Excessive Ranting About 50 Shades of Grey
Ok, it's totally not excessive. There is no upper limit to the amount of ranting about this book that is appropriate.
There are manifold problems with this book. To say that that is an understatement is an understatement. I have ranted to friends, to family, to bookshop colleagues, to Amazon customer reviews, and to Random House Australia. Random House Australia took down my review, I can only assume because it was rather scathing, instead of saying how I love that book and it changed my life and I wanted to meet Christian Grey and his grey eyes.
So I rewrote the review as a 1600 word essay (because yes they deleted it without notice and I had no copy of the original version) and posted it back up again. With a not-so-gentle "hey what's the deal RH, why did you pull my review? Did I not wibble enough about how hot Grey was? Or did I offend you delicate sensibilities by suggesting you'd grossly dropped your standards and I was disappointed in your lack of professionalism?" at the beginning. They took it down again, and left a polite note of the customer review section that anyone were having difficulty securing their review, to please contact the webmaster. So I sent a 'please explain' message and a copy of the review to the webmaster. More on that when I hear back from them.
Spoilery ahead! (The book is terrible, I will be saving you from a terrible death by 'ruining' it for you)
[My Review 2.0]
This book is terrible. If you have half a brain do not waste your time and money with it. My main issues: I paid for an original book and didn't get it, I paid for a professionally published (read: professionally edited) book but got what reads like a substandard first draft, and content-wise (including the so-called racy BDSM relationship) it's not much chop.
This novel originated as a Twilight fanfiction. I have no problem with this, I read fanfiction myself and see it as a valid form of storytelling. But copyright laws prohibit fanfiction being published (and money being made) for a significant period of years. EL James got around this by marketing this as original fiction, but it's not really: whilst the characters don't sport the names of their Twilight counterparts, they are exact replicas of them, and pretty much the whole Twilight cast is recognisably represented, along with certain situations from Twilight. Furthermore, name-swapped Twilight characters are often paraded through the story for seemingly no other reason than to show that they exist, and have the hots for Bella (oops, I mean Ana) just as they in Twilight, or the same relationships and situations as Twilight counterparts. When a fanfiction is transformed into an original novel, the fanfiction elements need to be stripped from the novel and original ideas and elements built into their place (because fanfiction inherently assumes that the reader is familiar with the original text, and therefore doesn't want a massive rehashing of everything, so skimps on world- and character-building). That is not what happened here: not only was the fanfiction elements in general NOT stripped but instead thinly disguised, there was no extra detail added or world and character building done. So readers can either read it as a thinly veiled Twilight fanfiction, or read it as an original novel but be constantly baffled and annoyed by the lazily constructed world and scenarios and the poorly developed characters (to be crude, the protagonists have as many facets to their characters as a double amputee has fingers).
Secondly, when I pay my good money for a professionally published book, there are standards that I expect will be met in the quality. This book failed to meet any of them: it read like a first draft from an immature teenager who hasn't figured out yet what good writing is, and so just constructs a castle of cliches. I'm not just talking about the cliche of the 21 year old complete innocent (no kissing or masturbating for her!) falling head over heels for a tall, dark and handsome rich and important guy, falling into his bed and having easy, multiple orgasms for her first sexual experience ever, or the cliche of the untameable brooding bad boy finally finding meeting his soul mate and settling down (although seriously, aren't they enough?). I'm talking about cliches such as Ana being drawn to Grey's grey eyes, Grey threatening to jump Ana every time she bites her lip, Ana blushing at the drop of a hat (if you are in a hat store during an earthquake), and then these and many more phrases being repeated dozens or hundreds of times over the course of the novel. And what is with Ana always anthropomorphising her thoughts, it's like she can't even attribute an emotion, impulse or sexual thought to herself - it's always either her "inner goddess" strutting round puffed up with pride, jumping up and down and waving pom-poms (yes, pom-poms. POM-POMS.) or her subconscious running and hiding (behind what, I wonder; Ana seems impoverished of brain cells). Ana is so poorly characterised, it's incredible: she's a 21 year old just-graduated English Lit college student that doesn't own a computer, or even see the need for having one of her own at home. I doubt there's a western university or college that still allows students to submit essays (which would comprise the majority if not all of an English Lit student's assessments) in hand-written form, due to the high number of computer rooms of campus if not the assumption that computers are a necessity and everyone owns one. Even if Ana can't own a computer for financial reasons (not evident), she should certainly see the importance and use of having one in her home for her own personal use. This whole situation seems like a farcical set-up for the scene where Grey gives Ana her own laptop (for research purposes, because he can't just tell Ana about BDSM culture himself, and because Ana is a ditz with zero agency) and she's like "Wow, what an extravagant and over-the-top gift, it's totally not necessary because I can't ever see myself using it apart from this research I've been instructed to do, I don't even have an email account, LOL!" (okay, Ana wouldn't have said 'LOL' because at the rate she's going I'm not sure if she'd even know about this interweb thing, let alone that whole societies and subcultures operate within it) I think this is meant to cue aww-ing and gushing from the reader about how generous Grey is and how it's such an over-the-top and extravagant gift and clearly Grey must care about Ana so very much to lavish such gifts upon her. Well, that's my interpretation anyway, although I felt more like gagging than wibbling about how Grey is the epitome of my fantasies. I know that I could go on all night if I just talked in specific instances like I have been, but the point is that this book is riddled with specific instances where my suspension of disbelief collapsed under the absurdity, that it approaches unreadable. And then you add in the terrible writing style. I will admit that this book has potential, but if I were an editor in a publishing company, I would have said "Ok, nice idea, now go back home and rewrite it and then we'll talk". Maybe you get tired of me saying it, but I have read better first drafts from university students' creative workshopping in class, and 50 Shades it meant to be a professionally edited and published novel. Well, there's not much professional about it, and certainly no professional pride on Random House's part.
Lastly, when you write about minority groups and cultures, particularly in a piece of work that will be presented to the mainstream and majority groups and cultures, you have a responsibility to portray that group sensitively and accurately, and not perpetuate the misconceptions that majority groups hold about them. In my humble opinion (and I admit, I am not a peer-reviewed scholar or authority on the subject, just a woman who reads a lot and tries to understand the world she lives in and the different societies and subcultures that are often misunderstood or invisible) James does not present a healthy and loving BDSM relationship. Grey is not a very responsible dom, he is too selfish and self-centred, when the point of being a dom is that the submissives needs and physical and emotional state are the most important thing. Whilst it is the dom/me who gives the orders, the submissive is the one who really has all the power, because not only do they have the power to say 'no' but they are the object of the scene, and the dom's pleasure and satisfaction should come second to the sub's (this is a complex issue, for instance, I would say that a dom who asked their sub to give them sexual satisfaction without giving the sub pleasure in return should only do so if they knew that the sub would gain pleasure and satisfaction from pleasuring, pleasing or satisfying their dom). In Ana and Grey's relationship, Grey is the object a lot of the time - the contract sets up rules ostensibly so that Ana may explore what is right for her, but really it is Grey taking her on a tour of what is right for him that coincides with what's ok for her, or what she doesn't have the experience to know yet how it's not ok for her. As with every community, there are different views, and there are possibly people in the BDSM community who would disagree with me, but I think that there are a lot more that would agree. Most of the time Grey and Ana's relationship resembles slavery rather than the Safe, Sane, Consensual relationship that the BDSM community is founded upon. If you want to read a good BDSM romance book, and you'd rather be gently educated about what is a relatively new topic to mainstream culture than just lied to because it's an easy community to target and twist for the purpose of titillation, then this is not the book for you. There are plenty of really good BDSM and power relationship books out there, with a variety of themes: gay, straight, bisexual, romance, loving sado-masochism, domestic discipline (non-erotic discipline). There are an abundance of good books out there (both content-wise and writing style-wise: much better than EL James!), often posted on the internet for free because it is seen as 'alternate' or 'fringe' and so has difficulty being published, or published by smaller internet publishing houses or self-published, and available for a reasonable price.
It saddens me that this is the book that 'everyone is talking about', and less than half of us seem to be talking about it for the right reasons: that is grossly misrepresents a community and lifestyle for the purpose of 'one-handed reading' (and seriously, the sex scenes are not sexy, at all.), and that it represents both a dramatic drop in the standards of publishing houses when so many good authors with good books find it difficult to get published, and is barely legal, probably passing copyright law on the mere technicality of a name-swap despite Meyer's Twilight universe being almost exactly replicated.
I do not recommend this book.
But here's the thing: a glowing review in the local rag painted the book in a sort of feminist light, and I was like WTF, bra?? because I totes didn't see that in the 54% of the book I read before deciding that I knew everything about it. She said that Ana ended up changing Grey more than Grey forced Ana to change her ways for him. I was like 'huh'. And thought that maybe I should give the book another go, because how had I missed this feminist subtext, this message of equality despite Grey being a shitty irresponsible and self-centred Dom and Ana casually put in the role of a Sub because she's a one-dimensional twit with no agency and no spine.
So I tried again. After reading a sex scene (Ana's second sexual encounter and she came from being gently swatted on her nipples and clit with a crop. This is a girl who can count both her sexual encounters and orgasms on one hand because not only has she never even kissed anyone else or felt desire before Grey came along, she had never even explored her body or masturbated. Happily, I managed to refrain from sporking my eyes out. After reading first-orgasm-ever-is-from-nipple-play, I can survive anything this author dishes out) I decided that I should start taking notes about how shitty this thing was, and start thinking really critically about it. I stopped after one page of note-taking, because me giving the book a second chance was meant to be a study break, not research for a thesis of HOW SHIT THIS BOOK IS.
[My bookmarks and associated notations:]
Location: 9601-4
"Back in the bedroom, I put on my bra, slip into my dress, and climb into my shoes. I remove the braid and hastily brush out my hair, then glance down at the drink [Grey has] left. It's pale pink. What's this? Cranberry and sparkling water. Hmm... it tastes delicious and quenches my thirst."
""Where did you learn to dance?" I ask tentatively. He turns to gaze at me, his eyes unreadable beneath the intermittent light of the passing street lamps. "Do you really want to know?" he replies softly. My heart sinks, and now I don't because I can guess. "Yes," I murmur, reluctantly. "Mrs Robinson was fond of dancing." Oh, my worst suspicions confirmed. She has taught him well, and the thought depresses me - there's nothing I can teach him. I have no special skills."
"I rub my wrists reflexively - thin straps of plastic will do that to a girl."
"I realize, in that moment, that I hate her."
"She taught him all that [BDSM stuff], too, or ruined him, depending on one's point of view."
"I hope that I never meet her because I will not be responsible for my actions if I do."
Re: Mrs Robinson: "I can't ever remember feeling this passionately about anyone, especially someone I've never met."
"I nurse my irrational anger and jealousy."
"Given what I understand of his preferences, I think he's been easy on me."
"Would I do it again? I can't even pretend to put up an argument against that. Of course I would, if he asked me - as long as he didn't hurt me and if it's the only way to be with him."
I think that I will keep trying to finish 50 Shades, if only do I can abuse the shit out of it and criticise its many flaws with greater authority.
Lira
There are manifold problems with this book. To say that that is an understatement is an understatement. I have ranted to friends, to family, to bookshop colleagues, to Amazon customer reviews, and to Random House Australia. Random House Australia took down my review, I can only assume because it was rather scathing, instead of saying how I love that book and it changed my life and I wanted to meet Christian Grey and his grey eyes.
So I rewrote the review as a 1600 word essay (because yes they deleted it without notice and I had no copy of the original version) and posted it back up again. With a not-so-gentle "hey what's the deal RH, why did you pull my review? Did I not wibble enough about how hot Grey was? Or did I offend you delicate sensibilities by suggesting you'd grossly dropped your standards and I was disappointed in your lack of professionalism?" at the beginning. They took it down again, and left a polite note of the customer review section that anyone were having difficulty securing their review, to please contact the webmaster. So I sent a 'please explain' message and a copy of the review to the webmaster. More on that when I hear back from them.
Spoilery ahead! (The book is terrible, I will be saving you from a terrible death by 'ruining' it for you)
[My Review 2.0]
This book is terrible. If you have half a brain do not waste your time and money with it. My main issues: I paid for an original book and didn't get it, I paid for a professionally published (read: professionally edited) book but got what reads like a substandard first draft, and content-wise (including the so-called racy BDSM relationship) it's not much chop.
This novel originated as a Twilight fanfiction. I have no problem with this, I read fanfiction myself and see it as a valid form of storytelling. But copyright laws prohibit fanfiction being published (and money being made) for a significant period of years. EL James got around this by marketing this as original fiction, but it's not really: whilst the characters don't sport the names of their Twilight counterparts, they are exact replicas of them, and pretty much the whole Twilight cast is recognisably represented, along with certain situations from Twilight. Furthermore, name-swapped Twilight characters are often paraded through the story for seemingly no other reason than to show that they exist, and have the hots for Bella (oops, I mean Ana) just as they in Twilight, or the same relationships and situations as Twilight counterparts. When a fanfiction is transformed into an original novel, the fanfiction elements need to be stripped from the novel and original ideas and elements built into their place (because fanfiction inherently assumes that the reader is familiar with the original text, and therefore doesn't want a massive rehashing of everything, so skimps on world- and character-building). That is not what happened here: not only was the fanfiction elements in general NOT stripped but instead thinly disguised, there was no extra detail added or world and character building done. So readers can either read it as a thinly veiled Twilight fanfiction, or read it as an original novel but be constantly baffled and annoyed by the lazily constructed world and scenarios and the poorly developed characters (to be crude, the protagonists have as many facets to their characters as a double amputee has fingers).
Secondly, when I pay my good money for a professionally published book, there are standards that I expect will be met in the quality. This book failed to meet any of them: it read like a first draft from an immature teenager who hasn't figured out yet what good writing is, and so just constructs a castle of cliches. I'm not just talking about the cliche of the 21 year old complete innocent (no kissing or masturbating for her!) falling head over heels for a tall, dark and handsome rich and important guy, falling into his bed and having easy, multiple orgasms for her first sexual experience ever, or the cliche of the untameable brooding bad boy finally finding meeting his soul mate and settling down (although seriously, aren't they enough?). I'm talking about cliches such as Ana being drawn to Grey's grey eyes, Grey threatening to jump Ana every time she bites her lip, Ana blushing at the drop of a hat (if you are in a hat store during an earthquake), and then these and many more phrases being repeated dozens or hundreds of times over the course of the novel. And what is with Ana always anthropomorphising her thoughts, it's like she can't even attribute an emotion, impulse or sexual thought to herself - it's always either her "inner goddess" strutting round puffed up with pride, jumping up and down and waving pom-poms (yes, pom-poms. POM-POMS.) or her subconscious running and hiding (behind what, I wonder; Ana seems impoverished of brain cells). Ana is so poorly characterised, it's incredible: she's a 21 year old just-graduated English Lit college student that doesn't own a computer, or even see the need for having one of her own at home. I doubt there's a western university or college that still allows students to submit essays (which would comprise the majority if not all of an English Lit student's assessments) in hand-written form, due to the high number of computer rooms of campus if not the assumption that computers are a necessity and everyone owns one. Even if Ana can't own a computer for financial reasons (not evident), she should certainly see the importance and use of having one in her home for her own personal use. This whole situation seems like a farcical set-up for the scene where Grey gives Ana her own laptop (for research purposes, because he can't just tell Ana about BDSM culture himself, and because Ana is a ditz with zero agency) and she's like "Wow, what an extravagant and over-the-top gift, it's totally not necessary because I can't ever see myself using it apart from this research I've been instructed to do, I don't even have an email account, LOL!" (okay, Ana wouldn't have said 'LOL' because at the rate she's going I'm not sure if she'd even know about this interweb thing, let alone that whole societies and subcultures operate within it) I think this is meant to cue aww-ing and gushing from the reader about how generous Grey is and how it's such an over-the-top and extravagant gift and clearly Grey must care about Ana so very much to lavish such gifts upon her. Well, that's my interpretation anyway, although I felt more like gagging than wibbling about how Grey is the epitome of my fantasies. I know that I could go on all night if I just talked in specific instances like I have been, but the point is that this book is riddled with specific instances where my suspension of disbelief collapsed under the absurdity, that it approaches unreadable. And then you add in the terrible writing style. I will admit that this book has potential, but if I were an editor in a publishing company, I would have said "Ok, nice idea, now go back home and rewrite it and then we'll talk". Maybe you get tired of me saying it, but I have read better first drafts from university students' creative workshopping in class, and 50 Shades it meant to be a professionally edited and published novel. Well, there's not much professional about it, and certainly no professional pride on Random House's part.
Lastly, when you write about minority groups and cultures, particularly in a piece of work that will be presented to the mainstream and majority groups and cultures, you have a responsibility to portray that group sensitively and accurately, and not perpetuate the misconceptions that majority groups hold about them. In my humble opinion (and I admit, I am not a peer-reviewed scholar or authority on the subject, just a woman who reads a lot and tries to understand the world she lives in and the different societies and subcultures that are often misunderstood or invisible) James does not present a healthy and loving BDSM relationship. Grey is not a very responsible dom, he is too selfish and self-centred, when the point of being a dom is that the submissives needs and physical and emotional state are the most important thing. Whilst it is the dom/me who gives the orders, the submissive is the one who really has all the power, because not only do they have the power to say 'no' but they are the object of the scene, and the dom's pleasure and satisfaction should come second to the sub's (this is a complex issue, for instance, I would say that a dom who asked their sub to give them sexual satisfaction without giving the sub pleasure in return should only do so if they knew that the sub would gain pleasure and satisfaction from pleasuring, pleasing or satisfying their dom). In Ana and Grey's relationship, Grey is the object a lot of the time - the contract sets up rules ostensibly so that Ana may explore what is right for her, but really it is Grey taking her on a tour of what is right for him that coincides with what's ok for her, or what she doesn't have the experience to know yet how it's not ok for her. As with every community, there are different views, and there are possibly people in the BDSM community who would disagree with me, but I think that there are a lot more that would agree. Most of the time Grey and Ana's relationship resembles slavery rather than the Safe, Sane, Consensual relationship that the BDSM community is founded upon. If you want to read a good BDSM romance book, and you'd rather be gently educated about what is a relatively new topic to mainstream culture than just lied to because it's an easy community to target and twist for the purpose of titillation, then this is not the book for you. There are plenty of really good BDSM and power relationship books out there, with a variety of themes: gay, straight, bisexual, romance, loving sado-masochism, domestic discipline (non-erotic discipline). There are an abundance of good books out there (both content-wise and writing style-wise: much better than EL James!), often posted on the internet for free because it is seen as 'alternate' or 'fringe' and so has difficulty being published, or published by smaller internet publishing houses or self-published, and available for a reasonable price.
It saddens me that this is the book that 'everyone is talking about', and less than half of us seem to be talking about it for the right reasons: that is grossly misrepresents a community and lifestyle for the purpose of 'one-handed reading' (and seriously, the sex scenes are not sexy, at all.), and that it represents both a dramatic drop in the standards of publishing houses when so many good authors with good books find it difficult to get published, and is barely legal, probably passing copyright law on the mere technicality of a name-swap despite Meyer's Twilight universe being almost exactly replicated.
I do not recommend this book.
But here's the thing: a glowing review in the local rag painted the book in a sort of feminist light, and I was like WTF, bra?? because I totes didn't see that in the 54% of the book I read before deciding that I knew everything about it. She said that Ana ended up changing Grey more than Grey forced Ana to change her ways for him. I was like 'huh'. And thought that maybe I should give the book another go, because how had I missed this feminist subtext, this message of equality despite Grey being a shitty irresponsible and self-centred Dom and Ana casually put in the role of a Sub because she's a one-dimensional twit with no agency and no spine.
So I tried again. After reading a sex scene (Ana's second sexual encounter and she came from being gently swatted on her nipples and clit with a crop. This is a girl who can count both her sexual encounters and orgasms on one hand because not only has she never even kissed anyone else or felt desire before Grey came along, she had never even explored her body or masturbated. Happily, I managed to refrain from sporking my eyes out. After reading first-orgasm-ever-is-from-nipple-play, I can survive anything this author dishes out) I decided that I should start taking notes about how shitty this thing was, and start thinking really critically about it. I stopped after one page of note-taking, because me giving the book a second chance was meant to be a study break, not research for a thesis of HOW SHIT THIS BOOK IS.
[My bookmarks and associated notations:]
Location: 9601-4
"Back in the bedroom, I put on my bra, slip into my dress, and climb into my shoes. I remove the braid and hastily brush out my hair, then glance down at the drink [Grey has] left. It's pale pink. What's this? Cranberry and sparkling water. Hmm... it tastes delicious and quenches my thirst."
- Apart from the fact that James makes Ana sound like getting dressed is the domestic equivalent of completing an obstacle course, this second half of this passage sounds like some advert! 'Try Sparkling Cranberry -delicious and so thirst quenching!' btw, what was the point of this passage or the drink? Why couldn't James say "I got dressed sans panties".
""Where did you learn to dance?" I ask tentatively. He turns to gaze at me, his eyes unreadable beneath the intermittent light of the passing street lamps. "Do you really want to know?" he replies softly. My heart sinks, and now I don't because I can guess. "Yes," I murmur, reluctantly. "Mrs Robinson was fond of dancing." Oh, my worst suspicions confirmed. She has taught him well, and the thought depresses me - there's nothing I can teach him. I have no special skills."
- WTF is wrong with this chick? Apart from the fact that she swoons like she's actually got a real heart murmur, rather than just an annoying vocal habit. As far as I was aware, her driving ambition in life wasn't to be an inspiring dance teacher, yet now she finds out that Grey's already been taught (wasn't that already obvious from the fact that he can dance? Why does it matter who teaches him anyway? HOW IS THIS RELEVANT???) she's like "woe is me, I have no skills to share, I'm worthless!" Seriously getting sick of this unrelentless and irrelevant whining, and if Ana's really that low in the self-worth stakes, she should NOT be pursuing a relationship and saddling someone else with her issues!
"I rub my wrists reflexively - thin straps of plastic will do that to a girl."
- Why is it reflexive? Will do what? Where's the clarity ffs??
"I realize, in that moment, that I hate her."
- Old news actually. You've been harping on about that since you first heard about it, Ana.
"She taught him all that [BDSM stuff], too, or ruined him, depending on one's point of view."
- My God, if you think he's ruined why the hell are you pursuing a relationship???? RAGE.
"I hope that I never meet her because I will not be responsible for my actions if I do."
- Yes you will.
- Long answer: You clearly don't get this BDSM relationship that you're blindly embarking upon, despite the 'research' you've done and the contract you've signed. BDSM is ALL ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY. Responsibility to yourself and your partner is the difference between selfish and cruel sexual encounters and intensely mutually satisfying encounters, i.e., the difference between abuse and good, caring sex. BUT EL JAMES KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT BDSM AND THUS NEITHER DO HER CHARACTERS.
Re: Mrs Robinson: "I can't ever remember feeling this passionately about anyone, especially someone I've never met."
- This doesn't really fill me with faith in your commitment to your relationship with Grey.
"I nurse my irrational anger and jealousy."
- OMFG. You've spent so long justifying to the reader how Mrs Robinson is such a bad person and her relationship with Grey made him 'fifty shades of fucked up' (although for the WRONG REASONS: she's not bad because she 'corrupted' Grey with BDSM sex and by making him her sub. She's bad because she had a sexual relationship with Grey when he was under-age, and engaged in a sexual power relationship when he was a minor. Both a vanilla sexual relationship and a sexual power relationship require explicit consent, which Grey COULD NOT GIVE BECAUSE HE WAS UNDERAGE. Mrs Robsinson is not a bad person because she initiated Grey into BDSM, she's bad because SHE'S A PAEDOPHILE! FFS!) and now you're turnign around and saying that you anger is irrational? Your jealousy is irrational yes, but not you anger, no matter that it's stemming from the wrong issue. Do I really need to do your thinking for you, Ana?
"Given what I understand of his preferences, I think he's been easy on me."
- This pretty much sums up how improper EL James's version of a BDSM relationship is. A sub should never say that a Dom has 'gone easy on them' because the Dom stuck to the sub's limits and preferences. This is a Dom's RESPONSIBILITY, a Dom's DUTY. GREY IS A BAD DOM.
"Would I do it again? I can't even pretend to put up an argument against that. Of course I would, if he asked me - as long as he didn't hurt me and if it's the only way to be with him."
- WTF???? Is this not the unhealthiest relationship ever?? Ana has no agency of her own, and would do basically anything to stay with Grey, even things she doesn't like or doesn't want to do. And that Grey is holding her hostage like this?? It's emotional abuse, plain and simple. Possibly even domestic abuse, because Ana clearly isn't consenting to the BDSM relationship 100% of her own free will: she's consenting because Grey's basically told her that he's not willing to give up the BDSM lifestyle for a vanilla relationship with her, and so her taking part in his BDSM lifestyle is the only way she can have a relationship with him. I keep expecting her to say "but he LOVES me", like it's any excuse. Whether you agree with me that its emotional or domestic abuse or not, it's clearly not proper BDSM practice - this throws 'safe, sane and consensual' out the window.
I think that I will keep trying to finish 50 Shades, if only do I can abuse the shit out of it and criticise its many flaws with greater authority.
Lira