Love
I haven't written in awhile. I'm not sure if that's an indicator that things are good or just busy.
It's late, though. I've been working on Aaron's Chanufestivus gift all night: a tea box with eight compartments, each for a different and legal psychoactive herb. Atop each herb will be a card with the name of the herb on it, and then on it's flip-side, there will be details of its origin, uses, dosage, notes, and source. I've been making the cards all evening. it's both an expensive and a time-consuming gift. I hope he likes it.
Aaron was in the hospital on Friday because he thought he had a stroke. He didn't, but is mostly suffering from vertigo - likely from his sinus cold. I've been taking care of him all weekend, and then earlier, when he was sick (pre-hospital). I've never actually cared so much about taking car of anyone before - maybe my father, but not in the same way.
I know I have a lot of entries in my journal about love, followed by heartbreak. But nothing I've ever felt, even at its most passionate, has compared to how I feel about Aaron. There's o desperation in this love, as there doesn't seem to be a time limit. There's no struggle, no sense of overcoming something, such as a fault of his. There's no dread of fighting or wondering when the period of happiness will be over. I actually love him. We've talked about marriage so many times now, and he asked me how we get married, when the hospital put him on valium and mescaline - I told him he'd have to propose first, and he said, "Okay, then I'll do that."
I feel aligned with him. I feel loved by him and supported. I feel like my efforts are reciprocated and that he listens to me and cares. I ask him to do something, and he does it - so I don't ask for much. I believe that he doesn't have anything malicious toward me and that every action he takes or thought he has, when it comes to me, is focused on making me happy. We take care of each other. We are actually a team.
I don't want to speed anything up or slow anything down with him; all of it is wonderful. Even the worst of life isn't so bad anymore because he's here. I'm actually in love with him, and I must protect him because he's the most precious gift I've ever received. I've been through so much shit in my life - is he my reward for getting through it, for sticking it out?
We've known each other for about five months now, and our anniversary is August 28th. We've already gone through so much together. Time seems to pass so quickly. We're together about four days out of every week - working, going to doctors' appointments (related to the horrific car accident we were in, two weeks after we declared our relationship exclusive), playing dominos, or going to concerts.
Everyone knows I'm going to marry him, and everyone loves him. I just have to keep him and myself healthy. I'm not doing a good job with myself - my pursuit of thinness is ruining me. I'm working on it, though, and I'll be okay.
I should go to sleep. I just wanted to say how happy I am, how in love I am, and how lucky I feel. I have someone who loves me the way I always dreamed of being loved. I am so happy it never worked out with anyone else. No one else could've ever made me feel like he does.
It's late, though. I've been working on Aaron's Chanufestivus gift all night: a tea box with eight compartments, each for a different and legal psychoactive herb. Atop each herb will be a card with the name of the herb on it, and then on it's flip-side, there will be details of its origin, uses, dosage, notes, and source. I've been making the cards all evening. it's both an expensive and a time-consuming gift. I hope he likes it.
Aaron was in the hospital on Friday because he thought he had a stroke. He didn't, but is mostly suffering from vertigo - likely from his sinus cold. I've been taking care of him all weekend, and then earlier, when he was sick (pre-hospital). I've never actually cared so much about taking car of anyone before - maybe my father, but not in the same way.
I know I have a lot of entries in my journal about love, followed by heartbreak. But nothing I've ever felt, even at its most passionate, has compared to how I feel about Aaron. There's o desperation in this love, as there doesn't seem to be a time limit. There's no struggle, no sense of overcoming something, such as a fault of his. There's no dread of fighting or wondering when the period of happiness will be over. I actually love him. We've talked about marriage so many times now, and he asked me how we get married, when the hospital put him on valium and mescaline - I told him he'd have to propose first, and he said, "Okay, then I'll do that."
I feel aligned with him. I feel loved by him and supported. I feel like my efforts are reciprocated and that he listens to me and cares. I ask him to do something, and he does it - so I don't ask for much. I believe that he doesn't have anything malicious toward me and that every action he takes or thought he has, when it comes to me, is focused on making me happy. We take care of each other. We are actually a team.
I don't want to speed anything up or slow anything down with him; all of it is wonderful. Even the worst of life isn't so bad anymore because he's here. I'm actually in love with him, and I must protect him because he's the most precious gift I've ever received. I've been through so much shit in my life - is he my reward for getting through it, for sticking it out?
We've known each other for about five months now, and our anniversary is August 28th. We've already gone through so much together. Time seems to pass so quickly. We're together about four days out of every week - working, going to doctors' appointments (related to the horrific car accident we were in, two weeks after we declared our relationship exclusive), playing dominos, or going to concerts.
Everyone knows I'm going to marry him, and everyone loves him. I just have to keep him and myself healthy. I'm not doing a good job with myself - my pursuit of thinness is ruining me. I'm working on it, though, and I'll be okay.
I should go to sleep. I just wanted to say how happy I am, how in love I am, and how lucky I feel. I have someone who loves me the way I always dreamed of being loved. I am so happy it never worked out with anyone else. No one else could've ever made me feel like he does.