls herself up to her knees with a moan. “Okay, I’ll be back in five minutes, make yourself at home.”
It takes closer to twenty, but when she gets out of the bathroom, Blaine has to suppress a juvenile urge to whistle. She looks pink and soft from the steam, with her shiny hair in a loose braid and some kind of a half-transparent black dress-tunic-thing falling halfway down her bare thighs, leaving nothing to the imagination. Like the fact that she isn’t wearing a bra. When she comes over and sits next to him on the couch, Blaine catches a scent of something warm and sweet, with hints of vanilla. It suits her.
“You look lovely,” he says, because she does and he’s a gentleman, and she smiles sweetly.
“Oh, thank you. You look very handsome yourself.”
Blaine is just about to reply when she leans in and just… kisses him. He’s so surprised he doesn’t react at first, just sitting there with his lips parted for a few seconds as she goes in to deepen the kiss, and it’s the brush of her tongue over his top lip that pulls him away.
“Rachel, what are you-“
“Shh,” she whispers and her lips draw a warm path down to his jaw and the side of his neck.
He moves away, but she follows, getting up on her knees and almost into his lap. It’s takes a gentle push against her shoulder and a firm “Rachel, no,” to make her pause.
“Why not?” she asks, her eyes wide and innocent, but her tone off somehow. “We still have time before Kurt comes back. I texted him, he’s not even on the train yet. Come on, I know we’re attracted to each other. And we’re both single, young and hot.” She purrs seductively and moves back into his personal space. “It will be amazing.”
The speed with which Blaine gets up from the couch almost topples him over. “What’s gotten into you?”
“You?” She makes a seductive face that looks like it’s borrowed from a very bad porno, but then her act breaks and she flops back on the couch with a sigh. “Ugh. Well, that worked better in theory.”
Blaine is still looking at her with wide, incredulous eyes from a safe distance. “Please tell me that was some sort of acting exercise.”
Hurt runs through her features. “Why? Does the idea of having sex with me repulse you that much?”
“No, but-“
“Or is it because you’ve decided you’re actually gay after all?”
“No,” he says loudly to make her listen. “It’s because we’re friends and ruining this by sleeping with you is one of the last things I want to do.”
She pouts and pulls her knees to her chest. “And because you’re in love with my brother.”
He sighs. “And because I’m in love with your brother, yes.”
“Silly boys,” she mutters. “Why can’t you just get back together already if you’re both so crazy for each other?”
Blaine bristles around the ache her words bring. “It’s not that easy, Rach, it’s-“
She just waves her hand, looking at her feet. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.” They are both silent for a moment and Blaine is just considering sitting in the armchair to keep a little distance when she looks at him, something deep and desperate in her eyes. “But you care about me, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“So couldn’t you just… have sex with me because of that?”
Blaine sits back down next to her, truly concerned now. “Rachel, what‘s this about?”
She lets out a shaky sigh, curling up on herself even tighter. “I’ve never been with anyone who really just… cared about me. Not just my body - me. Because no one does, other than Kurt and you. And I just… I want to know what it’s like, a single moment when it feels - right, you know?“
She’s shaking all over and Blaine takes her hand and tips her chin up to look into her eyes, seriously worried now. He refuses to look away from her face even when she squirms. “Rach. What’s going on, really?”
And just like that, she starts crying - big heaving sobs, and he gathers her close and holds her through it, the shoulder of his shirt soaked within minutes.
The words come when she’s already gotten the worst of it out, so quiet they are barely there, just inches from his ear.
“I’m pregnant.”
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Chapter song: Please Sister by The Cardigans
The next chapter will be posted on Saturday 19 October.