Life Update
Well, A little over a month, and I move back to Colorado. I don't know whether to look at it as "moving" or as going into a more nomadic life. Or maybe that's more of what I've been doing-I've been kind of a nomad. I've lived in over seven different places since leaving Boulder two springs ago. I'm continuing the cycle and going back to Colorado, and then I'm going to skip around there for awhile.
I do want to go to grad school for counseling psychology, but right now, I have traveling on the mind. I think I want to work a year and save over $20k, and then I want to travel around the world for a year. Other people are doing it; I can do it. I know it'll change me, and it'll be the adventure of my lifetime. Why would I wait? I wouldn't I do it while I'm young?
I have two roommates right now: Rachel and Amanda. Since I told her I was moving out, Rachel has started to hate me and everything I do. She's been unforgivably rude to Robin, when Robin was staying the night. She literally leaves the room when I come in. She's stopped me from talking to her, saying she's not interested in what I'm saying. She does passive-aggressive things, like turning on the light before going to bed, so that it shines in my room and I have to go down and turn it off. She's responded to hearing of my good friend's suicide attempt by saying that maybe my friend "just wanted the attention." The list goes on, but I'm not interested in continuing. It's painful to be around such hostility, but in another way, she's certainly not the first shitty roommate I've had. She's childish and hostile, but that's all on her. It's her problem. I've been around the block before. It's a shame, but I'm trying to cultivate compassion toward her. She must be so insecure in herself that my moving out threatens her in some way. She liked me before hand, and now they have another person moving in in July, so there's no reason for her to hate me; she just wants to, and it's all coming from her. So she can choose to be inconvenienced by my presence, and she can try to make me feel uncomfortable. It works to a certain extent. But in a way, it's kind of nice that she leaves when I come in, so that I don't have to deal with her. I'm so powerful! haha. I didn't really care much for her before, since she's kind of nuts to begin with. Plus, her dog still likes me, so I've got that going for me.
Moving out of here is a daunting thing, though. I have accumulated so much crap over time. I really need help, but I don't feel comfortable asking Robin, and I've already had friends help me. My mother offered to fly in and help, but I think I need to say goodbye to New York alone, the same way I came in to do it. Maybe. I should just have her fly in. I have to decide soon, even if I already told her no. I guess I'll have to leave here on June 30th, too.
I've been doing yoga and meditating every day for about a month. I definitely haven't lost any weight, but I'm getting toned, and my disorientation and brain fog are much improved. I'm still under a lot of stress, so I know I'm affected by it, but I'm addicted to yoga and the meditation for the relief they give me. I'm afraid to miss a day. Hopefully, I'm improving. I really can't tell at this point, but I suppose the point is to not concentrate on improvement and just to concentrate on the process. That is mindfulness, I suppose.
In another note, I've finished the rough draft on 26 Snippets By Tasha Shayne, and I'm beginning a novel this week called All Introverts Step to the Right. It's going to be a year-long project, and I'll submit the 2,000 words a week to Josh. I think this will be much easier than the 26 snippets. Maybe. Maybe not. All I have to do with it is keep pushing forward. At least I'm producing. That's big. I need to start publishing some stuff; it's just laziness at this point.
I do want to go to grad school for counseling psychology, but right now, I have traveling on the mind. I think I want to work a year and save over $20k, and then I want to travel around the world for a year. Other people are doing it; I can do it. I know it'll change me, and it'll be the adventure of my lifetime. Why would I wait? I wouldn't I do it while I'm young?
I have two roommates right now: Rachel and Amanda. Since I told her I was moving out, Rachel has started to hate me and everything I do. She's been unforgivably rude to Robin, when Robin was staying the night. She literally leaves the room when I come in. She's stopped me from talking to her, saying she's not interested in what I'm saying. She does passive-aggressive things, like turning on the light before going to bed, so that it shines in my room and I have to go down and turn it off. She's responded to hearing of my good friend's suicide attempt by saying that maybe my friend "just wanted the attention." The list goes on, but I'm not interested in continuing. It's painful to be around such hostility, but in another way, she's certainly not the first shitty roommate I've had. She's childish and hostile, but that's all on her. It's her problem. I've been around the block before. It's a shame, but I'm trying to cultivate compassion toward her. She must be so insecure in herself that my moving out threatens her in some way. She liked me before hand, and now they have another person moving in in July, so there's no reason for her to hate me; she just wants to, and it's all coming from her. So she can choose to be inconvenienced by my presence, and she can try to make me feel uncomfortable. It works to a certain extent. But in a way, it's kind of nice that she leaves when I come in, so that I don't have to deal with her. I'm so powerful! haha. I didn't really care much for her before, since she's kind of nuts to begin with. Plus, her dog still likes me, so I've got that going for me.
Moving out of here is a daunting thing, though. I have accumulated so much crap over time. I really need help, but I don't feel comfortable asking Robin, and I've already had friends help me. My mother offered to fly in and help, but I think I need to say goodbye to New York alone, the same way I came in to do it. Maybe. I should just have her fly in. I have to decide soon, even if I already told her no. I guess I'll have to leave here on June 30th, too.
I've been doing yoga and meditating every day for about a month. I definitely haven't lost any weight, but I'm getting toned, and my disorientation and brain fog are much improved. I'm still under a lot of stress, so I know I'm affected by it, but I'm addicted to yoga and the meditation for the relief they give me. I'm afraid to miss a day. Hopefully, I'm improving. I really can't tell at this point, but I suppose the point is to not concentrate on improvement and just to concentrate on the process. That is mindfulness, I suppose.
In another note, I've finished the rough draft on 26 Snippets By Tasha Shayne, and I'm beginning a novel this week called All Introverts Step to the Right. It's going to be a year-long project, and I'll submit the 2,000 words a week to Josh. I think this will be much easier than the 26 snippets. Maybe. Maybe not. All I have to do with it is keep pushing forward. At least I'm producing. That's big. I need to start publishing some stuff; it's just laziness at this point.