Feb 13, 2006 11:00
ray gave me his throat cancer. ewe. now that i think about it he slobbered all over those fucking joints when he rolled them.
this weekend we (as in bonnie and me) hung out with him. fun. really. we saw brokeback mountain before we picked him up. i'm all gay-ed out now. it keeps slipping in my mind. heartbreak. i cried at the end as i knew i would. we smoked a cigarette when the movie got out and ray left six messages on bonnie's phone. dumbass. i'm liking him less and less. we picked him up and bonnie inspected the weed. it was cute. like i knew she was some kind of a connoisseur of pot but i never saw her in action before. she knew what she was looking for unlike me. we got back. we got high. the first time was fun and i couldn't move, but i didn't get stoned until i smoked a cigarette so it sucked. after the second time i fell asleep. i was too relaxed and bored. if it was just me and bonnie i would have cuddled her ass and talked to her all nite, but as it was she was cuddling ray's ass so i said fuck it. it was the first time in a long while i actually slept at bonnie's house. go figure. he went home round eight in the morning. i was awake again after that. i wanted to hang out with bonnie, talk to her, but of course my parents called at exactly ten and i had to leave. i wanted to kill them. the end.
that was my big adventure with weed. i liked it, but i felt more disconnected then ever. like i told bonnie before pot is a summer time thing. instead it's winter and we were sitting in a too small bed and i got confused who was who. i don't feel like shit i just feel lacking. something's missing from it all. bonnie's been mad at me lately and i wonder if that's gone yet or just put off for saturday nite. i wonder if i'm done with it yet. i wish i could push it in a ball and hold it in my hand. maybe then if i could see it i could understand.
confusion,
ramble,
teenage disillusion,
self pity,
waiting for something to happen,
teenage stupidity