So how DO you memorize all those lines?
I'm going to be featured in the company newsletter because I'm an actor. They feature an employee every month and find out what they do when they're not at work. In an effort to more efficiently answer the inevitable questions that pour out of people when they find out I'm an actor, I'm going to prepare my responses to the most common inquiries.
Q: How do you memorize all those lines?
A: I don't. Tiny cue cards are hidden all over the stage. We just have to know where to look. We sometimes pretend to forget a line here and there just to keep up the illusion.
Q: What type of theater do you do? Musicals? Do you do musicals?
A: No, I don't do musicals. I try to do theater that absolutely no one would ever willingly sit through. Us non-musical theater actors truly despise having to perform in front of audiences and do whatever it takes to keep them away, hence the lack of catchy songs and amazing dance numbers.
Q: Are you going to go to Hollywood?
A: Of course! All actors are required to make the pilgrimmage at least once in their lives. It is a commandment from our prophets Saint Spielberg, Brother Warner, and our Lord and Savior, Keanu. Theater is simply my chosen path to eventually get out of theater and into film.
Q: How long does it take to get ready for a play?
A: We usually throw it together the day before the audience shows up. A horde of technicians materialize out of the aether, carrying costumes from their uncle's barn, eager to do our bidding. They build everything exactly as the director decrees and then disappear back into nothingness from which they sprang until called for again. Then it's just a matter of hiding the cue cards.
Q: How do people find out about your shows?
A: We write four copies of a letter and send our four fastest ships, one in each direction, to announce the coming of our production to the masses. Our siren song is irresistable to those who hear it and they find themselves stumbling to our playhouse, perhaps not even knowing why they're there. Oh yes, people will most definitely come.
Q: I did some acting in high school!
A: Um, okay. Is that a question?
Q: No, I'm just saying.
A: Ah.
Q: [Awkward pause]
A: [Equally awkward pause]
Q: Where do you act?
A: Not the Guthrie.*
Q: Oh. But where DO you act?
A: Have you heard of any theaters besides the Guthrie?
Q: ...No.
A: Ah.
Q: Do you want to make a living acting?
A: Yes. Very much so.
Q: So why don't you?
A: If you could avoid presenting me with my short-comings with regard to my talent, motivation, self-esteem, courage, and financial obligations I would very much appreciate it.
Q: Touchy, aren't we?
A: This interview is over!
Antrobus178 stands up and storms off, leaving the interviewer alone onstage.
Q: Hey, that just said I'm onstage! I must be an actor too!
A: (from offstage) Shut up!
Blackout
*Yet.
Q: How do you memorize all those lines?
A: I don't. Tiny cue cards are hidden all over the stage. We just have to know where to look. We sometimes pretend to forget a line here and there just to keep up the illusion.
Q: What type of theater do you do? Musicals? Do you do musicals?
A: No, I don't do musicals. I try to do theater that absolutely no one would ever willingly sit through. Us non-musical theater actors truly despise having to perform in front of audiences and do whatever it takes to keep them away, hence the lack of catchy songs and amazing dance numbers.
Q: Are you going to go to Hollywood?
A: Of course! All actors are required to make the pilgrimmage at least once in their lives. It is a commandment from our prophets Saint Spielberg, Brother Warner, and our Lord and Savior, Keanu. Theater is simply my chosen path to eventually get out of theater and into film.
Q: How long does it take to get ready for a play?
A: We usually throw it together the day before the audience shows up. A horde of technicians materialize out of the aether, carrying costumes from their uncle's barn, eager to do our bidding. They build everything exactly as the director decrees and then disappear back into nothingness from which they sprang until called for again. Then it's just a matter of hiding the cue cards.
Q: How do people find out about your shows?
A: We write four copies of a letter and send our four fastest ships, one in each direction, to announce the coming of our production to the masses. Our siren song is irresistable to those who hear it and they find themselves stumbling to our playhouse, perhaps not even knowing why they're there. Oh yes, people will most definitely come.
Q: I did some acting in high school!
A: Um, okay. Is that a question?
Q: No, I'm just saying.
A: Ah.
Q: [Awkward pause]
A: [Equally awkward pause]
Q: Where do you act?
A: Not the Guthrie.*
Q: Oh. But where DO you act?
A: Have you heard of any theaters besides the Guthrie?
Q: ...No.
A: Ah.
Q: Do you want to make a living acting?
A: Yes. Very much so.
Q: So why don't you?
A: If you could avoid presenting me with my short-comings with regard to my talent, motivation, self-esteem, courage, and financial obligations I would very much appreciate it.
Q: Touchy, aren't we?
A: This interview is over!
Antrobus178 stands up and storms off, leaving the interviewer alone onstage.
Q: Hey, that just said I'm onstage! I must be an actor too!
A: (from offstage) Shut up!
Blackout
*Yet.