Anti-Semitics That Should Have Been Whisked Away in Sandy
I'm sad today. I went out with my roommates and a friend of Neha's last night because I was bored out of my mind. It would have been fun if I hadn't had to defend the Jews. I knew Neha was anti-Israel before, and that bothered me, but I don't like to get into politics when I'd have to "convert" someone, so I just left it alone. But now it's obvious she's anti-Semitic. It was terrible. She kept asking me why "Jews" get so bent out of shape about being told "Merry Christmas." And she told me that we're defensive about everything. Then she said we self-isolate. Then she said we just don't get along with other people. Then she asked me why we're like the only people who don't want to celebrate Christmas. Then she said she never witnessed any anti-Semitism first hand and that it's hard to believe it happens. I tried explaining to her the history and that we aren't, by far, the only ones who don't celebrate Christmas. Fuck, she's Indian, she should know this. I have had Indian friends who are pissed off about being told "Merry Christmas."
That was really unsettling. And she owes me almost $30 now.
I think I'm about to retreat into a hole. This Hurricane isolation (look, self-isolating! whoa-HO!) and the John thing have kind of taken their toll on me. I feel disconnected with a lot of friends right now, too, which is really sad. I miss my parents and Boulder and Colorado people. I'm glad Sari and I are going out on Saturday, though she's going to Ethiopia a week from Friday, so I'll miss her. Things just seem hard right now.
Plus, I just lost a bunch of money not being able to work at all this week. I hope to god they open up the subways soon. My mother said she could loan me some money so I don't starve. I've been so independent, though; I'd almost rather starve. Maybe that's foolish, but I just want to be strong and support myself. It's been so long since I've taken care of things that I just want to continue moving forward.
I found myself thinking about John yesterday. Not in the way that I want him back, but that he ruined something that, a long time ago, had such potential. It is what it is, and I have to move on. I also know that it's these times of weakness that have always sent me back to him. I'm going to be okay. I don't need him. In fact, I need to be without him. I want to be proud of myself-I've been so ashamed of myself every time I've left him and gone back. I never want to have that feeling again.
Leah and I are back in touch again. I miss her, though I feel very strangely around her because of how hard and quickly she judges people. People like that think they're saints. She's going to therapy, though, so I hope it makes her happier. She's a really good person with excellent intentions. Her fiancé is the opposite of her, which I think is excellent for both of them. I miss having pints with them at Mountain Sun.
At times like this, I think about going back to Colorado. But I don't want to give up out here. I'll be here for at least a year, I'm thinking. If I'm not being made happy, and if I'm not saving money, I think I need to try somewhere else. Maybe Colorado. Maybe Boston. I don't know. I have a lot of heartache right now and nowhere seems right.
That was really unsettling. And she owes me almost $30 now.
I think I'm about to retreat into a hole. This Hurricane isolation (look, self-isolating! whoa-HO!) and the John thing have kind of taken their toll on me. I feel disconnected with a lot of friends right now, too, which is really sad. I miss my parents and Boulder and Colorado people. I'm glad Sari and I are going out on Saturday, though she's going to Ethiopia a week from Friday, so I'll miss her. Things just seem hard right now.
Plus, I just lost a bunch of money not being able to work at all this week. I hope to god they open up the subways soon. My mother said she could loan me some money so I don't starve. I've been so independent, though; I'd almost rather starve. Maybe that's foolish, but I just want to be strong and support myself. It's been so long since I've taken care of things that I just want to continue moving forward.
I found myself thinking about John yesterday. Not in the way that I want him back, but that he ruined something that, a long time ago, had such potential. It is what it is, and I have to move on. I also know that it's these times of weakness that have always sent me back to him. I'm going to be okay. I don't need him. In fact, I need to be without him. I want to be proud of myself-I've been so ashamed of myself every time I've left him and gone back. I never want to have that feeling again.
Leah and I are back in touch again. I miss her, though I feel very strangely around her because of how hard and quickly she judges people. People like that think they're saints. She's going to therapy, though, so I hope it makes her happier. She's a really good person with excellent intentions. Her fiancé is the opposite of her, which I think is excellent for both of them. I miss having pints with them at Mountain Sun.
At times like this, I think about going back to Colorado. But I don't want to give up out here. I'll be here for at least a year, I'm thinking. If I'm not being made happy, and if I'm not saving money, I think I need to try somewhere else. Maybe Colorado. Maybe Boston. I don't know. I have a lot of heartache right now and nowhere seems right.