Etched Into My Skin - chapter 21
Author’s note: It took way longer than I expected - and for that I apologize - but I’m back with regular updates now. If nothing interferes, I hope to be posting weekly, although I will be moving in two weeks so there may be a slip then. The rest of this story is all planned out, I just need to actually put it in words. There’s about 1/3 of it still to be told and I’m challenging myself to complete it by the end of the year, so… we’ll see.
Let’s get back to our soulmates, shall we? :) Thank you for sticking with me.
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CHAPTER 21
Returning to Dalton, even as a guest - especially just as a guest - felt weird.
Blaine had never really said goodbye to the school or his friends. When he was here last with his mom to proceed with the transfer formalities, the Warblers hadn’t started rehearsals yet. He’d only managed to scratch a quick note for his friends to explain his decision, and gave it to Jeff, the first Warbler he saw in the crowded corridor on his way out to the car.
He’d been in contact with a few of them since then, mostly just exchanging Facebook messages and some texts. It was hard to properly judge the mood of the group and opinions about his unexpected disappearance though, and it made him a little nervous now.
He’d been their leader, after all. Someone they’d relied upon. Did they think he betrayed them, leaving like that?
The rehearsal was already in full swing when he got to the senior commons, the clear harmonies of Uptown Girl carrying through the corridor, and Blaine leaned against the open door and smiled, the tension dissolving. No matter what, this room and this group of boys in navy blazers would always be an important part of his past.
“How did it go?” Kurt smiled at him as he opened the door to let Blaine in later that afternoon. “I was just starting to wonder if they chained you to one of the sofas to make you stay with them.”
Blaine grinned. “No. Although Trent did pretty much beg me to come back.”
“He’s always had a major crush on you.” Kurt chuckled fondly and kissed Blaine’s lips before taking his hand to lead him up to his room. “So what took you so long? I was hoping we would have some time alone before my dad came home.”
“Well, they sort of pulled me into doing a song with them.” Blaine chucked self-consciously. “And then there was this new guy there, Sebastian. He wants to take my place as the new leader, I think. He was asking for advice so we had coffee and talked for a while.”
Kurt looked at him closely. “You seem anxious.”
Blaine sat on the very edge of Kurt’s bed, blushing. “He may have been… flirting with me,” he admitted.
Truth be told, there was no may in there. Sebastian Smythe had spent the better part of an hour shamelessly hitting on Blaine, slipping in smooth compliments between legitimate questions. He was definitely confident, that was certain. Cocky, even. Blaine had kept up the polite smile even as the more direct of Sebastian’s comments had made him blush. Being pursued like this did give him a bit of a rush, he had to admit.
“Well, as long as he knows that you’re taken.“ Kurt laughed lightly.
Blaine nodded, “Of course.” He did tell Sebastian that his heart was at McKinley now, and tickled by the compliments or not, Blaine knew where his place and his future was: here with Kurt. “Now what were you saying about your dad coming home?”
"Look, Sebastian, I have a boyfriend," Blaine said with a smile. It came out as apologetic even though he knew it wasn’t something to apologize for. Clearly Sebastian hadn’t understood what he meant yesterday.
"It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you."
Oh. Or he just didn’t care.
Blaine fumbled under the gaze that felt as if the boy was undressing him with his eyes.
"No. I mean... I really care about him."
Sebastian’s smile didn’t falter. Nor did his wandering eyes. "He doesn't need to know."
"He's my soulmate," Blaine said firmly, eager to finish this conversation. It was really making him uncomfortable now. This wasn’t what he imagined when he’d agreed to meet Sebastian here.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Oh please."
"No, I mean, really." Scrambling back in his chair, Blaine pulled the hem of his shirt out of his pants. It was all out in the open now, he was allowed to show off his mark, and it always felt exciting - but right now he couldn't help a bit of guilt trickling in at showing it to this guy, considering the circumstances.
Sebastian looked and whistled. "Nice abs. So. One of those couples?"
"Yes." Blaine gloated a little like he did every time he revealed his connection with Kurt to anyone new. He couldn't help it, the lack of secrecy was still so fresh and wonderful.
But Sebastian didn't look particularly impressed. "I don't get it. How do you even know these things mean you're soulmates?” The tone he used made the word sound like a mockery. “Who believes in such things? The research is inconclusive as far as I heard, and no one has confirmed anything. So it could be any number of things. What's the point of tying yourself to one person because of some random skin markings?"
Blaine shook his head, looking at him earnestly. "No, I know. When you have it, when you're lucky enough for the other person to have yours... you just know."
"Know what?" A new voice sounded behind Blaine's back, forcefully chipper, and he whipped around, not sure if he was more panicked or relieved to see Kurt arrive just now.
“That we’re soulmates, of course!” Blaine grinned at him perhaps a little too wide. “Kurt! We were just talking about you.”
Kurt eyed him warily, then glanced at Sebastian with clear distrust, and Blaine hurried to introduce them.
“Sebastian, this is Kurt. My boyfriend.”
***Kurt didn’t like Sebastian.
He didn’t like him from the very first moment he laid eyes on him. There he was at their table, shamelessly ogling Blaine with a leering smirk on his stupid meerkat face. It would be easier if he was ugly. But no, he had that cocky charm and a certain grace in his skinny body that was doing nothing for Kurt, but could probably be appreciated by some.
He didn’t even need to focus and scope out Blaine’s emotions to see that it affected him. He didn’t act interested, no, but he seemed somehow smaller, more clingy when Kurt joined them, and it was enough to dislike Sebastian even more, seeing the effect he had on his boyfriend.
And that smirk. That easy confidence that told Kurt Sebastian was used to getting what he wanted. And he very clearly wanted Blaine.
Not that Kurt didn’t trust Blaine - not at all. It was more a case of not trusting his own appeal. There were days, weeks even, when Kurt could see himself the way he suspected Blaine saw him - as someone interesting and desirable. And then there were moments when he looked in the mirror and only saw flaws. Despite months of being with Blaine, despite the marks and their obvious effects, somewhere underneath the easy togetherness and the confidence, there was still the boy who had wondered, not that long ago, if he would ever be good enough for someone. It was all too easy to make those doubts resurface and flare, and Sebastian managed to bring this side of Kurt to light without even trying.
The thing was, Sebastian was everything Kurt wasn’t. And Blaine, Kurt knew, had never been pursued openly like that. Kurt had no doubt that Blaine loved him. But he’d never known anything else, another boy, another relationship. What if he felt like he was missing something? What if he wanted to try what he’d never had?
Sebastian felt like an immediate threat, and his offer of a gay bar adventure sounded like a clear challenge that Kurt couldn’t have not taken. Despite Blaine’s polite refusal, he jumped on the wagon without much thought.
Only now, in the pounding, unfamiliar semi-darkness of the club, he realized how out of his element he was. They were very much on Sebastian’s turf now. Seeing the ease with which Sebastian acted here - getting the fake IDs for them, ordering alcohol, chatting with the barman and the regulars, navigating the sparse crowd - made Kurt feel like the small town boy that he was and not at all like the gay bar superstar that he wanted to be for Blaine. And returning from the restroom and seeing that Sebastian had used his momentary absence to sweep Blaine right to the dance floor was just another stab to his confidence. What was he supposed to do? Go join them? Pull Blaine away like a three year old throwing a tantrum, stomping his feet and yelling “Mine”? Even though he honestly did feel like doing just that, it would be ridiculous. Blaine was his own person, and if he had fun dancing with Sebastian… who was Kurt to deny him that?
You know, just his soulmate, some small, possessive part of his brain insisted.
Yes, but not his owner, the rational part retorted.
Between the two, he was stuck at the bar with his Shirley Temple and his jealousy burning bitter in his throat.
What helped, surprisingly, was Dave Karofsky. Kurt hadn’t seen him since June. He’d heard rumors that Dave had changed schools to distance himself from the bully image that still trailed behind him at McKinley, so seeing him here, out of the closet just a fraction and on his way to accepting who he was, was a nice surprise.
And remembering to accept himself was exactly what Kurt needed right now. Fuck insecurities. Fuck Sebastian - although, no, let’s not. He came here to try something new and have fun with Blaine. And that’s what he would do.
Head held high, his best bitch glare at the ready, Kurt strutted to the dance floor.
“This is the best night of my life. This is the best. Night.”
Blaine was an adorable drunk. Kurt had seen this side of him last year at Rachel’s party, but now that it was directed right at him, Blaine was undenyingly more charming. Even though his breath could light fire. Even though Kurt was still annoyed at him for the way he flirted with Sebastian just as much as he did with Kurt, more and more tipsy as the beer just kept coming. Although at this point, Blaine was in love with the whole world.
Kurt could probably forgive him the flirting. Eventually. After all, it was not entirely his fault that Sebastian enjoyed taking advantage of his inebriation.
Blaine was rambling blissfully as they made their slightly wobbly way to the car, and Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. They would talk about it tomorrow, after Blaine slept off his inevitable hangover.
“Kiss me.” Blaine’s hands were suddenly tight around his waist.
“Oh, no. No no no, come on. You’re riding in the back. Lay down. Less likely to throw up that way.”
Blaine seemed to acquiesce, but the moment he was in the back seat, Kurt felt a tug and the ground tilted under his feet, and the next thing he knew, he was lying in a mess of sprawled limbs on top of his very drunk boyfriend who was grabbing his ass and whispering hotly into his ear, “I want you, I want you so bad-“.
***
The gay bar was amazing. Kurt had the best ideas. Blaine was so glad they accepted Sebastian’s invitation - the people there were the nicest, and it was so much fun to dance with both Kurt and Sebastian, and whoa who would have thought one beer would make him feel so incredible, like he was floating, like he could do anything, make art, and help people, and kiss his boyfriend right here, out in the open, his hot, hot boyfriend-
In fact, who said they had to stop at kissing? It was dark and they had a car, people had sex in cars all the time. Blaine’s body felt electric, his skin oversensitive everywhere, and he just wanted, he wanted so much, it felt like he was one big throbbing pile of want that nothing but Kurt could fulfill. Kurt’s hands, his mouth, his naked skin - he needed Kurt close, he needed Kurt to want him as much as he wanted Kurt, he needed. Hands fumbling, he managed to pull Kurt on top of him and god it was so good already, Kurt’s weight on him, the way his hips wiggled, perfect pressure against Blaine’s already hard cock. Blaine’s mind short-circuited for a moment, so good.
And then the pleasant buzz turned into a sudden sharp zap as if he touched a live wire, all the nerves in his body sizzling as he jerked back with a shock.
Kurt was scrambling out of the car. He looked livid, and it only took Blaine’s rapidly sobering brain a few seconds to realize that it was Kurt’s anger that literally pushed him away. Kurt’s face was screwed up with emotion, and he was yelling - for the first time ever he was yelling at Blaine, something about dancing with another guy for half the night, and being too drunk to remember, about never feeling less like being intimate with someone - and Blaine felt sick.
What was he doing? What did he do?
Not remembering would be a blessing right now. But he recalled all too clearly his earlier conversation with Sebastian, fun and light and full of innuendo, with Kurt right there, his face like a painfully tight smiling mask.
The dancing that bordered on grinding, and had it just been with Kurt, it would have been okay.
But it wasn’t.
The way he grabbed and pulled at Kurt, trying to get him to agree to have sex in the back seat of the car, in the middle of a seedy gay bar parking lot where anyone could have seen them. Kurt’s protests-
Blaine sprang out of the car, feeling dizzy and unsteady on his legs. It really felt like he was going to be sick. He had to move - away from here, away from Kurt’s anger, if not from himself - so he just started walking. Across the parking lot, into the darkness beyond. Somewhere where he wouldn’t see the betrayal in Kurt’s eyes, even though it felt like the picture was seared onto his retinas.
Kurt’s voice chased him, distressed and breaking. “Blaine! Where are you going?”
He turned just for a moment, eyes resolutely on the ground. “I better just walk home.”
***
Kurt couldn’t just leave Blaine alone, walking along dark empty roads in the middle of the night. He was drunk, and hours from home. No matter how furious Kurt had been with him just a few minutes ago, he couldn’t bear the thought of anything bad happening to him. And frankly, most of his anger evaporated already, chased away by the startled realization in Blaine’s eyes and his tortured expression once he snapped out of his alcohol-induced sex haze.
Still, he was not ready to talk to Blaine yet. And he doubted Blaine was, either.
So he just followed Blaine in his car, driving maddeningly slow about twenty feet behind him as he walked stubbornly towards his house. Fortunately, the traffic at this time of night was nearly non-existent in this part of town, so he only got honked at once.
It took over half an hour before Blaine’s brisk steps slowed down and then he stopped at the side of the empty road, slumped, with his head down. Slowly, Kurt drove over to him. He opened the passenger’s door without a word and waited, his eyes focused on the road ahead.
Blaine finally got in the car, but the drive to his house passed in careful, awkward silence. Kurt did his best to shield himself from the waves of misery rolling off Blaine and into his mark-affected mind. Out of the side of his eye, he could see Blaine glancing at him more than once. He could hear how uneven and stilted his breath was, and was pretty certain Blaine’s cheek was glistening with tears in the console light. But Kurt wasn’t ready to reach out yet.
He hoped Blaine would be fine by himself - his parents were away for the weekend, which might be for the best seeing how wasted he was. In any other circumstances, Kurt would offer Blaine a sleepover - an idea reluctantly okayed by his father - or stayed with him at his house. But not tonight. He couldn’t imagine lying in bed next to Blaine for hours with his emotions still raw and sharp inside. He needed to be away from him for a bit right now.
He would get over it. But right now he was shaking internally too much to handle this conversation. He needed to deal with his thoughts and emotions by himself first, before he could talk about what he felt and why. And while his strongest instinct was to comfort Blaine now, he couldn’t. It would be just empty words at this point.
No. He just had to get Blaine home safely. Other than that, Blaine would have to manage alone tonight.
Let’s get back to our soulmates, shall we? :) Thank you for sticking with me.
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CHAPTER 21
Returning to Dalton, even as a guest - especially just as a guest - felt weird.
Blaine had never really said goodbye to the school or his friends. When he was here last with his mom to proceed with the transfer formalities, the Warblers hadn’t started rehearsals yet. He’d only managed to scratch a quick note for his friends to explain his decision, and gave it to Jeff, the first Warbler he saw in the crowded corridor on his way out to the car.
He’d been in contact with a few of them since then, mostly just exchanging Facebook messages and some texts. It was hard to properly judge the mood of the group and opinions about his unexpected disappearance though, and it made him a little nervous now.
He’d been their leader, after all. Someone they’d relied upon. Did they think he betrayed them, leaving like that?
The rehearsal was already in full swing when he got to the senior commons, the clear harmonies of Uptown Girl carrying through the corridor, and Blaine leaned against the open door and smiled, the tension dissolving. No matter what, this room and this group of boys in navy blazers would always be an important part of his past.
“How did it go?” Kurt smiled at him as he opened the door to let Blaine in later that afternoon. “I was just starting to wonder if they chained you to one of the sofas to make you stay with them.”
Blaine grinned. “No. Although Trent did pretty much beg me to come back.”
“He’s always had a major crush on you.” Kurt chuckled fondly and kissed Blaine’s lips before taking his hand to lead him up to his room. “So what took you so long? I was hoping we would have some time alone before my dad came home.”
“Well, they sort of pulled me into doing a song with them.” Blaine chucked self-consciously. “And then there was this new guy there, Sebastian. He wants to take my place as the new leader, I think. He was asking for advice so we had coffee and talked for a while.”
Kurt looked at him closely. “You seem anxious.”
Blaine sat on the very edge of Kurt’s bed, blushing. “He may have been… flirting with me,” he admitted.
Truth be told, there was no may in there. Sebastian Smythe had spent the better part of an hour shamelessly hitting on Blaine, slipping in smooth compliments between legitimate questions. He was definitely confident, that was certain. Cocky, even. Blaine had kept up the polite smile even as the more direct of Sebastian’s comments had made him blush. Being pursued like this did give him a bit of a rush, he had to admit.
“Well, as long as he knows that you’re taken.“ Kurt laughed lightly.
Blaine nodded, “Of course.” He did tell Sebastian that his heart was at McKinley now, and tickled by the compliments or not, Blaine knew where his place and his future was: here with Kurt. “Now what were you saying about your dad coming home?”
"Look, Sebastian, I have a boyfriend," Blaine said with a smile. It came out as apologetic even though he knew it wasn’t something to apologize for. Clearly Sebastian hadn’t understood what he meant yesterday.
"It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you."
Oh. Or he just didn’t care.
Blaine fumbled under the gaze that felt as if the boy was undressing him with his eyes.
"No. I mean... I really care about him."
Sebastian’s smile didn’t falter. Nor did his wandering eyes. "He doesn't need to know."
"He's my soulmate," Blaine said firmly, eager to finish this conversation. It was really making him uncomfortable now. This wasn’t what he imagined when he’d agreed to meet Sebastian here.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Oh please."
"No, I mean, really." Scrambling back in his chair, Blaine pulled the hem of his shirt out of his pants. It was all out in the open now, he was allowed to show off his mark, and it always felt exciting - but right now he couldn't help a bit of guilt trickling in at showing it to this guy, considering the circumstances.
Sebastian looked and whistled. "Nice abs. So. One of those couples?"
"Yes." Blaine gloated a little like he did every time he revealed his connection with Kurt to anyone new. He couldn't help it, the lack of secrecy was still so fresh and wonderful.
But Sebastian didn't look particularly impressed. "I don't get it. How do you even know these things mean you're soulmates?” The tone he used made the word sound like a mockery. “Who believes in such things? The research is inconclusive as far as I heard, and no one has confirmed anything. So it could be any number of things. What's the point of tying yourself to one person because of some random skin markings?"
Blaine shook his head, looking at him earnestly. "No, I know. When you have it, when you're lucky enough for the other person to have yours... you just know."
"Know what?" A new voice sounded behind Blaine's back, forcefully chipper, and he whipped around, not sure if he was more panicked or relieved to see Kurt arrive just now.
“That we’re soulmates, of course!” Blaine grinned at him perhaps a little too wide. “Kurt! We were just talking about you.”
Kurt eyed him warily, then glanced at Sebastian with clear distrust, and Blaine hurried to introduce them.
“Sebastian, this is Kurt. My boyfriend.”
***Kurt didn’t like Sebastian.
He didn’t like him from the very first moment he laid eyes on him. There he was at their table, shamelessly ogling Blaine with a leering smirk on his stupid meerkat face. It would be easier if he was ugly. But no, he had that cocky charm and a certain grace in his skinny body that was doing nothing for Kurt, but could probably be appreciated by some.
He didn’t even need to focus and scope out Blaine’s emotions to see that it affected him. He didn’t act interested, no, but he seemed somehow smaller, more clingy when Kurt joined them, and it was enough to dislike Sebastian even more, seeing the effect he had on his boyfriend.
And that smirk. That easy confidence that told Kurt Sebastian was used to getting what he wanted. And he very clearly wanted Blaine.
Not that Kurt didn’t trust Blaine - not at all. It was more a case of not trusting his own appeal. There were days, weeks even, when Kurt could see himself the way he suspected Blaine saw him - as someone interesting and desirable. And then there were moments when he looked in the mirror and only saw flaws. Despite months of being with Blaine, despite the marks and their obvious effects, somewhere underneath the easy togetherness and the confidence, there was still the boy who had wondered, not that long ago, if he would ever be good enough for someone. It was all too easy to make those doubts resurface and flare, and Sebastian managed to bring this side of Kurt to light without even trying.
The thing was, Sebastian was everything Kurt wasn’t. And Blaine, Kurt knew, had never been pursued openly like that. Kurt had no doubt that Blaine loved him. But he’d never known anything else, another boy, another relationship. What if he felt like he was missing something? What if he wanted to try what he’d never had?
Sebastian felt like an immediate threat, and his offer of a gay bar adventure sounded like a clear challenge that Kurt couldn’t have not taken. Despite Blaine’s polite refusal, he jumped on the wagon without much thought.
Only now, in the pounding, unfamiliar semi-darkness of the club, he realized how out of his element he was. They were very much on Sebastian’s turf now. Seeing the ease with which Sebastian acted here - getting the fake IDs for them, ordering alcohol, chatting with the barman and the regulars, navigating the sparse crowd - made Kurt feel like the small town boy that he was and not at all like the gay bar superstar that he wanted to be for Blaine. And returning from the restroom and seeing that Sebastian had used his momentary absence to sweep Blaine right to the dance floor was just another stab to his confidence. What was he supposed to do? Go join them? Pull Blaine away like a three year old throwing a tantrum, stomping his feet and yelling “Mine”? Even though he honestly did feel like doing just that, it would be ridiculous. Blaine was his own person, and if he had fun dancing with Sebastian… who was Kurt to deny him that?
You know, just his soulmate, some small, possessive part of his brain insisted.
Yes, but not his owner, the rational part retorted.
Between the two, he was stuck at the bar with his Shirley Temple and his jealousy burning bitter in his throat.
What helped, surprisingly, was Dave Karofsky. Kurt hadn’t seen him since June. He’d heard rumors that Dave had changed schools to distance himself from the bully image that still trailed behind him at McKinley, so seeing him here, out of the closet just a fraction and on his way to accepting who he was, was a nice surprise.
And remembering to accept himself was exactly what Kurt needed right now. Fuck insecurities. Fuck Sebastian - although, no, let’s not. He came here to try something new and have fun with Blaine. And that’s what he would do.
Head held high, his best bitch glare at the ready, Kurt strutted to the dance floor.
“This is the best night of my life. This is the best. Night.”
Blaine was an adorable drunk. Kurt had seen this side of him last year at Rachel’s party, but now that it was directed right at him, Blaine was undenyingly more charming. Even though his breath could light fire. Even though Kurt was still annoyed at him for the way he flirted with Sebastian just as much as he did with Kurt, more and more tipsy as the beer just kept coming. Although at this point, Blaine was in love with the whole world.
Kurt could probably forgive him the flirting. Eventually. After all, it was not entirely his fault that Sebastian enjoyed taking advantage of his inebriation.
Blaine was rambling blissfully as they made their slightly wobbly way to the car, and Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. They would talk about it tomorrow, after Blaine slept off his inevitable hangover.
“Kiss me.” Blaine’s hands were suddenly tight around his waist.
“Oh, no. No no no, come on. You’re riding in the back. Lay down. Less likely to throw up that way.”
Blaine seemed to acquiesce, but the moment he was in the back seat, Kurt felt a tug and the ground tilted under his feet, and the next thing he knew, he was lying in a mess of sprawled limbs on top of his very drunk boyfriend who was grabbing his ass and whispering hotly into his ear, “I want you, I want you so bad-“.
***
The gay bar was amazing. Kurt had the best ideas. Blaine was so glad they accepted Sebastian’s invitation - the people there were the nicest, and it was so much fun to dance with both Kurt and Sebastian, and whoa who would have thought one beer would make him feel so incredible, like he was floating, like he could do anything, make art, and help people, and kiss his boyfriend right here, out in the open, his hot, hot boyfriend-
In fact, who said they had to stop at kissing? It was dark and they had a car, people had sex in cars all the time. Blaine’s body felt electric, his skin oversensitive everywhere, and he just wanted, he wanted so much, it felt like he was one big throbbing pile of want that nothing but Kurt could fulfill. Kurt’s hands, his mouth, his naked skin - he needed Kurt close, he needed Kurt to want him as much as he wanted Kurt, he needed. Hands fumbling, he managed to pull Kurt on top of him and god it was so good already, Kurt’s weight on him, the way his hips wiggled, perfect pressure against Blaine’s already hard cock. Blaine’s mind short-circuited for a moment, so good.
And then the pleasant buzz turned into a sudden sharp zap as if he touched a live wire, all the nerves in his body sizzling as he jerked back with a shock.
Kurt was scrambling out of the car. He looked livid, and it only took Blaine’s rapidly sobering brain a few seconds to realize that it was Kurt’s anger that literally pushed him away. Kurt’s face was screwed up with emotion, and he was yelling - for the first time ever he was yelling at Blaine, something about dancing with another guy for half the night, and being too drunk to remember, about never feeling less like being intimate with someone - and Blaine felt sick.
What was he doing? What did he do?
Not remembering would be a blessing right now. But he recalled all too clearly his earlier conversation with Sebastian, fun and light and full of innuendo, with Kurt right there, his face like a painfully tight smiling mask.
The dancing that bordered on grinding, and had it just been with Kurt, it would have been okay.
But it wasn’t.
The way he grabbed and pulled at Kurt, trying to get him to agree to have sex in the back seat of the car, in the middle of a seedy gay bar parking lot where anyone could have seen them. Kurt’s protests-
Blaine sprang out of the car, feeling dizzy and unsteady on his legs. It really felt like he was going to be sick. He had to move - away from here, away from Kurt’s anger, if not from himself - so he just started walking. Across the parking lot, into the darkness beyond. Somewhere where he wouldn’t see the betrayal in Kurt’s eyes, even though it felt like the picture was seared onto his retinas.
Kurt’s voice chased him, distressed and breaking. “Blaine! Where are you going?”
He turned just for a moment, eyes resolutely on the ground. “I better just walk home.”
***
Kurt couldn’t just leave Blaine alone, walking along dark empty roads in the middle of the night. He was drunk, and hours from home. No matter how furious Kurt had been with him just a few minutes ago, he couldn’t bear the thought of anything bad happening to him. And frankly, most of his anger evaporated already, chased away by the startled realization in Blaine’s eyes and his tortured expression once he snapped out of his alcohol-induced sex haze.
Still, he was not ready to talk to Blaine yet. And he doubted Blaine was, either.
So he just followed Blaine in his car, driving maddeningly slow about twenty feet behind him as he walked stubbornly towards his house. Fortunately, the traffic at this time of night was nearly non-existent in this part of town, so he only got honked at once.
It took over half an hour before Blaine’s brisk steps slowed down and then he stopped at the side of the empty road, slumped, with his head down. Slowly, Kurt drove over to him. He opened the passenger’s door without a word and waited, his eyes focused on the road ahead.
Blaine finally got in the car, but the drive to his house passed in careful, awkward silence. Kurt did his best to shield himself from the waves of misery rolling off Blaine and into his mark-affected mind. Out of the side of his eye, he could see Blaine glancing at him more than once. He could hear how uneven and stilted his breath was, and was pretty certain Blaine’s cheek was glistening with tears in the console light. But Kurt wasn’t ready to reach out yet.
He hoped Blaine would be fine by himself - his parents were away for the weekend, which might be for the best seeing how wasted he was. In any other circumstances, Kurt would offer Blaine a sleepover - an idea reluctantly okayed by his father - or stayed with him at his house. But not tonight. He couldn’t imagine lying in bed next to Blaine for hours with his emotions still raw and sharp inside. He needed to be away from him for a bit right now.
He would get over it. But right now he was shaking internally too much to handle this conversation. He needed to deal with his thoughts and emotions by himself first, before he could talk about what he felt and why. And while his strongest instinct was to comfort Blaine now, he couldn’t. It would be just empty words at this point.
No. He just had to get Blaine home safely. Other than that, Blaine would have to manage alone tonight.