(no subject)
10:00 AM: Woke up, wiped the saliva off my cheek and walked disorientedly to the bathroom and took a piss. Then i washed my hands and face. Rosemary had called. She'd be waiting at the bus stop for me to pick her up and so i did. Then we went to school to develop our negatives from the cemetery photoshoot.
1:00 PM: Photography class started and we went right to work in the photolab for our final assignments. Steve, the teacher, suggested a fashion theme for me, so i did that. And Rosemary did this Childhood Disrupted theme which i basically gave her the idea for. She even used Thom and Misha for her models. I hope she at least gives me credit.
I mean, it was my idea after all.
So yeah, we got to work on the pictures and i show Steve my first picture and he immediately notices that i overdeveloped the negative, which shows up all gray in the picture. Then he critizes it and says that it's too blurry and that i should reshoot. I was so sad. He always loves my stuff. This time was dfferent though. He said i could do better. I know i could have, but seriously, i'm tired of taking pictures right now. I'm so stressed with all the math tests i'm going to be taking next week, i don't have time to take any more pictures. I told him this and he just gave me this look. He said I'm forcing him to give me a bad grade. I hope it's not too bad. So yeah, after critizing me about that, he decided then that it was a very creative picture, that he liked it, and that i was very creative for setting the whole thing, except i fucked up on the blurryness and development of the negatives. Then he went on to talk to me about the usual: how i'm an artist and going to be famous someday or something like that and how the world needs to see my art. He suggested i take an art or painting class. He said i would do great in that. I took an art class back in 2001. It was quite boring. But yeah, i always feel uncomfortable when he talks to me about this because i don't know what i want to do with my life yet. Plus, I'm scared i won't make it, as an artist/writer/photographer/assistant director, whatever i choose to do, i'm afraid i won't make it. I didn't tell him this. But he seems sure that i'll make it.
So I bring out my next picture and he notices the pearls and says that i already did this picture for the last critique and i said no, that was a different one. I told him it was a new one and that i took 3 rolls of film, which is true, but that picture was from last critique's film. So he was right. But i wasn't going to tell him that. I told him that we didn't have other clothes to shoot in. Then he asked me what my theme was and i said it was fashion and that he told me to do that and he's all like, Really? Like he forgot and he's like hmmm. This picture had a white spot on it and i laughed and said all my pictures were messed up. He told me not to worry about it, but to be less gentle with the film. i said i was and just as i said that, i sort of pulled this string that was there attached to the desk and almost broke it. And he's all like, See, you're too aggressive. And i laughed. He made me do so much shit to that picture, i wasted about 7 or 8 pieces of paper on that fucking picture and then he tells me to just use the first one i printed. I was so pissed off. He said he just wanted texture in the clothes, which they had, but he just said forget it. I was real disappointed because he's the teacher and he needs to help me instead of brushing me off. And then he gives me a fucking bad grade. And another thing, sometimes, he disappears and rosemary and i can't find him to ask his opinion and that really sucks because he makes us waste time waiting for him and then he complains about how we haven't gotten the technical stuff down yet. So yeah, it's real disappointing. Like, I ask him how to dodge because i forgot and Phil, the photo supply manager, who i have a crush on also besides stupid Luke and Steve, tells me to swing at him. I wouldn't, so then, he tells Steve and they play fight. I just laugh and i'm real uncomfortable and i'm all like, not that kind of dodge. So yeah, that was that. Steve asks me about Thom, what does he do? I told him he's into film making. He said he'd bet me that Thom is going to be a model or an actor. And then he asked about Misha and i said she's going to be a fashion designer and that she's going to FIDM and he said he's really impressed and that i should have gone there and taken a web design class or something. Then he asked me if i like kids or teaching. I said, I like kids, but not teaching. Then he kept complimenting my photography and how i'm going to be an artist and all i could do was blush.
I took him the next picture and Phil was there and they both just stared at it and they both just looked at me and Phil says, It's like the Space Odyssey. And he asked where i took it and who it was and i told him, like sort of happily and Steve kind of teased me about the way i said it all cheery and i told him to shut up but in a flirty way and he said no, i like how you said it. uhhhhh, mhm. Anyway, he said Misha was too dark and that i should reshoot it with the flash, and then i said, that's the point, it's supposed to be dark. And then he said, Oh, if it's just her silouhette then it's fine, you're done. And i'm thinking, that's too easy. He was talking on his cell phone and told the person to hold just so he could talk to me, but since i was kind f arguing with him a little bit, maybe that's why he accepted it. All I know is that, if he give m a bad grade, i'm going to be super upset. I already was, cuz i mean, at the same time he's been critizing me, he compliments me. I guess he feels i could do better, but yeah. i guess i can. i just don't have time to reshoot.
So i got 3 pictures done, just one left to go. The thing is i bought 2 more extra mounting boards, so i'm probably gonna choose 2 more of my old pictures. Let's hope he doesn't notice. While we were getting ready to go, I heard Luke saying, "Awww, we're not going to have movie night tonight?" like a little kid. I didn't think he'd want to hang out with us again. I'm glad Rosemary said she was tired because she doesn't even have a car which means i'd have to bring Luke all the way back home and he didn't even pay me for gas the last time, fucking asshole. He called me Melina today. I don't know if he was joking. He seems not to like me, but he talks to me still a little bit. I'm not going to worry about it. I just can't stand it though. He looked really cute today with his messy hair in his face. But yeah, he likes Vanessa, plus, i don't even think i want to be with him, because he talks too damn much, it's fucking annoying. I like Mark, he's the black guy in my class who takes really nice professional pictures. i always see him at the lab. He's cool. His major is Journalism, so maybe i should get his digits or email, eh? He could help me break in and start a magazine or weekly newspaper that Rosemary and i was to start. Rosemary's cool and all and she even wants to take creative writing classes with me and we're even taking another photo class for the winter, but she seemed like annoyed or upset today, which makes me feel sad. Maybe she was just tired. I don't know. Could it be me? :(
1:00 PM: Photography class started and we went right to work in the photolab for our final assignments. Steve, the teacher, suggested a fashion theme for me, so i did that. And Rosemary did this Childhood Disrupted theme which i basically gave her the idea for. She even used Thom and Misha for her models. I hope she at least gives me credit.
I mean, it was my idea after all.
So yeah, we got to work on the pictures and i show Steve my first picture and he immediately notices that i overdeveloped the negative, which shows up all gray in the picture. Then he critizes it and says that it's too blurry and that i should reshoot. I was so sad. He always loves my stuff. This time was dfferent though. He said i could do better. I know i could have, but seriously, i'm tired of taking pictures right now. I'm so stressed with all the math tests i'm going to be taking next week, i don't have time to take any more pictures. I told him this and he just gave me this look. He said I'm forcing him to give me a bad grade. I hope it's not too bad. So yeah, after critizing me about that, he decided then that it was a very creative picture, that he liked it, and that i was very creative for setting the whole thing, except i fucked up on the blurryness and development of the negatives. Then he went on to talk to me about the usual: how i'm an artist and going to be famous someday or something like that and how the world needs to see my art. He suggested i take an art or painting class. He said i would do great in that. I took an art class back in 2001. It was quite boring. But yeah, i always feel uncomfortable when he talks to me about this because i don't know what i want to do with my life yet. Plus, I'm scared i won't make it, as an artist/writer/photographer/assistant director, whatever i choose to do, i'm afraid i won't make it. I didn't tell him this. But he seems sure that i'll make it.
So I bring out my next picture and he notices the pearls and says that i already did this picture for the last critique and i said no, that was a different one. I told him it was a new one and that i took 3 rolls of film, which is true, but that picture was from last critique's film. So he was right. But i wasn't going to tell him that. I told him that we didn't have other clothes to shoot in. Then he asked me what my theme was and i said it was fashion and that he told me to do that and he's all like, Really? Like he forgot and he's like hmmm. This picture had a white spot on it and i laughed and said all my pictures were messed up. He told me not to worry about it, but to be less gentle with the film. i said i was and just as i said that, i sort of pulled this string that was there attached to the desk and almost broke it. And he's all like, See, you're too aggressive. And i laughed. He made me do so much shit to that picture, i wasted about 7 or 8 pieces of paper on that fucking picture and then he tells me to just use the first one i printed. I was so pissed off. He said he just wanted texture in the clothes, which they had, but he just said forget it. I was real disappointed because he's the teacher and he needs to help me instead of brushing me off. And then he gives me a fucking bad grade. And another thing, sometimes, he disappears and rosemary and i can't find him to ask his opinion and that really sucks because he makes us waste time waiting for him and then he complains about how we haven't gotten the technical stuff down yet. So yeah, it's real disappointing. Like, I ask him how to dodge because i forgot and Phil, the photo supply manager, who i have a crush on also besides stupid Luke and Steve, tells me to swing at him. I wouldn't, so then, he tells Steve and they play fight. I just laugh and i'm real uncomfortable and i'm all like, not that kind of dodge. So yeah, that was that. Steve asks me about Thom, what does he do? I told him he's into film making. He said he'd bet me that Thom is going to be a model or an actor. And then he asked about Misha and i said she's going to be a fashion designer and that she's going to FIDM and he said he's really impressed and that i should have gone there and taken a web design class or something. Then he asked me if i like kids or teaching. I said, I like kids, but not teaching. Then he kept complimenting my photography and how i'm going to be an artist and all i could do was blush.
I took him the next picture and Phil was there and they both just stared at it and they both just looked at me and Phil says, It's like the Space Odyssey. And he asked where i took it and who it was and i told him, like sort of happily and Steve kind of teased me about the way i said it all cheery and i told him to shut up but in a flirty way and he said no, i like how you said it. uhhhhh, mhm. Anyway, he said Misha was too dark and that i should reshoot it with the flash, and then i said, that's the point, it's supposed to be dark. And then he said, Oh, if it's just her silouhette then it's fine, you're done. And i'm thinking, that's too easy. He was talking on his cell phone and told the person to hold just so he could talk to me, but since i was kind f arguing with him a little bit, maybe that's why he accepted it. All I know is that, if he give m a bad grade, i'm going to be super upset. I already was, cuz i mean, at the same time he's been critizing me, he compliments me. I guess he feels i could do better, but yeah. i guess i can. i just don't have time to reshoot.
So i got 3 pictures done, just one left to go. The thing is i bought 2 more extra mounting boards, so i'm probably gonna choose 2 more of my old pictures. Let's hope he doesn't notice. While we were getting ready to go, I heard Luke saying, "Awww, we're not going to have movie night tonight?" like a little kid. I didn't think he'd want to hang out with us again. I'm glad Rosemary said she was tired because she doesn't even have a car which means i'd have to bring Luke all the way back home and he didn't even pay me for gas the last time, fucking asshole. He called me Melina today. I don't know if he was joking. He seems not to like me, but he talks to me still a little bit. I'm not going to worry about it. I just can't stand it though. He looked really cute today with his messy hair in his face. But yeah, he likes Vanessa, plus, i don't even think i want to be with him, because he talks too damn much, it's fucking annoying. I like Mark, he's the black guy in my class who takes really nice professional pictures. i always see him at the lab. He's cool. His major is Journalism, so maybe i should get his digits or email, eh? He could help me break in and start a magazine or weekly newspaper that Rosemary and i was to start. Rosemary's cool and all and she even wants to take creative writing classes with me and we're even taking another photo class for the winter, but she seemed like annoyed or upset today, which makes me feel sad. Maybe she was just tired. I don't know. Could it be me? :(