My Letter of Apology
To Myself,
I'm moved to write a letter of apology to you today, as I've done a number of things over the course of my 27-year relationship with you that I'm not proud of. I've treated you in ways that I have been insulting, degrading, and cruel. I've been unfair and careless. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for calling you fat and stupid and unworthy and unlovable and untalented; I'm sorry for saying you're ugly and for putting you down when you've made mistakes. I'm sorry for being impatient with you instead of encouraging, and harsh when i should have been understanding. I'm sorry for treating you worse than I treat my enemies; I'm sorry for putting you last and acting like I don't care about you. I'm sorry for not standing up for you when you needed me or for telling you that those who were unfair to you were fair and that those who did wrong by you were right; I'm sorry for being unsupportive. I'm sorry I told you your feelings didn't matter and that you needed to just suck it up so that you wouldn't ruin other people's time. I'm sorry for doubting you whenever you tried to prove yourself to anyone, even just me.
I've been the friend who would run away when a bully picked on you, returning only to tell you that she was right. In fact, I've been that bully. I've been the person in class who would snicker every time you gave an answer, insisting that you were wrong. I've been the heckler when you've been on stage; I've been the nasty critic who reviewed your novella. I've been the therapist who told you to stay in bad relationships-abusive ones-because you just weren't trying hard enough. I've told you that you were lucky anyone wanted to be friends with you at all, even selfish ones. I've told you that you're worthless to people if you don't allow them to use you.
Every time you've fallen, I've stood over you to make sure you've stayed down there. I've been a confident who's betrayed you to your worst enemies. I've been a turncoat. I've been a Judas. I've been a Brutus. I've been your worst enemy, sabotaging your hopes and your dreams. I'm the well from whence you've drunk, and from me you've drunk poison.
I'm so, so sorry.
After twenty-seven years, I realize just how backward my thinking has been. I want to tell you that I recognize that I've been terrible to you, and that I pledge to change. In the future, when you go down, I will cheer you on and tell you to get back up, to get back in there, to get what you came for. If a man is cruel to you, I'll tell you he's an asshole and that you deserve better. When you look into the mirror, I'll tell you that your healthy lifestyle is paying off. If you make a mistake, I'll forgive you and love you just the same. I won't put anyone else first, and I promise that your happiness is important to me. I swear I won't take you for granted: I'll appreciate your thoughts and ideas and pat you on the back when you do a good job.
Life is too short, and I'm sorry I've wasted so much time. I'm sorry I haven't got to know you better. But I will. Things will be different.
Because I love you and I believe in you.
Thank you for giving me another chance.
Love, Me
I'm moved to write a letter of apology to you today, as I've done a number of things over the course of my 27-year relationship with you that I'm not proud of. I've treated you in ways that I have been insulting, degrading, and cruel. I've been unfair and careless. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for calling you fat and stupid and unworthy and unlovable and untalented; I'm sorry for saying you're ugly and for putting you down when you've made mistakes. I'm sorry for being impatient with you instead of encouraging, and harsh when i should have been understanding. I'm sorry for treating you worse than I treat my enemies; I'm sorry for putting you last and acting like I don't care about you. I'm sorry for not standing up for you when you needed me or for telling you that those who were unfair to you were fair and that those who did wrong by you were right; I'm sorry for being unsupportive. I'm sorry I told you your feelings didn't matter and that you needed to just suck it up so that you wouldn't ruin other people's time. I'm sorry for doubting you whenever you tried to prove yourself to anyone, even just me.
I've been the friend who would run away when a bully picked on you, returning only to tell you that she was right. In fact, I've been that bully. I've been the person in class who would snicker every time you gave an answer, insisting that you were wrong. I've been the heckler when you've been on stage; I've been the nasty critic who reviewed your novella. I've been the therapist who told you to stay in bad relationships-abusive ones-because you just weren't trying hard enough. I've told you that you were lucky anyone wanted to be friends with you at all, even selfish ones. I've told you that you're worthless to people if you don't allow them to use you.
Every time you've fallen, I've stood over you to make sure you've stayed down there. I've been a confident who's betrayed you to your worst enemies. I've been a turncoat. I've been a Judas. I've been a Brutus. I've been your worst enemy, sabotaging your hopes and your dreams. I'm the well from whence you've drunk, and from me you've drunk poison.
I'm so, so sorry.
After twenty-seven years, I realize just how backward my thinking has been. I want to tell you that I recognize that I've been terrible to you, and that I pledge to change. In the future, when you go down, I will cheer you on and tell you to get back up, to get back in there, to get what you came for. If a man is cruel to you, I'll tell you he's an asshole and that you deserve better. When you look into the mirror, I'll tell you that your healthy lifestyle is paying off. If you make a mistake, I'll forgive you and love you just the same. I won't put anyone else first, and I promise that your happiness is important to me. I swear I won't take you for granted: I'll appreciate your thoughts and ideas and pat you on the back when you do a good job.
Life is too short, and I'm sorry I've wasted so much time. I'm sorry I haven't got to know you better. But I will. Things will be different.
Because I love you and I believe in you.
Thank you for giving me another chance.
Love, Me